Happier Abroad Forum Community

Plenty of us on the forum assume that once they step off the plane in a foreign country the women will start throwing themselves at us. But for the most part, that doesn't happen; and men who expect women to throw themselves at them get disappointed. A lot of guys expect that because as we all know, the average guy in America has to wait years or never until a girl show interest in him; and American women only throw themselves at bad boys or guys in the top 10 percent. But they throw themselves at certain men for the wrong reasons...to see how much she can use him for free dinners and what not. And eventually, even guys in the top 10 percent get screwed over in divorce because of how many options American women have. When you go abroad, some girls may throw themselves at you, also for not good reasons. For those considering LTRs or especially marriage, don't expect the women to be throwing themselves at you, but make the first move yourself. I don't think women who throw themselves at guys are wife material for three reasons.

The first type of woman who throws herself at a white Western man is thinking about marriage the first day they meet. She usually comes from a low socioeconomic class, was used up by bad boys, has kids from previous boyfriends, and is often mentally unstable. You tend to meet a lot of these girls in seedy places such as Mexican border towns along the US border. Living conditions are often harsh in such places. These girls are desperate for security, which is all they have on their mind, and they almost go with anyone. And some may also be green card chasers. They flirt with you either a little or not at all. And they will ask you for money a lot of the time and then want to kiss you when you barely know them. These are definitely NOT girls you want to date. It's better to go to parts of a country where you'll find higher quality chicks.

Then there's the woman who will throw herself at guys because she's sexually active. An example of one is the second girl I dated in Ciudad Juarez last summer. She was originally from Veracruz state, and people from that part of Mexico are promiscuous compared to those in the Bajio. While she probably won't ask you for money, she will flirt with you like very aggressively and sometimes will even make advances on you. For instance, she may want to make out with you within only a week of you two meeting and getting to know each other. Then she may say something like "kiss on the lips, not the cheek". And she may want to make out in bed. This type of girl also tends to dress provocatively, especially when she makes out with a guy. A danger about these girls is that they may carry STDs; so if you're looking for a wife or LTR, it's best also stay away from a girl like this. She best caters to guys just wanting easy sex or short term girlfriends.

Last but not least, a woman may throw herself at men just for the sake of getting attention before moving on to the next gay. Like the aforementioned, she will also flirt with you aggressively and may make advances on you early. A girl like this eventually cuts of contact with you as she moves on to another guy. She only wants attention just because she is insecure and is trying to inflate her ego. They only give out numbers to guys or hit on them because all they want is attention, not a real relationship or a marriage.

Realistically, girls who are marriage/LTR material are more reserved and more introverted. The more reserved girls, for one thing, tend to be easier to get to know on a deeper level and even become good friends with. They are flirtatious, but their flirting is much more laid back. Either that or they don't flirt with the guy until they've known each other for like a month. Plus, they let the man make the first move instead of her making advances. And they usually won't want to make out with you in bed since they hold the belief of remaining virgins until marriage. For instance, Mexican girls in the Bajio are of this type, which is the reason I vibe with them better than the ones I met in Ciudad Juarez. Also, the more reserved girls are far less likely to cheat or use you for attention. For those looking for LTRs or marriage, I recommend going to countries or regions of a country where the girls are more reserved. They tend to be shy, but they will open up more as you get to know them. Definitely reconsider the expectation of women throwing themselves at you if you're looking for marriage.

Good post, Matt.

Looking forward to more trip reports from you.

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I guess all those women from the Philippines who throw themselves at men are not marriage material. This is going to disappoint a lot of guys on this forum.

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I will be living in Thailand starting April 30th.

-My Advice-
1. Boarder Towns are the MOST SHITTY PLACES TO FIND WIFE MATERIAL!
2. The more contact she has had with a foreigner the more shitty wife material she is. If she had a foreigner boyfriend she is used goods and worthless wife material. White/Anglo men are shit and ruin foreign women. Either she is shit and cannot keep good a man or she was with a bad White/Anglo man and she will then treat you bad.

Only date women who have never been with a foreigner!

Johnny_Law,

Aren't you a foreign man in the Thailand seeking a girl there? I imagine the decent thai girls stick to thaiguys I think. But I agree...expats ruin the scene..they way over monger the place.

When I moved to Indonesia, a lot of women were interested in me. A few of them came on really strong. It may not have been as big of a turn-off prior to going there and realizing I was 'in demand', but something about a woman being too aggressive was a turn-off. I wasn't looking to fornicate. I was looking for a 'good girl.'

In one part of town I would ride a bus a long way to to teach at an English school, I went out for Korean food at an outdoor food stall near the mall. There was a local girl there who was kind of cute. She just stared at me, in a very intentional blatant manner, making eyes at me. If I were looking for a roll in the rice paddy, maybe I'd have responded. But that sort of thing didn't give off a 'good girl' vibe to me. Most girls who came on just a little too strong weren't that obvious. There was this unattractive fat sales girl at the large discount store I'd visit at a mall in another town I lived in who was a really big flirt. I'd try to avoid her. I told her I was going home and she said, "Can I join you?" (in her language.)

There were also respectable girls who would show some interest in subtler ways, like a woman who gave me her business card with her phone number after a brief conversation on the bus. She was a bit 'curvier' than what I was interested in and her face didn't spark my interest. I never called her. Sometimes it felt a bit like middle school where the woman tells her friends she likes you. Or you can pick up on non-verbal clues.

In Indonesia, if a woman subtly expresses interest, I don't think that means she's a bad girl or not wife material. If she comes on too strong or is flirtatous in a sexual way, that's can be a bad sign. Virginity is expected in that culture until marriage. The girls who like white men are not all slutty. There is a street in Jakarta that is kind of known for loose women hooking up with expat travelers. There are also clubs for that, or I hear there were when I was there. But there are also plenty of respectable Indonesian women married to expats. Some of the movies stars married expats or are mixed, so interracial marriage can be a high status thing. Marrying outside one's people-group is a fairly common thing over there, at least in Jakarta, the capital city. The Dutch were there for centuries, so marrying whites is not so foreign a concept.

My father-in-law used to work for an oil company in a city that has a lot of oil workers. When he heard his daughter was dating me and we were thinking of getting married, at first he did not approve. He was afraid I wanted her for a 'contract marriage' and his people believe in marriage for life. I hear that some of the expat oil workers will make a deal with a local girl to marry her for the duration of their stay in Indonesia for a certain amount of money. The woman keeps a house and any kids from the marriage when he leaves. I don't know that the marriage has to be on paper either. Some of these guys may be married. My wife rather quickly convinced him I wasn't looking for a contract marriage on the phone. We did have an aunt, after we'd been married a year or two, who acted surprised that I was taking my wife to the US with me (and she was pregnant, too). She said something like, "Is he taking you with him?" in a surprised tone of voice. My wife was a bit offended. So some people may view it that way, too.

MrMan wrote:When I moved to Indonesia, a lot of women were interested in me. A few of them came on really strong but something about a woman being too aggressive was a turn-off.

I wasn't looking to fornicate. I was looking for a 'good girl.'

I lot of expats are just looking to fornicate, just ask Winston.

Fourth type of girl who throws herself at men is in her late 20s or early 30s and is single. Once a woman is in this age rage, her biological clock begins ticking more loudly because it'll become increasingly more difficult for her to conceive. Plus, the vast majority of women in their late 20s and early 30s aren't virgins. And they'll also come with a lot of emotional baggage which can really drain you if you get into a long-term relationship with such girls.

My ex-girlfriend was almost 2 years older than me. We met when I was 27 and she was 28 but turned 29 a couple of months later. And shortly after she turned 30, she became increasingly desperate to get married, which was one of many reasons I broke up with her last month. She also played the victim card on me a bunch, began focusing on building a career as a doctor, and started talking to one of her ex-boyfriends.