Happier Abroad Forum Community

The ups & downs are too much, does anyone else feel absolutely crazy some days...not on others?　I know it depends on state of mind, mine seems to be all over the place. I hate that I do, but I feel like I need God to function. Is anyone else like this...?

I've tried everything else, I can't do it on my own. I just go completely to pieces; everything's an abysmal failure it seems the way I try to do it,though it always seems right. I find when I read the Bible and focus on God, I'm calm, I'm focused and I feel right. I actually just feel like myself, whatever that is. I don't know if I'm doing me, or if I'm just doing God through me It's depressing, I wish I could have this power myself- I think, and I feel so weak on my own, almost like nothing. I don't experience the peace of God or anything else remotely like it anywhere else in life. I don't know what life is supposed to 'feel like', but I feel it is the nearest closest thing to it; in my estimation.
Is anyone else feeling like this?　I feel weak yet, wise - at the same time. I can totally see how people give themselves to God, now.

The ups & downs are just too much. I'm up, down...messed up thinking, clear, I'm all over the place with my mind &　feelings. The only way this doesn't happen to me, is when I have God, when I'm focusing on Him, etc., reading the Bible etc, it's like magic. I cannot explain it- it is surreal.
It shows me that my mind is unreliable, no matter how smart I think I am. I can't rely on myself.
I think I think too much crazy shit. I know it leads me in all sorts of directions, but I used to think it was a gift of some kind; or creative. Now I realize that no one really sees it this way but me. I really thought it made me smart, or that I am smart. Some of the things I say, that I research...that I'm able to link up and synthesize. I don't see anyone else hardly doing that, but is it worth anything?
Does it benefit my life in any way? - Am I just deluding myself, am I even smart...or is it just falsity.

It's bittersweet to realize there's something that can help me, that I can do all this time... but that it's nothing I did, but it's a force I sit back and yield to sort of thing. ...It is hard to make sense out of.
It's kind of a smack in the face actually. If I'm right about this. All that hard work I did gets me nowhere, and just to sit back and let go and let God solves everything, then that's it, I have no power.

Is anyone else like this? I feel like there are many others who are able to make it on their own somehow, but I　－　just go to pieces. ...why? I hate that I think sometimes, and I hate when my mind is analyzing every facet of reality almost like as if it's trying to control it; it's a creepy thing. All it seems to do is lead me into chaos, even though I do my best to try to rationalize and make the best decisions, what really drives me crazy is my mindset is changed from this one to that one - and no matter where I'm at it always depends on which mindset. I try to understand this, and make rational sense of it - but I can't. I flip & go crazy trying to imagine one mindset, and then another....again re image them to try to see where I was coming from. It's like mental gymnastics and it's terrifying and exhausting. It ultimately makes me realize there is no anchor, we are afloat in a sea churned with no rhyme or reason and our set points change, there is no me. I can't stand this. It drives me crazy.
What do people w/out God do?　Like people that are here in China who have no concept of God for their lives, how do they lead their lives? Surely they are not all crazy but are respectable, intelligent hard working folks.

Do I need to stop indulging in these contrails of thought I delve into - that always mentally destabilize me, afterwards, why do I do it? It's like a guilty pleasure, I always think & feel like I'm getting somewhere, its fascinating..I feel like I'm exploring new ideas and something deep & putting something together ...but I know there will be a cost at the end. Yet I frequently always do it anyway, why's this? I wish this thing didn't exist, like this.

I'm trying to figure out if I even need God - this is sort of the whole issue. I guess you're saying I do. ..It's depressing for me to accept that I do, but yet - I'm grateful at the same time for it, if that's really indeed what I need in my life.

MarcosZeitola wrote:Join a monastery for a while, get your mind sorted out. No internet, no computer, no cellphone. Just yourself, solitude, and brief conversations with other men who wish to avoid worldly things. You will clear your mind, cleanse your body, and feel your energy and focus renewed.

I agree. That will help. Or just go out into nature for a few days. If you don't know how to pitch a tent, then go to a KOA campground and sleep in your car at night. KOA campgrounds are safe and have facilities for showers and restrooms. And you can stare at the stars at night, well that is, if you're in the Southwest. The Southwest USA also has plenty of free campgrounds or state campgrounds that only cost $10 or $20 a night to camp in.

Also the oxygen in forests will fill you with renewed fresh energy. So I'd recommend hiking or camping in some nice forestry area, such as the California Redwoods or the Pacific Northwest (Oregon and Washington).

There are also good meditation retreats in nature that you can go to. Here is one that I go to in Arizona that's situated on top of a nice quiet desert mountain near Chino Valley, AZ, and has great healing energy. Tamdrin12 used to go there too.

http://www.garchen.net

As for whether you need God or not, Eric, well that is very personal and subjective. It also depends on what you mean by God. Spirituality is very personal and subjective, and each person's spiritual experience and way of finding God will be different. Some people find God within themselves, as if God is already a part of you, not something "out there". Others find God outside themselves in some religion. It varies from person to person.

From what I know, if you cry out to God in passion and surrender to him like a child, he will find you or reach down and lend a helping hand. Or at least some higher forces will try to help you. But which God will reach out to you, is something we can't tell you. Some who cry out to God are led to Christianity, others to Islam or Hinduism, etc. And others will simply have an awakening that is nonreligious, like me and like Eckhart Tolle (author of "The Power of Now") did.

MarcosZeitola wrote:You don't need God, if you feel strong enough to face the world without Him. But while you figure out whether or not you need him, you should go to a place where you can find solitude. You cannot think of such issues with too many worldly distractions. Many people, after a life of sin, do not find their salvation until they are on their sickbed, or in prison. There's a reason many people do not "find the Lord", until they hit rock bottom. Because once they hit rock bottom, they are usually by themselves with no one but their own thoughts to comfort them. And this is when they are hit with profound realizations.

Me, I have never felt closer to God then the moments I was out in nature by myself. No one else. No cars. No traffic, pollution, stress, boss, friends, stress, pressure... just you alone with your thoughts, alone with your sense of wonder.

You will not find the answers on an internet forum. You will find them somewhere that has no internet.

This is true. Even though no one likes suffering, the truth is, suffering humbles us and causes us to look deeper within, or try to find God or spirituality. Those who have it all, or when everything is going great in their lives, will be prideful and take credit for it all, thinking "I am smart, I am worthy, I deserve my success." Your ego takes over when things are going great and so you do not listen to any God or religion, because you think you know it all and are doing great. It's only when you are at the end of your rope do you reach out for God or meaning or look within. So sometimes suffering is necessary in life and brings blessings. Otherwise, we'd all be narcissists with no spiritual life. After all, a sword cannot be sharp unless it goes through the fire that molds it, likewise our souls cannot be strong or rich unless there is suffering or we go through the "dark night of the soul".