Different Places- Different Reactions
Posted: September 21st, 2007, 9:22 pm
If there is one thing that I have learned now after so many years of travel is that your dating life obeys the "It Takes Two to Tango" principle, meaning that whether it will be good or bad depends on you and how your present environment responds to you. Duh? Well, wait until I will explain what I mean.
I first noticed this when I moved from Ukraine to Russia and back to Ukraine way back in the 70ies. I was not exactly dating as such but I was simply watching the reactions of my female classmates to me. I was in a high school in Russia and I was quite popular there. Even in the neighborhood where I lived, girls would look at me and tell me that I was handsome. I was not really doing anything, just being myself, basically. Girls would send me notes; some would come and visit me unannounced by just knocking at my door and the asking for my phone number. And I was just a teenager.
When I moved back to Ukraine, the looks stopped and the girls there would simply ignore me. In high school they would treat me either patronizingly or scornfully at best. Why was that? Well, the demographics played a role. There were fewer pretty girls, the economy was better and the guys were more good looking and more presentable. In Russia most guys were rude and uncouth and very disrespectful of females. I was different as I was nicer and friendlier.
While I was a somebody in Russia, I became a nobody in Ukraine in terms of being liked by girls. I had to take guitar classes, learn to sing and then after my family bought a house on the beach there, this is when girls started coming. But most would just use me and spit me out. There were too many guys around for them to value me. At that time I blamed my social skills and my luck. And when I asked guys in Ukraine to give me guidance, they would tell me that I needed to polish my dating skills. Of course that is what they would say- they had never lived in Russia and did not know how it was there.
In the USA, things got far worse for me. Girls would just pass me by without giving me so much as a look. Years of loneliness went by after that. I tried to pick up girls on buses but they would look at me with fear as if I was a criminal. Most people would not make eye contact each other or talk to strangers. I went to college in the USA later and stayed in a dorm and it was OK but you could not compare the dating scene to that of Russia. There were fewer pretty girls, lots of handsome and "sweet" guys and the competition for girls was keen.
In Puerto Rico, where I stayed for three semesters, girls were prettier but most liked a guy with a car and if you had no car, you could not go out with them as a rule. The custom required that you went and picked them up by car. I was too poor for that at that time. Again, no girl.
Later, I went to Japan where, while things were somewhat better than in the USA, again the reaction to me was not so great. People again do not look at each other and do not generally talk to foreigners. If you want a pretty Japanese girl, they are hard to find. The ones that like foreigners are the ones who are past their marriageable age or are really into foreign culture.
When I went to the Philippines, things changed radically. It was even more intense than Russia- girls would stare at me everywhere, blow kisses at me, flirt with me and ask me if I have a wife. If I asked them for a phone number they would give it to me. Strange! Well, not now that I have learned about the Philippine culture. There are more women than men, they like Westerners more than other Asians and they do not mind mixing with other races as a rule.
So. I did not change but instead, I went from one country to another. The results were completely different and girls responded differently to me depending on the country.
I have found a better social/romantic life in the Philippines; I go there all the time; I have learned the two main languages there and as long as I am connected to that country, my social problem has been solved. I invite others to do the same.
I first noticed this when I moved from Ukraine to Russia and back to Ukraine way back in the 70ies. I was not exactly dating as such but I was simply watching the reactions of my female classmates to me. I was in a high school in Russia and I was quite popular there. Even in the neighborhood where I lived, girls would look at me and tell me that I was handsome. I was not really doing anything, just being myself, basically. Girls would send me notes; some would come and visit me unannounced by just knocking at my door and the asking for my phone number. And I was just a teenager.
When I moved back to Ukraine, the looks stopped and the girls there would simply ignore me. In high school they would treat me either patronizingly or scornfully at best. Why was that? Well, the demographics played a role. There were fewer pretty girls, the economy was better and the guys were more good looking and more presentable. In Russia most guys were rude and uncouth and very disrespectful of females. I was different as I was nicer and friendlier.
While I was a somebody in Russia, I became a nobody in Ukraine in terms of being liked by girls. I had to take guitar classes, learn to sing and then after my family bought a house on the beach there, this is when girls started coming. But most would just use me and spit me out. There were too many guys around for them to value me. At that time I blamed my social skills and my luck. And when I asked guys in Ukraine to give me guidance, they would tell me that I needed to polish my dating skills. Of course that is what they would say- they had never lived in Russia and did not know how it was there.
In the USA, things got far worse for me. Girls would just pass me by without giving me so much as a look. Years of loneliness went by after that. I tried to pick up girls on buses but they would look at me with fear as if I was a criminal. Most people would not make eye contact each other or talk to strangers. I went to college in the USA later and stayed in a dorm and it was OK but you could not compare the dating scene to that of Russia. There were fewer pretty girls, lots of handsome and "sweet" guys and the competition for girls was keen.
In Puerto Rico, where I stayed for three semesters, girls were prettier but most liked a guy with a car and if you had no car, you could not go out with them as a rule. The custom required that you went and picked them up by car. I was too poor for that at that time. Again, no girl.
Later, I went to Japan where, while things were somewhat better than in the USA, again the reaction to me was not so great. People again do not look at each other and do not generally talk to foreigners. If you want a pretty Japanese girl, they are hard to find. The ones that like foreigners are the ones who are past their marriageable age or are really into foreign culture.
When I went to the Philippines, things changed radically. It was even more intense than Russia- girls would stare at me everywhere, blow kisses at me, flirt with me and ask me if I have a wife. If I asked them for a phone number they would give it to me. Strange! Well, not now that I have learned about the Philippine culture. There are more women than men, they like Westerners more than other Asians and they do not mind mixing with other races as a rule.
So. I did not change but instead, I went from one country to another. The results were completely different and girls responded differently to me depending on the country.
I have found a better social/romantic life in the Philippines; I go there all the time; I have learned the two main languages there and as long as I am connected to that country, my social problem has been solved. I invite others to do the same.
