Why do Americans always say that we "Lack Self-Love"? WTF does that mean?!

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Why do Americans always say that we "Lack Self-Love"? WTF does that mean?!

Post by Winston »

I don't understand something. Why do American women, especially New Age women, always tell you to "Love Yourself" or that you "Lack Self-Love" and emphasize it as if it were something important and key to solving your problems and fulfilling yourself? WTF does that mean even?! I don't get it. It sounds nonsensical. Yet they seem fixated on it, as if it were some magical solution that will solve all your problems. It seems insane and fake and delusional. Why do they say it all the time? Especially New Age/self-help type of American women. I don't know if British and Australian women say this too, probably some of them do, but not as extreme as American women do. Here's one example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C7dDXoEHuYk

Even the great Eastern philosophy author Alan Watts said that it's impossible to love yourself, and that it would be like trying to kiss yourself. Therefore, this advice is bunk and doesn't work. That's pretty obvious, so why is the phrase "you need to love yourself" so popular with Western women and New Agers? These are smart educated people so how can they believe such nonsense that is so useless, senseless and victim-blaming, and accomplishes nothing? Nor is there even any basic logic to it. So what is everyone smoking?! Even New Age men sometimes tell you too that you need to "love yourself" as if it were some weird fad or trend in the New Age movement. But in reality, it seems like a useless cliche that doesn't even make sense if you think about it. Yet New Agers never think it seems, no offense to them, but it's true.

Furthermore, they also like to tell people that if you want to find love or romance or a soulmate, that you need to love yourself first. WTF? I see no correlation at all there, yet they seem to think there is. It's an insult and it's victim blaming too. It's as if they are claiming that the answer to all your problems is that you "lack self-love", which is total nonsense!

I mean think about this for a moment.

1. The need for love, romance, sex, passion, etc is natural. It requires another person of the opposite sex who matches you and is compatible with you and makes you feel attraction, passion and romance. You can't fulfil such needs by "loving yourself". That's an oxymoron. Love requires another person or object to express that love onto. You can no more love yourself than kiss yourself (as Alan Watts said) or eat yourself. I mean, suppose you were hungry and ate the skin off of your body. Even if you could do that, what would it accomplish? It would only result in a net zero balance and not result in any gain or benefit. You'd only deplete yourself and create a net zero balance. So this makes no sense. If you need something, it requires an outside source of energy or nourishment. You can't just get it from yourself.

2. Isn't it impossible not to love yourself? I mean we all have a survival instinct for self-preservation, and as we all know, humans are selfish by nature with self-interest, at least to some extent. We all try to benefit ourselves and do what's best for us. If that's not self-love then I don't know what is. How can you love yourself even more? And even if you could, what would it accomplish? Wouldn't it just make yourself even more selfish and narcissistic? If so, how would that attract love to yourself? That makes no friggin sense! No one likes a narcissist, and Americans on the whole are already too narcissistic and entitled anyway. So what good would it do to increase something that there already is TOO MUCH of anyway?! That's like continuing to pour water into a cup that is already overflowing and spilling onto the floor! It makes no friggin sense!

3. Furthermore, one of the major teachings under the New Age umbrella is that "the self is an illusion" which is similar to Buddhist teaching and Zen philosophy. So if the self is an illusion and just a form of ego and should be jettisoned, then what's the point of "loving yourself" if the self isn't real? Isn't that contradictory or an oxymoron? Thus aren't these New Agers contradicting themselves? Why don't they ever think? They call themselves freethinkers yet they never think! lol. Funny irony.

4. Even if you could "love yourself" what would it accomplish? Nothing it seems. All it does is put you in a la la land where you imagine you have high self-esteem but in reality is just pseudo self-esteem, and is only temporary too. Eventually you have to come back to reality and remember that you are still inadequate and incomplete without love and companionship and quality friendship. Then you have to "love yourself" again so you can forget all your problems and go into la la land once more. It's all a delusional, like an escape from reality. I don't think that's healthy or natural either, which is why many American New Age women seem fake and delusional and unnatural. You gotta remember that some New Age women are still very materialistic and egotistical and hateful, and only pretend to be spiritual. It's just a band aid for them. There are genuine spiritual women who have inner peace and are at one with the universe, but these are less common and they tend to be with older women, not younger ones.

5. It's definitely a LIE when New Age women tell me that if I learn to "love myself" then I will attract friends and a wide choice of lovers to date. That one annoys me the most, because it's victim blaming and insinuates that if you can't get love or quality friends, that it's your fault because you don't "love yourself" enough. It's an insult to my intelligence and is not even true, not even in the slightest. So it annoys me when they say that. Yet when I could not get any dates in California, that's what they would tell me. Total nonsense, stupid and useless too. Think about this. Have you ever known any woman who said, "The reason I fell in love with my boyfriend/husband is because when I met him, he was so full of self-love that I fell in love with him too." No of course not. No one says that. Have you ever fell in love with a woman just because she "loves herself" a lot? Of course not. To love someone, there has to be chemistry. You have to be her type. It's subjective, just like feelings are, and so is taste. You can't control your heart. If you love someone, you love them, if you don't, you don't. Someone can't make you love them by loving themselves of course, that's idiotic. Loving yourself, even if possible, isn't gonna make one iota of difference. Duh. So it accomplishes nothing and isn't a solution to anything. So why do American women always say that? it's so dumb, annoying, insulting and victim-blaming.

My theory and educated guess:

I have a theory, and I apologize if it insults any women here, I don't mean to. My theory is that the reason American women, especially New Age women, say this is because deep down they feel weak and inadequate without a good man to love. They know they are weak, and not as strong mentally or physically as a healthy man is. They hate that and believe they should be equal to men, but deep down they know they aren't. They think they should be independent and happy and not need others, but they aren't. So they imagine by "loving themselves" it will make up for it and raise their "self-esteem" to compensate for their weakness. But it can't of course, so they think they need to love themselves even more and that they it's not enough. It's all false and pseudo of course.

The real problem here is false belief. They believe that they don't need a man to be happy and can just love themselves and depend on themselves and become whole by themselves. But it's not natural and doesn't work, so they think they need to do it even more and more and so forth. They don't realize their beliefs were faulty to begin with, because men and women naturally need each other. That's how nature or God made Adam and Eve, to complete and complement each other, not to be independent and not need each other, as New Age falsely teaches. It even says so in the book of Genesis when God made Eve for Adam.

That's my theory. I can't prove it of course but it makes sense and is very plausible. What do you all think?
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Re: Why do American women always say you need to "Love Yourself"? It's totally useless, senseless and victim-blaming!

Post by kangarunner »

What and how many American women are saying this? I've never heard this from American women. After being around Thai and Vietnamese women for the past 3.5 years, I just don't understand American women at all. I mean I literally feel no connection (other than physical) with them. I don't even feel comfortable making any kind of conversation with them.
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Re: Why do American women always say you need to "Love Yourself"? It's totally useless, senseless and victim-blaming!

Post by Contrarian Expatriate »

kangarunner wrote:
November 9th, 2020, 2:11 am
What and how many American women are saying this? I've never heard this from American women. After being around Thai and Vietnamese women for the past 3.5 years, I just don't understand American women at all. I mean I literally feel no connection (other than physical) with them. I don't even feel comfortable making any kind of conversation with them.
It is mostly celebrity and high-profile American women who push this notion. Think Oprah, Ellen, and the women of The View.

It is well known that American women are largely miserable inside. This is probably a strategy to counter that thinking as they pop their anti-depressant pills.
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Re: Why do American women always say you need to "Love Yourself"? It's totally useless, senseless and victim-blaming!

Post by Winston »

kangarunner wrote:
November 9th, 2020, 2:11 am
What and how many American women are saying this? I've never heard this from American women. After being around Thai and Vietnamese women for the past 3.5 years, I just don't understand American women at all. I mean I literally feel no connection (other than physical) with them. I don't even feel comfortable making any kind of conversation with them.
You don't know any New Age women? They say it all the time. Even many New Age men say it too. Like the late Dr. Wayne Dyer. It's in their lectures and videos. They are obsessed with self-love. You can watch them on YouTube and hear it. I gave one link above where an American woman says that you need to love yourself too. Watch it and you will hear her say it as if it were something important that will help you.

It's not just celebrities. I've had female friends into New Age that have said that to me too, even though it's utterly useless and cliche and doesn't even make sense for all the reasons I gave above. So why do they say it? What's their motive? They seem to be on another wavelength.

Even if you could love yourself, it's not gonna accomplish anything or solve your problems or raise your confidence or self-esteem in a genuine way. And it certainly won't make others love you or even win friends. Totally useless. Yet they are fixated on it. So weird.

What's insulting is when they claim that the reason you can't get women or dates in America is because you "lack self love". That makes no sense and is insulting and victim blaming and a shaming tactic that doesn't even make sense. So why do they say it? It's stupid.

I hate it when New Agers say "If you don't love yourself, then how can you expect anyone to love you?" Um excuse me! I never said I didn't love myself, YOU said that! it's a shaming tactic. And it makes no sense. Whether I "love myself" or not (whatever that means) has ZERO relevance when it comes to relationships and attraction and compatibility and romance. Zero. If anything, loving yourself too much, like PAG, leads to narcissism, and no one likes that. So what's the basis of it? Even intelligent New Agers say that.
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Re: Why do American women always say you need to "Love Yourself"? It's totally useless, senseless and victim-blaming!

Post by Winston »

Contrarian Expatriate wrote:
November 9th, 2020, 2:22 am
kangarunner wrote:
November 9th, 2020, 2:11 am
What and how many American women are saying this? I've never heard this from American women. After being around Thai and Vietnamese women for the past 3.5 years, I just don't understand American women at all. I mean I literally feel no connection (other than physical) with them. I don't even feel comfortable making any kind of conversation with them.
It is mostly celebrity and high-profile American women who push this notion. Think Oprah, Ellen, and the women of The View.

It is well known that American women are largely miserable inside. This is probably a strategy to counter that thinking as they pop their anti-depressant pills.
But what's their logic behind preaching "You need to love yourself"? Especially to men? What's their rationale? Oprah is an intelligent wise woman, so why would she parrot this? On what basis? Because it's a positive soundbyte, albeit a useless one? lol. Oprah is intelligent and can't be that dumb right?

Btw, not only celebrities, but regular women say that too. See the YouTube link I posted above. Even she blabs about it and chimes in about it at some point, as though "loving yourself" is something essential that you need to be constantly reminded of. So even the YouTube American women constantly blather about it.

I guess AW are miserable because they are trying to become masculine and think that by doing so, it will make them equal to men in strength mentally and physically, but in reality it doesn't right? They are going against their female nature and think it's a good thing when it's a bad thing. They think becoming independent and strong will make them happy but it doesn't, so they think they must lack "self love" whatever that means. It's pseudo and crazy and weird. But they act like it's normal.
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Re: Why do American women always say you need to "Love Yourself" and that you "Lack Self-Love"? WTF does that mean?!

Post by Winston »

Another stupid New Age cliche that New Age women like to say is "We all need to love each other". You hear it in almost every New Age video and documentary on YouTube too. That the answer to the world's problems is "love". WTF does that mean exactly? Even Karen Carpenter had a famous song that goes like this "What the world needs now, is love sweet love, it's the only thing that there's just too little of." So obviously this is a popular phrase that everyone utters, especially New Agers and even pop singers in America.

But what does it mean exactly? Obviously you can't love every random stranger out there like your brother and sister. Come on. No one can do that. That's impossible. Love isn't a light switch you can turn on and off. It's not possible or natural either, to just "love everyone". It's also a useless cliche too that accomplishes nothing. The thing is, if I do love someone, telling me not to is not gonna change my feelings, and conversely if I don't love someone, telling me to love him or her isn't going to get me to do so either. Love isn't a light switch. You either feel it or you don't. That's reality and nature. So this is a totally useless cliche.

It seems that it's a useless, impossible, unnatural cliche that low IQ dumb Americans like to hear just because it's POSITIVE sounding, and that's all. Even though it's useless and unnatural and not even possible, Americans like to hear it because it's positive and a feel good soundbyte. That's all. It's really dumb if you think about it. So why does no one point this out? Why does everyone just nod and eat it up as if it were something good or true or useful, when it isn't? It's mind boggling how stupid everyone is. Makes me scratch my head.

Can anyone explain it? It's not just a New Age cliche. It's part of American pop culture too. Even John Lennon and Michael Jackson sung songs about loving everyone. Lennon's song "Imagine" also contained lyrics about the whole world loving each other and living in peace. It's like a positive cliche you have to include in your music to be popular, even though it's utterly useless, senseless, unnatural and impossible to love everyone. Very strange.

Furthermore, the concept of "loving everyone" cheapens the concept of love and makes it no longer special or precious. If love was freely given to everyone, then it would be a cheap common commodity, like air, not precious or special anymore. Would you like it if your girlfriend or wife loved everyone in the world too, not just you? lol. Would that make her love special? lol. So it's an oxymoron to love everyone, and makes the word lose its meaning. Why doesn't anyone think about this? Just because it sounds "positive" doesn't mean it has any meaning or value. People are so dumb.

Even in Asia, they don't have concepts like "we need to love everyone and each other" or "you need to love yourself" or "you lack self-love". It seems only Americans like such fake useless unnatural soundbytes. And because they are part of American culture and everyone utters them, you are supposed to think it's all natural. But it isn't. In other countries people don't spout useless soundbytes like that.

Another stupid cliche on Oprah and Ellen and The View is the slogan "All women are beautiful". WTF? That's not true. Some women are beautiful and some aren't. Not all are beautiful. That's a false statement of course. Everyone knows that. So why do they say it? Obviously of course, because it's a positive soundbyte, even though false, and Americans love anything that's positive, no matter how untrue it is. So weird.
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Re: Why do American women always say you need to "Love Yourself" and that you "Lack Self-Love"? WTF does that mean?!

Post by kangarunner »

Obviously in America you have to "love yourself" because in that culture no one truly loves you for who you are.
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Re: Why do American women always say you need to "Love Yourself" and that you "Lack Self-Love"? WTF does that mean?!

Post by MrMan »

There was a book in the 1980's that had a section, 'The Myth of Self-Hate'. It said that a woman looks at herself in the mirror and says, "I hate myself. I am so ugly."

The author said if she truly hated herself, she would be happy that she is ugly.
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Re: Why do Americans always say that we "Lack Self-Love"? WTF does that mean?!

Post by Winston »

Anita says that during her NDE, she realized that we don't love ourselves enough. WTF?! I posted this to her below:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-A1Fo0dl1o

Anita, why do you New Agers always say that we need to love ourselves more? That's definitely NOT something that Americans lack. That's like saying an Eskimo lacks ice and snow. Americans already love themselves too much and are too narcissistic. Not humble like in Asia and Europe. That's why they always demand top notch service and tips and high incomes. They aren't humble like in Asia. Americans expect the best of the best and are very SPOILED. I learned that while living and traveling overseas to 14 countries. These New Agers couldn't be more wrong. Also, how come only Americans tell you to love yourself? Because in America, no one loves you for you and friendships aren't true like they are in other countries like SE Asia or Latin America or Russia, etc. In other countries no one needs to tell you to love yourself. The great Eastern philosopher Alan Watts said you can't love yourself, that's like trying to kiss yourself. So he agrees with me that "loving yourself" is a fallacy and delusion. You can't kiss yourself, there's no satisfaction or pleasure in that. You can't be romantic when alone either. You need a soulmate or companion. But in America, no one cares about you, so you are forced to try to love yourself. It's all VAIN. In other countries I can find good companionship and don't need to try to "love myself". It's so fake. Sorry if this is offensive. Just being honest about my experiences and observations in 14 countries and seeing so much American and New Age BS.

The great Eastern philosopher Alan Watts said in his lectures that it's impossible to "love yourself". It's like trying to kiss yourself. There's no romance or pleasure in it. I agree with him. So why do new agers and truthers always talk about that? I don't get it. It's an obvious fallacy. Being confident is fine but you gotta have some basis to your confidence by making small accomplishments. However that's not the same as loving yourself. Americans do not lack self love, they are very narcissistic and spoiled and think they deserve the best of the best and demand tips and high salaries. They aren't humble like people in other countries. I learned that after living in many countries and traveling in 14 countries. So this new age nonsense is totally false in my view. No offense, but I hate hive minds, even in the spirituality movement.
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