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Great Letters from those who are Happier Abroad


Hear it in their own words ? sincere, truthful, and straight from the heart.


See Also:

Testimonials that Dating is all about Location!

Quotes about Winston Wu

Fan Mail Archive


Great post. Makes me want to have brew with you and soak this in some more. I quit my corporate gig right after I got my Y2K bonus and was banking on the stock market bubble. Six months later I was living in Spain. My initial trip was for 8 weeks, but I stayed for a year. A year later I knew I could never go back to a job like that again (the high paid, lots of hours kind). I felt like I broke out of the matrix and realized that lots of other countries were living it up so much better than we Americans. I tried to break some of my friends out of the matrix, but there were no takers. Its hard to convert people who have been institutionalized for so long. Lots of people I worked with would say, ?Oh, I wish I could do that.? Most of them young and single. I would tell them you can, but you can?t do it while paying for that BMW in the driveway at the same time. After a sigh, they would all choose the BMW.

I realize a lot of Americans don?t like hearing that America is not so great in some ways. America is the greatest country in many ways that matter? if you happen to be a country. I grew up comfortable in the knowledge that we had the largest most technically advanced economy, that we had the most powerful military, that we had the best universities, the best hospitals, most material wealth, best movies and TV, and the hottest women, etc, etc, ad nauseum (poor me, I was so naive). After living abroad and over time realizing what I had been missing, but not knowing what to with my life; I had a hard time coming to grips with realization that my wealthy American lifestyle was so lacking compared to my materially humble lifestyle in various other countries. All those great stats that show the USA is #1 just did not translate into a better quality of life for me or most other people, as far as I could tell. It wasn?t an easy transformation. At first I had major TV and junk food withdrawals for months. The side benefit was I literally walked my ass off and lost 3 inches in my jeans. My social life and sex life elevated to a level that is basically unobtainable within the US. Throw on top all I learned and all the great friends I made, there was no way I could just go home and plug back in again.

How could I have been so blind for so long? I was totally indoctrinated by American culture and values that I had grown up with. I saw 2 movies abroad that I skipped in ?90s because I was too busy poring over RFCs for my job while Seinfeld and Friends played in the background. They were Fight Club and Office Space. Ironically two American movies in English in a non-English speaking country. They resonated with me all the more since they validated and put into words the path I had already started.

When I got home after that first trip I noticed a few things. First, how fat everyone was. Seriously, it took me two weeks to cope with that alone. The other thing was how bland and unfulfilling life in America was. And I?m still not over that. I now felt like a foreigner in my own country. I had changed and had experiences that just would not permit me to integrate back into American society to the way I was before. It?s why I no longer live full time in America any more. I have no idea if this is how returning troops feel when they return, but I?m slightly different now and feel slightly foreign and just not being able to connect with friends at home the same as before. This is actually a pretty shitty feeling, but who knew it would happen?

I?ve had the conversation so many times with my stateside compatriots, even the ones I grew up with who have taken the obligatory packaged vacations abroad. It?s like discussing sex with a eunuch. If you haven?t experienced significant time abroad? enough time to look back at America from very different vantage points, you are just not going to understand what some people in this thread already know.


Admittedly, I am not a big fan of everything that Winston Wu says and does, but I do believe there is a lot of truth in his ideas.? My story is similar to his.? I grew up being told that I was a freak, a weirdo, a homosexual, and a moron.? I couldn't understand what I was doing wrong - I was smart, caring, insightful, hardworking, ambitious, and prosocial.? I couldn't understand why some people believed in all the drama that came from living an antisocial life.?


I was punched, pushed into urinals, and worse.? I became convinced there was something wrong with me...I even seriously considered suicide when I was in grade 11.? That was in 1999, when the Columbine School Shootings happened, and I identified with Eric Harris and Dylon Klebolt.


It wasn't until high school was done and that I got into the real world that I realized that really, there isn't anything wrong with me.? In fact, some people looked up to me.?


More importantly, I discovered Filipinas.? Well, Filipinas discovered me.? What a change it was being told that I was hunk.? After years of being humiliated in school,? I finally found myself being adored by Filipinas !!!? Not just loved - lusted after.? I could be sweet, and would get love back.? Gone were the days of being punched for being a prosocial person.? Western high schools reward mentally ill idiots who while ignoring prosocial? go-getters who will actually make a difference in this world.?


My unhappiness became a distant I am loved, cared for, listened to.....Filipina girls respect my character.? They respect the fact that I am not just lusting and gambling my life away. I got Filipina girls telling me I am so handsome.? In fact, my Filipina girlfriend's friends all send her messags telling her that she is so lucky to have me, and one even asked whether it would be possible to marry my dad (she assumed my dad must be similar to me).


More than anything, I feel vindicated.? I know that really, it isn't me.? I am normal; it was the people around me who were mentally ill.


One could write an essay over one hundred pages long about the benefits of having a Filipina girlfriend. Most men appeciate the care, the devotion to family, as well as general sexiness of Filipinas as the main reasons for choosing one. Also, many of them have been severely hurt from a previous relationship with a Westernized lady, and are determined to find someone who will never hurt them again.


For me, the best thing about having a Filipina girlfriend is that I am able to show love, care, and affection and be accepted and loved in return. Growing up, I was constantly told that I need to "man up" and "be more aggressive." In Western culture, men are taught to get what they want by fighting for it. You need to stomp on someone else's head so they won't stomp on your head. I was told that I was not aggressive enough, and that I needed to be a jerk to women. Men told me that I needed to treat my girlfriend like she was a dog and make her beg for a treat. I needed to be the prize.


For a while I actually (regretably) believed that crap. But I quickly realized the nonsense for what it was. My heart changed, and then I met Mahal. I know I can be sweet and caring, and not have to worry about her treating me like a doormat. Westernized women often think that being nice means being weak. In Filipina culture, being nice is returned with kindness, and perhaps a bit of sex too.


When I am with Mahal, I feel like I can be myself. I don't have to walk around all "macho" (whatever that is supposed to mean). I can share my weaknesses, and we can laugh at each other in a supporting way. I have finally realized that it really isn't me that is wrong; for so long I had been with mentally ill people who viewed prosocial people as a weakness. You can't blame a Palm Tree for not growing in Alaska.


For the first time in my life, I have felt unconditional love and acceptance being with Mahal.


To be with someone who values me so much brings out the best in me. I want to be the best lover, the best husband, the best father, and the best servant in her church. I don't have to fear that my efforts will be replied with insult. I can serve her, cuddle her, listen to her, and support her, and not fear rejection. She is the best lady, so I want to be the best lover I possibly can be for her.


I wish all men still looking for their Filipina love lots of good luck !!!!



From an expat in China:


Interesting essay Winston...although I'll have to disagree with the part about individualism causing social fragmentation.


I've been living in the lovely city of Chongqing for almost a year now. My 32nd birthday is less than two weeks from now, and most of my 15-20 friends have accepted my invitation to my party at a nice "KTV" karaoke place! This will be the first time since my 16th birthday that I've celebrated my birthday with even one friend.


Throughout the last year, I've shared some of my individualist ideas with most of my friends, and most of them agree with me about the ideas and are very receptive. (For example, "You live for you...I live for me...each of us is special with unique one can know you and understand your needs better than you can...and we should come together so that each of us can have our own unique personal needs well-met.")


Did I mention that I've acquired a greater number of friends here, and have developed more genuine friendships here than in all my 31 years of life in America combined?


In the U.S., I spent all those 31 years in the Midwest/Bible Belt, where the local culture often discourages individualism. And America didn't become socially fragmented (to a large extent) until the last few decades, in spite of the fact that much of the U.S. has been very individualistic for more than 200 years.


I think the biggest cause of the social fragmentation in America is this: the U.S. dollar became the world's official reserve currency in 1944, and resulted in the spectacular rise of American suburbia beginning around 1950. Because of this world-currency privilege, a majority of the country's population can afford to live in their own nice houses far from the city center, and can afford to drive a personal vehicle every place they go (often many miles every day). This creates isolation physically and socially.


Next, the American media (mainstream news, local news, TV shows, and movies) is overwhelmingly negative and often focuses on the bad things a few people do. Most Americans watch this every day. They become paranoid toward strangers, and are afraid to make new friends outside their established, closed clique (if they have one). This creates isolation psychologically, inspirationally, and socially.


And finally, there's the issue of the insanely-processed chemical poisons that Americans ingest every few hours, which they actually think is food. The nutritional deficiencies and excess toxins cause mental problems. Combine this with all the prescription and nonprescription chemical drugs they take every day, which they actually think makes them healthy. All this stuff results in numerous physiological and psychological disorders that exacerbate the widespread social isolation of America.


But here's the good news: when the U.S. dollar collapses in the next few years, these sickening trends in America should start to reverse themselves. Perhaps after 2020, Americans will become somewhat decent again...while playing catch-up with the rest of the world, I might add.


That's my take on this topic, at least. In the next month or two, I'll update everyone here about my wonderful life in the wonderful world of wonderland (outside the USA matrix)! :)




Subject: Excellent Observations


Winston -

I came across your website while searching online for people who had made observations similar to mine.

I am a former American expat who has had to return to Chicago to deal with family and financial issues. Prior to returning, I had lived freely, comfortably and happily in Paris for 3.5 years: almost completely forgot the unnatural tempo to American life that you so rigorously describe.

Your description of sex life is especially accurate. In the states, I have sexual interactions at a much slower pace, and sometimes go long periods with no success at all. Furthermore, when I do "score," as Americans call it, it tends to be with much less attractive women than I had grown used to in Europe. I have even been flatly rejected by women that I would normally pass up in Europe (for being too fat, arrogant, loud and annoying).

You are also exactly right in describing how attractive women in America find their beauty to be a commodity that can only be shared with someone of "value," however arbitrarily they define such value. You have to play ridiculous games, talk in insipid soundbytes, and belong to an easily identifiable archetype (ie hipster, yuppie, bro-dude, etc) in order to have a reasonable chance at a healthy sex life. What's more, sex is so often void of any meaningful romantic and intellectual connection. I never have those fleeting experiences in the states, where I make a week-long connection with a woman: meet in a bar one night, re-connect the next day at a cafe over talk of politics and post-modern philosophy and a pack of cigarettes, then out that night to go dancing, or into a pub to watch soccer. Life is just so mundane, empty and blatantly anti-intellectual in the United States.

One mystery I have been trying to understand, though, is why there are Europeans who willingly move to the states. Since I have been back, I have reached out to European expat communities here, so as to find more easy-going sociable people. However, Europeans that come to the states tend to be more conservative-minded, and often quickly fall into the plain, boring and unintelligent American norm. In Chicago, this is especially a problem with the significant Polish community. I never had the opportunity to visit Poland, or anywhere in Eastern Europe, and wonder if Poland (and other Slavic countries) tend to be more conservative, close-minded and religious than France and other Western European countries. Based on your observations with Russia, this doesn't seem to be the case there. However, perhaps Poland is an entirely different experience (I know the Catholic Church is extremely conservative and influential in Poland, for example).

In describing these sentiments to a friend recently, he interjected: "This country was founded by religious fanatics and goat-fucking peasants from Europe. We are an amalgamation of those that are too uncultured to handle life in Europe."

The United States essentially plays the role of the giant shitting ground for all of the world's undesirables: rather than the poor, tired masses, it is the religious, greedy, rich, superficial, narrow-minded, prudish freaks that we most welcome in the Land of the (buy one, get one) Free.

Keep up the good work!



?Winston's blogs and photojournals are epic! I have a new internet hobby now: reading Winston's stories.


I'm moving to St Petersburg in the new year and as I was researching I came across Happier Abroad, and I couldn't agree more with the overall message.


I'm a 32-year old Canadian guy and I am actually fairly attractive (so much for modesty) and educated and so on. I spent 2 years teaching English in South Korea and I was engaged to my gf of 6 years, until she cheated on me last year. Well, I'm back in Canada and I think my experiences in Korea messed me up, because I find women here so damn unapproachable. There's a lot of beauties here and in the U.S., but what is up their asses?


I'm a "nice guy". I don't let people walk all over me but I'm not about to go out and hurt others, either. I've been back in Canada for a couple of years now and I am sick and tired of North American women. I remember how warm and friendly and flirty Korean girls were, and how fiercely loyal those people were to their friends, and I miss that.


So, I'm giving up my well-paying job here and going back overseas and I don't know if I'm ever coming back. If I can find someone to marry and raise a family with, all the better. At the very least I'll be somewhere where people aren't such a-holes. If Russia doesn't work out then I'll move on somewhere else.


Winston is absolutely right from my experiences. I had to go somewhere and then come back to see the light, but I definitely see it.?



From an expat in Ukraine



I have Erra clean the home for me..spotless it is....then Katya comes by and she assist in cooking "Erra also has a degree form a tech school in home economics" The I have Olga..who comes by to help Olga is my friend she is 19 and works at a local store...If all else dont work I have many a neighbors ready to assist ole Si...I feel like a king here...I havent cleaned my home for at least 6 months...nor have I done my laundry, pulled weeds, mowed grass, jarred foods, picked fruits "I had over 150lbs of grapes mine you" my beautiful, lovely women do it all for me....I am a little king in so called poor Ukraine. I live on 400 USD a month "total poverty level USA" But I have hot water, good foods, 3 homes paid for cash" I get massages near daily by a lovely lady,sex on demand, foods cooked for me restaurant style..and I drink and am merry during the holiday..Never lonely "a friend-women is a phone call away"...and people ask me why I have not returned to the USA...aWell let me explain my life if I returned there..lets compare. I'd be making MUCH more money...maybe 75K a year...BUT I'd be paying the bank on the home. I'd likely be lonely as friends in USA I need appointments for..Women..well I'd have to search the Yahoo personals for some gross obese fat chick...Then add she is on some type of medication or has luggage. Sex...likely masturbation...yeah id have maybe better roads, and fast food.....and would be making good money...but....I think I'll take my 400 bucks a month and be very happy here!"


From an expat in Mexico


Absolutely true! Every word in the 10 reasons. I was married to an American woman for 14 years. I left the marriage a hollow shell, a broken man. Why couldn't I do anything right? Everything was my fault, right? I must have been the evil bastard she described! Long story short = the AW got the house, and the 500K of capital gains (California). Not to mention my heart andf soul. I licked my wounds for 5 years, feeling bad about myself.

Then, I discovered Mexico. At the age of 42, I found a new life. I met a fantastic woman... loving, selfless, sharing, caring, and did I mention drop-dead gorgeous? I am now living in Southern Mexico, completely happy. I have been married to my Oaxaquena for 3 years, and the heat just gets hotter. We actually appreciate each other and life together is a 2 way street. She is always at my side with encouragement and support. And no, we don't place a lot of value on material things. When I am up in the states on business, or to visit my side of the family, I am quickly ready to come home. I laugh at the poor bastards I see chasing tail with their tongues hanging out. I don't give any american woman any thought except what a kid must think after the first time he touches a hot stove. I have been relieved of the sickness the shallow ones!


One need only sit in a coffee shop in a mall for 5 minutes to see the problem in its stark reality. Watch the women as they salivate over material goods and ignore everything and everyone in the area besides themselves. Do you see any smiles or eye contact going on? Absolutely none. In Mexico, smiles, personal greetings, hugs, kisses on the cheek, fond embraces are the order of the day. Contrast this with fake tits, collagen lips, and harried scowls, evil countenances, and the inability to pass up any type of reflective surface. Whattaya got? I have no use for American women. I only feel bad that I wasted 14 years of my life on one of them. RIGHT ON with the 10 rules!



From an Asian American expat in Thailand:

Let?s see, climb the corporate ladder, work over-time doing things you hate for people who look down on you to pay for a house you can?t afford and a fancy car that depreciates as soon as you drive it off the lot.

Getting a measly two weeks of vacation time while Euros get months.

Slave away at this job only to have the company down-size or get taken over and have your position made obsolete and find out that you are unemployable since you are middle-aged.

To bust your ass trying to please American women and get their attention.

Marrying your sweetheart only to see her turn into a nagging fat shrew.

Working at said job and finally retiring when you are too old to enjoy your freedom, consigned to watching ?Oprah? at the senior center, playing canasta on Saturday nights and having? Senior?s Night? at Denny?s your weekly thrill.

No thank you!

Most men are indoctrinated from birth via the schools and the mass media into becoming enslaved for life to this treadmill.

Men become so preoccupied with covering up his ass at work (meeting quotas) and playing the political game while desperately trying to meet suitable women.

American society has changed radically over the past century before WWI most Americans worked at agrarian jobs, born, raised, marrying and dying within a few miles of his birthplace.
He probably went to a church which was a place where all the community met.
He knew and was known by all of the females from childbirth having gone to school and to the same church as they attended.
There were matchmakers, barn-dances, ice cream socials to allow singles to meet.

Finding a mate was easier as women were expected to find a decent husband and were raised to respect men.

The Industrial Age and WWI changed all that as farm-boys went to war and
were suddenly exposed to fighting in a foreign country, growing up very fast and being exposed to a alien culture.
The mass-marketing of the automobile and the creation of the Intercontinental Highway system made America a mobile society.
Now people can live in a neighborhood and scarcely know their neighbors.

Feminism has destroyed trust between genders and now men are seen as predators/criminals/fools.

Mass communication is cheaper and easier than ever with cell-phone, internet, VIOP and chat-rooms yet people are more isolated and out of touch than ever.

There is no real effective way for singles to meet nowadays as men are working overtime to make ends meet and have little time to socialize.
But that is what they were told to believe in and it makes them great wage-slaves who can be easily manipulated.

Personally I tried singles groups, singles ads and partner-danced for years with
little result.

I have friends who haven?t had a date for years and are unlikely ever to meet a decent woman.

Those relationship ?experts? are like the American Cancer Society, they are not interested in helping you but to rake in cash from desperate people dying to meet a partner.

A few men have found the courage to get off the treadmill and find their fortunes
It?s not easy, some men have fallen on their faces but most have succeeded.





I teach English here in LOS (Land of Smiles), it doesn?t pay much but the cost of
living is much lower than the States.

I managed to buy a beachfront condo in Pattaya on the Eastern Seaboard.

The first thing a potential expatriate must do to make a successful escape is to commit
and make a choice on actively exploring the notion of leaving one?s homeland.
He must commit to make as many field trips as he can to check out the country desired.
He must cease merely dreaming about living abroad immediately as that encourages procrastination.
He will instead visualize himself actually working, living and playing in the chosen country.
He will read all books on how to successfully expatriate.
He will research on the chosen country, learn something about the culture, history and
some of the language.

Once he is there he will connect with the expatriates already living there via the many expat clubs.
He will ask hard questions about the reality and ins and outs of living there and finding
He will visit the local realty companies to check out condos and houses.
After he does all of this if he still is motivated he will make a decision and stick to it.

Everything he does from now on will support his expatriating.

He will get rid of that fancy car with its expensive monthly payments.
He will move out of that fancy apartment and into a trailer park to save money
or convert his property into a source of income.
He will cease useless hobbies that are a financial drain such as playing the horses or
going to lap-dance clubs.
So what if your family and friends raise their eyebrows, you are busy
engineering your escape to a better life.
He will make financial arrangements with his accountant for overseas
communication and tax returns.
He will start disposing of accumulated junk in his life that?s served its purpose but is
now a drag on his life.
Junk such as comic book collections, old love letters for exe?s, bowling trophies, etc.
He should be down to a suitcase and a carry-on by the time he departs.
He will set a firm date for moving out, if he doesn?t he will find more excuses for
inaction and never commit.
He will be very discreet about his plans to casual acquaintances especially Western women especially if he plans to move to Thailand.
He will find that doubters, mostly female will come out and try to discourage you.

They will cast doubt on your manhood ( ?What?s wrong, are you threatened by strong
American women??).
They will tell your half-truths about moving abroad ( ?it?s dangerous, you?ll be
back in a month.?).

Do not depend on mainstream travel guide for information relevant to expatriating.
They are written for back-packers, wealthy couples, women, Gays and Lesbians.

?Lonely Planet? is very slanted against the single heterosexual male tourist and
is not to be depended upon..
On-line forums such as are better and have less disinformation.

Putting up pictures of the country?s landmarks and post-it notes on bathroom mirrors
with encouraging phrases is helpful.

I have strong doubts that any of this is going to be listened to much less act upon.

Few Americans even have passports.
Most men are used to being wage-slaves and will block out any information or advice
from friends about becoming an expatriate.
Most will just read this, shake their heads, and declare that it?s a hopeless dream and return
to working at a soulless job with a miserable commute and a rancid nationwide dating
Thousand of expats live abroad, why not you?



From my Expat Advisor:


I emigrated to the US in 1978 because I was escaping from military service in a dictatorial country which was getting ready for war.

I love the US for its gov't, its business structure, it's educational opportunities and its political and religious freedoms. I love the general Anglo Saxon sense of responsibility and how efficiently and smartly things are done. I am a US citizen now and will not change that no matter what. I have repaid all debts I owed, never defaulted on student loans and am a law-abiding citizen.

But there are things that I do not like and they are of social character- racial discrimination in social interactions, how people are officially divided into Whites, Blacks, Hispanics and Asians, etc. an how females behave, dress and treat men. I do not like the high divorce rate. I do not like how people are hyphenated- Irish-American, Italian-American etc. Even in Social Security annals, they right " foreign-born" and "American-born".
Why they need to do it is beyond me.

Also, if you are a male immigrant from a non-white/non 1st world country, you will generally not be accepted as dating material by American women. I have heard and seen it over and over again. Plus the "real" Americans will not want to associate with you for friendship either. Even if you have a tiniest trace of an accent, you will be rejected. Socially, it is very nativistic and snobbish. This is why, unlike in quite a few other countries( even China , Korea and Japan) foreign men ( even Bangladeshis) have local wives, in America you almost never see that. Even I know Germans here who have Germans wives, not American ones.

The best and most natural way of integrating into society is by marrying into it but it rarely happens to immigrant men in the US. They are just not marriage material.

Plus in the US people generally live in ethnic ghettoes and do not associate with others. I call it apartheid and I am very much against apartheids.

In the country where I grew up I was a popular guy and had dates and many friends. I became a lonely man in the US. I could not stand it and decided that I had to combine America with another country. Since I began doing that, first by going to Japan and then other countries, my loneliness disappeared. It was the right choice for me and it worked for me.

The last straw? I applied for several jobs and they would not hire me. They kept asking me about the country I was from and all that. They did not like the fact that I spoke many languages. "Why? What is your nationality?"

I also got called a "foreigner" at one job I did get, and when I protested and said I was US citizen, I was told "I mean a foreigner, not born here." That was it. I was on the next plane out. I owe it to myself to live in a friendly place where people are not so nasty.


I got an MA in TESL and began teaching.



From a former Silicon Valley drone who found salvation in France:




yup -- these guys are right on the money.  I flew to France after quitting a job in Silicon Valley...(where the women are absolutely terrible!)


I go to a French language school and take a class....I make 20 new friends overnight....I meet my future wife...I get married and now 2yrs STILL HAPPY!


I dont want to bunch all American girls into one big lump....BUT -- the majority of them due to culture or something act really snotty and stupid - like we?re not GOOD ENOUGH for them....and to be honest and not toot my horn - i was voted Prom King in Id hope to think that Im not THAT ugly at least...but i swear i went 12yrs in the bay area - and rarely found a girl who even batted an eye....and quite frankly i started to lower my own standards lower and lower....and for what?  The moment i traveled anywhere else - i found girls that would SINK any american girl that ignored i have a wife that turns heads left and right - but she is staring right into my eyes with love.


Real love!


I think America has a cultural problem internally that is eating it alive...


Good luck man







From an Asian American intellectual in Europe:


Hey Winston,

I'm around 6'1" and attractive by Asian standards.  What that meant was that I could usually find a girlfriend (Asian mostly) without too much trouble in the U.S.  On the other hand, I too still faced the discrimination that all Asian men are subject to.

I had white American girls yell "Ewwww!  Yuck!" to my face when I approached them at a club.  I could go on but I'm sure you get the point.

The reason I left the U.S. was because I found it to be a profoundly depressing and soulless existence living in North America.  I hate life in U.S. suburbs the most.  Cookie-cutter houses.  Endless strip malls filled with the same stores (Blockbuster, McDonalds, etc).  Having to drive EVERYWHERE.  Spending every night watching television or DVDs in my big, isolated house.  Weekends with nothing to do but go shopping at the mall.  Like many people, I always felt half-dead whenever I spent significant periods of time in the U.S.  I couldn't figure out why.  Then I realized it.  It was American culture.  It was the American media.  To put it bluntly, American culture is a ghetto culture that values flash over substance, superficial consumerism over spiritual growth. It's a culture that has an invisible racial hierarchy that places Asian men at the bottom and is obsessed with all things white or black American.  It's a country that is built for doing business, not living life.

Anyhow, I've lived in many places during my life.  And as we all know, each place has its good bits and its bad bits.

I've now learned to take the best bits of the U.S. (namely, service and business) and transfer it to my life abroad.



From an intelligent Asian American:


Subject:            Winston, you are 100% correct



Hey there Winston,

You probably don't remember me at all but I had a really long series of e-mail conversations with you a few years back. I don't think I used the same e-mail address though or I used an anonymous nickname at the time. I don't remember the exact year but it was probably around 2002 or 2003 when your website was a chronicle about all the problems you were encountering in Russia . I believe my initial responses to you were kind of critical in regards to your adventures in Russia and your motivations. Well, like you I am an Asian-American and I made the decision to live abroad in 2005. I haven't regretted it one bit and it has been a life changing (and saving) experience. It?s interesting and sort of funny to me that it seems you decided to live abroad roughly around the same time as I did. I always considered this option and deep down inside it?s what I was planning for in my life. I was far from being a ?loser? in the U.S. , I was hired by a police dept and was going to work in law enforcement as a career. I fit the ?type A? personality attributes pretty well because I?m fit, decent looking if not handsome, confident, outspoken, and I have managed my personal life well. However, I spent a couple weeks in the academy and realized that I could never become a cop. It wasn?t because I lacked the ability or the interest in police work it?s just that the motivation wasn?t there to ?protect and serve? communities in the U.S. I had absolutely no interest in building a life in America and the people I was surrounded with just put all that into perspective.


After I quit the academy I felt fairly depressed because it was the first time I quit something major in my life. I felt like a failure for a couple years because I didn?t buckle down and go through with it despite my reservations. I even tried a couple more times to enter into law enforcement. This was done more to convince myself to fit into American society professionally rather than doing what I really wanted to do in my heart. It was only after I decided to put everything on hold for awhile and do some soul searching that I figured out what was really bothering me. It wasn?t me at all it WAS the society I was living in. I am just not materialistic or infatuated with conforming to the American ideal of what an American male should be or what constitutes the fabled ?American ethic.? The whole idea repulses me and I feel a deep seeded disgust and aversion towards what many Americans stand for.  It?s too bad I didn?t figure this out for myself until much later.. all told I wasted a good 4-5 years from 2001 until 2005 with indecisions about my life. Those should have been the prime years of my life spent partying, socializing, laying down a career path, and just enjoying my youth but I am still young (29) and have been happily living abroad the past couple years.

Let's face it America is good for some things like making money, developing stable businesses, and enjoying the natural landscape however the standard of living is highly overrated and downright poor in many respects. People in
America are stressed, sexless, annoyed, and angry most of the time. You can see it in mainstream American culture, the macho bullshit posturing, the elitism, and the feminist nonsense. I know some people will deny this and call us "pathetic" for our choices but I know too many American expats from all walks of life who are happily living abroad to discount this as mere coincidence. The english speaking western world has really pigeonholed itself as a moralistic, productive, and order based society but I feel the more you order and categorize people's lives the less happy they are. I?m not even going to get into all the racial discrimination, social politics, and other nonsense that pervades every aspect of American life either. Let?s just say that I?m sure you know about as much as I do how bad it can be as an asian minority in the U.S. Actually, it?s not even a race thing these days. I find a lot of my friends from ALL racial backgrounds to express how sick and tired they are of the bullshit they face in daily American life. However, the vast majority of these guys will never leave. They just don?t have the options on the table because they set down responsibilities and roots that will not allow them that mobility. I feel for them, if only they knew..


Once you go abroad it?s difficult to go back. My first extended experience living overseas opened my eyes in a variety of ways. People will always be people but I believe that culture is the single biggest influence on people. There is definitely something wrong with America in this respect. America may be a lot of good things..productive, prosperous, and relatively free but the socialization of its citizens is much less advanced than other (much more economically poorer) countries I?ve been in. The way I look at it quality of life isn?t just all about money. It?s about what you can do with yourself in that society and how comfortable you feel around others. In America I was never truly ?comfortable? but always felt tense or slightly agitated at the people around me. There?s definitely a hostility and tenseness to social interaction there that I don?t feel anywhere else. That?s a lot of negativity to deal with daily so it?s not surprising that out of all industrialized first world countries Americans generally have the least healthy lifestyles and shortest overall life spans.

Anyways, this e-mail ended up being a lot longer and more personal than I anticipated. Feel free to quote from this if you would like to. There are a lot of other observations I?d like to make including various countries I?ve traveled to in the past couple years but I?ll save that for another e-mail.


Also, Winston keep up the good work. I really feel you are one of the more intelligent and insightful individuals out there on the internet. I?m sure there are lots of American men of all backgrounds who agree with your articles. Ignore the naysayers and bitter Americans out there who want to bring you down to their level. Be yourself and be happy with life. Life is short and sometimes that?s all we can do is just be.

Not anonymous this time ;),


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