The key to sustaining happiness

[Winston]

The key to sustaining happiness

There are some, such as Elvis Presley or Marilyn Monroe for example, who get everything they want, ascend to the highest levels of fame, admiration and wealth, and then end up empty, depressed, unable to cope with the stress and pressures of their life, resulting in a psychological collapse that leads to drug addiction or even attempted suicide.

But that doesn't mean that success always leads to misery and despair. Tom Cruise or Bill Gates for example, lead generally happy fulfilling lives despite their huge success. The reason, probably, is because these people have strong interests and passions in other areas of life, not just in their career, that keep them balanced. Tom Cruise, for instance, is a devoted follower of Scientology. Regardless of whether that's good or bad, it gives him something to believe in and focus on besides his acting career. This helps balance his inner and outer life.

In the case of Microsoft founder Bill Gates, he is an intellectual who is highly intelligent and a gifted visionary. Intellectuals are able to view things more objectively and rationally than others. They have a greater degree of control over their mind than non-intellectuals (even if they don't practice meditation), and as such, they can control their thoughts and attitudes in a constructive manner as needed. So when they are feeling empty or depressed, they simply find ways to not feel empty or depressed. Therefore, they are able to create balance in themselves in ways that average people who simply ride along with their circumstances can't.

Elvis Presley and Marilyn Monroe on the other hand, were empty inside because they had no solid foundation or spiritual life to lean on to balance their inner and outer world, so they collapsed quite easily under stress. In other words, Presley and Monroe were rich and beautiful on the outside, but poor and destitute on the inside, hence an easy breakdown. They were not intellectual types either. Pop star Britney Spears, despite her stardom, reportedly also attempted suicide, and it's a good bet that she had no inner foundation either. (And in fact, in her hit song "Lucky" she sings about a starlet surrounded by fame and success who cries and feels sad and empty)

The lesson here is that the key to sustaining happiness is in the healthy balancing of multiple areas of life, both inner and outer, as well as physical and mental. One does not have to abstain from pleasures and enjoyment in a monk-like existence to attain "true happiness".

For the most part, happiness is determined by

a) One's attitude/outlook
b) Quality of relationships with others
c) Having "just enough" in the areas of life most important to you, in healthy balances, as well as a mixture of varied interests to keep your life stimulating, so that one area of your life doesn't become "all or nothing", but interchangeable and balanced out.

Since a and b are self-explanatory and already part of conventional wisdom, we won't need to elaborate on them. But as c is less commonly considered, we will explain the value of that area.

Here is an example of how having varied interests can make one more happy, or at least less unhappy. Suppose a girl whose sole interest is shopping suddenly has to move to a small town that has no mall. With no mall to shop at, she would soon become bored and depressed. But if she had other interests, such as hiking and camping, she would be able to enjoy them since small towns tend to be situated near nature preserves with ample opportunities for hiking and camping. In that case, while she may not be perfectly happy, she would be far less unhappy than if she only cared about shopping. And if she enjoyed writing poetry, she could do it there or anywhere, so she'd have some activity she enjoyed to pass the time.

Now here are some examples that illustrate the wisdom of having both mental and physical interests. Suppose a brainy guy had only cerebral interests. He read and studied a lot, but never exercised or did any outdoor activities. Eventually he would suffer from poor health, which would affect his intellectual activities as well. This imbalance would eventually cause some pain and suffering in his life, unless he changed it and started doing more physical activities.

Or suppose a star football player in school only had his sport going for him, and other than that, he was a dumb jock with no intelligence or inner qualities. Well not only would no one respect his mind or personality, but if someday his football career ended or he didn't make it into the College or Pro level, his life would come crashing down into a wreck. But if he had other interests or intellectual pursuits, he would have other things going for him and wouldn't "lose it all" if football didn't work out.

On a deeper note, if all your interests and life involved only the outer world, then if someday your outer world came crashing down, then you'd crash down with it and be left feeling depressed, empty and doomed. (This has happened to many Hollywood stars) But if you had a rich inner life, your focus would be inward as well as outward. This shields you and provides an inner foundation that will still be there even if your outer world isn't going your way. It is difficult to explain what a "rich inner life" is to someone who doesn't have one. Those who have it know what it is. It's one of those things you have to have to really understand what it is.

A great example of inner/outer balance is the "Kwai Chang Caine" character in the 70's series "Kung Fu" starring David Carradine. In many episodes, Caine was falsely imprisoned, facing execution or met with hostile aggression, yet he never lost his inner calm or state of tranquility. Being a Shaolin priest, he had not only reached higher levels of consciousness, but acquired mastery over his body and the martial arts as well. As such, he had a high level of mental, physical and spiritual balance. Thus he was able to deal effectively with the most extreme situations in calmness and balance.

The Taoist Ying Yang circular icon connotates that the unification of opposites is what keeps things in balance.

This means that, in most cases, having a mixture of wholesome and unwholesome interests and desires is better than having all one or the other, for it maintains a certain balancing or "canceling out" effect, whereas pretending to be all "goody and wholesome" all the time can eventually cause one to collapse from the constant repression of their "forbidden" desires. I acknowledge that there are an extraordinary few who can be all "goody and pure" in character and lifestyle, but such people are rare. Most can never be like that.

In such cases, it is better to find healthy safe releases and outlets for one's darker impulses, rather than repress them to the point where implosion may result. You may be shocked that I would advocate this, but if you think about it, it makes sense. Do you think, for example, that you can consume wholesome food and drink without having feces and urine come out at your other end? Every positive good thing needs to be offset by something undesirable as well. That's the law of the universe. Without this balance, collapse and implosion would result.

Likewise, should you eat only one thing? Shouldn't you eat different foods with a balanced variety of nutrients to get a "balanced diet"? In life also, one needs a healthy balance in multiple areas - mental, physical and spiritual. Simply abstaining from desires and pleasures isn't going to bring balance or happiness to most.

[asheybrns]

Balancing ones life to be able to successfully meeting all the requirements of the work and also having fun at the same time is the key to success. This not only helps you to be happy but also feel content at the same time of having achieved something good. Learning to find the happiness is the work that you do is something that I follow to keep me going.