Letter to Winston

[camila]

Hi everyone, I just found this website yesterday and I sent a message to Winston. I'm going to post my message here in case anyone else wants to comment on it as well, since the website said Winston is busy and might not answer for a while.

Hi Winston,

Yesterday morning I found your website through your article about seeking truth and consciousness in a world of brainless people. I found it by doing a google search on my mobile phone for "how to be free in society" which is something that has been consuming my mind lately as I am very unhappy with life in University and am just entering the age where I'm expected to become a slave to the economy. I have always been unhappy with society in general, but the job aspect of life is what has been consuming my mind most these days. I don't want to be a slave, I want to be free. The internet is a great place to find ideas and free thinkers, but I've never really found someone who thinks the way I do, and I have searched a lot!

I was so happy after reading your article, because it was the first time I have ever in my entire life found someone (you) who is in my opinion truly 'awake' and sees the world the way I have always seen it. And I have searched desperately for anyone that sees the truth about life...but everyone everywhere seems to be so blind! I've tried sharing my views (all the great stuff you talk about in that article, that is exactly what i've spent my entire life thinking about, that plus many many other things, i love to think and find truth) with so many people, to no avail. Everyone is asleep.

You see, I am also a truth seeker and I always have been. Ever since I was a child I always asked "why?" about everything, and I never understood why people around me are ok with the way they are, how fake or blind they are, or how manipulated they are by society. And how they not only don't care, but they don't even see it! They do not analyse anything, they just accept life how it is. It baffles me so much I have often wondered if life is a big joke.

Because of this, I never fit in anywhere, and even though I am a very sweet, loving and open-minded person, I always found it tiresome to be around others. People always liked me in general but I did not enjoy being around them since i didn't feel they were sincere people. I thought maybe it's because I'm young but I've discovered that even older people are that way. I isolated myself even though I didn't necessarily want to be alone, it's just that I felt even more alone when I was around all the fake people in society.

While reading that thread, I felt joy and excitement in my heart and even laughed out loud many times because you even used some of the same words I use to describe the 'sleeping' people. Like 'zombies,' which is what I many times refer to them as when I try to explain my ideas about society to someone.

After reading the entire post, I read many pages of the discussion, then I moved on to reading other philosophical discussions, which were also very entertaining to me, and much of it is also topics that I have always found myself thinking about throughout my life. Reading those threads and seeing how those are the sorts of things I think about has made me see that I am a philosophical person and I was glad to finally find people that care about things that, in my opinion, matter in life. Although I did notice that all the people posting appear to be male and wondered where the awakened females are.

The shock and sadness came when I became curious what the main purpose of the website is about. I had been reading all this on my mobile phone, so I only saw the URL name and the text, not the website logo. I woke up happilly this morning, hoping to read more interesting topics on your site and learn more about you, since your thoughts interested me greatly, and that's the first time I read the introduction of the website, and see the logo with many picture of pretty girls on it.

You see, I am a 20 year old female living in the USA since I was a child. I am young in years and I suppose I am an american (raised) female, but I can assure you I am not the way you describe american girls in USA, and I do not relate to them in any way. I am not a man-hater, and actually all my life I have been a female-hater which has definitely been a source of confusion for me, being a female. (And yes I am heterosexual and also very spiritual.) Being as observant as I am, I have always noticed all the horrible qualities and expectations of american women (ex. Kim Kardash-something, Paris hilton, etc...the american female role models) and I have always been saddened by the fact that men in our society are also so empty that they actually WANT those girls, and chase after them as if they were a treasure. I never understood why! Why would any man want a selfish unloving, egoistic monster only because its inside a pretty manicured body?

Being a women, I have seen how these women, including my own family, have manipulated men using their looks. I have seen how sweet and innocent they act in front of the men, and then how jerk they are behind the man's back... it has always sickened me greatly. This is both american and latin women.

So of course I agree with you and I am glad you see the true nature of women. I think you and I think very similarly, but there is one big difference in thoughts that I discovered that made me very sad and I'll try my best to explain why. The difference I suppose stems from the fact that you are male and I am female. Therefore, you have only experienced the male side of suffering in the american society, but I must say (in the most respectful way possible, I truly mean no offense as you are definitely a hero to me i assure you) you are still blind to the female aspect.

As a women, I always wanted a man who loved me not for my body, but for my self. But it seems like women live to compete with each other on who is the most pretty and can get the most attention, and men live for giving "beautiful" women attention. Again, both american and latin, and also german (the three cultures I can speak of from my experience and observations so far). Of course this is because of the media. I thought a man who wasn't socialized by the media, such as yourself, would be able to go past physical appearance and instead want a spiritual connection.

But then I read the way you talk about women on your website intro and my heart felt heavy and so sad and lonely that I am not even sure how to say it! Here I found someone so awake and alive, finally I feel not so alone in the world! but then I find out that everyone on this website is male and they still see females as somewhat sexual objects despite being awake!

My sadness is not about the way you talked of fake women, I completely agree on that. It is about the way you still discriminate between 'attractive' and 'unattractive' as such an important matter. Almost like unattractive women are not women, which is exactly how all the other men see it. You see, think about how you felt in society. Like no one accepts you for yourself, and they can't see past the fact that you are not an alpha male. You were born the way you are, it's not under your control that you are not an alpha male. But then you go to another culture and you discover beautiful females who are willing to give you attention and everything is right in the world for you. Just like you, I only have what has been given to me when I was born, and I find it unfair that the media portrayal of women expects me to be someone I'm not just to be considered human.

Females have to do so many things just to look 'acceptable.' I have to have a perfect toned body, perfect skin, good sense of fashion as you mentioned on your intro, perfectly done and maybe even dyed hair, feminine features, hairless legs and body, wear makeup, etc. And even guys like you expect girls to be like this in order to be seen as girls.

I completely understand that sexuality is still important, but my problem is that people's view of sexuality is warped nowadays because of the media. Girls don't look like themselves anymore because they have to (and choose to) go through so many processes just to look normal. I'm not sure if you understand what I mean because you are a male and girls like to act like they are 'naturally pretty' even when slathered in a mask of makeup. It's not enough anymore to look like the girls from ancient roman paintings. That is not pretty nowadays, it is not even considered 'average.' The girls in your pictures on your website are certainly beautiful by society's standards, but they are not natural. They are all wearing a lot of makeup, and are still trying to get men to think they are sexy by wearing provocative clothing and bikinis. The internet is only highering men's expectations of women even more... even for the non-alpha males, sadly. Digital girls and photoshoped girls are too perfect and beyond-reality. This is what men are exposed to and what young boys see online and that will shape their mental image of what a 'regular' and 'pretty' female looks like.

I want to share two experiences with you from my life because I think they are important for understanding how I feel. Before I do, I want to apologize for this message being so long, I didn't expect to write this much but I think you of all people understand, right? It's hard to explain a deep thought to someone when you desperately want them to see your view, and it's also scary wondering if they will even understand.

The first experience is about my grandfather. My grandpa is a physicist and he has always been a deep thinker in his own way. Not in exactly the same way as you and me, because he has lived in latin america all his life so he never experienced the hatable USA society. He is deep because he is spiritual like me, and he is the only person I have been able to talk about my thoughts on the universe with... is life an illusion? are we alone in the universe? that sort of thing. But that's it, he does not understand other problems like economic and educational pressure/ absurdity of USA lifestyle, difficulty finding someone not a zombie and fitting in, etc. He was raised in another culture and in a whole other time when there were farms in his country.

Anyways, since he is the closest thing I ever found to someone alive (not zombie), he was always my hero. But I am young and still discovering life. One of my recent discoveries of the past 2 years has left me deeply saddened about my grandpa... I always admired him so much but after speaking with my grandmother (his ex-wife) I found out that the reason my grandparents got divorced was because my grandpa left my grandma for a younger prettier woman. And it's true, his wife is my mom's age, she is indeed very pretty. But she is not deep or awake. She spends a lot of time trying to look good, like all women that ive met in my life. I don't understand why my grandpa, who is so deep and loves talking about deep subjects, wouldn't look for a deep woman to be a spiritual companion to him, and instead go for a sexy body? It makes me feel so hopeless... just like when I found out you see women that way as well.

The second experience is actually a story about a cousin of mine. I'm sharing this because you say foreign women are better than american women. Since I am of latin ethicity, and have lived in USA for all my life, I have been a witness to both latin and american women and how they are. I think it's true that latin women are more accepting of non-alpha men/less picky than american women, so that is obviously an easier pick for men because their poor country makes them more desperate and they value american middle-class men because to them that is a chance at a good life... but the one's i've met are still just as fake as american women. For example, I have a cousin named lina. She was raised all her life in latin america. In spanish, she is very loud/obnoxious/dominant the same way as many horrible american women. She speaks English but it is not her main language so she is less confident in english and, to american men, she sounds cute and shy with her spanish accent.

At the time, she still lived in her home country in latin america, is in her 30s and she met a very sweet middle-class american guy online through global online dating. I met him at family reunions and he is a complete sweetheart who brought her here to USA, he was a very calm gentle man in his 40s who just wanted a sweet loving wife to raise a family and grow old with. My cousin lina was slightly chubby at the time, and she married him. They seemed happy together and even had a baby together. She was a stay-at-home wife. But then Lina began losing weight and she liked the attention she was getting from other men...and in the end, she left him for a younger attractive american man, and took their child with her and moved to Georgia. Lately, she has been dating many different men. In other words, she's a complete jerk and she ruined that poor man's life, I'm sure. This is just one story that truly hurt me, but it speaks about the way women are so deceitful. I don't believe it's possible for a woman who cares so much about her looks to be an 'awake' person or a non-manipulative female if they wear makeup/sexual clothing/etc.

That is why it hurts me that as an awake man, this is still the kind of woman you go for, and you look down on 'average' and 'unattractive' (in your opinion) women. It saddens me that your view of what a pretty women looks like is so influenced by society. Granted, I am young and still learning, but I have traveled the world, I have been to germany, france, spain, colombia, mexico, uruguay, argentina, and brazil and discovered how different people are in those places. Yes, they are more open. Yes, they are friendlier ..they are collective societies where people are not as closed in their bubble as in USA. I have even studied east asian culture. But the women everywhere I look are still manipulators with their looks, they are not natural, and they DO act sweeter around men because they want men to think they are sweet, innocent, and perfect. They crave that male attention and they are masters at what they do. Women are very clever in this way, while men are more innocent and so they are vulnerable to falling for girls. In this way I have began to see women from other countries as worse than american women. American women are horrible but since they are more picky, they only prey on the alpha males, while women from other countries want ALL males to look at them, even if they are married. I have experienced this with German and latin women especially.

I'm going to stop there. I really do hope you see where my feelings are. I am not good at explaining these things the way you are. I am very nervous to hear what you think, but I am also very curious to find out your thoughts about it...

If you got this far, I thank you greatly for taking the time to read my thoughts and feelings. It really means a lot to me.

Camila

[jboy]

An 'awake' female is non-acceptable for this forum. C'mon admit who you REALLY are lol.

You shall be driven away jus like the other female posters who got some sanity in them.

If I were you, better to pretend you have never seen this site. It will save you a lot of heartache later on.

Sincerely,

James

[ryanx]

Camila, Do you get flamed often?

[jboy]

Camila, Do you get flamed often?

Posting here claiming to be 'female' and 'awake' is simply asking for it.

Lets devirginize her unflamed HA experience. Camila, I hereby deflower you lol.

You have been warned. Leave now.

[Tsar]

Being as observant as I am, I have always noticed all the horrible qualities and expectations of american women (ex. Kim Kardash-something, Paris hilton, etc...the american female role models) and I have always been saddened by the fact that men in our society are also so empty that they actually WANT those girls, and chase after them as if they were a treasure. I never understood why! Why would any man want a selfish unloving, egoistic monster only because its inside a pretty manicured body?

Some men want women with horrible qualities because that's what the media, American culture, and Hollywood said they should want. Most men in America would quickly say yes to a date with an empty-inside supermodel or an ex-pornstar. It's just because they think "She's Hot" and nothing else. The American system and the media's brainwashing has caused a majority of people to not think deeper or want anything meaningful in life.

As a women, I always wanted a man who loved me not for my body, but for my self. But it seems like women live to compete with each other on who is the most pretty and can get the most attention, and men live for giving "beautiful" women attention. Again, both american and latin, and also german (the three cultures I can speak of from my experience and observations so far). Of course this is because of the media. I thought a man who wasn't socialized by the media, such as yourself, would be able to go past physical appearance and instead want a spiritual connection.

Physical appearance is one of the things that is very important in attracting a mate. It's similar to how some animals use color to attract a mate or how the male peacocks with showier feathers attract females. Men with 6 packs, toned muscles, and perfect skin would be more desirable for most women than a chubby or overweight man if they are only looking at his looks. Shorter men have a more difficult time attracting women, especially in America and Anglo countries compared to tall men.

The golden ratio also has something to do with attractiveness in humans. People with the golden ratio are generally more attractive than those without.

I personally want spiritual connection with an attractive girl that is genuine and warmhearted.

Females have to do so many things just to look 'acceptable.' I have to have a perfect toned body, perfect skin, good sense of fashion as you mentioned on your intro, perfectly done and maybe even dyed hair, feminine features, hairless legs and body, wear makeup, etc. And even guys like you expect girls to be like this in order to be seen as girls.

In my opinion I don't like girls with dyed hair or makeup. Makeup should be as an occasional accent on a girl, like eyeliner might be used to bring out her eyes. Some girls use makeup to cover their faces and pretend they have perfect skin. Some girls have bleached or dyed hair. It's not something I'm attracted to because I want natural beauty, not a fake and superficial girl.

Anyways, since he is the closest thing I ever found to someone alive (not zombie), he was always my hero. But I am young and still discovering life. One of my recent discoveries of the past 2 years has left me deeply saddened about my grandpa... I always admired him so much but after speaking with my grandmother (his ex-wife) I found out that the reason my grandparents got divorced was because my grandpa left my grandma for a younger prettier woman. And it's true, his wife is my mom's age, she is indeed very pretty. But she is not deep or awake. She spends a lot of time trying to look good, like all women that ive met in my life. I don't understand why my grandpa, who is so deep and loves talking about deep subjects, wouldn't look for a deep woman to be a spiritual companion to him, and instead go for a sexy body? It makes me feel so hopeless... just like when I found out you see women that way as well.

Some men want a trophy wife and don't care about much else. If everything else was fine then it demonstrates a lack of loyalty in the relationship. I think that if life was lived by the Seven Heavenly Virtues and the Seven Virtues of the Bushido then there would be better people and better families. The problem is that society has caused people to abandon most or all of their virtues. It shames people for being truthful and for being traditional, while it promotes dishonesty and immorality. Divorce was not popular until society decided it was completely acceptable. Marriage in the Western World is just like a purchase and if one partner thinks they can do better then they upgrade.

Many American Women cheat and sleep around before marriage which is something that diminished the value of a marriage. Women that have kept their virginity statistically have better marriages than women who have prior partners. American divorce ratings are very high and the British divorce ratings are even higher. One of the most important things is virtue so that is what I want in a bride.

I think that the answer about why a man divorces his wife isn't something anyone can determine. Trying to understanding it or feeling upset with him might be natural, but it could also damage a good relationship.

The second experience is actually a story about a cousin of mine. I'm sharing this because you say foreign women are better than american women. Since I am of latin ethicity, and have lived in USA for all my life, I have been a witness to both latin and american women and how they are. I think it's true that latin women are more accepting of non-alpha men/less picky than american women, so that is obviously an easier pick for men because their poor country makes them more desperate and they value american middle-class men because to them that is a chance at a good life... but the one's i've met are still just as fake as american women. For example, I have a cousin named lina. She was raised all her life in latin america. In spanish, she is very loud/obnoxious/dominant the same way as many horrible american women. She speaks English but it is not her main language so she is less confident in english and, to american men, she sounds cute and shy with her spanish accent.

At the time, she still lived in her home country in latin america, is in her 30s and she met a very sweet middle-class american guy online through global online dating. I met him at family reunions and he is a complete sweetheart who brought her here to USA, he was a very calm gentle man in his 40s who just wanted a sweet loving wife to raise a family and grow old with. My cousin lina was slightly chubby at the time, and she married him. They seemed happy together and even had a baby together. She was a stay-at-home wife. But then Lina began losing weight and she liked the attention she was getting from other men...and in the end, she left him for a younger attractive american man, and took their child with her and moved to Georgia. Lately, she has been dating many different men. In other words, she's a complete jerk and she ruined that poor man's life, I'm sure. This is just one story that truly hurt me, but it speaks about the way women are so deceitful. I don't believe it's possible for a woman who cares so much about her looks to be an 'awake' person or a non-manipulative female if they wear makeup/sexual clothing/etc.

That is why it hurts me that as an awake man, this is still the kind of woman you go for, and you look down on 'average' and 'unattractive' (in your opinion) women. It saddens me that your view of what a pretty women looks like is so influenced by society. Granted, I am young and still learning, but I have traveled the world, I have been to germany, france, spain, colombia, mexico, uruguay, argentina, and brazil and discovered how different people are in those places. Yes, they are more open. Yes, they are friendlier ..they are collective societies where people are not as closed in their bubble as in USA. I have even studied east asian culture. But the women everywhere I look are still manipulators with their looks, they are not natural, and they DO act sweeter around men because they want men to think they are sweet, innocent, and perfect. They crave that male attention and they are masters at what they do. Women are very clever in this way, while men are more innocent and so they are vulnerable to falling for girls. In this way I have began to see women from other countries as worse than american women. American women are horrible but since they are more picky, they only prey on the alpha males, while women from other countries want ALL males to look at them, even if they are married. I have experienced this with German and latin women especially.

Bringing a foreign women into America or an Anglo country is a major mistake. America is a toxic culture and easily corrupts foreign women. Another issue is that some men will trust a woman too easily, especially if she is a foreign women. Men have to be careful they don't get scammed or tricked by a dishonest woman. There are dishonest women in every country.

[ryanx]

Old HA (Highly Ancient) proverb: Beware of first extremely long post!

[jboy]

Old HA (Highly Ancient) proverb: Beware of first extremely long post!

Especially one that says "please no flamers".

Camila, who are you? 20 years old? Something sounds extremely like BS.

[jboy]

Camila, Do you get flamed often?

Do you really need to edit that very short sentence twice? Lol

[camila]

I only said "no flamers" because I know people online tend to be very aggressive especially about such a taboo topic.

Tsar, I really appreciate your reply. Thank you for taking me seriously. I agree with the majority of what you said. Also, I do understand that sexuality is important biologically and it's completely normal for men to be attracted to women and vice versa. All I'm saying is that female sexuality has already been altered in society and a normal female is not seen as attractive anymore. For example, if a girl doesn't shave her legs (normal body hair in all humans) she is not seen as attractive anymore. This is where we have already gone past what is biologically attractive in a female. This is just one example, but the situation is much worse nowadays, with all the images the media shows us, the images that men have grown up with. The females that Winston has pictures of look nothing like what a native tribe women in a non-brainwashed society looks like, and men would never be attracted to her despite the fact that she is female. Natural female beauty is not enough anymore, and I'm sure most guys (and girls) do not know what natural females even look like. A natural, unpolished woman would not count as a sexually-available female to most people.

[mattyman]

Camila, I enjoyed reading your post on the way modern girls are becoming. It saddens me to see how ever narrower the tolerance is becoming for what is attractive. Whatever happened to beauty in the eye of the beholder? What society considers attractive, I find too artificial.

As for the way you describe women using their beauty to get their own way, they're bimbos. You know those types that have that conceited 'I'm so hot' kind of look on their faces?

On the same note to your post, one thing that has been getting worse here (I'm in england btw) is that women's attitudes are getting worse. There is a chronic lack of even basic sweetness or amicability, or concern for others feelings. Callousness and lack of concern for others is to me a HUGE turnoff for me.

Probably because the anglo-american pop-culture glamourises such things and that many are these days brought up be the tv and technology as opposed to a positive, loving family environment.

The way you describe american women is sadly not too far off what young women in the UK are becoming, especially in working-class areas.

Well done for getting it all out there, I know it's not easy, but this is one of the few places where you can let such observations out.

[fschmidt]

deleted

[Dark_Sol]

Camila, I enjoyed reading your post on the way modern girls are becoming. It saddens me to see how ever narrower the tolerance is becoming for what is attractive. Whatever happened to beauty in the eye of the beholder? What society considers attractive, I find too artificial.

As for the way you describe women using their beauty to get their own way, they're bimbos. You know those types that have that conceited 'I'm so hot' kind of look on their faces?

On the same note to your post, one thing that has been getting worse here (I'm in england btw) is that women's attitudes are getting worse. There is a chronic lack of even basic sweetness or amicability, or concern for others feelings. Callousness and lack of concern for others is to me a HUGE turnoff for me.

Probably because the anglo-american pop-culture glamourises such things and that many are these days brought up be the tv and technology as opposed to a positive, loving family environment.

The way you describe american women is sadly not too far off what young women in the UK are becoming, especially in working-class areas.

Well done for getting it all out there, I know it's not easy, but this is one of the few places where you can let such observations out.

Oh god, I agree with the attitude problem. More and more women in America are becoming trash. Camila's post is civil and brings some point of views. Better then other women who try to shame and insult us. Another is foreign women, I agree there is still ones who try and act innocent. Then screw you over, but there is a higher chance of finding a good woman than Anglo countries. I found some ladies who I have no doubt who would be great wives in Ethiopia. In America, good luck, I have been burn and become jaded of women in America. Being turned down by a chubby below average looking girl, cause I am not "Alpha" enough. But foreign women compliment how good looking I am, big and interesting.

[Winston]

An 'awake' female is non-acceptable for this forum. C'mon admit who you REALLY are lol.

You shall be driven away jus like the other female posters who got some sanity in them.

If I were you, better to pretend you have never seen this site. It will save you a lot of heartache later on.

Sincerely,

James

Camila, Do you get flamed often?

You guys, that is wrong and unacceptable and unwarranted. Camilla wrote a long, intelligent and sincere letter. Why are you bashing her just for being a female? An enlightened female is a wonderful and refreshing thing. It makes her a gem. Why don't you guys appreciate that? I don't understand what your problem is.

Perhaps Ginger was right that you guys will diss someone who expresses their opinion just for being female. The way you guys act toward a new forum member who wrote a long sincere letter only validates what Ginger said. That's wrong. And I am not like that, and this forum is not meant to be like that either. Please learn to return sincerity with sincerity, niceness with niceness and so forth.

Ryanx, there is no basis to flame her. She didn't say anything wrong. Stop jumping the gun please.

You guys need to learn to behave in a civil manner toward newcomers who are civil, otherwise I'm going to have to start issuing temporary bans on some of you.

To Camilla:

Thank you for your long, intelligent, insightful and sincere letter. I'm glad you liked many of my articles. Were you referring to this one?

http://www.happierabroad.com/Awakening.htm

If so, I'm glad you found it. It is one of my best articles. I'm sorry that some of the other stuff on this site made you feel sad. I guess awakening and international dating are kind of a strange mix. lol. I know what you mean. I know that a lot of the stuff I say about women and how I act may sound shallow to you. That's understandable. But you gotta understand a few things:

1. Men are visually stimulated by nature, esp when it comes to women. We are just wired that way.
2. Men and women cannot relate to each other in terms of how each of them feels about sexuality. In other words, you can never understand how I feel when I look at a beautiful woman that I fancy, and vice versa. We can never relate to each other in that area, even if we see eye to eye on everything else.
3. I do not have high standards in women like the media does. Most men don't. Most men, including the ones here, only want women who are feminine, sweet and treat them good. No one is seeking perfection or unreasonable standards. If women in the US were the way they were in the 1970's for instance, I'm sure many of us would be happy. It's not a lot to ask for.

Anyhow, I do not deny being shallow in some ways. I am not perfect. But I am what I am, and I like what I like. And I'm honest about it. I hope you understand.

I do seek spiritual connection for sure. But since that's so hard to find, I've given up and am just going for a good combination of looks and personality. We can't deny that physical attraction is important too, even if you are a spiritual person. Looks are a factor in everything, I'm sure you know.

Most female truth seekers who are spiritually conscious are either older women or hippie types, neither of which I'm looking for. It's amazing that you are one at only 20 years old. Perhaps you are one of those Indigo children.

Anyway, I will look for your letter in my email inbox and write more back to you. I don't have time to respond to ever email, but yours was very refreshing and I am happy to read it. Thanks and I hope you don't mind the cynics above.

Sincerely,
Winston

[abcdavid01]

Nah, best girl I knew was average looking by typical beauty standards, but she was very spiritual. A foreigner of course. So I'll look out for a girl like that. I don't think I could put up with someone so superficial and materialistic anyway. Great post camila.

Oh, and the beauty thing has some truth. Women shaving their legs was a marketing ploy that only began last century. They used to just wear dresses and show less skin. But some business people got the idea to make money off shaming women into shaving.

[camila]

I am frustrated because my reply just got swallowed up by the internet. Too frustrated to try and write it all again. I am sorry if anyone feels they were ignored, I really had replies ready but I took too long writing and got logged out. But overall, thank you for your replies everyone. I really enjoyed reading them. I am very interested in the concept of Indigo children. Thank you Winston for introducing me to it, I have been reading about it and I really feel I might be one which scares me, but I feel a very strong passion about helping to enlighten people and about finding like-minded people.