Matching Adult Children Up for Marriage
Posted: November 28th, 2021, 1:01 pm
My wife met an Indonesian woman and her kids at a prayer meeting or something like that. She was talking about how her college-aged daughter was so sweet, kind, obedient to her mother, etc., and wanted to match her up with my son who is the same age. My son is a quiet calm young man, not the smooth-talking type. We haven't had our kids dating, but he's old enough now to start thinking about that.
Their visit was kind of rushed, and a lot of it was in Indonesian, which my son doesn't understand much of. I am also thinking he might end up with a girl at church, too. So I am not really on board with actually pushing an 'arranged marriage' type situation. Some Indonesians are into parent-arranged marriages. It seems to be more of a village thing. I'm not sure about this family's people group.
They do seem like nice people. My son seems to like the girl for looks, etc. The girl has not been in the US that long and lives with family. It seems very likely that she would be a virgin. The women did some cooking and she was right there in the kitchen with them. Indonesian girls tend to be well-trained unless they grow up with maids and nannies, and even some of those girls are. Her family is apparently well-to-do, but did not raise her to be dependent on nannies and maids.
I wonder about some people on this forum who are looking for a woman. If your parents, friends, or relatives had introduced you to some sweet young thing whose parents, friends, or relatives did the same with the expectation that it is okay for the two to be a couple of that might not make things a whole lot easier.
I would not have liked the idea myself as a young man. I was way too particular about looks for someone to match me up. I'd want a 9 or 10, based on my tastes, with only certain builds I liked, plus all the character stuff. There was this one girl with a big nose at church my mom kept suggesting for me when I was about 14. She saw her again when she was 16 or so and didn't mention it again. The nose thing ceased to look cute to my mom when she got older.
I threaten to match my girls up, and I am quick to remind them that I don't have a sense of whether a guy is good-looking or not. I would like to have a hand in it, or at least approve of matches, but find men my girls like for looks and personality.
What do you single men thing? If parents were more involved in this but were sensitive to your personality and looks preferences, do you think that would be better to the way things are done in the west now?
I suppose you could go to a foreign country where parents are involved in matching people up, get friendly with a man you know has a beautiful daughter, and try to approach it from that angle. If you are the girl's type that might be a way to fast track things for marriage if that is what you are looking for
Even if it is more of a blind date type thing than an arranged marriage, in cultures where girls are taught to highly respect their parents and they are to be involved in marriage decisions, having a parent or even a cousin or aunt recommend you as a potential match might help a young woman take you more seriously. But if you are not serious and honorable about it, you can burn a lot of relationship bridges.
Their visit was kind of rushed, and a lot of it was in Indonesian, which my son doesn't understand much of. I am also thinking he might end up with a girl at church, too. So I am not really on board with actually pushing an 'arranged marriage' type situation. Some Indonesians are into parent-arranged marriages. It seems to be more of a village thing. I'm not sure about this family's people group.
They do seem like nice people. My son seems to like the girl for looks, etc. The girl has not been in the US that long and lives with family. It seems very likely that she would be a virgin. The women did some cooking and she was right there in the kitchen with them. Indonesian girls tend to be well-trained unless they grow up with maids and nannies, and even some of those girls are. Her family is apparently well-to-do, but did not raise her to be dependent on nannies and maids.
I wonder about some people on this forum who are looking for a woman. If your parents, friends, or relatives had introduced you to some sweet young thing whose parents, friends, or relatives did the same with the expectation that it is okay for the two to be a couple of that might not make things a whole lot easier.
I would not have liked the idea myself as a young man. I was way too particular about looks for someone to match me up. I'd want a 9 or 10, based on my tastes, with only certain builds I liked, plus all the character stuff. There was this one girl with a big nose at church my mom kept suggesting for me when I was about 14. She saw her again when she was 16 or so and didn't mention it again. The nose thing ceased to look cute to my mom when she got older.
I threaten to match my girls up, and I am quick to remind them that I don't have a sense of whether a guy is good-looking or not. I would like to have a hand in it, or at least approve of matches, but find men my girls like for looks and personality.
What do you single men thing? If parents were more involved in this but were sensitive to your personality and looks preferences, do you think that would be better to the way things are done in the west now?
I suppose you could go to a foreign country where parents are involved in matching people up, get friendly with a man you know has a beautiful daughter, and try to approach it from that angle. If you are the girl's type that might be a way to fast track things for marriage if that is what you are looking for
Even if it is more of a blind date type thing than an arranged marriage, in cultures where girls are taught to highly respect their parents and they are to be involved in marriage decisions, having a parent or even a cousin or aunt recommend you as a potential match might help a young woman take you more seriously. But if you are not serious and honorable about it, you can burn a lot of relationship bridges.