Is buying flowers for women a useless waste of money?

[Winston]

I don't understand the tradition of buying flowers for a woman, and why do men still do it to try to impress a woman? I mean, in my experience it seems to make no difference at all. If she really likes you or loves you, you don't need to buy flowers for her. And if she isn't into you, buying flowers for her isn't gonna change her mind. So what's the point? Why is it still encouraged? And do women really like it and feel flattered by it? If so, why?

Plus, when you meet a woman for a date, and give her flowers, it kind of creates a hassle in that you or her has to carry it around everywhere, unless you arrive at her home and she puts it in a vase of course. But if you meet outside in public, then you or her has to carry the flowers around everywhere during the date, which is a hassle. So why do that?

When I first met American girls off AOL in the late 1990's, if I liked them I would bring them flowers and they would say "thank you" but it never made any difference. Most of the time, they rejected me and didn't want to see me again, no matter how nice I was. So what's the point? I don't get it. If a woman really does like me, then I don't need to do anything except to be myself and go with the flow.

Can anyone explain? Do you ever give flowers to a woman or girl you're dating? If so, why? Does it ever make a difference in anything at all? Has it ever made any difference in your relationships at all? If so, in what way?

[HappyGuy]

The gesture must have once meant something for couples but now relationships are more phony and the money is better saved. Flowers won't do anything for a modern relationship any more than buying her Cinnabon at the mall.

I would feel stupid giving flowers to a woman with a thousand cock stare and she would feel stupid receiving them.

[MrMan]

I've bought my wife flowers probably four times in 20 years. It don't know if it correlates with anything extra-special in the bedroom. maybe once. She expresses appreciation. Maybe it makes her feel good, emotionally. Since we are married and share a home, there is another benefit. I bought flowers this week. They went in the vase. We were having company, so it made the house look a little nicer.

I might have bought her a few roses once. Roses are expensive. If you bought those every week, it's just wasted money. You pay so much for something that will die in several days anyway, unless you buy them as potted plants, in which case they can last a lot longer.

[Winston]

Ok maybe it's good to buy flowers for a woman you are in a good long term relationship with, like your wife, and she is good to you and deserves some special gifts. But why buy flowers for a woman you just met or barely know and want to impress or court? I don't get it.

Furthermore, even in a good long term relationship, flowers are kind of useless too. Why not buy her chocolates or perfume or a photo frame of you and her?

[Neo]

Buying flowers for women I was interested in never worked well. They are good for Mother's Day though.

[Contrarian Expatriate]

Buying flowers for girls is a myth perpetuated by the florist industry. Flowers are appropriate for special occasions such as:

-Proms
-Mothers Day
-Funerals
-Weddings

But girls tend to get creeped out by guys who give flowers to them because the gesture is far too strong. In law school, one naive young man sent flowers to a girl and she called campus police on him to have him charged with stalking behavior. He was not charged, but that was the most illustrative example I have seen.

Let the Hollywood "flowers" myth die along with marriage.

[MrMan]

Ok maybe it's good to buy flowers for a woman you are in a good long term relationship with, like your wife, and she is good to you and deserves some special gifts. But why buy flowers for a woman you just met or barely know and want to impress or court? I don't get it.

Furthermore, even in a good long term relationship, flowers are kind of useless too. Why not buy her chocolates or perfume or a photo frame of you and her?

We got some neighbors we had over for dinner. They spent years in the Moonies, so I guess they know a lot about flowers. They left some flowers on the front porch for us, and later told us they gave them. My wife just went on and on about how beautiful they were. But I bought some flowers from Walmart the other day, maye the fourth time in 20 years, and she said something about how they were nice. Just a brief thank you. No dragging me off to the bedroom or anything like that. No fireworks. Nothing too special. Maybe my flowers weren't that nice. I got the cheap batch of flowers. I did get her some flowers and we did some stuff for our anniversary once... and there was some sex.. but it was our anniversary. I don't think there is much of a correlation between giving flowers and her feeling more in love, in their being more sex, better sex, or whatever else you might think of. It is good to make her feel appreciated, but it's better for special occasions.

I can see how a man giving girls flowers on a first date could be too much, and maybe make him seem not cool. Some women like the man to seem interested... but may not that interested.

i remember this 20-year-old Indonesian fellow who I saw when he met a strikingly beautiful blond teen, probably about 17, an expat high school student. He went over to her, shook her hand and introduced himself in a very formal, attentive way. She kind of acting sort of uncomfortable, probably because he was being nerdy, which he was, from her perspective. He later commented that that did not go to well. It was very obvious that he was interested. If he'd played it cool, he might have gotten further. Some of that stuff may be cultural, too.

[Winston]

Lol I knew CE would diss the flowers thing. lol. He's probably not the most romantic guy in the world anyway.

What about overseas in Asia or Russia or Europe? Do flowers work better there with foreign women?

I think if the girl already likes you, she will appreciate the flowers and be glad you think she's special too, but that's only IF she really likes you and is into you.

But only American women would hold it against you for giving them flowers or view it negatively. I think foreign women will either appreciate it or be neutral about it, but it will never count against you outside the US. Only the US is that crazy to count something nice like that as negative or overbearing. Normal down to earth foreign women would not count something nice as negative, especially if it's a long-standing tradition romanticized in movies.

[Cornfed]

Back in the day courting couples used to have a series of elaborate rituals before sex or engagement or whatever, of which buying flowers was one, but now outside some special occasions it is largely just silly.

[hypermak]

Women generally like flowers, especially when the bouquet is well designed, the flowers are fresh and with a vibrant scent.

I am not sure what we are trying to argue here. Giving your girl flowers on special occasions, like Valentine's Day, her birthday or to mark a return/arrival after a long absence (aka "airport flowers") is always something nice and quite romantic. Giving flowers for occasions other than those is a bit excessive in my book, too, and a bit of a waste of money.

Buying potted flowers or plants is probably a much better idea for more generic occasions.

[Winston]

Why do women like flowers though? Is there a scientific reason? Or is it all cultural programming?

One thing i know for sure. If you meet a girl online and meet her for the first time and want to impress her by bringing flowers, that is delusional. I tried that and nothing good ever came out of that.

But an established relationship is another matter. In that case, flowers are like icing on a cake. Not necessary but nice and an enhancement.

[Contrarian Expatriate]

Lol I knew CE would diss the flowers thing. lol. He's probably not the most romantic guy in the world anyway.

Perhaps I should take my "romance" lessons from you as this young lady appears so charmed.

[Winston]

That girl never really liked me. So nothing i did ever changed anything. I bought her gifts at the mall. Treated her good food. Etc. She wouldn't even kiss me. Like i said if shes not into you, your actions and charm and niceities don't matter and don't change anything. You're still not her type no matter what you give her. Even if you gave her a lot of money it wouldn't change her feelings toward you. So its a moot point.

[hypermak]

Why do women like flowers though? Is there a scientific reason? Or is it all cultural programming?

One thing i know for sure. If you meet a girl online and meet her for the first time and want to impress her by bringing flowers, that is delusional. I tried that and nothing good ever came out of that.

But an established relationship is another matter. In that case, flowers are like icing on a cake. Not necessary but nice and an enhancement.

It's cultural programming for sure, but the tradition of giving flowers is so ancient, it could be considered as part of "universal culture".

Flowers in the Philippines and the rest of Asia are quite expensive, even more than in the UK, or Italy. If I really wanted to impress a girl from these latitudes, I'd definitely treat her to a romantic dinner.

I have years of floral design experience and I can tell you that even the most sumptuous arrangement given to a woman, or shown to her in the context of a dinner event (coming of age, wedding etc.) is very quickly forgotten as soon as the dishes start coming in. Flowers do have their role but we all know that a dinner has a far more lasting memory with a girl. All the more in the Philippines where everybody loves eating!

[hypermak]

Perhaps I should take my "romance" lessons from you as this young lady appears so charmed.

We all know what a charisma king you are, CE...but what happens when the money stops?