Happier Abroad Forum Community

Yesterday I was told by the female I am going to meet in Shanghai that I can't stay at her house for 20 days even though I have been speaking to this girl for a year. She said she asked her mum if she can stay with a man and her mum said no. Apparently in Chinese culture it's shunned for a woman to live with a man she isn't married to. So basically I have to keep my hostel booking for the 20 days and cough up around 90 quid upon arrival. That is not a damn problem but it means she has to chip in financially like she damn said she would. Mind you before I decided to buy a plane ticket and set things in motion, she use to say I can stay with her. Now she is scared. Oh well I guess I have to earn her trust and break the ice first. Understandable I suppose but it's kind of annoying when it comes to this f*cking Chinese culture of apparent separation of male and female. I live with f*cking two girls and boys at my university accommodation and everything is fine. Before we all met I never knew these people. Have you guys ever experienced this bullsh*t. This f*cking girl wants to make me work for God knows how long before she submits. Fortunately I will look on the bright side. There will be plenty to see and explore. I will most likely spend my days doing neighbourhood crawls and documenting my adventures. She said I can come to her house for dinner e.t.c. It seems over the damn year I have been speaking to her, I have only been able to get the f*cking opportunity to go on a somewhat instant date with her. Are you f*cking kidding me? I like her for being traditional but the traditional process is so f*cking bullshit. Maybe everything will change after the initial contact. God I am so f*cking pssed off its funny. I don't know whether to laugh or be f*cking angry. She is so f*cking scared even though she is 27 while I am only f*cking 19. Now I have to change from an explorer to a f*cking hunter who has to be patient and meticulous as the f*cking Chinese culture demands. I don't know why she treats me like a Chinese guy. I am a f*cking negro laowai (Not derogatory) for f*ck sake. Why should I go through the same cr*p native Chinese guy go through.
There will most certainly be other road blocks after this one has been demolished. I just can't wait for those days...

I agree with you, but trust me....it's better she told her parent the truth of what's happening....

I find if they "lie" to the parent about what they are doing, they'll almost certainly dump you if the parent isn't accepting of you, it's happened to me with 2 girl friends now.

the trouble your going through is actually a positive in that regard.

BUT...at your age I think your insane for going out with a 27 year old, I'm 28 and I wouldn't touch a 27 year old with a stick.

Like I said before, Chinese females flake out a lot! Plus, their conditioned by their extremely traditional culture, to act in a certain way, which can drive anyone crazy, especially foreigners sometimes....

Wow, you're still only 19. Go and do some crazy stuff with your life like I'm now doing at (ahem!) 41.

My girl lied to her parents for over a year about us living together. When relatives came to visit I had to stay somewhere else! 0_o

After what I've experienced I'd be worried to death about that....if she's lying to her parents in a Chinese culture where parents are god second to money, I'd hate to think what she'd be willing to lie to her lover about.

zboy1 wrote:Like I said before, Chinese females flake out a lot! Plus, their conditioned by their extremely traditional culture, to act in a certain way, which can drive anyone crazy, especially foreigners sometimes....

True. They flake out all the time, easily frightened like kittens when talking to new people, cliquish to the core and oh- so fake when they speak. I experience them myself in Malaysia amongst the Chinese living here.

All those hopeless idiots thinking that Malaysia would be a 'p***y paradise' just as long as they avoid the girls with headscarves and go with the non-Muslim girls instead, with have a nasty surprise biting them in the ass.

magnum wrote: BUT...at your age I think your insane for going out with a 27 year old, I'm 28 and I wouldn't touch a 27 year old with a stick.

A 19 year old guy dating a 27 year old woman is pretty common these days. When I was in Beijing my 22 year old roommate who was a pretty fit and good looking guy was dating a woman roughly 20 years older than him. Her age was showing to say the least and she had a bitch face. I met so many foreigners in China dating women much older than themselves. I know my roommate would have preferred a woman his own age but a middle aged Chinese "cougar" was all he could get. Even plain looking women his own age wouldn't give him the time of day, probably because he was an English teacher and thus not wealthy enough.

Chinese women are in a position to be very picky and they take every advantage of the situation.

If that's true I've retired china, but I hardly think it is.


If your average looking in your home country and not fat, I think you can land a girl your own age or younger, if your fat and not average your out of luck in any country depending on the ideal standers for beauty.


When I was in china I as in my prime physically, 9% or less body fat working out 5 days a week even while in china, I'm average to maybe on a good day above average, and I had Chinese girls younger then me always saying how handsome I was in Chinese.


You might know more then me, I've only been to china twice, but I think that's totally untrue, think if a man dates a woman any older then himself he's selling him self short unless he has found a true bond and isn't doing it out of desperation.

I find in most cases in life, you get what you work for if you've done your research, if you maintain a fit body, not even athletic muscle bound, just fit, and you try hard and put effort in to finding a relationship put the time in to find a woman you can do it, that's coming from a ex-game addict who used to be 300 lbs.

not knowing the entire story here I can't comment any farther, I pray he wont end up with that girl though.

Two interesting books on cultures