Hidden Costs of Schooling GF in PH

[ladislav]

If you help your GF with school, a training course, some kind of diploma, you ask her to present to you with the costs. And she will quote you the price that is correct, but often the schools hide other costs and do not let the students know about those. So, what she quotes to you is often just the core costs.
Then once you pay those and go "whew", there she hits you. , 'There is also this cost and that cost, and this and that tool I need to buy and also, I need to pay for this and that'.
'Oh, but I've already paid for your training. WTF is it now? '
'Why didn't you tell me? '
'You didn't ask! '
This is how those schools catch you by the b*lls and hold you by them. You've already paid for the school, but not really, not yet. That was just the beginning!
When you get the price ask what additional costs there are and ask the school to cough up the information. If they start balking, ask them for approximate costs. So you have no surprises later on.

[yick]

Well, go out with women who have got their degrees and masters degrees - I am not saying go out with someone your own age or near it (perish the thought) but someone between 25-30 - who has a career, and you won't have this particular problem.

If you go out with teenagers and girls up to the age of 21 - they're going to be able to sting you on 'school' costs.

[jerryrigged]

Farm animals are less tedious life companions. No school costs.

[publicduende]

None of the reputable universities in the Philippines have hidden costs. You pay tuition fees every semester or every quarter and any additional cost is for activities that are not compulsory, like joining field trips or training workshops or labs. Of course costs of books, photocopies, uniforms, transportation and food, they are all on the student. I know a few universities have subsidized on- and off-campus accommodation.

There are also plenty of scholarships available, both at private and public universities.

The University of the Philippines system is completely free of charge for deserving students, and we're talking tens of thousands of students who get free education, every year.

If I can be allowed to be cynical on the subject, in the past I met more than one Filipina girl (whom I would be dating or not) whom I proposed to help with starting a college degree, or continuing with their chosen one. 1 in 10 showed some enthusiasm at the idea. Virtually all of them seem to prefer the idea of hooking up with the foreigner and be supported for life. Or, at most, move abroad and find a crappy minimum wage job, like cashier in a grocery shop, which would pay a lot more than the average Filipino job, then use that money to please themselves or help their family back home.

When I first came here I thought the young Filipino's biggest problem was poverty and lack of opportunity. 6 years on, I admit it's pure passivity, laziness and lack of incentives. This obviously applies to men, not just women. Some people are dangerously addicted to the practice of borrowing money left, right and center and only working hard whenever it becomes absolutely inevitable to return that borrowed money, at least in part.

[yick]

None of the reputable universities in the Philippines have hidden costs. You pay tuition fees every semester or every quarter and any additional cost is for activities that are not compulsory, like joining field trips or training workshops or labs. Of course costs of books, photocopies, uniforms, transportation and food, they are all on the student. I know a few universities have subsidized on- and off-campus accommodation.

There are also plenty of scholarships available, both at private and public universities.

The University of the Philippines system is completely free of charge for deserving students, and we're talking tens of thousands of students who get free education, every year.

If I can be allowed to be cynical on the subject, in the past I met more than one Filipina girl (whom I would be dating or not) whom I proposed to help with starting a college degree, or continuing with their chosen one. 1 in 10 showed some enthusiasm at the idea. Virtually all of them seem to prefer the idea of hooking up with the foreigner and be supported for life. Or, at most, move abroad and find a crappy minimum wage job, like cashier in a grocery shop, which would pay a lot more than the average Filipino job, then use that money to please themselves or help their family back home.

When I first came here I thought the young Filipino's biggest problem was poverty and lack of opportunity. 6 years on, I admit it's pure passivity, laziness and lack of incentives. This obviously applies to men, not just women. Some people are dangerously addicted to the practice of borrowing money left, right and center and only working hard whenever it becomes absolutely inevitable to return that borrowed money, at least in part.

I think in Ladislav's situation - these girls are young enough to pull off 'I need money for school' to cadge some more money from Ladislav.

Are they really going to school or need money for school? Maybe or maybe not but instead of Ladislav being grateful that he has his hands on a young, hard, 21 year old body he is whinging that it is costing him money, well of course it is going to cost him money! That's the deal even if it isn't being boldly spelled out...

Why would a 21 year old Filipina want to go out with someone in his late 50's or early 60's - his body? his looks? his mind? his cultural compatibility?

If Ladislav thinks he is being ripped off then he can take his money and try and date the 21 year old girls of Norway or Denmark and see if he can afford their 'school fees'

[publicduende]

I think in Ladislav's situation - these girls are young enough to pull off 'I need money for school' to cadge some more money from Ladislav.

Are they really going to school or need money for school? Maybe or maybe not but instead of Ladislav being grateful that he has his hands on a young, hard, 21 year old body he is whinging that it is costing him money, well of course it is going to cost him money! That's the deal even if it isn't being boldly spelled out...

Why would a 21 year old Filipina want to go out with someone in his late 50's or early 60's - his body? his looks? his mind? his cultural compatibility?

If Ladislav thinks he is being ripped off then he can take his money and try and date the 21 year old girls of Norway or Denmark and see if he can afford their 'school fees'

Well, that's a different situation altogether. In that case the girl herself can make it very easy to understand, whether "money for school" is true or just a polite way to say "my company will cost you money".

To be honest, this situation happened to me and while I was still in my early 40s. A girl who is young and attractive will already have several local, same-age suitors. She knows she won't need to hang out with foreign men more than twice her age for long. She might give them what they want in exchange of money and favours and end up married with the same-age Filipino suitor.

Remember that, at least in the less cosmopolitan areas (everywhere but Metro Manila and perhaps Metro Cebu), a pretty girl seen with an old foreigner is equivalent to "losing face" with the neighbourhood.

[Tsar]

I think in Ladislav's situation - these girls are young enough to pull off 'I need money for school' to cadge some more money from Ladislav.

Are they really going to school or need money for school? Maybe or maybe not but instead of Ladislav being grateful that he has his hands on a young, hard, 21 year old body he is whinging that it is costing him money, well of course it is going to cost him money! That's the deal even if it isn't being boldly spelled out...

Why would a 21 year old Filipina want to go out with someone in his late 50's or early 60's - his body? his looks? his mind? his cultural compatibility?

If Ladislav thinks he is being ripped off then he can take his money and try and date the 21 year old girls of Norway or Denmark and see if he can afford their 'school fees'

Well, that's a different situation altogether. In that case the girl herself can make it very easy to understand, whether "money for school" is true or just a polite way to say "my company will cost you money".

To be honest, this situation happened to me and while I was still in my early 40s. A girl who is young and attractive will already have several local, same-age suitors. She knows she won't need to hang out with foreign men more than twice her age for long. She might give them what they want in exchange of money and favours and end up married with the same-age Filipino suitor.

Remember that, at least in the less cosmopolitan areas (everywhere but Metro Manila and perhaps Metro Cebu), a pretty girl seen with an old foreigner is equivalent to "losing face" with the neighbourhood.

Are you saying that mainly ugly girls will go for foreign guys?

[publicduende]

Are you saying that mainly ugly girls will go for foreign guys?

Not necessarily ugly girls, but girls whose value (as given by their host community) is not high enough for them to marry up with a young, unmarried local.

[Shemp]

I think in Ladislav's situation - these girls are young enough to pull off 'I need money for school' to cadge some more money from Ladislav.

Are they really going to school or need money for school? Maybe or maybe not but instead of Ladislav being grateful that he has his hands on a young, hard, 21 year old body he is whinging that it is costing him money, well of course it is going to cost him money! That's the deal even if it isn't being boldly spelled out...

IMO, whenever there are big wealth or age differences, but especially if both, then best get the relationship on a sugar baby basis ASAP, to avoid miscommunication. It may or may not be cheaper this way, but at least there are no big surprises in the negative direction.

It is almost always cheaper and safer for a man who is wealthier than the girl to pay per meet than to marry. Paying per meet turns you into a milk cow, who is carefully kept alive and happy so it keeps producing milk as long as possible. Mistreat the cow and the milk supply instantly stops. Marrying turns you into a meat cow: lots of trouble to keep you alive but big payoff when you finally die, thus incentive to accelerate time of death.

[yick]

I think in Ladislav's situation - these girls are young enough to pull off 'I need money for school' to cadge some more money from Ladislav.

Are they really going to school or need money for school? Maybe or maybe not but instead of Ladislav being grateful that he has his hands on a young, hard, 21 year old body he is whinging that it is costing him money, well of course it is going to cost him money! That's the deal even if it isn't being boldly spelled out...

IMO, whenever there are big wealth or age differences, but especially if both, then best get the relationship on a sugar baby basis ASAP, to avoid miscommunication. It may or may not be cheaper this way, but at least there are no big surprises in the negative direction.

It is almost always cheaper and safer for a man who is wealthier than the girl to pay per meet than to marry. Paying per meet turns you into a milk cow, who is carefully kept alive and happy so it keeps producing milk as long as possible. Mistreat the cow and the milk supply instantly stops. Marrying turns you into a meat cow: lots of trouble to keep you alive but big payoff when you finally die, thus incentive to accelerate time of death.

Good advice, Frank!

This is a fair few posts from the OP about the unfairness of shelling out money to these young women, what I want his next post to be about is why he thinks he is a catch for a teenage Filipina and why he should get her charms for free?

If he saw it in the right context that he is in a country where millions of women will have sex with him if the price is right (and one he can afford...) then he would be fist-pumping the air in delight - but the inner ego has gotten in the way with Ladislav and he obviously wants to be took on as attractive to these young women on his own terms and merits.

Obviously this is a fool's gambit. He should look past the silly, face saving excuses and either pay up or move on and find another woman to sponsor or take my advice and get someone who has her own career and is done with school. If you are nearing 60 wanting to f**k 20 year olds is the developing world - then you are stumping up whether you like it or not.

[Spencer]

I think in Ladislav's situation - these girls are young enough to pull off 'I need money for school' to cadge some more money from Ladislav.

Are they really going to school or need money for school? Maybe or maybe not but instead of Ladislav being grateful that he has his hands on a young, hard, 21 year old body he is whinging that it is costing him money, well of course it is going to cost him money! That's the deal even if it isn't being boldly spelled out...

IMO, whenever there are big wealth or age differences, but especially if both, then best get the relationship on a sugar baby basis ASAP, to avoid miscommunication. It may or may not be cheaper this way, but at least there are no big surprises in the negative direction.

It is almost always cheaper and safer for a man who is wealthier than the girl to pay per meet than to marry. Paying per meet turns you into a milk cow, who is carefully kept alive and happy so it keeps producing milk as long as possible. Mistreat the cow and the milk supply instantly stops. Marrying turns you into a meat cow: lots of trouble to keep you alive but big payoff when you finally die, thus incentive to accelerate time of death.

Wow creative and insightful - 5 star post

[MarcosZeitola]

It's quite useless to "school" a girlfriend. The more educated she becomes, the larger the chance she'll leave for greener pastures eventually. If you are the type of man who likes to provide for a girlfriend, give her an allowance... that's all fine and dandy, but it's really not all that practical. The most stable marriage and the most tight-knit family I have seen a middle-aged Filipino man have, was with a woman who dropped out of high school. All she knew was motherhood, household chores, family duties... she was, and is, a perfect wife. Obedient. Hard-working. Does not get any big ideas.

But, sure, spend a lot of money on their schooling. Totally won't ruin a perfectly good poor girl.

Smart women are awesome... but if you want one, get one who already finished her education, having her family pay for it. Be smart about these things. It's not your responsibility to put a girl through school and it may not be to your benefit at all to do so.

[MrMan]

Back when I met my wife, we were 'just friends' at first, but we knew we were interested in each other and both at least suspected marriage was on the way. My wife was probably more certain of it, but didn't let on. I gave her some tuition money. She didn't ask. I resolved to treat it like a donation. I wouldn't mind giving money to support one of those little sponsored children in Papua, and I didn't mind supporting this young woman in finishing her degree. She'd started a small business to pay for her education, selling quick service food at food stands in front of grocery checkouts, but before she met me, it had started not doing very well, so she was praying for tuition. I believe I brought up the topic and offered. It was about $50 for tuition. I figured I'd probably marry this woman and reap whatever benefits came from it, but if I didn't I was resolving to just give generously, no strings attached.

She was near the end of her degree when we married. Later, I paid the little amount of tuition for her to finish her thesis after we were married. It makes sense to pay if you are married.

If you have a girlfriend you are thinking of marrying, you can benefit...maybe... from the degree in the long run. There are two aspects to a degree--what one learns and what kind of employment, earnings, etc. one can get from the degree.

If you had a small business putting up sheetrock and you pay for your girlfriend to finish a degree in accounting or marketing or social media communications, those are skills that can help you in your small business. If she doesn't finish her degree, the knowledge may help if you get married and she helps you with the business. Even if she gets the degree from overseas, accounting could help. If your girlfriend gets a degree in some other field that leads to a job and she works when you are married and brings money into the household (e.g. before the kids are born and after they grow up) that helps you financially. Even if she were the type who spent all the money on clothes, make-up, and stuff like that, at least it is not coming out of your income.

Is she more likely to leave you? I don't know the stats on that. There might be something to women being financially independent and divorce. Historically, there is a correlation, but there have been so many other social changes that are related to divorce, I don't know that's the deciding factor. You can marry a stay-at-home mom and not get a divorce.

My wife's people-group have a very anti-divorce culture, but she has a number of female relatives who work jobs or run little food stores and kiosks, who farm land, etc. depending on where they live. I can think of two relative out of probably hundreds of relatives who got a divorce. I know of one whose husband abandoned her for another woman and two who are deceased who took a second wife and kept his first. I know one other couple that has had some marriage problems, met with parents as mediators, and worked out a plan with reconciliation in view. In one of the households, the father gambled away a lot of his money and the wife still worked at little kiosks and shops and supported everyone. The more stable homes have men who work hard to support the family, of course, and those tend to be the financially better off households in the larger family network. Btw, they have all kinds of family reunions in Jakarta and the village, feasts at weddings, funerals, etc. where you meet these various groups. I don't know of any wife-initiated divorces in the family network. And they are all expected to be traditional wives, know how to cook, cook for the family, care for children. Women working doesn't make them all divorce crazy. The feminist philosophy combined with the sexual revolution and lack of belief in traditional marriage for life are what led to the to the high divorce rates in the west, IMO.

[publicduende]

IMO, whenever there are big wealth or age differences, but especially if both, then best get the relationship on a sugar baby basis ASAP, to avoid miscommunication. It may or may not be cheaper this way, but at least there are no big surprises in the negative direction.

It happened to me at least twice. Unfortunately, it was with girls who were hotter than average and much better than average at the sex craft. With one of them, we had a very steam Sunday doing it all day, to which she said she would meet me the following Friday at the mall. On the day, she texted me instructions to meet her in front of a particular corridor kiosk selling Timex watches. While waiting, I wondered why that specific place, but only until she promptly told me she really loved Timex and she was interested in a particular timepiece, costing around P5,000.

Lost the grace, lost the irony, I thanked her for the big boobs and the sex and told her that I didn't consider a single day of sex with her worth P5,000. The very fact that she had been making excuses not to meet me until the following Friday only meant one thing: she had a bf and was doing the side gigs in the hope of getting some quick material rewards out of it.

Could I have kept her as a sugar babe? Maybe so. But if, in her mind, a single one-day session commanded 5K, it was anybody's guess how much in gifts (or cash equivalent) she would have wanted for 5 or 6 days of her undivided company a month.

The miscommunication is all in the man's head. Even the absolutely dumbest of the Filipinas I met, like the one above, made it abundantly clear if and when they were expecting money or gift back to me. Sure, it hurts a man's pride to have the reality been slapped on our faces, the reality being that you need to look like George Clooney or Brad Pitt to be in your late 40s or early 50s and have a girl half your age being genuinely attracted to your physique.

I mean, there are lottery-thin chances that the girl may have a massive daddy fetish or may be attracted to older bodies (and minds!). By experience, this almost never happens in the Philippines. Girls naturally like the young, fresh, naturally muscular body of a young man of the same age, maybe 5 years older max. Being with a foreign man in their late 50s is, for them, a means to an end. This doesn't mean affection won't develop, and that affection will turn into love. Yet, the premises are less than natural, less than obvious.

As documented on these very pages, which some members might still recall, the nasty bundle of pride that is me took a long time to come to terms with this simple reality. I am happily married with a wonderful, youthful-looking and incredibly smart girl 19 years younger than me. She keeps saying I am a "manly man" and she finds me hot. Beyond the flattering, the thought of whether she likes the likes of me because she lost her dad at an early age and never had a chance to fully enjoy his paternal embrace, grazes me from time to time. Again, up until 2 years ago it used to concern me. Now, significantly less f*cks are given.

It is almost always cheaper and safer for a man who is wealthier than the girl to pay per meet than to marry. Paying per meet turns you into a milk cow, who is carefully kept alive and happy so it keeps producing milk as long as possible. Mistreat the cow and the milk supply instantly stops. Marrying turns you into a meat cow: lots of trouble to keep you alive but big payoff when you finally die, thus incentive to accelerate time of death.

Not necessarily, @Shemp. At least not necessarily here in the Philippines, where people are often inconsequential and lazy. She might get tired of having her bits stretched by a horny man in his 40s and maybe opt for a much older Korean or Japanese, with more propensity for gift-giving than sexual appetite. She might entertain multiple men and naturally build a pecking order where, once again, it's the one with the least to demand and the more to offer who wins. And so on...

[Tsar]

It's quite useless to "school" a girlfriend. The more educated she becomes, the larger the chance she'll leave for greener pastures eventually. If you are the type of man who likes to provide for a girlfriend, give her an allowance... that's all fine and dandy, but it's really not all that practical. The most stable marriage and the most tight-knit family I have seen a middle-aged Filipino man have, was with a woman who dropped out of high school. All she knew was motherhood, household chores, family duties... she was, and is, a perfect wife. Obedient. Hard-working. Does not get any big ideas.

But, sure, spend a lot of money on their schooling. Totally won't ruin a perfectly good poor girl.

Smart women are awesome... but if you want one, get one who already finished her education, having her family pay for it. Be smart about these things. It's not your responsibility to put a girl through school and it may not be to your benefit at all to do so.

I agree. A girl doesn't need education because a girl shouldn't be prioritizing a career or work. Her family or country should pay for a girl's education if she gets an education.