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In the Philippines, I observed that generally within most families, children don’t tend to argue, whine, complain or fight for control with their parents and siblings. There seems to be this natural symbiotic harmony and balance within the family that makes such ego/control battles unnecessary. It’s as if the family is one symbiotic unit that gets along without effort. I see this especially in my Filipina girlfriend’s family (and in fact they are what inspired me to write this chapter). There isn’t this “separate individual identity� that needs to assert its will and struggle for control.

But in the US of course, disagreements, arguing and fighting for control between family members are all too common. Children yell and whine to get their way. And parents inflict constant control, yelling daily orders such as, “I told you to put away your toys! It’s bedtime!� and “Alright I’m gonna count to three and if you don’t go, then…�. The parents often have to resort to disciplinary measures to counter disobedience such as threatening to take away privileges. It’s a constant struggle for control in the typical American family.