Marry this wonderful Thai woman, or seek a wife in a country with a more accessible culture?

[Santander]

I'm THIS CLOSE to marrying her. She's from Thailand, she's fairly intelligent, kind, submissive, loyal, pretty, speaks great English, and is loved by all. I'm her first BF and partner (she's very inexperienced), and she's 8 years my junior (I'm mid 30s, she's mid 20s).

We've been together for 3 years.

The problem is, I'm hung up on the practical matter of the fact that she's from Thailand (where I am currently). I'll never be close with her friends or her family, and I'll never have any real community here—the cultural divide is too great.

I speak intermediate-advanced Spanish, work remotely, and have always dreamed of building a life in a Spanish speaking country so I still have access to family, friends and jobs in the US.

Should I abandon this relationship to pursue my lifelong dream of looking for a wife in South America from a culture more accessible to me and give up this amazing woman?

Or would that be a foolish move?

This really comes down to would you throw something really great away for practical reasons that are potentially just fantasies?

[Santander]

P.S. I've been in Thailand for nearly a decade and I just CANNOT see myself being here happy long term, raising a family. The issue is mainly cultural.

I imagine I'd be happier long-term in CR/Peru/Argentina. Although I haven't been to those places yet (have only been to Mexico/Spain as far as the Hispanic world goes), I've carried on many month-long conversations with Peruvian women whom I got along with very well.

The thing is, I'm not sure giving up this relationship is worth it, and I don't really see taking a non-Spanish speaking Thai to live in South America as a viable option. I don't know if this is just grass-is-greener syndrome, or a point worth considering.

I'm mid 30s and it took me years to find a woman of such quality. I imagine odds are that I wouldn't find another woman that's great wife/mother-of-my-children material for a few more years, which would put me at almost 40.

[MrMan]

I'm THIS CLOSE to marrying her. She's from Thailand, she's fairly intelligent, kind, submissive, loyal, pretty, speaks great English, and is loved by all. I'm her first BF and partner (she's very inexperienced), and she's 8 years my junior (I'm mid 30s, she's mid 20s).

We've been together for 3 years.

The problem is, I'm hung up on the practical matter of the fact that she's from Thailand (where I am currently). I'll never be close with her friends or her family, and I'll never have any real community here—the cultural divide is too great.

I speak intermediate-advanced Spanish, work remotely, and have always dreamed of building a life in a Spanish speaking country so I still have access to family, friends and jobs in the US.

Should I abandon this relationship to pursue my lifelong dream of looking for a wife in South America from a culture more accessible to me and give up this amazing woman?

Or would that be a foolish move?

This really comes down to would you throw something really great away for practical reasons that are potentially just fantasies?

If she is submissive is she a 'follow the husband' type? Have you asked her if you moved overseas if she would join you?

[NPCslammer]

P.S. I've been in Thailand for nearly a decade and I just CANNOT see myself being here happy long term, raising a family. The issue is mainly cultural.

I imagine I'd be happier long-term in CR/Peru/Argentina. Although I haven't been to those places yet (have only been to Mexico/Spain as far as the Hispanic world goes), I've carried on many month-long conversations with Peruvian women whom I got along with very well.

The thing is, I'm not sure giving up this relationship is worth it, and I don't really see taking a non-Spanish speaking Thai to live in South America as a viable option. I don't know if this is just grass-is-greener syndrome, or a point worth considering.

I'm mid 30s and it took me years to find a woman of such quality. I imagine odds are that I wouldn't find another woman that's great wife/mother-of-my-children material for a few more years, which would put me at almost 40.

I don’t think you should marry her. You’re going to be stuck with the culture and her family, in more ways than you think if you do it. And trust me she’s gonna be cultural Thai forever, and you will probably realize that you have less in common than you think as time goes by. Sounds like you need to go to S America. Sometimes the grass IS greener.

[MrMan]

I've only been to Thailand for a few days. I lived in Indonesia. It seems like 23 is prime marrying age, right after college or a year or so after if she goes to college. Three years is a long time to string a girl along if you aren't going to marry her, using up her prime dating and husband-searching time. And if a man has slept with a young woman, he may have spoiled her chances of marrying someone else. Damaged goods probably won't get her pick of the young men. I'm not sure about Thailand, but that still applies in some parts of Asia.

Something to keep in mind is that after you marry, you can get social support within the family. When the babies are small, you may be too busy for the degree of social activity before. Eventually, you are spending a lot of time with your own wife and kids. You don't have loads of free social time where you are going to feel lonely if you don't have a meeting with friends lined up to hang out with them. If you enjoy a woman's company, that's a pretty big deal.

For me, faith was a major factor in whether I would date a woman or not. I wasn't going to start a dating relationship with a Muslim, Hindu, or Buddhist. That is a major area to be on the same page about when having kids, also.

[PocosonSnaffle]

I would only consider Thai women as pump-and-dump material. At best they can be used for short term relationship as members of a harem. I despise Thai culture, these people are very passive aggressive, I really enjoy going all-in and barking to them when they pull their shit on me. I just show up and yell at the person responsible and continue to insist until he/she feels awkward. Thai apes are of only one use to me : slaves for daily tasks or sexual slaves.

[Santander]

I would only consider Thai women as pump-and-dump material. At best they can be used for short term relationship as members of a harem. I despise Thai culture, these people are very passive aggressive, I really enjoy going all-in and barking to them when they pull their shit on me. I just show up and yell at the person responsible and continue to insist until he/she feels awkward. Thai apes are of only one use to me : slaves for daily tasks or sexual slaves.

That's a very broad, very xenophobic, and very sad brush you're painting with there, Picasso.

[Santander]

I've only been to Thailand for a few days. I lived in Indonesia. It seems like 23 is prime marrying age, right after college or a year or so after if she goes to college. Three years is a long time to string a girl along if you aren't going to marry her, using up her prime dating and husband-searching time. And if a man has slept with a young woman, he may have spoiled her chances of marrying someone else. Damaged goods probably won't get her pick of the young men. I'm not sure about Thailand, but that still applies in some parts of Asia.

Something to keep in mind is that after you marry, you can get social support within the family. When the babies are small, you may be too busy for the degree of social activity before. Eventually, you are spending a lot of time with your own wife and kids. You don't have loads of free social time where you are going to feel lonely if you don't have a meeting with friends lined up to hang out with them. If you enjoy a woman's company, that's a pretty big deal.

For me, faith was a major factor in whether I would date a woman or not. I wasn't going to start a dating relationship with a Muslim, Hindu, or Buddhist. That is a major area to be on the same page about when having kids, also.

I appreciate the humanity and practicality of your response. Those are all very much concerns for me at this point, too. Usually I think she would recover ok from a breakup, but sometimes I don't know. It might be a difficult experience for her socially, and she's such a wonderful human that sometimes I wonder if I'd be making a real mistake, not having ever even traveled much in South America or truly knowing what the culture or women are like in person. What I also wouldn't want, though, is to marry her and then grow resentful or resigned due to not pursuing what my dream has always been.

Regarding the idea of stringing someone along, I agree entirely. It's a long time to go without making a decision. That said, our relationship formed right before COVID, and due to lockdowns, we kind of existed in a bubble for the first year of relationship, unable to meet either partner's friends or family or really see each other in a social setting. We then spent almost an entire year apart. So there were many aspects of the relationship and our personalities that we weren't able to really get to know until just this past year when things began opening up. As an example, I wasn't able to meet her family (my potential inlaws) until just 6 months ago (30 months into the relationship). It's been a very difficult and isolated few years for us.

Regarding bringing her with me to Latin America, I have given that thought as well and she would happily agree on the face of it, but I'm not sure she would really be happy there. It's my dream, but not really hers.

[Outcast9428]

You’re a disgusting human being @PocosonSnaffle. It’s no wonder the Thai people didn’t like you with that attitude.

@Santander

This is such a big decision that it’s hard for us to make for you. It reminds me of my problems with my ex girlfriend.

I loved her and still love her but I hate Florida. I hate Florida so much that it undeniably caused major issues in our relationship.

I do think finding a girl like her will be a lot more difficult in South America given that South American countries are more liberal and less marriage oriented then Thailand is. Then again, South America isn’t like Western Europe either and there is more of a balance between liberal and conservative values there. You might have an easier time finding a girl like her in the rural areas of South America.

The question isn’t entirely about what kind of girl you can get though so much as it is about how you feel about this particular girl. If you broke up with her, how badly would you miss her? Does the connection between you two feel strong enough that you’d be willing to make a decision you know is foolish just because you love her so much?

I am kind of that way with my ex. I know that it’s foolish to want her instead of seeking a wife from Thailand or the Philippines but the connection I had with her was so strong that six months later after breaking up I still wish more then anything I could be with her again.

Do you think you’d feel similarly about your girlfriend? Would you be willing to make a decision you logically know is foolish in order to be with her for the rest of your life or does the logical side of your brain seem to be more powerful? Normally I am very logical and rational about things but girls are the one part of life that sometimes it makes sense to go with your heart.