Happier Abroad Forum Community

To be clear, by married people I don't mean someone that just got married or has been married five years or so. I am talking about long-term married people that have been going on twenty years that give dating advice to single twenty-something year olds. I have found they are basically full of bullshit because the dating scene now is not the same as it was when they got married twenty years ago. I don't want to castigate them for their success in finding the love of their life but they are too far removed from what it was like to be single and lonely in their twenties. When they give advice they sound like those internet pickup artists that think men are just too nervous to approach females out of poor self-esteem. It is just not true. I think every one of us at some point has tried to approach a woman with a permanent scowl on her face and have felt this intensely hostile energy radiating from them that repels us. It is not fun to experience it but at least we put ourselves out there, get knocked down, get up again.

But married people can go out with their partners without concerning themselves with the struggles of the single people trying to find love. Married people don't have to go out alone and feel like social outcasts because they have their own "clique" of people. They live in a comfortable bubble that might as well be on another planet. They cannot see what a wretched dating scene the US really is and they don't have to just like people who have jobs do not have to relate to the struggles of job seekers in a shitty economy. They can afford to be out of touch just like Mitt Romney.

So the best thing I can say is to never forget the pain that you feel. Don't harbor resentment but don't forget how you felt when you were struggling in life. In a few years you may be happily married to the woman of your dreams but hopefully you won't be giving outdated bullshit advice to men who are just as frustrated as you were at one time. Maybe we'll tell them to go to Europe instead of developing "game" in the United States.

My parents and grandparents think I am crazy because I do not have a gf and they do not believe the struggles we non status men have to deal with.

There's too much pressure to be married--especially from parents, and also from married friends or couples. I hate that! It ticks me off!

Temprano26 wrote:



So the best thing I can say is to never forget the pain that you feel. Don't harbor resentment but don't forget how you felt when you were struggling in life. In a few years you may be happily married to the woman of your dreams but hopefully you won't be giving outdated bullshit advice to men who are just as frustrated as you were at one time..

The only pain I feel is health related. I don't see being single as any kind of burden whatsoever. I don't envy married people, especially those in the U.S. & west. The glass is not half full. It's full. I don't need anyone to fill it up. Having said that, true love isn't impossible I suppose; and it would be nice to have. You may be a tad oversold on the idea of marriage, dating & the opposite sex.

I've made the personal decision to remain single rather than marry the wrong person or lower my standards. I agree that married couples who have been together for 20+ years are in all likelihood out of touch with the practical realities of modern dating. How could a couple in their fifties who've been together for decades have any clue what it's like for single people in their thirties? This country has completely changed since the time when my parents' generation was young.

I general don't allow the older generations to patronize me with bad out-dated advice because I feel it is an epic waste of time to attempt something that won't work. Essentially if you're an honest and decent man with something of value to offer you get treated with contempt or indifference most of the time when you try to find a date. When I can't politely disengage from a conversation with people who offer this unwanted advice I just nod my head, tune them out, and daydream. Eventually they realize I'm not paying attention, get offended, and then proceed to annoy someone else.

Well said, Temprano! You really hit the bull's eye with that post. My mom is especially clueless when she pushes me to get married. She thinks it's still 1960.

Yeah I think every man has this problem with their parents. I always laugh when my parents try to give me some dating advice. They are together since more than 30 years so how can they give me dating advice? It's the same if you would ask a homeless person how to become a millionaire.