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This is what the Chinese tell students coming to USA...

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This is what the Chinese tell students coming to USA...

Postby onethousandknives » Thu Jul 16, 2015 1:40 pm

http://www.china-nafsa.aief-usa.org/social/social.htm

Lots of gems here, ironically, it reads like something Winston would write, but it's apparently a serious official site telling Chinese students about the wonderful "social skills" and American way of interacting with people. Here's some quotes.

Generally speaking, Americans are cautious about getting into close relationships with other people, including other Americans. They value independence, privacy, and self-reliance. They generally do not want to become dependent on other people or have other people dependent on them. This contrasts noticeably with the Chinese orientation, in which interdependence with other people is generally considered necessary and desirable.


DISTINGUISHING BETWEEN SUPERFICIAL FRIENDLINESS AND GENUINE INTEREST
Chinese and other foreign students in the United States often feel misled and even betrayed by Americans who seem so friendly at first but then turn out to be uninterested and perhaps cold and distant.

Most Americans will fairly readily meet new people in a warm, friendly manner. They will smile, say hello, introduce themselves, and carry on a friendly-seeming conversation about some simple topic.

Later, though, those same Americans may forget entirely about the interaction, and not even remember they have met the new person.

This leads some foreigners to conclude that the Americans are superficial, devious, dishonest, “not really human.”

Foreigners need to realize that the initial, warm greeting and conversation is part of a social ritual. It does not normally convey, to other Americans, any special interest or any intention to pursue the relationship later.

Foreigners need to pay particular attention to what is said in these initial conversations. If the conversation goes into some detail about people’s personal situations, or if it contains explicit statements about seeing each other again, then the foreigner can suppose the American has genuine interest in meeting again.

Otherwise, the apparent friendliness is simply polite behavior.


Foreigners anywhere may have difficulty finding local people to have conversations with. The difficulty might be greater in the United States than in many other places, because Americans are so “busy.” Also, Americans tend to be cautious about getting involved with other people. And they do not place a high value on being good hosts in the way people in some other parts of the world do.

Foreigners in the United States typically find it easier to get to know people from their own or other countries than with Americans.


Many Chinese and other foreigners in the United States come to believe that friendships among Americans tend to be shorter and less intense than those in their own countries. They notice that Americans tend to "compartmentalize" their friendships, having their "friends from class," "friends from home," a "tennis friend," and so on. Some Americans have what they call “friends with benefits” or “friends-plus.” These are people with whom they share sexual activity even though they do not have an exclusive or long-term commitment to each other.

While some American students have close friends--people with whom they share intimate thoughts and feelings and with whom they share a deep sense of obligation--such relationships seem less common among Americans than among people in many other societies. Many of the people Americans call their “friends” would be called “acquaintances” elsewhere. Americans are likely to know many people, but not be especially close to them.
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Re: This is what the Chinese tell students coming to USA...

Postby Ghost » Thu Jul 16, 2015 5:12 pm

That does sound like something Winston would write, and it's very spot-on of course. And that's about as neutrally as it could be put. Even then it sounds bad. The best thing a foreign student could do is study there, maybe work a year or two to stack some cash, and then get back home or to another country. Everything else is a waste of time.
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Re: This is what the Chinese tell students coming to USA...

Postby onethousandknives » Thu Jul 16, 2015 6:44 pm

GETTING TOGETHER WITH OTHER PEOPLE
Their concern with “freedom” leads to two patterns of behavior that Chinese students often notice: (1) a reluctance to make social commitments and (2) vague and shifting definitions in acquaintanceships, friendships, and dating relationships.

American students tend to make social commitments only at the last minute. Many Americans want to have the freedom to do what they want, when they want, in order to maximize their chance of having “fun.” Chinese students sometimes feel frustrated by this approach. They feel personally insulted because they interpret it as a sign that the Americans are not truly interested in them. However, this behavior is often a sign of valuing personal freedom, rather than a reflection of their feelings about other people.

The Americans’ vague and shifting definitions related to acquaintances, friendships, and dating or romantic relationships also bewilder Chinese students. American students use the term “friend” very loosely, as already mentioned. They do not always clearly define their dating relationships as a monogamous couple relationship, even if they are sexually active together. They might have one or more friends with whom they have sex; calling them “friends with benefits” or “friends plus.” If asked about their availability for dating, they might say they are “seeing someone,” which is a vague term that can mean they are monogamously involved, casually dating a “friend with benefits,” or regularly but not exclusively dating someone. In such instances, monogamy is not necessarily expected or desired by either or both of the individuals. This fluidity in relationship definitions can be very perplexing and dismaying to someone from a culture that values clearly defined relationships between people.


Both undergraduate and graduate American students have “parties” to socialize. The typical American party consists of people talking in small groups or pairs while drinking beer or wine and perhaps snacking on some dry food or “chips and dip.” They might also play beer-drinking games that involve cards, ping pong balls, or other equipment. Loud music may be playing.

Departmental receptions and parties often feature beer or wine, as well.

Many of the people at these parties may be strangers to each other. When invited to a party, Americans are relatively unlikely to ask, “Who will be there?” They are accustomed to meeting strangers and starting conversations with them. The parties usually do not include games or large-group interactions. So individuals must take the initiative to introduce themselves to strangers and talk with them.

Many Chinese students find these parties boring or stressful. Chinese tend to be more accustomed to dinners as a way to get together with friends or acquaintances. Few if any strangers will be at a dinner. The atmosphere may be quieter and conversations deeper than at a typical American student party.

If you avoid American students’ parties, you will severely limit your chances of meeting non-Chinese people.

Note that children are usually not invited to student parties.
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Re: This is what the Chinese tell students coming to USA...

Postby Winston » Thu Sep 10, 2015 6:19 am

Hey the link is broken. Can you fix it or correct it?

http://www.china-nafsa.aief-usa.org/social/social.htm
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Re: This is what the Chinese tell students coming to USA...

Postby onethousandknives » Thu Sep 10, 2015 11:25 pm

Winston wrote:Hey the link is broken. Can you fix it or correct it?

http://www.china-nafsa.aief-usa.org/social/social.htm


It seems dead unfortunately. You can view the site through archive.org though some pages are missing.
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Re: This is what the Chinese tell students coming to USA...

Postby Hero » Fri Sep 11, 2015 10:59 am

Bingo.
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