Mental problems caused by shitty parent

Dark_Sol · Post by **Dark_Sol** » May 26th, 2013, 9:41 pm

Always trying to figure this one out. I have been mentally and physically abused by my dad since I was little. Now, he acts like I am a bad and worthless person. But, he was the worthless one, he was the one who made me this way. I won't go into details, but that guy did some f***ed up shit to me and my brother. Looking back, every time a police got involved or teachers asked what was wrong with me or their was problems at home. I would have to lie, cause my mom didn't want him gone. I blame my mom too on this, cause she always defended him. Guess it has to do with her being from Peru and always stay by your husband till the end.

But what pisses me off more then anything is the fact that he doesn't think he did anything wrong. He claims the abuse he did to us never happened, plays it off or changes the subject. Now since my mom died, he believes he was a wonderful husband to her and we were the horrible children. Everyone knows that it has effects on a child in the future, but sadly a lot of parents don't. Shit look at me, I never passed high school, even though I was an A's and B's student, dropped out cause my father didn't want me in the house anymore. Never learned how to drive properly. Can't act normally around people that much. Have a hard time finding motivation in life. Have violent tendencies and brain injuries(got more from the military).

Now look at my sister and youngest brother. Both passed college thanks to my dad readily giving them money. Both got cars for their birthday. Shit, he gave them everything and never abused them. When my dad start shit with me now. they defend him and he calls the police "claiming I try to kill him in the past." I said "when?" He said" The wall downstairs in my room and you'll know." What the f**k? What the f**k does that tell me? I said "when I was elementary school and wrote f**k dad behind a poster." He shuts up and changes the subject. The guy is a lair, manipulative piece of shit who can't take responsibility for what he has done.

I won't lie, I am living with him again cause I don't want to get a 6-12 month contract for an apartment and it seems all the people I tried to get an apartment with don't want a guy who is going to stay only a few months. What's worse he had no money and I am paying him. My mother died in 2011 and he blew off all the insurance money in a few months on a mustang, alcohol and other worthless shit. Not even paying the debt he has on the house. Everyday, tries to find a reason to start shit with me. All I do is go out to the gym, hang out at the club after helping with bingo, be on my computer and that's it. I admit it, I am a loser, I ain't really have anything going for me right now. But is it because I am around these pieces of shit who brings me down to their level?

Every time I start to rise from this shit hole, something pulls me back down. Shit, I am depress being around this shitty environment, but I seem to have no where to go at the moment.

anamericaninbangkok · Post by **anamericaninbangkok** » May 26th, 2013, 10:03 pm

I'm going to make this simple.

You can let him ruin your life or you can be a man and get over it. IF you want to dwell on it for the rest of your life, that's YOUR choice.

Also, rent a room or get responsible and sign a 6-month contract. Otherwise, you have no one to blame but yourself. You are responsible for your actions and your life and you can never control how another person feels or acts towards you.

Dark_Sol · Post by **Dark_Sol** » May 26th, 2013, 11:21 pm

Oh, I know. I'm just here so I can clear up some problems. I had an apartment, but left to live in Africa. Now I'm back and just want to stay as little as possible. It's just amazes me that I fall into their tempo. I needed a place to stay a couple of months. He said he'll help, I give him money and he starts his shit. Right now I am getting out, but having already given him money does not sit well with me. Especially when I paid in advance for 3 months and only stayed one.

But I wonder what does it mean to be a man? I man up many times in situations, but for some reason. I need to get this guy for all the wrongs he did. I mean, come on, imagine being tormented by a person for most of your life and acts like it was not bad. The justice system let it pass, everyone let it pass. I feel it's like AW or feminism, they do a lot of bad things, but society acts like it is ok. Why is it that even people who knows what they are doing is wrong, but still defend them? But you are treated as the bad guy? Doesn't it piss you off? If this was like some countries where they start their shit with you, you can fight them legally(Peru). But no, this America, where they threaten you with calling the police.

My little brother was defending him and was acting all mad. I laughed and he looked at me and said what and wanted to fight me. I stepped forward and looked at him. He then said he'll call the police and get a restraining order on me. I'm just pissed off right now. My money is going down the drain. They are calling the police to claim I'm unstable and trying to kill them. My stuff is here and really, I don't have a place to go.

Maverick · Post by **Maverick** » May 27th, 2013, 1:03 am

I had a shitty dad and a douche bag brother (that tried to start fights with me too). I finally got out and joined the military 8 months ago. While this is not where I want to be, it's a hell of a lot better than where I was.

Bottom line: get the f**k out asap. Don't have a way? Find one. There are always opportunities out there waiting for someone to find it. Be that someone.

Stop posting here and take control of your life. Then find a nice foreign hottie and live the rest of your life in bliss.

Taco · Post by **Taco** » May 27th, 2013, 2:19 am

Many of the guys on this forum have had similar experiences as you so don't feel your alone. Narcissism, seems to be the root cause of most relationship problems. Its hard to be friends with someone who's constantly trying to undermine you.

I didn't talk to my dad for a year and a half when I was in high school and we lived in the same house. He couldn't talk to me without getting mad. Finally, my mom arranged for family counseling, Dr. Phil type stuff, which helped a lot. My dad died a few years ago and I cried at his funeral so I guess I was able to bury the hatchet. Relationships are never really fixed there just kind of maintained.

Contrarian Expatriate · May 27th, 2013, 3:16 am

Family can sometimes be the most abusive to an independent-minded man.

Don't be afraid to cut them off, completely.

I cut off my mother and sister several years ago and I never regretted it. I should have done so decades earlier.

Think Different · Post by **Think Different** » May 27th, 2013, 3:40 am

Most people cannot tolerate those who do not think like the herd. Employers, governments, society, family will reject you out of hand, if you are an independent thinker. Independent thinkers are considered "wild cards" and not controllable, thus "dangerous" to the status quo. At the risk of sounding anarchist (which I'm not), I see this as a common personality trait amongst at least 75% of the people on here. Also keep in mind, there are already about 7 million non-military Americans living overseas. That's larger than the population of many European countries. You will not be alone in leaving your painful past behind and forging your own future on your own terms. To quote Jean Luc Picard: "make it so".

Jester · Post by **Jester** » May 28th, 2013, 12:01 am

Maverick wrote:
Bottom line: get the f**k out asap. Don't have a way? Find one. There are always opportunities out there waiting for someone to find it. Be that someone.

This.

Teal Lantern · Post by **Teal Lantern** » May 28th, 2013, 12:57 pm

If pops gets peeved off and has the pigs haul you away, you're going to lose a lot more money than the 2 mos advance rent.
Possibly get trapped in the "Just Us" system, too.

I'd spend dad's waking hours out of contact and out of the house, trying to hustle up some cash to GTFO. (step #1)

At this moment it WILL seem like a waste of cash to get a six month lease on your own place, when you don't expect to be around longer than 3 or 4.

At your own place
If you plan to leave in three or four months and have a setback, you've still got a few months on your lease.
That's a buffer for time.

Up until you leave, you'll have peace and quiet and the ability to read or watch vids on any interpersonal or technical skills you think you need to pick up.
That's a buffer for sanity and staying out of trouble (away from your family).

Time you spend having family arguments you can't win is time spent not doing important $#!^.

Mr S · Post by **Mr S** » May 29th, 2013, 4:50 am

Why don't you try finding some work as a ranch/farm hand somewhere in one of the surrounding states? You may not make a whole lot of money but they usually provide some kind of room and board and maybe some meals as part of the salary, plus you could learn some skills. Get away from it all and start a new life away from bad influences.

Or go to the Dakotas or Wyoming and find a job with one of the energy sector jobs over there. You probably could get some kind of manual labor job that pays half way decent over there easily enough, those states are booming.

Once you get settled you could work on your GED or something and then figure out what you want to do with yourself. If your family can't give you support then all you can do is trust in yourself until you find others you can rely on. Stop wasting your time with them and move on with life as if you have no more family or obligations to them.

I base my life around having almost no family contact, you eventually get used to it and create a new life for yourself that way. If you ever meet a significant other in the future and want a family with her you can just focus all your energy on that, just straighten yourself out before you cross that next bridge of life.

Adama · Post by **Adama** » May 29th, 2013, 9:00 am

What ever he did to you years ago, dont let it stop you from accomplishing your dreams. I dont mean to diminish anything you went through. The point is you only have one life. If you let him cripple you, he will have won over you twice.

ThinkDifferent quoted a character he admires and so will I.

The Great Hannibal, general from Carthage once said to one of his pessimistic colonels, "We will either find a way or make one." http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Hannibal

Renata · Post by **Renata** » May 29th, 2013, 2:58 pm

Dark Sol was your mum Peruvian ?? According to this you can apply for nationality http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peruvian_nationality_law ... it's a pretty cool stepping stone out of where you are now, ... hit up some long lost relatives in Peru & go teach some english there or something. Use couchsurfing too ... Latin people are very warm & easy going ... it seems like you could get stuck in the US or worst get into trouble with the law. Contact the Peru Consualte, to gather more info, it's a great idea ... you never know until you try & whatever you decide, leave & don't look back.

Christianfilipinacom · Post by **Christianfilipinacom** » May 29th, 2013, 4:06 pm

Hope you listen to these guys. You need to stop accepting charity and get out of there and take care of yourself, earn some self respect.

Taco · Post by **Taco** » June 6th, 2013, 1:57 am

You might find this helpful.

What Do Children Owe Abusive Parents?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQcjOQ2-saw

anamericaninbangkok · Post by **anamericaninbangkok** » June 6th, 2013, 5:27 am

What has become of Dark Sol?

Mental problems caused by shitty parent

Mental problems caused by shitty parent

Re: Mental problems caused by shitty parent