Johnny1975 wrote:There's always a price to pay.
If you want femininity, kindness, humility, etc, you're probably going to have to compromise on other stuff. I'm slowly starting to come to terms with that.
Truer words have never been spoken. I think it goes without saying that if you date a foreign woman she'll hold onto characteristics and customs from her country. As a result her sense of humor may completely different from those of us that grew up in the western culture. I'll give you a perfect example. My wife watches her filipino variety shows online. I'll look over her shoulder at times and I don't consider the material all that funny but she's laughing so hard she has tears in her eyes. But who am I to judge?
For those that have seen "Lost in Translation", much of the the movies central theme will hold true when you date or marry a foreign lady. Having known my wife for over 10 years, it's fair to say half the stuff I find funny she doesn't and visa versa. Welcome to Culture Differences 101. But Johnny is absolutely correct, you may have to give up something in one area to gain in another.
It's true about humour. I'm spanish but I've been living in London for a long time. But I still understand spanish humour and the "angle" at which things are looked at. It's very refreshing to know that different cultures see things differently, and put emphasis on different things. It's nice to know that typical british / american emphasis on irony, sarcasm, and multi level meanings isn't universal. I don't really think other cultures are stupid, it's just that they see things in different terms. I guess that's part of being a different culture. Cats are stupid in the sense that if you point to something, instead of looking at what you're pointing at, they'll look at your hand. They can't conceive that you could be pointing at something else. But they don't need to understand all those different levels of meaning, their brains are too busy being good at things like balancing, and knowing when there's an earthquake.
An example of something that may sound really stupid to a stuck up english person, but which is actually quite profound, is this :
My mum used to say, don't marry an english woman, she'll just make you a sandwich and go to work.
An english person might think "what's wrong with going to work?" "Yeah, she made a sandwich, that's good, isn't it? What's the problem?" These are all based on looking at it literally and without any imagination as to what is being inferred.
The meaning of it is (and I understand this instinctively) : Instead of putting in the effort of cooking you a proper meal, she'll make you a sandwich as she rushes off to work, which to her is more important than you. There's nothing wrong with her having a job, but not if it comes first.
That's why I think that maybe when someone in another culture says something that sounds simplistic, perhaps there's deeper meaning and wisdom going on. But without sarcasm. Clever.
So for me, personally, although I'm used to the british humour, and I do like it to a large extent (it suits me), I'm also aware of the spanish way of seeing things, and it it very familiar to me. It's relatively primitive, but I think it's because other cultures have different priorities. Maybe having a more simple sense of humour is a natural symptom of seeing life in more simple terms, which itself is a symptom of having one's priorities right. Maybe it's the british / american way which is all wrong, maybe they have so much time on their hands that they can afford to come up with all that sarcasm, or maybe it's a sign of feeling superior. I think language, humour, and stuff like that is what a culture is all about, hence why they're so different.
As I think about this, it's obvious that there's always a compromise. The trick I guess is to find the culture that has the best deal on offer, or find women who are the exception in her culture, in the sense of having most of the best, and some good stuff that isn't part of her culture.