app dating for older guys. My experience in DC/VA

[Aladdin]

I recently moved to Arlington, VA for a government job. I'm 62, fairly good looking I'm told, fit and look much younger than my age. I've lived the last 20 years overseas and recently returned to my hometown in Santa Barbara, California. I got on several dating apps but found it hard to connect with any quality women that suited me. I attributed that to the demographics of the area, made up of mostly college kids, retirees and families, career women, with few available singles. One 51 year old single woman unashamedly asked me as her second question "I make 90K a year. Do you make more than that?". She was insulted when I called off our coffee date because I told her I was not interested in financially motivated women. She said "Are you implying I'm a gold digger?"

Eventually I did manage to get a date with an attractive 47 year old Cambodian woman that was recently married to a British dermatologist. She said her husband dumped her for a younger Asian and that he considered women past 45 to be too old for him. Our date went well and she asked me if I'd like to have some drinks at a bar and we did. She complained about all the low quality men she had met and finding them to be unsuitable, forgetting their wallets, looking unkempt, not having jobs, just wanting sex etc. She said she wanted to get married and seemed sincere. What troubled me was she appeared to have read books like The Rules and had been consulting with a "life coach" to find out how she could attract better quality marriage minded men. She showed me a questionnaire she gave her dates with checkboxes. We said our goodbyes, she said she really liked me and hoped to see me again, we kissed on the cheek and she jokingly said she would need to see a lab test clearing me of STD's because she was interested in developing our friendship. That was a good sign I thought. She said she wasn't doing anything over the weekend, was always bored because she had no friends, and we could possibly watch a romantic movie I had, Cinema Paradiso. The next day I texted her thanking her for the nice evening but her response was rather dry. Then a couple of days later I asked her if she still wanted to watch a movie over the weekend and she said she was gonna be busy watching a football game with her friends. I stopped contacting her. I have rules too.

I don't know what happens to these women. They go home and have second thoughts. Their friends talk them out of it. They get cold feet. They think they can find something better if they keep looking. I violated her Rules by contacting her too soon after our date? Who knows. With American/Americanized women I feel I have to walk on eggshells. The slightest misstep and you're out.

Then the pandemic hit and a few months later I moved to Arlington, VA for a government job in DC. I posted my profile on several dating apps. I thought being in a populated metro area would mean many more available singles. Here's been my experience so far:

I've been contacted by dozens of Chinese scammers employed by the Butchering the Pig scam https://www.reddit.com/r/Scams/comments ... e_they_do/

Aside from the obvious scammers, there are tons of women on these apps but the majority that match or initiate contact are ugly or fat. I've contacted hundreds of women in their 50s with few responses. I progressively lowered my standards, going for older and less attractive women. Eventually, I managed to get 2 dates. A 49 year old Brazilian woman that had lived in the area the last 30 years. Her photos were a 5 and she said she was a happy person. I figured she's Brazilian so what could possibly go wrong. I've been around Brazilians before and we mesh. When I met her she was more like a 2 and fatter than her photos. She was the most depressed Brazilian I'd ever met, sat quietly, sulking. Didn't say a word and didn't even drink her coffee. She said she'd been on several dates but guys never called her back. We said goodbye, and by the time I returned home she had terminated our chat.

The next date was a 62 year old German professor of economics that used to work for the World Bank. We went out to dinner and we hit it off. This is despite the fact she looked much better in the photos. In real life she had this cartoonish face with an unusually upturned nose and really fat protruding cheeks, a big turn off for me. She said she wanted to move to the south of France and I told her I'd be interested. She said I'd be a perfect companion for her. We got in my car that night and she showed me some DC sights. We agreed to watch Cinema Paradiso at her home in the near future and she was gonna invite some guests. I texted her once after the date and she responded but we didn't take it further. I don't chase women as a rule.

The next almost date was a 48 year old Serbian primary school teacher, about a 5 for looks. We exchanged WhatsApp and photos and agreed to go out. She seemed like the genuine girl I was looking for, simple looking, European born, unpretentious, not into money and status like everyone else is around here and enjoyed nature and animals. She doesn't have a car. She lives 10 minutes walk from me. She rescheduled our date three times until the last day, 30 minutes before we were going to meet for a stroll in Georgetown she texted me and said she couldn't meet. She immediately deleted me from the app and we never contacted each other since.

Then I matched with a Filippina-German girl, 47 that lives a few minutes from me. Seemed like a very interesting ethnicity. Not bad looking. She liked to cook. She was romantic. Very intelligent. We hit it off. Something really uncanny about her. I told her I had gone to school in London, and that my desire was to live in the south of Spain, near Marbella where I have a cousin. It turned out she had gone to school in London and was living in Madrid when the pandemic hit and she had to return to Arlington. She also has family in Marbella and wants to go back to Spain. She wanted to start a relocation company and I started providing her useful links. She told me we had so much in common and wrote me in Spanish that I was so handsome and was hoping I'd be real and not a fake profile. She had met many profiles that were not honest. I promised her I was real and that we could meet soon. She opened up to me and seemed very romantic. She told me how lonely it was living here and that you don't want to grow old in this country. We talked about our travelling to Spain together. I gave her my phone number. She was hesitant to give me hers. She tried calling me on the app. I missed her call. I texted her apologizing due to my schedule and we agreed to make contact on the weekend. I tried calling her via the app on Sunday and she had terminated the chat a few hours earlier. WTF

I could go on. This appears to be a pattern. Of the women that do eventually make contact, and sometimes we exchange numbers at their request, they end up ghosting or terminating the chat or deleting me. Now at first I thought the obvious, that they must've found someone they liked. But almost always I end up seeing their new profile on another app. So not sure what's going on here. Maybe they're not really interested in dating and just want the attention. It certainly isn't something I said that could've scared them. I never discuss anything sexual with women prior to dating. It could be that they're looking for guys that make good money. I'm just a government employee. (The majority of women ask "What do you do?" as their first prompt). Or it could be that nowadays people expect an immediate response when they text you and they fall apart and take it personal when you respond a day later.

I look at many of these women on these apps and they don't look like they'd be in high demand. Most of them are divorced with kids. Most of them are obese and unattractive. They're past their prime. They flaunt their credentials, their PhD's, their positions, the 50 countries they've visited, their extreme and exotic adventures, etc etc. none of which is interesting to me or other men I'd imagine. They have bad attitude, are narcissistic, their profiles look like a list of demands rather than what they're bringing to the relationship. Some of them are the rudest women I've met. I had one woman on OkCupid that told me I was a sleaze for saying on my profile That I would kiss a woman on a first date. I told her that there's no such thing on my profile. She then fired other accusations of misogynous comments on my profile. I told her she mistook me for someone else. She called me a creep and deleted me. And these are not just American women. Foreign women that come here end up adopting this nasty bitchiness. I had a 45 year old Arab girl contact me and we had a friendly conversation. She was 20 years younger than me with two grown kids and twice divorced. So I told her we could meet for coffee and can just be friends due to the age difference if she thinks i'm too old to date her. She called me a creep. I had a 45 year old college professor write me to tell me she had visited the British university I had attended. I tried to engage her by asking her questions about her stay. She kept ignoring my questions. I was flabbergasted when she said I was ignoring her text. I was contacted by an Iranian woman who posted on her profile that she is humble, kind, unpretentious, doesn't judge people etc. She turned out to be the exact opposite, a racist, narcissistic arrogant bitch that immediately started putting me down and telling me I was unsuited for her because she has two grown sons and my not having any children and not been married is indicative of me being incapable of having relationships or being empathetic to a woman that has a family. She said she came as a "package" and she wanted someone that would accept her family and her Iranian circle of friends. The irony is that it takes an Iranian man to understand her "package" and culture and circle of friends. Yet she would not marry an Iranian and neither would an Iranian man want to be encumbered by such a bitch and her package deal. He would simply go back to Iran and bring back a young virgin or one that fakes her virginity. I have seen her profile now on four successive sites. She's still looking. The next girl was a 49 year old from Slovenia. She has lived here 20 years and stated on her profile that she's been looking for a sincere relationship for many years and can't find it. We started texting and her answers were perfunctory yes and no type responses I had become accustomed to. I then asked her if she had any kids (I'm not interested in women with young kids). She became indignant and said I was presumptuous and arrogant for assuming she had kids and terminated our chat.

I've begun to realize these free dating apps are attracting many misfits, sociopaths, psychopaths, narcissists, unrealistic people, emotional baggage which comes with age, etc. Exacerbating it is that I could be looking at a supply/demand problem. If every woman is being contacted by 100 men, then it is a waste of time for me as the women will have unrealistic egos and expectations which they seem to. I used to think that when men got older there's a larger pool of available older women. This doesn't seem to be playing out here. It could be that these older women have money and good careers so they're chasing after younger men. And there's probably no shortage of desperate simps in American that are willing to f**k grandmas.

Unfortunately the problem is not confined to dating apps. I live in this apartment compound and people don't talk to each other. I greet people and they don't respond or are perfunctory. I look at people and they act like robots. When I first visited the US in 1978 people were friendly. At work I don't even greet women anymore because I had a bad experience at my previous job. An ugly, fat, deranged 60 year old Pakistani woman whose husband had run away from her, kept badgering me to go out with her or attend her parties. I ignored her. So several months later after I had submitted my resignation this feminist Air Force captain and friend of the Pakistani, intercepts me on the way out and tells me that the Pakistani girl had filed a complaint against me for disrespecting her months earlier. Can you imagine this shit. Shakespeare was right when he said "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned". I later discovered that my female civilian boss who knew me well wanted the case dropped but the feminist captain had insisted on busting my balls. This complaint came up during a background investigation and delayed my hiring of the next job by more than a year. Luckily the complaint did not scuttle my hiring. But I learned a bitter lesson, and began to understand why my unfriendly boss, a retired Colonel, told me why he was very business like and minimized contact with female employees because he had seen too many incidents where women concocted stories and ruined careers.

So where does that leave men like me in my age bracket that need a healthy social life. I've lived in Saudi Arabia and had a better social life. I used to talk, flirt with and date Saudi and expat girls without anyone claiming sexual harassment. I am becoming paranoid here and afraid to greet women. I've considered living abroad but I don't feel I've saved enough to retire in a developed country. I took a big hit when a partner stole my $700K investment in our company. So I've had to return to the job market and it's very difficult to get a job when you're my age. I've been unemployed for 2 years and eventually I was able to land this contract job that pays $130K/yr. This area is very expensive but I should be able to put away around 40K a year till I draw social security. The alternative is to leave this country and live somewhere cheap. Based on my savings I can live on 2-3K / month till I draw social security. It is not a good idea to give up a high paying job for the sake of women. But then again I just don't fit in this society. I've lived in the US since 1980 and hardly have any friends and have never had a long lasting relationship with females. Yet when I travel I make friends easily and enjoy the gregariousness and warmth of other cultures.

Any suggestions are appreciated.

[Tsar]

What society or country are you originally from? What aps do you use?

Women past a certain age aren't suitable for dating or relationships. They're too experienced, cynical, jaded, damaged, and broken.

I stopped even wanting or pursuing American girls completely at age 22. But after seeing how slutty and went for the worst guys when I was 18 and 19, that's when I really stopped seriously pursuing American girls.

[publicduende]

I don't think dating apps attract or reflect a worse cross-section of society. At 47, I am also old enough to remember when the Internet was a thing for nerds and the only women who would venture on online dating were ugly, nerdy or problematic. In 2022, those are the ladies available on the dating app because those are the ladies available out there.

At any age, women are emotional beings. They can be brutally calculating when it comes to what benefits they can get from a man (financial, social, etc.) but, for the rest of it, they might decide to go out with you and then stop with the flimsiest of excuses, in the bat of an eyelid. I have always tried to date girls a few years younger than me because I have learned that the older the woman, the more experiential baggage (read "trouble") she will bring into the relationship, right from that first coffee date.

Thanks, but no thanks.

[gsjackson]

I think you're aiming too low in looks and too high in age. My experience has been it's always the meh-to-unattractive women who blow you off like that, maybe thinking they'll do it before you do. Maybe they think you're out of their league, and key here is honestly asking yourself if that's the case. If it is, a real match isn't likely, whoever initiates the split. You see couples where the man is significantly less attractive than the woman, but seldom the other way around. Go after women you really want. If you're going to strike out, you might as well do it swinging for the fences.

[Spencer]

USA easy peasy japaneasy find good look man wit fugly womans hoy hoy

[publicduende]

I think you're aiming too low in looks and too high in age. My experience has been it's always the meh-to-unattractive women who blow you off like that, maybe thinking they'll do it before you do. Maybe they think you're out of their league, and key here is honestly asking yourself if that's the case. If it is, a real match isn't likely, whoever initiates the split. You see couples where the man is significantly less attractive than the woman, but seldom the other way around. Go after women you really want. If you're going to strike out, you might as well do it swinging for the fences.

I like this piece of advice
Even being rejected by a hot young woman has a whole different flavour than being blown off by a mediocre woman past her prime.

[Cornfed]

What exactly is the purpose of meeting females of that age? Maybe there would be some point to it if the idea was to lure them into the wilderness in order to hunt them for sport.

[Tsar]

What exactly is the purpose of meeting females of that age? Maybe there would be some point to it if the idea was to lure them into the wilderness in order to hunt them for sport.

Or to marry them if childless and hope they die "in an accident" to get all their money...or a life insurance policy payout...just saying...

[Cornfed]

What exactly is the purpose of meeting females of that age? Maybe there would be some point to it if the idea was to lure them into the wilderness in order to hunt them for sport.

Or to marry them if childless and hope they die "in an accident" to get all their money...or a life insurance policy payout...just saying...

I guess so, although as grown children they tend to be irresponsible spendthrifts. You would probably have to go a little older for wealthy widows.