Winston wrote: ↑August 22nd, 2020, 11:14 pm
I don't see what you see in HK. HK is similar to Taiwan but much more rude. The women there also never make eye contact with you and are never interested in talking to strangers. HK has a rude grouchy vibe. How can you say it has a better vibe than Singapore? I would only agree if you refer to mainland China, that does have a more authentic vibe with Chinese history there. Plus HK is full of shopping malls now, its local culture is lost, so their people have no identity anymore or culture.
Sorry, I probably wasn't clear enough. I said I like HK more than Singapore because it more authentically represent Chinese culture with a splash of British colonial subculture: the streets and the pubs, the food culture, the nightlife, etc. Singapore has a more sterile vibe, it doesn't come across as authentic as HK and the reason is clear: it has not been around for long and, from its foundation, it has been a social project based on a very strict one-party/one-policy rule focussed on business.
All in all Chinese are like that almost everywhere: indifferent, centered on themselves (or their families at best), pragmatic, materialistic, often rude. That aspect won't change between the Chinese of HK and the Chinese (or Malaysian/Chinese) of Singapore.
Winston wrote: ↑August 22nd, 2020, 11:14 pm
I'm not talking about making right or wrong choice. You keep misunderstanding me. I don't know why. Usually men don't have misunderstandings like this, only women do. lol. I'm asking if your subconscious mind every goes against your conscious mind. Do you have conflicts where you want to do one thing, but your subconscious disagrees and stops you? Or if your heart and mind conflict and give you mixed feelings? When women give mixed messages it's usually because their heart and mind conflict, as we know. Or conflict between your spirit and flesh? In Dianetics it's called "the reactive mind" that is self-destructive and goes against your conscious mind. That does exist, even if Scientology is a cult.
Do you understand my question now? Are you sure you're not a robot or NPC? lol. Usually people with souls know what I mean.
I think I got you right, in fact I answered you in the previous reply. It happens all the time, to everybody, to have these kinds of mind/heart conflicts. They are not a big deal. Every responsible adult should have learned how to steer their decisions towards one (mind) or the other (heart). I personally tend to prefer my "gut feeling" when I am making a decision. Whether listening to the voice of reason might have led me to better decisions, or made me happier, it's something impossible to know, beyond pure speculation, because it didn't happen!
You are making a big deal out of your conflicts when, in fact, perhaps you should be more relaxed about it. Case in point: you sound always so conflicted about moving to Europe or staying in Taiwan/Philippines. You don't have anybody depending on you, on some previous posts I read Dianne and Angelo your son live quite independently. You can make that choice with your heart/soul, any time you want. Yet, it seems that your mind is stopping you.
All these talk about supernatural forces are a way for you to
rationalise on your fears, a way your mind wants to prove you, by logic and (pseudo)scientific arguments, that you just cannot follow your heart. Well, maybe you should stop the noise from your rational, excuse-making mind, and "follow your heart". like you did when you travelled to remote parts of Russia.
Winston wrote: ↑August 22nd, 2020, 11:14 pm
Were you diagnosed with OCD, or some autistic spectrum disorder?
Yes but the therapists I saw disagreed on the diagnosis. One thought I had schizophrenia, another said I had OCD, another said I had a combination of both. However, when I was a teen I was not articulate and could not describe my problems very well, so they didn't have much to work with, they had to make educated guesses, which are fallible and not as reliable. So the data they had was very limited and not sufficient. Plus psychiatry is not a real science. A lot of it is guesswork and judgment call based on assumptions which are not proven. Its evidence is more anecdotal than scientific.
They are also closed minded and refuse to update their beliefs. For example, psychiatry claims schizophrenia has no cure. But there are many testimonials like on
www.successfulschizophrenia.com where people have been cured of it. Yet the psychiatry profession denies it all and refuses to update their beliefs to fit the data, which is not scientific of course. But men and institutions do not like to change their beliefs even if they are wrong or outdated. They are stubborn and rigid, not scientific or objective. That's human nature too. It's not scientific or logical.
No offense to any of your therapists but, case in point, this goes to prove that none of this is exact science. So you're saying that, on the basis of your new data and your more mature ability to articulate on your feelings, you self-diagnosed as OCD? Well, if that can be of any consolation, I know lots of people (some of them on this very forum LOL) who would admit that they are perfectly sane and adjusted, yet show every sign of mental dysfunction.
I don't think there is anything wrong with you, and you shouldn't make this into a ball and chain attached to your leg, handicapping your life.
Winston wrote: ↑August 22nd, 2020, 11:14 pm
LOL, but isn't it just as presumptuous to assume that you are, the chosen one? So you think you have been purposely chosen to be tortured by demons and kept unable to fulfil your desires or dreams. What would be the "cosmic" purpose of all this?
It may be presumptuous, but it doesn't mean it isn't true. There is no law in the universe that says everyone is special or equal. Reality says that everyone is different and treated differently by the universe, not just by others. Just because you don't like something doesn't make it false.
Exactly! We are all unique and make our unique choices, which lead to unique consequences.
Winston wrote: ↑August 22nd, 2020, 11:14 pm
What do you mean by the chosen one? lol. Like a hero who is here to save the world or wake people up? Yes there are those, like Buddha or Jesus who have that path. Not everyone is meant to be normal. If I were meant to be normal, I would have fit in in school and been accepted and found a career and been normal and not controversial and this site would not even exist. lol. Think about it. If I were meant to be normal, we wouldn't have this discussion and I would not complain about murphy's law and ask all these deep unanswerable questions. lol. Nor would I have been bullied by everyone in school or singled out for no reason.
I don't like the definition or "normal" or "special". We are all the product of our personality and our choices, every single one of them. Your personality and your life choices led you to drift away more and more from your community of well-adjusted Asian-american who marry a good girl, go on to become doctors or engineers and live a boring life in the suburbia.
Oscar Wilde believed that every man should aspire to make his life into "a living work of art", something people may or may not see as good, or appropriate, or agree with, yet are drawn to as a means to inspire reflection and thoughts. Whatever your life choices, yes, you're right, they haven't put you on a path of absolute normalcy. Yet, if you look deeper, your work with this forum has stirred up the imagination and even the actions of hundreds of thousands of people. You fall very well into Wilde's definition of "life as art".
Winston wrote: ↑August 22nd, 2020, 11:14 pm
Some people are wanderer souls or indigo children or old souls. They are different from the norm. Wanderer souls don't fit in and are here to raise consciousness and wake people up from the matrix. I posted many videos about it in this thread:
viewtopic.php?p=341583#p341583
Such wanderer souls are always misfits and are treated as such at an early age. I looked over the criteria list and it mostly does fit me.
One identifying trait of wanderer souls or "chosen people" is that they have a paranormal experience early on. A common one is seeing an orb floating around you, an energy orb, not a hallucination, a real one. I talked to the famous psychic Uri Geller on the phone and by email before and he said in his video that he saw an orb when he was a kid too. I saw one when I was 5. It pulsated electronic sounds and was very vivid and not like a dream. Seeing an orb like that is a sign that you are different and have a higher purpose here than to just make money and make a living.
There is no way to know whether your life as a poster child of rebellion to everything that's wrong and dysfunctional in modern US society, was 100% a game of destiny, or 100% the consequences of your choices. I prefer believing the latter.
Winston wrote: ↑August 22nd, 2020, 11:14 pm
Have you experienced anything like that hypermak? If not, then isn't that an indication that I am a "chosen one" and you are not? lol. Even if you don't like that concept, it could be true right? You have to admit that anything could be true. Your bias doesn't determine what's true or false. And I do have evidence like that to support my claim which indicates I'm different than others. This isn't something most people experience.
This isn't something most people experience. Exactly. Most people base their choices and judgments on their past experiences, more than what they saw or read or heard from other people. That's a very natural and human bias, to believe on what is experienced by the self. If I had seen globes of lights in the sky and other signs of the supernatural, by now my beliefs would be radically different.
I have always had to rely on myself and, perhaps most importantly, had to suffer the consequences of some unpleasant decisions right on my skin, so I learned to make my decision carefully and based on facts and evidence, rather than speculation and stories.
Winston wrote: ↑August 22nd, 2020, 11:14 pm
Why do you keep trying to make it as if I'm normal and like everyone else, when all the evidence says I'm not? Why do you have a bias to make me look normal and that everything has a simple explanation? Basic logic should tell you that if I was normal and everything in my life had a simple explanation then we would not be having this discussion and I would not be asking questions or complaining about murphy's law. Don't you think? Why do you have such a strong BIAS against the supernatural and higher dimensions? That's the question.
You know, most men have a strong bias against the supernatural and other dimensions, even if they aren't atheist. Why? That includes you too. But such men are usually proven wrong, both in the movies and in real life. For example in this new movie called "The Ashram" the protagonist guy only believes in "science" and denies any higher realms, but at the end he is proven wrong and becomes a believer in higher realms.
The Ashram (2018)
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5596104/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0
It's a beautiful movie. You should see it. That happens in real life too, not just in the movies. What I don't get is, since men like you are proven wrong time and time again, even in the movies, why do you still persist in having a bias against the supernatural or higher realms? WHY???????
I will reply to your last few paragraphs later in another post, since this is already too long.
I have been saying nobody is "normal". We are all unique. You are special and unique...just like everybody else
You made choices that did not give you a normal, standard life, that's for sure. But by certain standard not even my life is so normal and standard. I think the point here is not that, though:
it's that you should be believing in the power of your choices, rather than some supernatural forces or demons leaning on your soul.
IMHO that is the only way out for you and your existential empasse.