Happier Abroad Forum Community

Winston,

Hi, I'm "Marcus Aurelius" a moderator from the Happy Bachelors Forum. I've decided to start posting on here too. I've got a lot to say LOL.

First off, I need to mention that I've been reading your articles, watching your videos, and following the posts on this forum for quite some time without actually joining it. I had found this site mentioned somewhere, I think it was http://www.nomarriage.com; and have been following it ever since. I am a HUGE FAN OF YOUR WORK. To say that it was INSTRUMENTAL in my choice to not give up on women entirely, but rather to look abroad for women of quality would be an understatement.

There is most certainly a difference. I can tell already, being new to it.

About myself: I've been on both sides of the 'game' fence in this country. When I was younger, I went through long periods of rejection; to the point where it was impossible for me to even get a date, much less get laid. But when I got to be a junior in high school, this was back in '95; because of personal lifestyle choices only, evidently I began to project the ever desirable 'bad boy image'; and went from famine to 'feast' overnight. Suddenly I was no longer being ignored, but getting PICKED left and right by them. I use that word strongly. I don't care what the nonsensical PUA's will say to the contrary, as I have studied their drivel....but all it really is, is peackocking. The man struts his feathers in a certain way to draw more attention, but ultimately, it is still the female that picks. Really, PUA boils down to a backward social evolution, it is an ADAPTION to the twisted social construct that is the dating scene in the united states and other western countries. I never really needed the PUA crap, I apparently seemed like a badass to the rabble, so they would PICK me, eliminating my need to peackock for them for the most part.

But then a curious thing happens. F. Roger Devlin calls it hypergamy, and I think he is dead on. I'll use the PUA terminology. They pick you as an Alpha male, but once they actually HAVE you, they suddenly no longer WANT you to be alpha....they instead try to turn you into Beta. This has happened in nearly every relationship I have had with an american woman. They always want to 'change' me. If I actually got some change for every time a girlfriend would say "I needed to change" in some ridiculous way, I would be a very wealthy man. And so what does a man do if he wants to get laid? He conforms. I would try to jump through all their hoops while they dangled that stupid carrot on a stick. But then something strange occurs. Like Frankenstein's monster, after a duration of time, they begin to resent their own creation. Suddenly because I became the beta they wanted, I was 'boring', 'uninteresting' or 'predictable'. Then they would leave me for another bad boy, and repeat the same process ad nauseum. Hypergamy. Nearly every relationship I have been in with an american girl has ended with infidelity on their part.

This last occurred over a year ago now, with a girl that I thought was 'the one.' We were together for seven years....and I did not propose to her in that duration of time because many of my younger mysogynistic attitudes were still present, but rather dormant. I still did not trust women, not after what I had been through. I figured if she makes it to TEN years then maybe I would CONSIDER marriage. But the final couple years of the relationship, those all too familiar kinks started showing. I was suddenly 'predictable' and 'boring' because I liked to live a quiet, grounded, home lifestyle. Then she cheated on me, cheated on me with a 20 year old alcoholic, who had already been arrested for two dui's before even turning 21. I, the original alpha had become too beta, so she replaced me with another bad boy. The same spinning Samsara, over and over again. I also realized that she probably only stayed in the relationship as long as she did because she had not found a suitable replacement. A woman, I have found through personal experience, usually will stay in a monogamous relationship so long as it suits her, and until a better option becomes available. Her foot had been out the door for a long time, and I didn't even realize it.

So this left me with an interesting dilema. My western mysogynistic attitudes came right back to the forefront, and I realized I was just plain fed up with the shit. I was also fed up with people telling me "Oh, you'll be fine. You just haven't met the right one." No, I just meet them over and over again, until they tire of me for one reason or another then discard me. Being somewhat of a knee jerk reaction, I stepped with one foot back into the game. I joined Plenty of Fish and started hitting the nightclubs. Let me break these two down in brief....

Plenty of Fish/domestic dating websites: Plenty of Fish should be renamed Plenty of Single Moms. I like these new ads for them that are popping up on various websites "have you gotten a message from a hot girl today at plenty of fish?" Hot girl? Oh really? Which? The girl that is seperated and has 3 kids...who of course doesn't want more. You're just shit out of luck if you want kids of your own with these women, but OH YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO TAKE ON ALL THEIR BAGGAGE!!! That is par for the course! I was amazed at the audacity of those women in particular. Here I am, 32 years old, never been married, have no children....yet I am supposed to settle for used up goods? Call me old fashioned, but I want a girl that has never been married and has no kids. That took out about 70% of fish swimming around in those dirty waters. That left me with unnatractive women, weirdos, and mean, stuck up bitches. I went on a few dates with women I met from there, and each experience was worse than sitting in a dentist chair. I felt no attraction to them whatsoever. Also, many of the other dating websites are just pure shit. Like date.com. You get tons and tons of emails of interest, but when YOU ACTUALLY SIGN UP FOR THE SIGHT, YOU GET ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. One quickly realizes it's a scam, fake profiles to get you to pay and sign up. No thanks.

Nightclubs: These have gotten even worse than when I was in my early twenties. It's like when you go to the zoo and observe the animals. That's what I liken this experience to. Most times, if you even make so much as eye contact with an american girl, she will give you a death stare. "Don't you f***ing talk to me, YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH" look. Everything you say about us being isolationist here in this country is spot on. If you try to pop the bubble, the will tear you apart...much like if you were to climb into the zoo cage with a grizzly bear. Worse, even then that, Winson, is how I observe their actual BEHAVIOR. It wasn't until I hit the clubs again after about ten years absence from it that I realized just how bad women had become. In the past, in the late 90s, I remember the simulated sex dancing was quite popular....but AT LEAST THEY WERE DOING IT WITH MEN. On a typical night, at any given club, I see the same thing, night in and night out. The men will all be standing around, either by themselves or in small groups, while the women are doing the 'freak' dancing, or simulated sex dancing ON THEMSELVES. I see women grinding on other women everywhere. I rarely ever even see men on the dance floor at all. They are just standing around. Further, their behavior is quite appalling. I don't see how any man in his right mind could find this attractive. They dress like prostitutes, but act with LESS CLASS. I never fail, I repeat, I NEVER FAIL to see at least one woman throwing up in the middle of the club, and usually several stumbling around or falling down completely. And of course the manginas will then rush to the aid of a 'damsel in distress'. One time recently, a drunk skank with tatoos all over her arms fell down right in front of me......and I being the gentleman that I am, did the only thing a true gentleman would do; I walked away. The manginas of course were looking at me like I was a monster. LOL. So this is how a single dude meets women, eh? FUNNY THING IS I DON'T SEE ANY MEETING GOING ON AT ALL. It's just a bunch of drunk women making asses of themselves, and men standing around with their thumbs up their ass.

As quickly as I entered the game again in this country, I slammed the door on it. So what was I to do? Give up on women altogether? My best friend then presented me with the alternative. FOREIGN WOMEN. He recomended me to several sites that would give me the scoop on it. That's how I found your site. As noted, I read your articles, watched your videos, studied this forum....so really, I owe you a thank you. That's part of the reason why I'm here. My best friend was a good model for the sucess of it too; he'd given up on domestics a long time ago, while I was still running my samsara wheel, and he is getting married this summer to a beautiful brazillian woman he met on internationalcupid. So I decided screw it, why not give THAT a try myself. I signed up for cupid.

And I'm damn glad I did. I have to confess something. I have ALWAYS been hopelessly attracted to asian women, ever since I was a kid and first started noticing girls. I've always thought, generally speaking, that they were the most beautiful women in the world. But because most of them that were born and raised HERE seem to have the same feminist qualities as the western women do, I never had any success with them. In my 'bad boy' days I was more the 'rebel' looking bad boy, and they seemed to prefer the jocky, frat boy type; so I was always rejected by them whenever I would ask an asian girl out. So I decided, since I truly WAS a Happy Bachelor, and could take or leave women in general, to zero in on EXACTLY what I wanted or bust...because I didn't care the outcome. So on Cupid, I got tons and tons of mail from quality women all over the globe, but I ignored all of them....unless they were asians. As it stood, I was particularly interested in the phillipines as I'd heard a lot of good things about their women on here, and on other sites like this.

Then it happened. I met a fillipino girl who was living in Indonesia as an ESL teacher, and there was no going back. She had joined the site not because she was specifically seeking a man or a relationship, but because she was lonely in Indonesia, as she is a devout Roman Catholic and was in an Islamic dominated society. She was just looking for people to talk too. We met in September of last year, talked online and on the phone almost daily....until it culminated into the fact that we had really fallen for each other. In march, I went out there to visit her in Indonesia, and it was my first bachelor trip abroad, and it was without a doubt the best week of my life. In seven days that woman made me happier than all the years of bullshit I had put up with american women. She was everything they were not, and what's more...it was NATURAL...not the fake act that western women use to ensnare a man and then drop once they have him. She was sweet, elegant, cultured, refined. She was also very attentive. Constantly making sure I was happy, having a good time....in short, I have never, never in my life, Winston, seen a woman act the way she did. It was like she was from another planet!!!

The cultural difference was night and day in Indonesia too. People were friendly everywhere I went, none of that bubble shit there. Everyone was saying hello to me. Strangers would strike up conversations with me. Women would check me out, and they always made eye contact. The night clubs were different too. The men were dancing with women there, in fact, they were even interactive. They had everyone doing line dances and things like that. I'd never seen things like that at a club before.

It's just unbelievable. I've told people I know she is my UPGRADE. Finally the Samsara is broken. I finally got my beautiful asian girl, and more importanly than that, is I got a woman of out of this world quality. She is everything I could have ever wanted in a girl, that would have been absolutely IMPOSSIBLE here. I feel like the luckiest man alive as I write this. She is coming here to live with me, with her family's blessing, to go to school and get a nursing degree while I am in Seminary. Some people have cautioned me about bringing her here; but that is for the time being while we are in school. She likes the idea of ultimately moving back to the Phillipines to be near her family: and so do I. But as far as her being here, like my best friend, we don't fear the cultural bullshit of this toilet poisoning our women: because THEIR culture is so different. Both my fillipina and his Brazillian place the family unit above individual gain and satisfaction: which is why the marriages of all their families have LASTED. They don't subscribe to the TOXIC Me first ideal of this country. My girl's family would literally disown her if she got married and then turned around and divorced, she says, and I believe it. The divorce rate in her country is about nil. Happier abroad, indeed.

Thank you so much for all your work effort. You are an inspiration, Winston. I only wish more men would wake up and see the light like we have.

Welcome Marcus Aurelius!

Glad to see your post and long intro.

I don't see my link on the nomarriage site. Maybe they removed it?

I contacted the owner of it to offer a link exchange but he never wrote back.

I'm glad that all my work here has inspired you. It's good to know that all my efforts are not in vain.

One of my favorite quotes is from Marcus Aurelius: "The object in life is not to be on the side of the majority but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." Brilliant isn't it?

So, why is the world isn't the way it's supposed to be? America is supposed to be that country with open people who are full of joy and positivism and liberation and Indonesia is supposed to be this sullen Muslim nation populated by Asian Muslims- what can be more closed, unfriendly and conservative? I think the greatest awakening I underwent in my travel is that nations in reality are the exact opposite of what they are described to be.

ladislav wrote:So, why is the world isn't the way it's supposed to be? America is supposed to be that country with open people who are full of joy and positivism and liberation and Indonesia is supposed to be this sullen Muslim nation populated by Asian Muslims- what can be more closed, unfriendly and conservative? I think the greatest awakening I underwent in my travel is that nations in reality are the exact opposite of what they are described to be.

That last line is a great quote Ladislav. I think I'm going to use it for my signature quote, and reword it like this:

"The greatest awakening I underwent in my travels is that nations in reality are the exact opposite of how they are depicted in the media." - Ladislav

Marcus,
I just read the rest of your story. Wow. That was very inspiring and genuine. I'd love to post it on my "testimonials that dating is all about location" page here: http://www.happierabroad.com/ebook/Page74b.htm if you don't mind.

Thanks,
Winston

Heck yeah: post it on there! I'm flattered.

Ladislav, you are quite correct. I can't tell you guys how many people, my own family included were 'cautioning' me against going to Indonesia. That I could be in some sort of 'danger' being in an Islamic country, when nothing could be further from the truth. How is this for a paradox? I felt safer in Indonesia than I do in my own city. Nothing could have been further from the truth. People would cite the bombing in Jakarta.....but that was in 05!!!! It was an isolated incident too.

Half of my trip was in Islamic Jakarta and Yogyakarta, the other half in Hindu Bali. The reality is that everyone in all three places were very open and friendly; to the point where, being a westerner: ESPECIALLY in the less touristy Togyakarta, I felt like I was being treated as if I were some sort of celebrity. Hotel staff would rush around to open doors for me, light cigarettes for me....and everyone wanted to talk to me and know where I was from, and when I told them USA, they seemed shocked and excited that I had come that far. Most people thought I was either British or Australian.

Our propaganda machine that is the media always seems to try to spin everything to say that this is the best place in the world, and everyone else is somehow backward or aspiring to be like us. This is a load of crap. The 'poor' people I encountered there, and other places of the world I have travelled to often seemed far happier than those here with their McMansions. Wealth should never be measured by what one posesses.

Oh, and Winston: the link MAY not have been on nomarriage.com. I looked at so many sites LIKE that it could have been a different one. I was doing quite a bit of homework on this

Wow. Ladislav, I thought you said that Indonesia was more conservative than the Philippines? And that it was more reserved. Is that true? Marcus said that people were very outgoing and smiling. But from what he said, they seem just like Filipinos. What do you think?

Is it easy to date girls there? Is the weather there the same as the Philippines? And cost of living?

I haven't been to the Phillipines YET so I can only comment on what I have read and studied, and from what my girl has told me.

Generally speaking, they ARE more conservative. The town where she lived and was teaching, wearing a tube top or a skirt that wasn't below the knees would be considered inappropriate. But conservative doesn't mean they are not friendly.

Shy, I think would be the best term. When I got to Jakarta, I arrived several hours before my girlfriend did: so I used that time as experimentation. Since it was during the day, I went to a crowded shopping district. This one cute Indonesian girl kept picking up the same two dresses comparing them, as if she couldn't decide between the two. So, putting my game face on I went over and approached; and told her which one I thought was better and why. We talked for a good three-four minutes about that and random crap: and the whole time the vibe that I kept getting was that she was shy; that she was surprised that I came over there and talked to her so easily. Certainly NOT the open hostility of american women. If I did that same thing to an american girl, she probably would have had security escort me out of the building for being a creepy stalker or some nonsense. She was very open to whatever I was saying, and seemed to like me leading the conversation. But the whole time she seemed rather shy at the attention. I could have easily asked this girl to coffee or something. Perhaps I should have, just to test it further. But I ended with a warm 'take care' and she thanked me for my advice, and went with the one I picked. That was telling too.

The reality is, the country is huge. Some areas are more conservative than others, so it depends on what you are looking for. Jakarta, I'm guessing is more similar to what you guys would experience in the Phillipines, whereas a place like Yogyakarta, you will find more traditional Islamic women. I think these women would be easily approachable as well, as they were quite friendly, but you would have to do it in a more reserved way. I don't think you could win these women over with HEY IM A FOREIGNER AREN'T I GREAT kind of attitude. Same with Bali. It depends on the location. In some areas of Bali, it has a thriving night life, complete with what appeared to be prostitutes in the night clubs. In other areas like Ubud, however, the women were wearing tradition Hindu garb and were very conservative.

In short, it depends on what part of Indonesia you are in. I think it would be a gold mine for a bachelor who likes asian women as I do. If you want more open girls, go to a big city there like Jakarta. If you want conservative, go to one of the smaller towns.

I'm sure the club life is identical. I watched Winston's youtube video of the women dancing around the Buddha. In Bali, one of the clubs had these sexy women go go dancers basically, that were wearing lingerie doing a routine on the stage and dancing on top of the bars. One of the go go dancers actually came down off the bar to light a cigarette for me. That was a good moment.

Personally, I think the US gov't/press complex intentionally lie to us, in order to keep us at home and paying taxes, dumb and "happy", watching our 400 channels of shit on TV and screaming at each other about Democrats this and Republicans that. Gimme a break! If Americans believe they're "number 1" in EVERYTHING, then what's the point of ever going overseas to even look around? I've met plenty of Americans who would never dream of going overseas, thinking that everything is a dung heap, once you cross the border. Already, if you try to live overseas as an expat, the gov't hits you with taxes (no other industrialized nation does that), or if (God forbid) you try to relinquish your citizenship (after getting another one, of course) you are stuck paying "exit taxes" and other penalties. My question is, why don't they just build a wall up around the country, so we can't get out, and actually inform ourselves. Hey, it worked for the East Germans!