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Do you find it really hard being a loner?

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Postby The_Adventurer » January 3rd, 2014, 7:15 pm

Winston wrote:Hi all,
You know, I came back to Las Vegas just before Christmas and have enjoyed the time alone here. I've realized that being alone in a house is a wonderfully peaceful experience. There is no one to tell you what to do, criticize you, judge you, make you feel insecure, tell you that there's something wrong with you, argue with you, distract you, bother you, drain your energy, or steal your attention. It's like complete and total peace, which few people can appreciate.


Did you get any work done during that alone time?

I find it impossible to be a loner in China, or Asia in general. Japan might be a good place for it though. I need my alone time, not because I am an introvert. I don't class myself by anyone's standards. I need it because I got things to do. When the time comes I speak in front of crowds of hundreds (not sure if I ever did thousands) and interact with them after my shows. I like that energy. When I don't want to go out partying, it is not because I don't like being around people, it is because I want to use my time more productively.
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Postby tre » January 3rd, 2014, 8:28 pm

I am textbook introvert. However, I have forced myself out of my comfort zone constantly throughout my life so I have high blood pressure and health problems from stress. I certainly do not have low blood pressure. I also do not notice everything around me as I am ALWAYS deep in thought about something else. I think that article was very accurate, but it just doesn't account for those introverts that force themselves out of their comfort zones regularly. My home is my comfort zone and I can't fully relax outside of it.

I don't like people approaching me and I don't like people calling me. I am one of those that will let it go to voicemail until I can build up the energy to call people back. If I see someone I somewhat know in the grocery store, etc., I will usually try to avoid them (disappear before they see me). The only exception to that would be my family. If I'm not prepared to meet someone, I will avoid contact...

It is true that Extroverts aren't particularly friendly in the USA to those that approach them. I was thinking about this the other day and I think it's easy to understand why. Those that cold approach others in the USA generally DO have an ulterior motive for doing so. They aren't approaching you just to say hello. They want SOMETHING from you. Even Extroverts in the USA are conditioned to "beware" of such people.

At a social event, Extroverts will be the social butterfly and feel completely comfortable, while the Introvert will definitely be looking for a isolated location so as to not be surrounded. Introverts will only want to talk to certain people and not too many at once, while Extroverts are typically the "life of the party".
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Postby lavezzi » January 4th, 2014, 2:29 pm

The personality or ego is an empirical illusion consisting of a mental representation of sensory experience filtered through past conditioning, and the senses are directed externally. Therefore, every human being is exclusively extroverted. "Introversion" can only be the act of taking solace in one's presumed or apparent separateness, which is what humans naturally tend to do with little or no variation. So this introversion vs extroversion model of personality is extremely misleading by definition and anyone using it will be giving out severely wrong impressions, especially when applied to groups.

Social interaction provides the experience of one's attention becoming absorbed in external phenomena; the unification of oneself with one's environment. There is no happiness other than this. However, the experience of absorption through social interaction results in the creation of severe attachment to it out of the fear that is native to being an apparently separate being and the inherent desire for consolation from this fear, and as a result whatever social role one perceives one must play to secure this consolation is obsessively fixated upon. Ever notice how all humans conform so rigorously to social norms? Anyway this is all very unnecessary from a greater perspective, seeing as one has an innate ability through reflective consciousness to "turn within" (metaphorically, not to give the impression of there existing an inner-being) and find the exact same absorption or unification by doing so, only without creating any of the aforementioned afflictions/attachments. Doing this provides no survival value however, and the momentum of action is intrinsically towards survival and beyond this into self-preservation. The modern world is a place of utterly deluded humans perpetually misleading each other by facilitating the conditions of experience conductive to the creation of a presumed duality in consciousness, where not even the slightest possibility for this belief having any reality whatsoever exists in this world or any other potential worlds.
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Postby newlifeinphilippines » January 4th, 2014, 8:54 pm

lavezzi wrote:The personality or ego is an empirical illusion consisting of a mental representation of sensory experience filtered through past conditioning, and the senses are directed externally. Therefore, every human being is exclusively extroverted. "Introversion" can only be the act of taking solace in one's presumed or apparent separateness, which is what humans naturally tend to do with little or no variation. So this introversion vs extroversion model of personality is extremely misleading by definition and anyone using it will be giving out severely wrong impressions, especially when applied to groups.

Social interaction provides the experience of one's attention becoming absorbed in external phenomena; the unification of oneself with one's environment. There is no happiness other than this. However, the experience of absorption through social interaction results in the creation of severe attachment to it out of the fear that is native to being an apparently separate being and the inherent desire for consolation from this fear, and as a result whatever social role one perceives one must play to secure this consolation is obsessively fixated upon. Ever notice how all humans conform so rigorously to social norms? Anyway this is all very unnecessary from a greater perspective, seeing as one has an innate ability through reflective consciousness to "turn within" (metaphorically, not to give the impression of there existing an inner-being) and find the exact same absorption or unification by doing so, only without creating any of the aforementioned afflictions/attachments. Doing this provides no survival value however, and the momentum of action is intrinsically towards survival and beyond this into self-preservation. The modern world is a place of utterly deluded humans perpetually misleading each other by facilitating the conditions of experience conductive to the creation of a presumed duality in consciousness, where not even the slightest possibility for this belief having any reality whatsoever exists in this world or any other potential worlds.



hey hows it going?
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Postby Winston » January 8th, 2014, 12:25 am

The_Adventurer wrote:
Winston wrote:Hi all,
You know, I came back to Las Vegas just before Christmas and have enjoyed the time alone here. I've realized that being alone in a house is a wonderfully peaceful experience. There is no one to tell you what to do, criticize you, judge you, make you feel insecure, tell you that there's something wrong with you, argue with you, distract you, bother you, drain your energy, or steal your attention. It's like complete and total peace, which few people can appreciate.


Did you get any work done during that alone time?

I find it impossible to be a loner in China, or Asia in general. Japan might be a good place for it though. I need my alone time, not because I am an introvert. I don't class myself by anyone's standards. I need it because I got things to do. When the time comes I speak in front of crowds of hundreds (not sure if I ever did thousands) and interact with them after my shows. I like that energy. When I don't want to go out partying, it is not because I don't like being around people, it is because I want to use my time more productively.


Yes a little. But I also spent a lot of time watching movies and reading books. It's not just about being able to work without distractions. There is a special peace in being alone without others around, that is perfect and without distractions. You have to be a very spiritual person to appreciate it. I can understand the appeal of being a hermit now. After all, why else would anyone become a hermit? It's not just to get work done. There must be a deeper reason for it.
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Postby Winston » January 26th, 2014, 6:11 am

I've just realized something about loneliness. It can be a blessing in disguise. You see, the longer you endure it, the more you realize its just an illusion and the less power it has over you. Eventually it doesn't have as much power over you. At that point, you gain one step toward mastering your own emotions. In that sense, it can be a blessing in disguise.

Once you have more control over such emotions, there is more of an inner peace inside you. Kind of like the inner peace that Kwai Chang Caine had in the TV series "Kung Fu" starring David Carradine. Even though he walked alone most of the time, he still had an inner peace he gained from the Shaolin Temple that no one else around him in the Old West had. Sun Tzu, the brilliant Chinese general who wrote The Ancient Art of War treatise, said that "The man who conquers himself (and his emotions) is greater than the man who conquers a thousand nations."

This is pretty enlightening and something for you to think about.
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Postby droid » January 27th, 2014, 3:36 am

tre wrote:Those that cold approach others in the USA generally DO have an ulterior motive for doing so. They aren't approaching you just to say hello. They want SOMETHING from you.

+1
Like one other poster said, you are always some kind of mark. So sad.
1)Too much of one thing defeats the purpose.
2)Everybody is full of it. What's your hypocrisy?
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Postby Teal Lantern » January 27th, 2014, 1:49 pm

Winston wrote:I've just realized something about loneliness. It can be a blessing in disguise. You see, the longer you endure it, the more you realize its just an illusion and the less power it has over you. Eventually it doesn't have as much power over you. At that point, you gain one step toward mastering your own emotions. In that sense, it can be a blessing in disguise.


Some people endure it for awhile, eventually work around it and, thus, are no longer lonely.
Others blow their brains out.
Loneliness is no more a blessing than hunger. You can learn something from both, but neither are good for you long term.
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Re: Do you find it is really hard being a loner?

Postby dreamer82 » January 27th, 2014, 6:31 pm

Temprano26 wrote:Being a loner throughout life has taught me to value every relationship that I have. I can value my alone time more when I feel I have strong connections to people.

Those with deep souls and real interests value their time by themselves. I find the cliquish people to be the most insecure because they always need to cling to a group of friends. These people cannot make eye contact with me because they are afraid of the people outside their social circle. They are afraid of being a loner like I am the same way we see poor people on the street and are afraid of falling through the cracks.

When I go places alone people get suspicious of me for no reason other than their preconceived notions that they got from the media. People seem to be engineered to be afraid of strangers. It is sad that a lone man cannot go out and naturally connect with other human beings.


I think I get what the poster is saying. It's preferable for people like us to live alone but society, through the media, has come to look at lonely men as potential suspects. It seemed to come on suddenly about ten years ago. I have pretty much lived alone since 1994 and didn't notice anything up till a few years ago. I would like to have one or two more good friends nearby but they're hard to find, especially for an introvert.

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Postby lavezzi » January 30th, 2014, 11:59 am

I've just realized something about loneliness. It can be a blessing in disguise. You see, the longer you endure it, the more you realize its just an illusion and the less power it has over you. Eventually it doesn't have as much power over you. At that point, you gain one step toward mastering your own emotions. In that sense, it can be a blessing in disguise.


You're dead right Winston. It's simply a case of not reacting to illusions based on false ideals. "Loneliness" is merely the assumed mental-label automatically attributed to the arising of a feeling of general unsatisfactoriness by those from a chaotic human society determined in it's every motive to undermine (true) individuality. Social interaction is none other than an addictive habit. The attachment to other people is the same as any other, and it will degenerate you.

Ever notice how people from different cultures think and act totally differently, yet virtually everyone within each particular culture thinks and acts in the same way? This is the power of the collective, and it will absolve you of your ability to view reality objectively and henceforth live a truly rich and fulfilling life. Humanity's vulnerabilities have been magnified to create a whole illusory (perceived) world based on fear and in pretentiousness. It is solely the pretensions of society which have the potential for causing afflictions, only these have become so rigorously internalized by each human that they seem to constitute our actual being, resulting in the apparently separate, seeking self that generates suffering.
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Postby Winston » February 6th, 2014, 9:34 am

One more thing. Besides loneliness, suffering in general seems to deepen one's soul and makes one more spiritual. Ever notice that? People who have suffered more and longer seem more deep. They are able to cultivate an inner bliss inside them that others who haven't suffered as much don't have. Ever notice this?

So in that sense, suffering can be a blessing in disguise too. Besides building character, it also deepens the soul and helps to cultivate an inner bliss that one can fall back on.

So next time you feel suffering, you might want to keep that in mind for it may be of some solace to you.
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Postby mfpinwa » February 9th, 2014, 7:06 am

Couple of observations:
About being classified as an introvert or extrovert. It seems that it depends on the situation or environment. With some social situations I am quiet and don't express, in a different social situation I can be very out going. Thus you cannot label people as introvert or extrovert since people behave differently in different social settings.

About being alone. I am considering becoming a hermit or recluse since I have not been able to find anyone that is trustworthy in the US.

Another point about social situation in the US, at least Seattle where I live, there are a lot of different groups living here. There are people from every country you can think of thus there are groups of Chinese, Taiwanese, Japanese, middle-easterns, european countries, mexico and south american countries, russian, eastern european, just about every country on the planet. Secondly, there the religious groups. You have the Catholics, Jewish, Morons, Protestants, and about a hundred other groups.
The point is that there are so many different groups and they all tend to only socialize only with people in their own group.
Thus you may live in a major city yet only have a few people in your group with which to socialize.

People come to the US to make money and leave. They are not here for long term relationships.
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Postby Winston » March 6th, 2014, 7:08 am

I was wondering something. Why is it that if you are alone and no one is around you - such as when you are in the middle of the desert - you don't feel lonely or isolated? It's only when there's lots of people around you who are all ignoring you and in cliques or in a bubble, that you feel lonely and isolated.

Why is that? Any of you notice this and wonder about it?
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Postby Billy » March 6th, 2014, 9:22 am

Winston wrote:I was wondering something. Why is it that if you are alone and no one is around you - such as when you are in the middle of the desert - you don't feel lonely or isolated? It's only when there's lots of people around you who are all ignoring you and in cliques or in a bubble, that you feel lonely and isolated.

Why is that? Any of you notice this and wonder about it?


Because you want to have that what you (daily) see says hannibal lector. Like you can use porn to be aroused. Deserts can be used to calm down as there is nothing there which arouses your emotions that´s why prophets love deserts...

There is no reaction without action. And deserts are the opposite of action....
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Postby Winston » March 7th, 2014, 1:41 am

Billy wrote:
Winston wrote:I was wondering something. Why is it that if you are alone and no one is around you - such as when you are in the middle of the desert - you don't feel lonely or isolated? It's only when there's lots of people around you who are all ignoring you and in cliques or in a bubble, that you feel lonely and isolated.

Why is that? Any of you notice this and wonder about it?


Because you want to have that what you (daily) see says hannibal lector. Like you can use p**n to be aroused. Deserts can be used to calm down as there is nothing there which arouses your emotions that´s why prophets love deserts...

There is no reaction without action. And deserts are the opposite of action....


That's a great point Billy. But can you explain this one: How come in Russia or the Philippines, when I'm around many strangers, and sitting alone and eating, I do not feel lonely or isolated? How come only in America? Is it because in those foreign countries, I'm surrounded by more genuine and friendly people that are giving off better vibes? Whereas in America, people give off toxic vibes?
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