Ghost wrote:I’m way overdue for going abroad again. When I left Asia last year, I thought I’d be at home 3 or 4 months before heading out again. I returned home feeling pretty defeated with how things turned out in the Philippines. And then I screwed up again and delayed traveling. That 3 or 4 months has now become 6 months. (Winston, I know exactly what you are talking about now, with that whole ‘your mind blocks you’ thing.) I somehow managed to get a temporary retail job, so I got to save up some money for a few months. It sucked. Big surprise. The holidays were bland and felt pointless. I got back into writing and it helps keep me sane. But life here is wearing me down, and I think the effect is even worse for me now because I know what I am missing by being here. I had no success trying to convince my family that a better, freer life is possible abroad. No one is really interested, and mere words don’t do it justice. You can’t really have an accurate view of the outside world if you’ve never been there. And if you’re closed to being persuaded, you’re just stuck without knowing it. Then again, I’m in a different place in life than everyone else in my family and friends. But I’m not the only one struggling.
What I see here in America is a lost life. It’s that state of living death. Can’t meet anyone, and even if you could, no one is worth meeting. Living down a cul-de-sac and having to drive everywhere, even for the smallest of things. Sarcastic and narcissistic assholes that won’t stop bullshitting because they are so insecure. No outlets socially or sexually or mentally. If you don’t like the asylum, you get ostracized. After all, why would anyone want to get outside of the freest asylum in the world, right? It’s you that’s the problem, not the (insane) asylum, they say.
This forum has helped, since it is a small bastion of freedom in an internet sea of liberal diarrhea. I hate modern culture, but I realize it isn’t so easy to get away from its influence. Haven’t figured that out, don’t see any solutions. So for the time being I just want to outrun it, or stay a few steps outside its influence if possible. It’s a losing battle, as there is little resistance to it out there. I’ve been able to change how I think about history and the future. It’s not that I don’t ever worry about feminism or modern culture. I understand that it won’t last – history is cyclical, and this pattern of rise, decline, and destruction is playing out again, perhaps for the final time, I don't know – but I won’t live to see the end of it more than likely. I have no control over it and can’t predict the future. We all know this logically, but I’m trying to internalize that. No point in worrying about what I am powerless to change. I have limited control over my own life. Much less for anything else. Is that a poor way to think of it? That leads to apathy, does it not? Yes, I suppose. But I can’t care about a world that seeks misery and evil, especially if I can’t change it. I’m determined not to become a psychopath, and to get away from psychopaths. I can’t stop modern culture but I can try to avoid contributing to it and try to stay at a distance.
Anyway, I’m about to start fixing my mistake of staying too long. In a few days I’m traveling again. I won’t say much about it right now, save that it is a destination somewhere in Latin America. I’ve been practicing Spanish for a few months. I still suck, but I feel confident enough for the basics. It’s temporary, and after that I will resume trying to get my next job lined up in Asia. I’m planning to stay away from the forum until I return. I hope that once I have returned, I’ll have come back better. Maybe I’ll even do a trip report.
The last thing I want to say is that for anyone still on the fence, for anyone who hates the culture of assholes and psychopaths, for anyone who is dawdling, for anyone who knows what he needs to do but isn’t doing it…go. And go soon. It’s not getting any better out there. When I first went abroad, I was terrified. So terrified I really thought I couldn’t get on that plane. You can’t eliminate fear, but you can act despite it.
Conditions have worsened enough in the U.S. that even 5 or 10 years ago it would’ve been unthinkable. Feminists are really pressing hard, prospects for men are hopeless and not getting any better here. So don’t wait too long because you can’t afford to, especially if you’re a young male who hasn’t been able to get a foothold in a society that despises you and regards you as a second-class citizen.
Act despite the fear. Kill your excuses. Or they will kill you.
Hasta luego y buena suerte,
I too have "pulled a Winston" and overstayed in the USA since before Thanksgiving.
A culture/regime/society that is spiralling down.
People I love and admire, struggling valiantly against the toilet-bowl tide.
And some people, living and dead, whose lives have been irrevocably trashed by the society around them.
As for me -- never again, never again.
I'm just not that strong.
"Well actually, she's not REALLY my daughter. But she does like to call me Daddy... at certain moments..."