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Winston has raised some good points recently upon his return from vacation. Sadly, I have to echo his sentiments. I am finding too many Filipina girls lately that I've talked to (inclulding the ones I've narrowed it down to) are at times, the biggest dunces on the planet. It's all about eat, f**k and loaf around. Rinse and repeat. I will not be anyone's sugar daddy either. I am a dirt poor artist trying to make ends meet. I will admit -- I do value some intellectual connection. I don't expect Einstein II, just someone who can relate to me, and vice versa. Truth is, I will be treated differently there in the Philippines strictly because i am a foreigner. (the Santa Claus effect) If i were to assimilate as a regular citizen, I would probably be treated like crap because I'm not a Filipino to begin with. I'm a very open, candid, honest, and at times, blunt person. That's a very incompatible personality temperament for the culture it seems.
My 2 top girls have flaked on me too. One I haven't seen her on skype for almost 3 weeks now. According to her CB profile, she hasn't been on for 2. The other is ridiculously petty. I was logged onto Skype one night, tired and back home from a gig. My best friend engaged me in a conversation, and she was on at the same time. She logged off within 5 minutes because I didn't video call her, and I haven't seen her on since then. (that was last week). Mind you, I'm very consistent about my login times to that which we both agreed was a good time to talk with each other.
So, if its one that that I have gotten out of all of this is: if you aren't going to travel to the Philippines in the IMMEDIATE future (I'm talking within several months at max), they stray, and don't keep their word. I flat out told all of them UPFRONT, that I could not make it down for 6 months to a year due to my musical commitments/gigs. Let's be real folks -- the hottest CB girls are getting hit up all the time by other guys, and the local men are probably chasing after them as well.
All of this has caused a change of heart about even going now. If I go abroad permanently, it will not be in the Philippines. Winston's recent trip report about his scuff with locals sealed the deal for me. The biggest turn off by far is that I DO NOT care for anyone that sympathizes with "their own", even when they are perpetuating fraud or other criminal acts. And on top of that, you are expected to shut up about it, and not rock the boat. WHAT THE f**k IS THAT? I have too much of a conscience, and sense of justice and right and wrong to just let things be swept under the carpet. The Philippines might end up being like water and oil with me. It's just not going to mix. I've realized also that I am more attracted to the Northern/mainland Asians (Taiwan, Japan, Korea, China, etc.) At least they are educated well. I really like Latinas too, but haven't dated or tried one yet. Time to re-think my options.
Perhaps this should be going into the rants and raves section. I'll leave that up to Winston.
Last edited by jcris7 on October 5th, 2011, 1:11 am, edited 4 times in total.
"Women age like milk; Men age like wine." - Tom Leykis
Yes sir me too. Too childish its like being around a kid all the time. Like i said in my other post my main gripe with my ex among many was the expectation that i talk to her 2 times a day for 2 hours a day. She would whine like a child when i told her that would be impossible. Now for strictly f**k and flee i still want to visit Cebu.
I think there is something to be said about the strategy of going onto CB just a few weeks before you are planning to travel to the Philippines (or anywhere else) and setting up dates for when you arrive and determining then who you do or don't like. Its tough to develop and maintain a long term online relationship, though I know it happens.
While in some ways my experience has been similar to yours, in some ways its been different. I have chatted with a ridiculously large amount of girls! Yes, they sometimes come and go, but I think that is more the nature of online relationships and not unique to Filipinas. Girls who I thought there was a connection with sometimes disappeared, though sometimes returned a week or two later. Since many do not have stable financial lives, some have actually apologized to me that they were out of money for the Internet cafe or busy with their families or other reasons, whether true or not I don't know. For me (and perhaps this comes with old age) I just assume this is the norm.
I have also read a lot of comments about the dumb Filipina girls. Perhaps I have been lucky. I am chatting with several girls who are very bright, sharp and mature, as well as a number of others who while they may not be Einstein, are not dumb. The ones that I have encountered that were dumb, I immediately eliminated from consideration. Since there are so many attractive girls on CB, finding ones that stimulate me conversationally has not been a problem.
Of course I will admit that I am sucker for sweet, kind and pretty and when a girl has those qualities and likes me as well - it automatically raises her IQ 20 points.
Anyway, jcris, good luck wherever you decide to look or visit.
Sorry it didn't work out for you jcris. I haven't had that problem with filipinas generally. The few Chinese ladies I have spoken with, now they flake out very fast. One was suggesting I visit her for National Day a few weeks ago, and I explained that such a trip wasn't feasible that quickly and she was gone. I was her wo de bao bei and she was my shao xin gan. Oh well.
I can't recall the name of the member on here offhand, but he met his wife on cb and was meticulous about his search and I took that to heart. Unlike him though, I kept myself open to whoever emailed me and found several members I clicked with. What's funny is my initial top picks flaked out quickly too. One was a bit of a scammer and the other one disappeared. The ones I just felt a tenuous connection with grew stronger over time. Now I'm heading over in a few weeks to see several members that I really clicked with over time. My recommendation would be to keep it low key if you're not going to be getting there any time soon. And don't feel too badly if somebody flakes on you, since you've got such a number of women to choose from. Just keep it friendly since you really can't do anything more than chat for now. I've been profoundly impressed by how much these women respond to you when you express an interest in them even though you get nothing tangible out of it. You might be the only person in their lives that gives a shit about what they are going through, even if you are just a guy on a screen.
I also don't think filipinas are any dumber than the average American women. The difference is the average American girl got a degree studying something like the post-impressionist movement and can sound intelligent when she discusses it. Otherwise, she's a total bimbo. One of my ex's, God love her, managed to melt a plastic pot in the oven. I'd much rather have someone who can whip up a meal from a potato, a couple rocks and a pot, over someone who can discuss Toulouse-Lautrec, but doesn't know a damn thing about a kitchen.
Anyway, I'm still championing the Filipina cause. I appreciate you looking elsewhere though. There are some stunning Korean, Japanese, Chinese and South American women. Good luck to you.
I believe you are referring to Pete. I know who he is. Great guy! Yes, his efforts paid off. He found a gem of a Filipina -- beautiful, smart, dedicated, hard working. I know they are out there, but I sometimes get clouded with the cynicism of "too good to be true". That's kinda what happened with me. I was excited and hopeful with my girls, thought everything was going great, and then it gets pulled out from under me.
At this point, with my limited financial situation in the present, I am going to begin looking south of the border to Mexico. I'm here in Southern California.
"Women age like milk; Men age like wine." - Tom Leykis
I too am in the same situation with you with my ex-GF Grace. Right now, we are just "friends" who chat via text message on a daily basis.
I am sad though because I forgive Grace for getting mad and handing back the engagement ring to me. What irked me was her older sister who yelled at me in the hotel room and encouraged Grace to pack up and leave me in the hotel room. Will not forget that.
I was introduced to Grace by one of my mom's clients, who introduced me to Grace's aunty living in Hawaii.
However, the big mistake was, that I was also communicating with another Filipina "J" who was introduced to me by an ex-worker "L" (we were good friends back then). fast forwards to January, "J" saw photos of me with Grace in the Philippines and got pissed. We broke off quickly from that event.
Just recently in mid-June, I visited Grace in the Philippines to get engaged to her.
I was happy and thought things would turn out well.
But I am also an outspoken person like you. Seemed like there were no issues when I was staying at Grace's house or in her hometown area. But when we left the hometown area, she started to act a litte different. Plus the older sister coming along with us made things worse.
What I complained about was how I was spending money for their hotel room, the breakfast, the lunch, dinner, taxi fare, bus fare.
While I understand that Grace is unemployed due to "not being connected to a politician" (I don't know if that's a lie or not).
However, what pissed the shit out of me was that she made no effort to pay a single penny for any of the meals.
Seems like the Filipino culture focuses on "freeloading" off of foreigners, whether you're a white person or an Asian person.
I also could not beleive the IGNORANCE of many of the Filipinos!
I have a Japanese lastname, but I am a US citizen with a US passport. When I checked into one of the hotels in Manila for me, Grace and her older sister's stay in the Manila area, guess what? When I got the check-in paperwork, the hotel listed my nationality as "JAPAN." I am not lying.
I think this applies to other SE Asian countries, so I will not complain much. But these Filipinos think that only white people qualify as being "American" people.
Anyhow, Grace is the last straw of my dealings with Filipina's.
I still do like her. However, my mom really dislikes her and I believe that successful marriages occur when both parents approve of your relationship.
Hence, I am only keeping in touch with Grace as a distant friend.
OP, sounds like you need to chill, man, and try to develop a more laid-back personality around Asians. Don't ever try to have serious conversations, just keep it all joking and light-hearted. And even better, don't even waste time on relationships. Prostitution is widespread in the philippines so take advantage of that and bang as many as you can. It's only like 20 or 30 dollars in most places, right?
i'm literally bulletproof, for real. My friend shot a gun at me and the bullet bounced right off me.
^^ I think that is very shallow of you to just talk about "banging prostitutes" as much as you can.
Some of us don't care to bang prostitutes, as people like me have higher standards and looking for relationships where I want to find wife-material women to marry.
you are probably young in your 20's, so a relationship is not something you consider. But for older guys like me (but I'm still considered young), I am ready to get married and want to have children and become a father.
People like you give SE Asian countries a bad reputation for a place to only go mongering and having sex with prostitutes and/or bar girls.
There is nothing wrong with banging prostitutes. There is nothing shallow or immoral about it so as long as all parties involved are consenting adults.
Prostitution is simply a short term transactional relationship. I get that people are looking for love, but long term relationships are just as equally transactional and actually can cost a man a lot more in the long run.
Yes, I only do short term transactional relationships with women but surprisingly in all of this hooking up we have our own subculture where some of us actually care for each other to the point where each time you see your regular it's like visiting and old friend and when they retire or pass away you morn the loss.
Disagree with Horanhgee, I believe it is crucial for most young men in their twenties to find the right woman and settle down, especially in this day and age where good women are becoming ever more precious due to feminism, hypergamy and other things. In fact, in an ideal world, I think young males and females will seal the deal (not necessarily getting married, but heading towards that) by their late teens. Do you think I don't wish I hadn't met the right one when I was 17-18? Of course I wish I did. If I have a son, I would make sure, and pray that he meets the right girl as soon as he can. I would also encourage him to take the relationship into consideration (if it makes him very happy and I can see genuinely good qualities in the girl) before making every major life decision.
Why do I believe young men should start looking for, and find the right one early in life? Perhaps it's a bit of the traditionalist / romanticist in me. There's an appeal to building a lifelong bond beginning early in life, something that's increasingly hard to find in this day and age. Hoping that the love is strong enough, it will keep two people tied together, where the relationship is above any other priority, and is viewed as key before anything else. When men are younger, it could be easier to find pure, genuine companionship because women except more from older men, financially and in other ways. The older a man gets, having gone through several failed relationships, the more likely he is to become jaded. Becoming jaded is a death spell to any affair of the heart. Don't you think it's very pleasing, and very satisfying to find and be with someone you've known for a lifetime, to grow old together, to evolve from a youthful, possibly passionate bond into a commitment and friendship that's even more solid and immutable? Once a commitment reaches a very deep level, you become less and less about "this and that" to each other, you just "are". It's hard to explain using words because it's such a deep feeling.
Taking my ideal view of relationships and marriage into account, if I were to shape an entire world based on stability and long-term commitment, and a simple way of life, the world would be less dynamic, perhaps a bit less advanced than the world we live in now, but it would be a heck of a lot more stable and moral. I once came across an article saying that our brains aren't equipped to handle the 21st century life we've created for ourselves. In many ways it's an abomination, really. We're meant to be living in small communities, closer to nature, closer to each other. Life's not meant to be, and should never become a competition / constant struggle not because one's life embodies the latter due to a greater, spiritual cause, but because things have just become so damned difficult for your average man / woman.
One of the main reasons why I seldom post on the forum these days is because a while back, I just got sick of some members who hold an extremely mercenary view of relationships with women, making them equally guilty of the same mercenary attitude they accuse women of holding. They accuse women of viewing everything as exchanges of value / worth, rather than soulful interaction and companionship, but they themselves hold the same views (yet are never courageous enough to admit it). Such people, who view dating and marriage as role / transaction based rather than a union built on love and a desire to spend a lifetime together, are NOT deserving of true love themselves whether they're a man or a woman. Call me stupid, call me naive, call me ignorant. I'm well aware of the state of things, but if I were to just 'go with the flow', wouldn't that make me part of the problem? I have never thought along the lines that my wife, my children, or anyone exists to serve me because I am so and so. Whatever care and goodwill must be from their hearts, hopefully as a result of my merits towards them and as an individual, not because of "roles" or anything guilt / debt-induced. Shutting out the possibility of finding true love and adopting a dehumanizing view of relationships will become a self-fulfilling prophecy, because over time you'll start aligning everything you do based on that unhealthy view.
Time is running out. If you don't start looking today / soon, it will only become more and more difficult because I don't see the state of things changing for the better. Who knows? Maybe a couple of decades down the line there may be no Happier Abroad for male children born in the Anglosphere today.
jcris7 if you want to go to NE Asia I'd say mainland China, all things considered, would be the best for living and finding a wife. I'm from a mainland background and a lot of times I thank God I was not born Korean, Japanese, Singaporean etc.
Wait a second, baoniang! What do you disagree with me on again?
I stated that I am all for a true relationship with women and also for marriage. I was stating to NorthAmericanGuy and GuyAbroad that it is very SHALLOW of them to think of women as prostitutes and to only "bang" a lot of them for their sexual pleasure.
Don't get me wrong. I was in the mongering boat when I was in college and even after graduating from college. But couple years ago, I started my second profession and I decided to date. I also tried a lot of online dating and using dating apps on my smart phone since moving to this area. I guess moving away from home and living away from my parents (moreso, my controlling mom) made me more interested in meeting women and dating. The problem is that I only have two friends living in this area and I do not know too many people in this area.
So okay, yes, if a guy can find a girlfriend in his 20s....then that is good.
HOWEVER, I do NOT recommend guys and girls to marry at an early age. No no no!!!
Young people tend to be immature and also tend to change during their late 20's. This leads to arguments and quarrels, and sadly, may lead to divorce.
Again, I will disagree with you on this, Baoniang. Yes, you can find the right one during your high school years. But people tend to change and younger people tend to be immature.
Yeah, I guess in the "good ol" days, even here in the US, people married young right out of high school.
These days, people are delaying marriages because of college and further graduate school education and seeking other professional degrees.
The same phenomenon can be seen amongst younger people in East Asian countries. Study study study and marry later on in life.
I think marrying in your late 20's to early to mid 30's is an ideal time to get married.
Again, there are some mature young people out there. However, there have been relationships that have failed and ended in divorce because people who married early on in life, like in their early 20's, saw things differently back then. But when they fast forward their lives another 10 years, things change and people change. I think it's important to finish college and to get a degree and then to get a steady job, rather than marrying at a super early age.
You are assuming that all men in their late ages have been through relationships. Some of us have never been in a genuine girlfriend/romantic relationship here in the US because it's so f***ing hard to find a girlfriend here, let alone, your race and skin color is also a factor in finding a girlfriend here in the US.
Baoniang, you must be a Chinese national and probably moved back to China since Western life did not fit your lifestyle or your political views in life. Hence, finding a girlfriend and being in love will NOT be a problem for you since you are now back in your motherland.
Tell you what. People like ME HAVE been searching and searching for the girlfriend, and girls that I have met at church, or through referrals, or from online dating websites or dating apps on the phone, either flaked out on me by eventually not responding to my text messages, or just meet up for one or two coffee or lunch dates, and they are not interested in meeting me again.
I honestly also stopped going to churches here (mainly the Korean churches). However, I don't know and maybe I should check out the churches here because I have recently moved to a new area of the city I live in. Maybe I should try and attend an American church.
This is why to a certain degree, I hate living in America. I really do. It's so f***ing lonely coming home from my long ass shift at work, no one to talk to, no one to make me my breakfast or dinner.
Friends that I know who live around here are already engaged, and another friend is already married to a Taiwanese girl and has a baby daughter.
Why does murphy law and God have to be mean to me? It's like there is a curse on me to be single.
People here have opportunities to travel abroad to teach English. But is that a long-term type of job? I do not think so. English teaching jobs in East Asia also do NOT pay well. You only get room and board and maybe $1200-$1400 per month. That is crap money. Hence, it is hard for me to simply relocate to another country, preferrably SE Asia or even East Asia.
You say that mainland China is the best, because you're a Chinese citizen,...probably born and raised there and decided to come to the US for university. When you realized, after you came here to the US, that America is not the land of milk and honey, you decided to pack up and return to mainland China.
I'm from a mainland background and a lot of times I thank God I was not born Korean, Japanese, Singaporean etc.
It's not like Chinese women are not on the same level as the materialistic women frmo S. Korea, Japan, Taiwan, Singapore, etc.
There is a growing number of Chinese women who are becoming westernized and becoming materialistic. Heck, as a matter of fact, I have heard that in China, women only marry men for their status and material wealth. Not mainly for love. So that totally contradicts what you have stated earlier that people should marry early on in life for love.