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Hi as many of you already know I'm a Chinese-Canadian guy from Vancouver that returned to China back in 2008 right before the Olympics and has lived in Beijing since.
I think I mentioned in an older post that guys like me can be very successful in the urban Chinese dating scene if they fit the perception of being well educated (in terms of degrees), work for a multi-national corporation, drive a nice car, own a nice place, dress with style, and have the demeanor of a Western gentleman.
However I'm not any of those things nor am I willing to change. I haven't been to a lot of school nor do I plan to, I don't want to have a job in business/finance/tech, I have no desire to own an automobile (and therefore avoid places with automobile reliance), I may not be able to afford an expensive place, I'm quite sloppy and don't like having to play a gentleman.
If I were to sum up myself using words, they would be: Simple, Spiritual, Indolent, Imaginative, Rebellious, Emotional, Random, Critical (sometimes), Stubborn, Courageous, Caring, Compassionate, and Loyal. What many women want nowadays is: Sophisticated, Ambitious, Practical, Socially Adept, Cool Headed, and Flexible. They want a guy that can protect them and can give them face, make them look good and feel proud (career, money, status). I really don't want to change my core nature just to find true love, and I would not settle for someone that tried to change my core nature instead of appreciating me for who I am.
Having said all this, I don't receive the attitude of admiration from females that a successful, stereotypical overseas Chinese male would here in China. I'm not looking for admiration, at least not if it is based on success rather than who I am. I'm looking for someone that can walk with me hand in hand for my life.
My place on the niche could be even lower than a native Chinese guy who possesses those traits. Many Chinese men both foreign and native are more willing to deal with in-law and extended family issues while I am not. Do I care what level I'm at? No. I am what I am, and I won't change just to get into the "game". In the end, all I need is ONE.
Considering me as an individual, which countries would suit me best? Again, I have serious intentions. Any poorly though out responses would not be appreciated. Thanks.
P.S. I took an autism test made by Cambridge University last night and got a score of 31, which places me close to the high functioning side of the Autistic Spectrum. I also have possible issues with stress management and frustration tolerance along with social awkwardness.
So what are you searching for yourself? You don't say what you want and what you like. All you have done is describe yourself which is great and all but it isn't enough information.
Secondly, what can you do to make a living? What are you doing in China now to earn your corn?
I will finish high school very soon. Unfortunately, my next step will be going back to Canada for university, which will be 4 years of misery. I'm doing part-time English tutoring for a 9-year old boy, which is a good experience and preparation for my eventual CELTA or TESOL course in the future. My only skill is to teach English or Chinese because I'm fully bilingual. Well, I still have a long time ahead of me to plan eh, so who knows what I may pick up along the way.
The Qualities I Want In My Partner:
-She must be understanding and a good listener.
-If she also went through difficult circumstances like me yet is still filled with joy and hope, I'd look up to her.
-Can't have too much of a temper (sign of being spoiled and entitled).
-A good sense of humor surely helps.
-She can be both extroverted or introverted, ideally somewhere in between but at least she's gotta be able to calm down and enjoy quiet moments together with me. I do not like party girls / social butterflies.
-She has to be willing to be my friend and guide, someone that I can share my troubles with and get through things together with me. I'd rather have a sense of trust and security over lots of romance. I believe romance comes from daily life and spontaneous moments, not plans.
-I'd prefer her to be a better negotiator and less extreme than me, someone that can complement my rigidity and tendency to think about issues too much.
-Someone that can show me the bright side of life and cheer me up. A lot of times my worldview can be very cynical and pessimistic.
-Someone with a spiritual side, a soul. I'd have difficulty relating to a person that was a complete realist and pragmatist / utilitarian.
-Most importantly, someone that still believes in love and is willing to give a scarred and troubled person a chance. She needs real courage and strength to be with an outcast.
-I'm not too heavy on looks. I fully realize that looks can only get you so far, and as two people age, looks will slowly fade away. Wisdom lasts.
-Not too fat or too skinny, anywhere in between is okay. Sometimes I lean more towards the plump side.
-No requirements for breasts as long as I can see that she has them LOL.
-I don't really care about height.
-In terms of looks I'd say 5 or 6 to 8, 9 if I'm lucky.
-No plastic surgery, no dying hair in wacky colors, preferably no tattoos but one is OK as long as it's overly repulsive (ex: Satanic).
-Too many women take men for granted. I will admit I'm not able nor willing to be the sole 'tank' (video game terminology).
-She's gotta have the ability to work and the will to at least try to do something for herself. She's gotta be able to earn her own money or at least when it calls for it.
-I want to be able to talk to her. If she's intellectually curious that would be best, or at least we have to be able to share feelings effectively.
-If she's a rebel and fighter like me, that's a huge plus.
-Mama's girl / papa's girl
-Gold digger / high maintenance
-Childish and immature
-Continuous shit testing
-Conformist / weak willed
-Vain and narcissistic, sees me as a trophy
-Lacking compassion, victim blaming mentality
-Belittlement, shaming, comparing me to other males
-Asian female with heavy Caucasian features
-Insecurity / constant need for approval from society / groups
* I will not change into a totally different person just to find love
-High heeled footwear
-Cheerful personality, optimistic
-Quiet strength and dignity
-Loyal and supportive
-Wise and mature
-Will and conviction
-Good advisor, best friend
-Kind and compassionate
Summary: I'm looking for someone that I can relate to on an emotional and mental level, and also have a degree of physical / sexual attractiveness. I place the emotional and intellectual aspect above the physical aspect, although all three are important. Ideally she is also a person that can complement me in some ways. Perhaps the hardest part is that she has to be my partner, friend, mentor, and motherly figure. Due to my extremely difficult upbringing I've been largely deprived of real bonding and interaction, so my desire for it is stronger than many people.
These are my requirements in complete detail. Too little? Too much? I don't know what you guys think. Advice is appreciated.
That is a big old list eh?
So, as you are in high school, go to university next year and find people you can click with. This will be a good training ground on making friends with women and getting on with them. I find the 'good listener' part helps if you are one yourself.
What is your degree going to be in? If you want a future in English teaching then something in the Linguistics field is a good start.
I've picked International Studies. Quite a few people on this forum know that I've been chatting with Vietnamese ladies, and I've already found a few potential GFs. My plan hopefully is to make my first trip to Ho Chi Minh City this year in Christmas, meet those ladies, and check out that place as well. Hope everything turns out to be good but I'm still worried if I don't succeed or if I can't make it there. Well, I'm just praying to God and leaving it in His hands. He always helps me.
I think Vietnam is a good choice for you, Baoning. My uncle in Korea has been married to a lovely Vietnamese women for about 10+ years now, and they are happy; plus they have two cute kids and the women is really family-oriented.
She tells me that some Vietnamese speak Chinese, since there's a sizable Chinese ethnic population in the country, and that Chinese is taught in some schools, as a second language.
I think Vietnam, Thailand or the Philippines is your best bet.
I hate Canada, and one of the reasons is because it is so big! It takes nearly 4 hours to fly from Vancouver to Toronto, while I could fly from the north of China to the south of China in half that time.
Really started to hate Canada during Christmas vacation last year, when it was the first time I went back since joining Happier Abroad. With my new perspective, I discovered how much it didn't fit with me after all. Although Beijing can be pretty messed up at times, overall I still feel a lot happier than I would be in Canada other than the internet censorship. Well, you don't go live in another country just to access some websites.
My Chinese has also greatly improved since coming back to China and now it's at native level. I've also lost a lot of weight and now I have a decent physique while back in Vancouver I was pretty chubby. Most importantly I've matured in so many ways that I could have never achieved if I stayed. Now it's very difficult for me to connect with other Asians who were born and raised there or have hardly left North America since arriving there as a baby/toddler. They are still kids living in fantasy land while I've been in another country for 6 years.
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