Morals to Look for in a Foreign Wife

[MrMan]

This is a post for the marriage-minded, given it is in the marriage-minded only forum.

My wife and I have been married for 20 years. She's Indonesian, and I met her while I was living and working in Indonesia. So we dated and did not meet online or through a marriage broker, etc.

One of the concerns I see on this forum and elsewhere is that you could marry a woman and she could dump you, divorce you, and take your stuff. I remember reading a comment in another forum where a man said 25% of Filippinas who marry expats divorce their husbands but about 50% of regular American women do, so who is running the scam?

Your average Indonesian girl, and probably your average Filippina is likely going to be marriage minded. If a Filippina marries a wealthy man for his money, she is probably doing so to have a life partner. Money is part of the decision-making process, but I suspect the whole scam of marrying the man and then just dumping him and taking half his money when you aren't 'feeling it' anymore is not really a part of the culture there. In Indonesia, the courts do not reward women who divorce their husbands with large cash and prizes, not that I've heard. A common arrangement is that she gets the kids until they are seven or eight, then he gets them after that. It is a lousy arrangement for everyone, but a great deterent to divorce. A lot of Indonesians are Muslims, and a man can get a girlfriend, take her down to the mosque, and get her as a second wife. Christians typically will not accept the idea of being a second wife, and neither will some Muslims. It's rare, but an option for Muslims. It's not the norm, but the whole legal setup does not give women in that country a sense of divorce entitlement. Women are marriage-minded and hope they will get a man who provides, doesn't get drunk all the time, and doesn't get a second wife or girlfriend. From what I understand, divorce is basically illegal in the Filippines, so it is not a big part of the culture. There are those that 'shack up' and adulterers, but divorce is not part of the culture.

Every culture is different, but some cultures and countries nuture a girl in a good environment for thinking serioulsy about marriage. In Indonesia, Sundanese have high divorce rates. So there are cultures within the national culture which aren't as anti-divorce. The Batak have an anti-divorce culture. Batak culture is more male-dominated, though women will work and support the household if the man doesn't do his part. They have to be industrious. Padang/Minang culture is traditionally matriarchal and so is Aceh, I've read, to some extent. In Padang culture, the wife inherits the land and the bride's family offers gold to the husband's family as a husband-price. Islam has mitigated the matriarchy to some extent. But all else being equal, it makes more sense to marry a girl raised in a patriarchal, low divorce culture.

One country may have a variety of cultures Javanese culture is very indirect and polite. Men are calm. Women are demure. Batak culture is very outspoken, used to giving advice and saying what they think. I am not sure if the Javanese women are quiet and demure at home. I suspect that is where they would let loose. A girl who is demure in public when you are dating may not be when you marry her and she is at home.

A woman raised in a culture could be a rebel against that culture. The individual you marry needs to have good morals, especially when it comes to marriage. Women also vary on how docile versus how spunky or rambunctious their personalities are. If she comes form a demure, male-dominated culture, that does not mean she will always be calm or that she will be easy to tame, but these things might work in your favor.

I had a bit of an aversion for girls who were too desperate to get my attention. Maybe part of this was the fact that when I went to Indonesia, I started getting a lot of female attention. Their average marriage age for girls was 23, and at 25 or 26, I was at the male marrying age. Some of them like expats. Expats were reasonably high status, and many of them thought I was good-looking. I might have gotten a point or two on the one-to-ten scale for looking different. If girls were a little too unreserved in showing interest, that concerned me a bit. I didn't just want a girl who was expat crazy, and having a bit of skill in presenting oneself was a desirable quality. Showing a bit of interest wasn't a problem. It's just how it was done. I had a stalker when I was young and single. She showed up outside my house probably 50 miles form where she lived saying, "I love you." I think it was 6:30 on a weekend. I was trying to sleep. I told the maids to send her away and told the neighborhood security guard not to let her in. She finally left me alone after I married, crashing our wedding party without an invitation to give me a book on America as a wedding gift. I saw her years later at a bus stop. She'd married a Dutch guy and gotten a divorce. She bummed a couple of bucks off of me. The stalker had some mental problems and did some other crazy stuff, including harrassing the woman I would marry a bit, but that's another story.

I've seen some bits and pieces of TV over the years in which some men think it is a big negative for a girlfriend or bride to be a virgin. That is idiotic thinking, IMO. If she waited until marriage to sleep around, then sleeping with other men after she marries you is likely to be a very, very, very big evil thing for her. She already exercised self-control before marriage. She can do it after. Maybe men who don't like virgins want to be with a woman seething with so much sexual lust she could not control herself before marriage, hoping to be the sole receptical of all that sexual energy after marriage. But this also reflects on her morals. If she is a bubbling cauldron of lust, whose to say she will bubble that only on her husband if she shared her wares freely before marriage? A girl staying a virgin until marriage does not mean she will have no sex drive after her husband pops the cork on her sexual desires on the wedding night. Girls raised in cultures like this may have heard that after they marry, they are supposed to have sex with their husbands. Indonesian culture is like that. I noticed as a newly wed, sex jokes tended to be about married people having sex. That's a good mindset in a way. It sets the expectation to be to have sex in marriage. A husband or wife can reap the benefits of that mindset for years to come. It is much better than jokes about sex outside of marriage and the sex life shutting down after marriage. You don't want a wife who sleeps with other men after marriage, and you don't want one who thinks she can stop sleeping with you after marriage.

If you marry a virgin, you get to go through that phase with her where she first expriences sex, with the excitement, interest, and frequency that brings. Set the expectations for frequency during this time. Set it at more than you need in case her expectations drop off a little over time so if you compromise it will be at an acceptable level. If you think about it historically, girls often had sex for the first time on their wedding night.That's normal. Sex releases a coctail of hormone that bond her to you. If you are her first and only, she's bonded to you and not all the others. Also, in the mind of someone from a traditional culture who waits for marriage, married couples are supposed to have sex. A woman from a fornicator culture may think she has to have a lot of sex with a new girlfriend or boyfriend, but never have to have it much after they get married. You aren't sleeping with a girl who is 'putting out' to entice you to marry so she'll rarely have to have sex with you again. You are marrying a girl who is about to learn about sex with you. If she's slept around, she may have bad experiences with sex, sex with guys who were done with her in a minute who taught her that sex was not fun and enjoyable. Indonesians tend to think of a girl having dated a lot of men as a negative. I think there is some wisdom to that. Marrying them young, virgin, right out of their father's household is a good thing, especially for younger men looking for wives.

Good sexual morals are important. So are good morals about marriage. A girl who is good wife material should refrain from sleeping around before marriage and expect to provide sex after marriage. She should realize that when she marries, she will be expected to submit to her husband and treat him with respect. These run contrary to the bad values taught by feminism in the west.

You should find a wife with good morals. She needs to have good morals about money and material things. Not materialistic, not a theif. If she steals small stuff, that is a bad sign. Does she lie? That's a bad sign. Does she order the most expensive thing on the menu when you go out? That's an area of mutual consideration. My wife is the thrifty type. I got a phone installed so I could talk to her and use the Internet. When we first started to get to know each other, we were both busy, and we talked on the phone. Phone calls were expensive by local standards, charged in three minute increments. She expressed concern about running up my phone bill. When we went out, she was concerned about not spending too much of my money. I had to reassure her. Prices were really cheap in Indonesia back then, so I could afford to take her out every night. The buffets were $2.

A traditional woman expects that she will be responsible for cooking and cleaning after she gets married. Check your ideas about this. Does she know how to cook? If not, there may be practical reasons why her skills are limited? College girls might live in dorms and boarding houses and do not always have the facilities to learn. If she wants to learn to cook and clean, that's a good start. Take her to a restaurant with a hibachi grill on the table and ask her to cook you a meal to get her in that mindset.

A wife should also be in control of her temper. If you date a girl and she throws plates on the floor, or even worse, at you, when she is upset, she is not good marriage material. You want someone who can handle a screaming baby without shaking it, and you don't want a woman throwing stuff at you if she is upset. If you bring her back to the US, you could be the one walking away in handcuffs when you call the police on her domestic violect. There are angry, violent people in all parts of the world, even traditional cultures. I didn't even go for the 'arm slapping' type girls. There were girls, who, when I would tell a joke or tease them a bit, would slap me on the arm. Some of these girls might have liked me and wanted that contact, but if they slapped hard instead of just a symbolic kind of touch, that was a turn off to me. Maybe that was an overreaction on my part, but i just did not care for it.

If she's a decent person, she will care about her parents. In Indonesia, a decent person who has parents is going to get their permission to marry. This is true of a lot of traditional cultures. The US has gone way off in this regard. The man got permission from the parents in Anglo culture in previous centuries. Now, it is just an unnecessary formality. She is also likely going to want to help her parents out financially as they get older unless they are wealthy. If they are wealthy, money might flow the other way. Helping them may mean her working a job to send them some money or you can do that. That might mean $70 a month or a couple of hundred in todays economy. It can vary based on how many concerned children with good jobs or businesses you have as brothers and sisters-in-law. There are avantages to having educated or skilled, hard-working brothers and sisters in law.

In my case, I am a Christian. So I found a fellow Christian from a very similar religious background. We have beliefs in common that give us common ground when it comes to expectations for marriage. When we were dating, I found out she believed in wives submitting to their husbands. That is a good philosophical foundation to start from. Both of us realize that it would be wrong to divorce our spouse if we wanted to look for supposed greener grass elsewhere, for example. We have values in common to teach our children. Our faith guides our decisions in what we do with our finances, giving in particular. I probably have more in common in my thinking with her than with the average American woman on the street because of our common values that come from our faith. The Bible also gives us some groundrules for the marriage-- this is what is expected of a husband, and this is what is expected of a wife.

My advice would be when you marry a wife, in a kind way, set some ground rules. Establish yourself as a leader. I wish I would have shown more initiative in this early on, instead of having to make some course corrections later when it was harder. She needs to ask your permission before making major purchases. My wife did that automatically, and still does. If she wants to buy a bedspread that is $80 or something like that, she'd call me. She won't call me about buying parmesian cheese or something like that. I got on her case for buying some too expensive multi-level cream that was supposed to cure ailments early on, and she's been good about calling ever since. Think through things you want her to ask permission for and set those expectations early on. You don't want to be pestered. Consider what you want her to do on your own and what you want her to ask permission about. Let her get used to hearing you say 'no' to some things early on while she is still treading on eggshells getting her bearings in the marriage early on, to set it as a precedent. Don't be obnoxious or mean. It can be small stuff. Just get her used to realizing she needs to obey you without being overbearing. it is easier to set the boundaries earlier in the marriage rather than later. It can be done. It is just harder.

Also, if she says something that bothers you or that comes off as disrespectful, let her know right away. She might say something that is normal and polite in her language, but comes off as bossy in English. Teach her to say 'please'. Call her on it if she orders you to do something. A lot of this stuff may be language issues as she learns to sound polite in English, rather than something intended, but give her feedback on it so she behaves in a respectful way. Call her out if she is genuinely disrespectful, bossy, etc. Do this earlier in the relationship rather than later. You can do some of this if it shows up when you are dating. Try to do it in a way where it doesn't turn into an argument, not too harshly, but be firm about your expectations.

They want to have kids. Indonesian and Filippino women are that way. A lot of women from other traditional cultures are that way, too. If you marry a woman who says she doesn't want kids, she is likely to change her mind later, so be flexible. If you really do not want kids, a woman who has had kids who are still alive does not have as strong of a desire for them. You could marry a widow who has children. Also, if you can find a sterile women, that is another option. But that does not fit with my virgin recommendation, above. Wanting kids usually goes along with the whole traditional mindset of wanting to be a submissive respectful wife who cooks and cleans.

[Taco]

Find a woman that accepts and respects male leadership and you'll have good wife.

The western media is constantly saying men need to respect women. A much more urgent problem is finding women that respect men.

[hypermak]

What a fantastic article, @MrMan!

You obviously married your Indonesian beauty a few years ago and, as you yourself admit, times have changed since then and it is probably harder to find that kind of virgin, religious (or at least spiritual) woman who believes in traditional gender roles. By the sound of it, your marriage has been successful not only because your wife loves and respects you, but also because you have been worth her love and respect.

This is a very important aspect that has to be taken into consideration: no matter how submissive and devoted a woman is, if the man behaves like an a**hole by mistreating her and the kids, cheating and not providing for the family, I don't see how that initial love and respect can go on forever. If the woman is still attractive, a few men in her social circle might take their chances on her she might eventually stop resisting and start an affair.

Respectful is one thing, stupid is another.

For what I have seen so far in the Philippines, women are indeed marriage-oriented and family-oriented. Besides perhaps a few very modern and internationally-minded career girls, all see being a mom and a wife as two fundamental steps in their lives. I heard from many girls who are single moms that, for them, having kids was even more important than having a loving husband who could take care of them and the kids. This is probably why, when the young boyfriend chooses to disappear after getting their girl pregnant, or soon after they give birth, they are quite capable of moving on and often make incredible sacrifices to raise them without a father figure.

I am not sure what happens in Indonesia but here, in the Philippines, extended family plays a big role in kids' upbringing. A working single mom can always count on their mothers or aunties, sometimes elder sisters or cousins, to mind the child while she is at work. I heard from a lot of single moms whose kids live "in the province" (rural areas) with their grandparents while she lives and works in the city and visits them about twice a month.

My conclusion is that, if a Filipina can manage such sacrifices when a single mom, I can only imagine how happy and satisfied she would be if she is able to secure a husband, perhaps a foreign husband, who will give her that loving nest she and her kinds need.

[MrMan]

What a fantastic article, @MrMan!

You obviously married your Indonesian beauty a few years ago and, as you yourself admit, times have changed since then and it is probably harder to find that kind of virgin, religious (or at least spiritual) woman who believes in traditional gender roles. By the sound of it, your marriage has been successful not only because your wife loves and respects you, but also because you have been worth her love and respect.

I think there are a lot of good potential wives left in Indonesia. Indonesian women usually get married off in their early 20's.

This is a very important aspect that has to be taken into consideration: no matter how submissive and devoted a woman is, if the man behaves like an a**hole by mistreating her and the kids, cheating and not providing for the family, I don't see how that initial love and respect can go on forever. If the woman is still attractive, a few men in her social circle might take their chances on her she might eventually stop resisting and start an affair.

You should try to find a woman with strong morals who wouldn't commit adultery because its immoral. I don't treat my wife like that, but she refrains from adutlery because it is a sin against God, not only because of me, and I have the same attitude. If a woman wants to cheat, she can do so whether she is being treated well or not. The grass is always greener over the septic tank.

I am not sure what happens in Indonesia but here, in the Philippines, extended family plays a big role in kids' upbringing. A working single mom can always count on their mothers or aunties, sometimes elder sisters or cousins, to mind the child while she is at work. I heard from a lot of single moms whose kids live "in the province" (rural areas) with their grandparents while she lives and works in the city and visits them about twice a month.

That sort of thing happens a lot in Indonesia. Also, sometimes the parents in the smaller towns send their children to live with uncles and aunts in the city to go to middle or high school.

My conclusion is that, if a Filipina can manage such sacrifices when a single mom, I can only imagine how happy and satisfied she would be if she is able to secure a husband, perhaps a foreign husband, who will give her that loving nest she and her kinds need.

Women, and people in general, don't usually compare their state to the suffering of others. If you take an ungrateful woman who sleeps on the cement floor and put her in a nice bed, she may be happy. But ten years later, she might complain if you put a dry pea under the mattress, and forget what it was like to sleep on the cement floor.

That analogy may not work in some parts of Asia. Some Koreans prefer to sleep on the floor and a lot of Chinese beds feel like a piece of wood with a blanket on top of them.

[Winston]

This is great advice MrMan. Can I turn it into a blog post with a link to your profile as the author?

[MrMan]

This is great advice MrMan. Can I turn it into a blog post with a link to your profile as the author?

I haven't seen the blog. Where is that? I want to keep my anonymity.

[Winston]

This is great advice MrMan. Can I turn it into a blog post with a link to your profile as the author?

I haven't seen the blog. Where is that? I want to keep my anonymity.

The blog linked at the top. Your anonymity will be the same as here. Just your username will be referenced.

http://blog.happierabroad.com

[hypermak]

I think there are a lot of good potential wives left in Indonesia. Indonesian women usually get married off in their early 20's.

I read that a sizeable part of the Indonesian population is Christian, not Muslim. I assume your wife is Christian, too. Was it too hard to find her then? Would it be a lot harder now?

You should try to find a woman with strong morals who wouldn't commit adultery because its immoral. I don't treat my wife like that, but she refrains from adutlery because it is a sin against God, not only because of me, and I have the same attitude. If a woman wants to cheat, she can do so whether she is being treated well or not. The grass is always greener over the septic tank.

I personally don't think a woman who gets mistreated or abused for years at the hand of a violent, a$$hole husband should stick around just because leaving him would be a sin against God. Abusing someone who is weaker and unable to defend themselves, be them a woman, a child, an elderly, is probably an even worse sin against God.

Women, and people in general, don't usually compare their state to the suffering of others. If you take an ungrateful woman who sleeps on the cement floor and put her in a nice bed, she may be happy. But ten years later, she might complain if you put a dry pea under the mattress, and forget what it was like to sleep on the cement floor.

That analogy may not work in some parts of Asia. Some Koreans prefer to sleep on the floor and a lot of Chinese beds feel like a piece of wood with a blanket on top of them.

That is true, it's human nature after all and belongs to any woman. From what I have seen so far here in the Philippines, most women who "marry up" with a foreigner, or even a richer Filipino (if they have a chance), would always weigh the pros and cons of complaining. So long their husbands are providings for them and their kids in a decent way, they would probably avoid complaining too much when they can see their lifestyle going down a bit. After all, no man can guarantee their family a sweet & easy life forever. Jobs are lost, accidents and medical emergencies happen, etc.

I think any woman worth her salt, i.e. worth being in a relationship with, would definitely have enough brain and sensitivity to understand that life isn't always a cakewalk and should be sticking to their families through thick and thin. Of course not all women are like that. Let's say, in the newest generations less and less women are like that.

[Winston]

It's uncommon for people to talk about morals today. All the media ever wants to talk about is equality, which is stupid and impossible and unnatural. Everyone is different and every race and group is different too, not just individuals. So no one will ever be colorblind and see every race and group and gender as being exactly the same or equal in every way. We all like some people and not others. That's the way it's always been and the way it always will be. I don't understand why the media and modern culture is so low IQ and retarded and moronic on this subject. It makes no sense at all.

In contrast, cultivating good morals is natural and achievable, unlike equality. What the stupid media and liberals fail to understand that if one cultivates good morals and virtues, then issues like social injustice or racial injustice will naturally get better, because moralistic people will treat others fairly with kindness and respect. This is obvious but way over the head of liberals and modern media for some reason. It's like no one understands basic logic these days. Like everyone is insane these days and has drank from the kool aid. Very weird. Very few sane people are left.

I can only guess that the media hates the term "moral values" because it's associated with religion and Christianity, and the media is very anti-Christian of course. So it sees preaching about moral values as something religious and preachy and self-righteous, when it is not. It's about having virtue and inner light. It doesn't need to be associated with religion. And it's much better than moral relativism too.

For example, the TV series "Little House on the Prairie" taught moral values. It taught women to be good women and men to be good men. But it definitely did not preach equality or that men ought to become women and women become men. No way. That's the right way that works. That's what the media ought to be teaching, because moral values are natural and realistic and achievable in human nature, whereas equality is not. This is the obvious thing that modern culture misses for some reason. Someone ought to inform them about it.

Kudos to MrMan for being one of the few who talks about good morals rather than "equality".

[MrMan]

I think there are a lot of good potential wives left in Indonesia. Indonesian women usually get married off in their early 20's.

I read that a sizeable part of the Indonesian population is Christian, not Muslim. I assume your wife is Christian, too. Was it too hard to find her then? Would it be a lot harder now?

My wife is Christian, and a very dedicated one at that. Most of her people-group identify as Christian. There are large numbers of Christians among Javanese, Chinese, Batak, and Manado, though most Javanese are Muslims.

Was it hard to find her? I prayed for a wife a lot. I prayed once and had a vision of her, focusing on a part of her face, which I didn't exactly memorize, but it made me aware of a couple of features that were useful later. After being alone in Indonesia at Christmas, I got more serious about praying to meet my wife, and it seemed like the Lord may have been telling me I'd meet her that month. So, I went to the Bible college where she was a student to use the library, a place I'd recently discovered. She walked into the building and caught my eye. I was sitting next to one of her classmates. She sat near there and we struck up a conversation. She'd later tell me that the Lord spoke to her that I was the one she'd marry. She didn't say that at the time, but she did write a prayer about it in her diary that day that she showed me after we got engaged. I went home praying about whether this was the woman I would marry. We figured out later that we had actually met once a year before. She was dating someone, and I was in a kind of complicated friendship with a woman, so it wouldn't have been a good time. I prayed about marrying her when I was taking her out to dinner, Bible studies, and other stuff like that. Early on, while praying, I got some details about an event in her past which she recounted to me on our next telephone conversation. That confirmed to me that I was hearing right that this was supposed to be my wife. So eventually, I proposed.

I really wanted a wife, so it kind of seemed 'hard' at the time waiting for the right person to come into my life, and also refraining from dating other women while praying about it and waiting on it to happen. I'd dated some years earlier. But I wasn't at the time I met her. I was waiting on the woman I was to marry that I was praying about.

You should try to find a woman with strong morals who wouldn't commit adultery because its immoral. I don't treat my wife like that, but she refrains from adutlery because it is a sin against God, not only because of me, and I have the same attitude. If a woman wants to cheat, she can do so whether she is being treated well or not. The grass is always greener over the septic tank.

I personally don't think a woman who gets mistreated or abused for years at the hand of a violent, a$$hole husband should stick around just because leaving him would be a sin against God. Abusing someone who is weaker and unable to defend themselves, be them a woman, a child, an elderly, is probably an even worse sin against God.

You were talking about committing adultery. That's a pretty big sin. It was a death penalty crime in the Old Testament.

That is true, it's human nature after all and belongs to any woman. From what I have seen so far here in the Philippines, most women who "marry up" with a foreigner, or even a richer Filipino (if they have a chance), would always weigh the pros and cons of complaining. So long their husbands are providings for them and their kids in a decent way, they would probably avoid complaining too much when they can see their lifestyle going down a bit. After all, no man can guarantee their family a sweet & easy life forever. Jobs are lost, accidents and medical emergencies happen, etc.

My wife is not too into creature comforts. She's spends a lot of time in fasting and prayer. We've also had to go through some lengthy financial dry spells when I was in grad school and at other times, praying wondering how God would provide the rent, though it always came through. She's stuck with me through that and time when we had money. She also frugal and doesn't spend huge amounts on clothing, though she dresses nicely. Even when she was in college and had no real source of income while we were dating, she was concerned about spending too much when I took her out to restaurants, and I had to reassure her.

[hypermak]

It's uncommon for people to talk about morals today. All the media ever wants to talk about is equality, which is stupid and impossible and unnatural. Everyone is different and every race and group is different too, not just individuals. So no one will ever be colorblind and see every race and group and gender as being exactly the same or equal in every way. We all like some people and not others. That's the way it's always been and the way it always will be. I don't understand why the media and modern culture is so low IQ and retarded and moronic on this subject. It makes no sense at all.

In contrast, cultivating good morals is natural and achievable, unlike equality. What the stupid media and liberals fail to understand that if one cultivates good morals and virtues, then issues like social injustice or racial injustice will naturally get better, because moralistic people will treat others fairly with kindness and respect. This is obvious but way over the head of liberals and modern media for some reason. It's like no one understands basic logic these days. Like everyone is insane these days and has drank from the kool aid. Very weird. Very few sane people are left.

I can only guess that the media hates the term "moral values" because it's associated with religion and Christianity, and the media is very anti-Christian of course. So it sees preaching about moral values as something religious and preachy and self-righteous, when it is not. It's about having virtue and inner light. It doesn't need to be associated with religion. And it's much better than moral relativism too.

For example, the TV series "Little House on the Prairie" taught moral values. It taught women to be good women and men to be good men. But it definitely did not preach equality or that men ought to become women and women become men. No way. That's the right way that works. That's what the media ought to be teaching, because moral values are natural and realistic and achievable in human nature, whereas equality is not. This is the obvious thing that modern culture misses for some reason. Someone ought to inform them about it.

Kudos to MrMan for being one of the few who talks about good morals rather than "equality".

Very deep reflection from you, @Winston. You will have probably read this legendary quote from Kant the philosopher.

Two things fill the mind with ever new and increasing admiration and awe, the more often and steadily we reflect upon them: the starry heavens above me and the moral law within me.

What I think he meant with this is, no matter how large the universe around us, every man is capable to choose between good and evil based on moral laws that are born within him.

Equality is a notion that is often created and imposed from above: a government policy, a law, a rule. If all men truly knew how to hear "the moral law within", they would probably end to the same conclusions regardless of their background (ethnical, cultural/religious, socio-economic, educational etc.).

In this ideal world, there would be no need to impose laws from above because each men and woman would follow the natural moral values that are inside us from the moment we are born.

In the real world, we have a little something called "free will" which often leads us to choices that benefit us at the expense of the others. That is where the law from above, the universal wisdom, must step in and correct, educate us. Centuries ago almost everybody was religious and followed the moral dictated in the Gospel or other holy books. Nowadays we seem to have broken free from the "ties" of a religion, we are not obliged to follow the Gospel in our daily lives. This gives us more freedom, but also much more room to stray.