I resign as moderator

[Adama]

Jackal,
So basically you're saying that I should take any shit from you guys, and not complain about it? What kind of stupid logic is that? I have a right to be mad when bad advice is given or nasty comments are made or when the line is crossed.

How would you like it if I trashed on you and your life and problems? Would you take it and turn the other cheek? People have a right to be mad when the line is crossed. Why do you not grant me that right?

How can you be a Buddhist? You don't seem to have wisdom or mindfulness on simple topics like these, and you are full of prejudice. I would have thought that a Buddhist would be less judgmental and less prejudiced.

When I vent here, I am not asking for advice dummy. I am mererly venting. What is the logic in trying to make me feel worse about it? Think about that dummy!

Telling me that I made the mistake of having a child, is not going to fix anything or change the past. It's a common mistake lots of guys make, including Mr S. He has a lot of problems in the PH too, but he just doesn't vent about it the way I do. I have a hotter temper in some ways.

Adama,
Besides having a child, what bad choices have I made? I make far fewer errors than the average person. Why do you forget all the great choices I made? I make far less mistakes than the average person does. I've never locked my keys in my car or lost my house keys. Yet average people have.

You're talking out of your ass.

Again, I do not ask for advice when I vent. I just ask for an ear to listen to me. That does not justify bad advice nor does it mean that I am obligated to take the advice of every anonymous crackpot out there. I only give credibility to people I know and have evaluated in person, not random people like you. What kind of shit logic is it to expect me to take advice from random people, which could be very harmful and make things a lot worse?

You aren't making any sense.

Try not to take things personally. I defend your right to make your own mistakes and to live your life as you see fit. It seems to me Jackal does not. I do disapprove of some things you write, such as your son. I also think you may have jumped in with Dianne before you knew her well enough, but that is probably a very common mistake to make as an American finally getting attention from an attractive woman. Further details I can not give you, cause I mostly lost interest in your personal problems; I have my own.

You are not obligated to take advice from anyone. No one else is obligated to like your life or even to keep their opinions to themselves. In fact, I doubt most posters approve of your lifestyle, only cause I have seen a few of them discount marriage and children altogether based on how your entanglements went so sour. But keep in mind, you don't have to conform to anyone's viewpoint on how you should live your life, just as we don't have to approve.

I wouldnt sit around throwing a temper tantrum just because I disapprove. I have my own life to live and not overly concerned about Winston's personal saga.

Cheers.

[Jackal]

I thought you were a Buddhist? What is the Buddhist logic in attacking the victim and not allowing him to defend himself, and condeming him if he does?

When you are truly the victim, then fine, defend yourself in an appropriate way.

But nothing happens without a cause, and if you look at these things a bit more deeply, you might find that you yourself are part of that cause more often than you think. It is your perpetual denial of this that I find most objectionable. You need to drop the victim mentality and take responsibility for your actions.

[odbo]

http://img88.imageshack.us/img88/1295/w ... azine1.jpg
http://img194.imageshack.us/img194/598/stfunoobc.jpg
can you see these?

[Rock]

http://img88.imageshack.us/img88/1295/w ... azine1.jpg
http://img194.imageshack.us/img194/598/stfunoobc.jpg
can you see these?

No. As Winston mentioned before, a lot (but not all) of your images come-out as some generic icon requiring viewers to register on some site. At least that's the case with my computer.

[odbo]

there?

[swincor]

When I vent here, I am not asking for advice dummy. I am mererly venting.

If you didn't want advice, then you should have made that clear the last time in that other thread (re: your ex) -- which you didn't.

So once again, we have a situation where you are to blame for your inaction and lack of clear communication. You keep doing this everytime, Winston.

Again, I do not ask for advice when I vent. I just ask for an ear to listen to me. That does not justify bad advice nor does it mean that I am obligated to take the advice of every anonymous crackpot out there. I only give credibility to people I know and have evaluated in person, not random people like you. What kind of shit logic is it to expect me to take advice from random people, which could be very harmful and make things a lot worse?

I actually agree that it was wrong for others to keep pestering you to do a DNA test or get a US passport for your kid. To have advised you to do these things was a fundamental mis-reading on their part of who you are: someone who has no desire or interest whatsoever in being a father. Nothing can force you to be something you were totally unsuited for in the first place.

Had they grasped that simple truth, much time would not have been wasted with such futile arguments and advice.

OTOH you did mislead your readers into thinking you were open to their advice and suggestions. You didn't tell them you weren't interested in their advice. You kept leading them on by offering counter-arguments to their proposed solutions. So all the grief you got there was really your fault.

And you clearly did ask for advice on the other thread (re: "My son is like a monster from hell, what to do?"). And when your readers obliged, you did what you always do: you flew into a childish rage, accusing people of "telling you what to do," and otherwise making a horse's ass of yourself.

So you were being dishonest, and you have only yourself to blame for people misunderstanding what you said, since they can't read your mind, and can only take what they read at face value.

[tmr]

Wow this thread is a good example of the behavior patterns this site is complaining about.

In normal cultures when a long time participant in any group leaves it is not considered an occasion for saying 'don't let the door hit you on the way out' but an occasion for sorrow. Because history and time spent with someone creates a bond and friendship and people cherish these. In normal cultures people would wonder why the person left and see if they could remedy it because, well, relationships matter. They help a person feel loved and are an antidote to all that lonliness and depression in north america this site goes into great lengths about.

In normal cultures the relationship does not change solely based on what you happen to 'like' at any given time, a relationship with someone would not be considered a piece of entertainment. You try (or are expected to try) to accept the other person in their entirety and love them that way, not just the parts you happen to like at the moment. With that acceptance comes a sense of security (that they are one of 'your' people) and also rights and responsibilities including when appropriate to point out mistakes, errors etc. 'Likes'. i.e things that entertain do tend to come and go with the wind, as do opinions.

If your focus is only on your likes, if you accept only people whom you happen to like at the moment with the people being interchangeable and disposable, if you must have opinions on everything even stuff you don't know much about, if you make it an ethical imperative that having similar opinions for everything is a necessary prerequisite for any interaction with people, if you must believe that you are on the perfect road, never make mistakes so your opinions can never be wrong then it will be easy to understand the cultural traits observed on this site. For example traits like.

- that you hardly know your neighbors. Well they too are completely engrosed in their likes, opinions.
- that you don't really have close friends - Well anyone you associate with reserves the right to leave when they no longer feel it as do you, each of you is there for your 'like' so you have no bond, no responsibilities and no rights with each other. You like this arrangement. Then how can you have close friends?
- That you can't be natural around people. How can you be? You only receive people when they agree with you and tell them to leave when they don't. They do the same to you. So when you are around anyone you have to be extra guarded lest you say the wrong thing and get dumped.
- That people are cliquey. You've decided to only be around people who agree with you all the time and that is called a clique. Of course there is no one on this earth whom you can always agree with all the time so even in the clique people have to be guarded with each other and the clique will not last.
- That your ex never speaks to you. Well, your ex did the same thing, when they no longer felt the 'like' for you they simply told you to not let the door hit you on your way out. Besides they too believe they are perfect and on the best possible life tragectory. So then if something didn't work out to associate with it in any way is a no - no, it means associating with something that wasn't perfect, that didn't win.
- That your partner left on a whim, they loved you yesterday and hate you today. See above
- That people always puff themselves out and brag about their grand life. Well yes they have to. That is the only way they can feel ok about the life they have lived. Regardless of how many people you have dumped and how good it might have felt then, what is the actual human experience? Barring a few exceptions, most people do actually feel the loss. It is natural. You do miss people you have history with and the lonliness of being trapped in your opinions and likes can destroy a human being. So you have to imagine you have moved into a grand new space to justify what you have lost. This is necessary to keep your sanity and your idea of yourself as being perfect and on a grand tragectory of life. Your identity is based upon this idea and if you accept that you are not no1, you are human and make mistakes and have needs well then how will you ever be able to live again.

Enough of life like this and then you have to start believing stuff like the secret just to keep yourself going.

If you really wish to be happier abroad, or anything that can be called contended anywhere really, happy as in well settled, home, family friends, ya some things suck, some things work well but all in all life is good I'll make the most of what comes then you do have to drop some of these old conditionings. They are actually surprisingly easy to drop. The ego takes a bit of a bruise here - I'm not no1? How can that be? But once you get over that bruise things become quite good. It is actually very relaxing to not need to be no1. You don't have to care, you can find more contentment with what is. Same with all those opinions - for most of them it didn't really matter much to anybody what we thought and why we thought it and you know what, we didn't really care so much anyway. Ditto whether we are better than average, made more or less mistakes and whatever else. We find our likes can be very flimsy, today it is this, tomorrow it is that, here, there, always running, running after this and that oh god when will it end!

Seems like many who have made their lives wherever and have participated for a while with lots of interesting things to say and good advice to give have left this forum. Makes sense, they have left these cultural traits and pleasure people get from living them would no longer be of any interest.

[gsjackson]

Great post, tmr. For all the (I think justifiable) abuse we heap on AW, all of us here who are Americans need to understand that we carry the same cultural baggage around with us. Wherever we go, there the US is, unless we make conscious efforts to adopt new perspectives; e.g., life is not all about competition and elevating yourself to a perch above everyone else.

[Winston]

Good post tmr, but I don't think Jackal was saying that he was leaving this forum. He was just resigning as moderator. That's all.

[OutWest]

Wow this thread is a good example of the behavior patterns this site is complaining about.

In normal cultures when a long time participant in any group leaves it is not considered an occasion for saying 'don't let the door hit you on the way out' but an occasion for sorrow. Because history and time spent with someone creates a bond and friendship and people cherish these. In normal cultures people would wonder why the person left and see if they could remedy it because, well, relationships matter. They help a person feel loved and are an antidote to all that lonliness and depression in north america this site goes into great lengths about.

In normal cultures the relationship does not change solely based on what you happen to 'like' at any given time, a relationship with someone would not be considered a piece of entertainment. You try (or are expected to try) to accept the other person in their entirety and love them that way, not just the parts you happen to like at the moment. With that acceptance comes a sense of security (that they are one of 'your' people) and also rights and responsibilities including when appropriate to point out mistakes, errors etc. 'Likes'. i.e things that entertain do tend to come and go with the wind, as do opinions.

If your focus is only on your likes, if you accept only people whom you happen to like at the moment with the people being interchangeable and disposable, if you must have opinions on everything even stuff you don't know much about, if you make it an ethical imperative that having similar opinions for everything is a necessary prerequisite for any interaction with people, if you must believe that you are on the perfect road, never make mistakes so your opinions can never be wrong then it will be easy to understand the cultural traits observed on this site. For example traits like.

- that you hardly know your neighbors. Well they too are completely engrosed in their likes, opinions.
- that you don't really have close friends - Well anyone you associate with reserves the right to leave when they no longer feel it as do you, each of you is there for your 'like' so you have no bond, no responsibilities and no rights with each other. You like this arrangement. Then how can you have close friends?
- That you can't be natural around people. How can you be? You only receive people when they agree with you and tell them to leave when they don't. They do the same to you. So when you are around anyone you have to be extra guarded lest you say the wrong thing and get dumped.
- That people are cliquey. You've decided to only be around people who agree with you all the time and that is called a clique. Of course there is no one on this earth whom you can always agree with all the time so even in the clique people have to be guarded with each other and the clique will not last.
- That your ex never speaks to you. Well, your ex did the same thing, when they no longer felt the 'like' for you they simply told you to not let the door hit you on your way out. Besides they too believe they are perfect and on the best possible life tragectory. So then if something didn't work out to associate with it in any way is a no - no, it means associating with something that wasn't perfect, that didn't win.
- That your partner left on a whim, they loved you yesterday and hate you today. See above
- That people always puff themselves out and brag about their grand life. Well yes they have to. That is the only way they can feel ok about the life they have lived. Regardless of how many people you have dumped and how good it might have felt then, what is the actual human experience? Barring a few exceptions, most people do actually feel the loss. It is natural. You do miss people you have history with and the lonliness of being trapped in your opinions and likes can destroy a human being. So you have to imagine you have moved into a grand new space to justify what you have lost. This is necessary to keep your sanity and your idea of yourself as being perfect and on a grand tragectory of life. Your identity is based upon this idea and if you accept that you are not no1, you are human and make mistakes and have needs well then how will you ever be able to live again.

Enough of life like this and then you have to start believing stuff like the secret just to keep yourself going.

If you really wish to be happier abroad, or anything that can be called contended anywhere really, happy as in well settled, home, family friends, ya some things suck, some things work well but all in all life is good I'll make the most of what comes then you do have to drop some of these old conditionings. They are actually surprisingly easy to drop. The ego takes a bit of a bruise here - I'm not no1? How can that be? But once you get over that bruise things become quite good. It is actually very relaxing to not need to be no1. You don't have to care, you can find more contentment with what is. Same with all those opinions - for most of them it didn't really matter much to anybody what we thought and why we thought it and you know what, we didn't really care so much anyway. Ditto whether we are better than average, made more or less mistakes and whatever else. We find our likes can be very flimsy, today it is this, tomorrow it is that, here, there, always running, running after this and that oh god when will it end!

Seems like many who have made their lives wherever and have participated for a while with lots of interesting things to say and good advice to give have left this forum. Makes sense, they have left these cultural traits and pleasure people get from living them would no longer be of any interest.

Excellent post. You have nailed it!

>>Seems like many who have made their lives wherever and have participated for a while with lots of interesting things to say and good advice to give have left this forum. Makes sense, they have left these cultural traits and pleasure people get from living them would no longer be of any interest.[/quote]


Outwest
Misamis Oriental, Mindanao

[Jackal]

I think its fair to say Jackal just dont like "sensei" Winston no more. Well Jackal, dont let the door hit ya in the ass on the way out. Ba ha hahahaha.

This was completely unnecessary. You know very little about me and are just stereotyping me because I like Asian things--how very American of you!

Half of the guys who criticize the US genuinely dislike the culture there and want to leave it, and the other half secretly wish that they could find a magic way to become alpha males in the US so they could remain in the US with everything they are familiar with.

Good post tmr, but I don't think Jackal was saying that he was leaving this forum. He was just resigning as moderator. That's all.

That's correct.

And the main reason I bother to criticize Winston from time to time is because I see that he has the potential to improve. If I thought someone was completely hopeless, I wouldn't bother saying anything.

[tmr]

Half of the guys who criticize the US genuinely dislike the culture there and want to leave it, and the other half secretly wish that they could find a magic way to become alpha males in the US so they could remain in the US with everything they are familiar with.

Yes this is very true, good observation. This is highly destructive behavior. You are not going to magically become alpha and trying to do so will make you become the very person you detest - selfish, greedy, ladder climbing, dismissive of people and ultimately alone. Some guys think they can become alpha by hanging around other alphas. Some of the alphaness will rub off on them or they will get one of the groupies. Nope that won't work either and you will be left the chump.

Guys don't fall for any of this. That princess you think you are going to get when you become alpha in America SHE IS NOT WORTH IT. SHE IS NOT WORTH IT. SHE IS NOT WORTH IT. Write that down a thousand times so you can realize it. Drum it into your head over and over. No woman is worth giving up your soul for. A woman worth loving is one who enriches your soul. When you meet a woman don't think omigod she is so awesome I have to have her. All men make first impressions with their lower regions and that impression will invariably cause you grief. When you meet a woman think - will she make a good partner? Will she enhance my life and support me in realizing my vision for life? Do I get an energy boost being around her or do I feel an energy drain? Remember
- the pull of lust, glamor, tatoos, new age parapheneria, new age 'counsciousness growth', 'progressive' ideology are energy drains. They may not feel like it initially but they are and they will leave you drained and empty afterwords and probably dumped too.
- when you are with someone and feel utterly relaxed, lighter for the day energized to work on your projects when you are not with her and energized to be with her when you are, this is an energy boost that will likely grow with time.

Too many guys are so preoccupied with the lust and glamor that they do not even notice the girls who would give them that great energy boost. So give up trying to be alpha, beta, omega or theta. Live your own life and your own nature. As you become more aware you will find yourself more and more drawn to the people who are right for you who accept you as you are (as much as is possible in this flawed world).