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Found this rant on the Godlike Productions forum and thought it was worth sharing here. Pretty depressing stuff.
Anybody else spent an entire lifetime without love?
I'm 55 years old. Clean cut, dark brown hair, green eyes. 6 foot 1, about 200 pounds. Work out several times a week, very fit and muscular. Get complements all the time. Even men ask me my "secret". Had a cop friend ask me the other day, how I stay in shape at this age.
Yet... I have NEVER experienced love, in 55 years. I was never told even once by either of my parents, that they loved me. My dad was a functional alcoholic, and my mother was an emotionally detached nervous wreck. I have several siblings, but we have been estranged from each other my entire adult life.
Yeah... I've had sex a few times. When I say "a few", I mean just that. I've had sex three times in my entire life, but it certainly wasn't with anyone who loved me. I have met plenty of actresses though.
I have some very good insight as to what my problem has been, but have never been able to do anything about it. You see, I love truth, logic, and reason. And to women, truth, logic, and reason is just like Kryptonite is to Superman. They run from it like the plague.
In fact, the truer something is, the more tenaciously a woman will struggle against it. And women are so emotionally unstable today, that even saying ONE wrong word, is enough to throw everything that WAS building into a relationship, right into the scrap heap.
No second chances.
No acceptance of apologies, even when I wasn't wrong.
And actually, I find it to be too DANGEROUS to get involved with one of these creatures nowadays, when all it takes is one irrational finger pointed at you, by an emotionally disturbed headcase, to land you in PRISON, no matter HOW nice and reasonable a guy you are.
Anyway... back to my story...
I've gone through 55 years, wondering what on earth does it take to find a woman who loves logic and reason, when every one that I've ever met, is repelled by common sense, and attracted to jive talking huckster "bad boys".
I've had people recommend that I just become one of these lying users and abusers myself, but I would rather just trudge on through the years alone, to my grave, before I would ever lower myself, and become one of these hell-bound degenerate turds. These guys who tell women whatever they want to hear, just to get laid, which has NOTHING to do with love.
But let me ask you a question...
If you had lived your ENTIRE life, with ZERO (emphasis on the word zero) love, would you even find it POSSIBLE to love others, after so many years of rejection. This, of course, just multiplies the problem, when one walks around angry and bitter.
But how does one FAKE happiness, when there is so much pent up anger, bitterness, and frustration inside? I used to feel uncomfortable admitting to myself and others, that I hate women. I no longer feel uncomfortable.
I used to think (when I was a teenager) that women were these mystical creatures, that could bring so much happiness and fulfillment to life. I had no idea that 35 years later, that I would feel the way I do.
The ONLY success I ever had, was when I got a job as a television news anchor in a major city, and the "celebrity" factor would attract women. But never the RIGHT kind of women. The kind that love you for YOU, instead of the kind that seek the attention that you could bring THEM, from OTHER people.
But apart from that, I have never in my entire life, experienced actual love. And these women only want what they can get, whether it be money, or attention from others, because of their "famous" boyfriend, etc... Other than my 12 years a public figure, I've gotten ZERO attention from women.
Even the ones who flirt with me, or that I found out (through a friend) that they like me, as soon as they find out that I am a noble man, a truthful man, an honest man, a logical man, they completely lose ANY interest they previously had.
That is why I laugh when women tell me they want an "honest" guy. Women DETEST honesty. Whether they admit it or not, they are attracted to LIARS, and guys who merely tell them what they want to hear.
Yeah... I know. The answer to all this, is to just down a bottle of sleeping pills, chased by a bottle of Jack Daniels... Right? Hell, I wouldn't even do THAT, because I feel like I would give some piece of shit some kind of sick satisfaction.
I don't look at my fellow human beings with love. I look at them as a rat would look at other rats trapped in the same cage, competing for food. I feel as if they would take a shit on my head, if it meant an extra dollar in their pocket.
All I've ever experienced in this life, has been actors and actresses, users and abusers, back stabbers and cutthroats. And there is not a SINGLE person that I want ANYTHING to do with.
I feel like the secret to getting through life without cracking up, is to NOT GIVE A SHIT about anyone, or anything. Just existing.
But obviously, it doesn't work, because I catch myself repeating this to myself every day, at least a dozen times a day, as if I am continually trying to convince myself that I don't give a shit.
In fact, that's the only reason I am typing this all out here. because it's hard to go through life feeling this way, and yet holding it all inside. So I wanted to see if there were any other people out there, who have gone through an entire life without ANY love.
Your own experiences are welcome here. Feel free to share. Any trolls that want to do some trolling here, well, you are just part of the reason that I look forward to the destruction that this planet is soon going to experience. And if you think that's sick, think about how sick you would have to be, to want this Satanic age to continue forever.
You know it's really sad when a guy who looks the way he does and has had a sort of "celebrity" status STILL can't find a good woman. Society really is f***ed.
"A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world." -Oscar Wilde
"Invincibility is in oneself, vulnerability is in the opponent" -Sun Tzu
"If you had lived your ENTIRE life, with ZERO (emphasis on the word zero) love, would you even find it POSSIBLE to love others, after so many years of rejection. This, of course, just multiplies the problem, when one walks around angry and bitter. "
Yep, it sure does. And when womens' response to that is usually "Man up!" you get the feeling the solution is very difficult to find in Western society and you might not ever attain it here.[/img]
Before I met my filipino bebe (which I intend to visit when I get the finances in order), I felt this way exactly. Now I think about how lucky I am. I honestly feel bad for people like this. Matter of fact, I am dealing with a friend who went through a nasty breakup with his girlfriend. She didn't even notify him in person, but just broke it by removing herself from the relationship status on fb. When he asked for an explanation, she unfriended him, and blocked him. And I hate to be rude, but she was an ugly bitch bitch besides the point, yet she acted like ms. Almighty. The more I live around here, the less I wanna live here.
The Daily Agorist, Learn to Live Independent of the System! http://www.theagoristreview.blogspot.com