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Despite not being sucessful with women yet I am getting tired of all the negativity. one can make excuses claiming that the lack of looks are money are they reason that one is unsucessful with women when clearly there are unattractive men out there who have healthy relationships with women and that due to their "confidence".
I want to stop visiting sites like Sluthate and being bitter because it does not help at all and women do not hate me. Actually many are friendly with me but my social ineptness prevents me from doing anything.
Negativity and depression are useful for telling you that something is wrong with your life, similar to how pain is useful because it lets you know there's a problem with your body. It's not useful dwelling in, and yet if you have no worthy escape in sight it's difficult to extricate yourself from. If you're going to browse sites like sluthate, it's best as entertainment, and only occasionally. If you already know what's going on, no need to keep reconfirming it. When you say you are socially inept, do you mean you have some sort of disorder, or do you think you could learn to overcome it?
This is an interesting post. Personally I like this site because there is a decend mix of opinions. On sites like sluthate or MGTOW I feel there is less of a focus on adapting and more anger at 'the system'. Then there are sites like lookism that tout if you can improve your appearance then you will be successful with women. I think both are toxic ideas.
I think one of the hardest things for a person to do is admit a flaw within themselves. Harder than that is changing viewpoints and behavior. Those sorts of sites can damage people with low confidence by reinforcing negative thoughts and catching them into a loop.
I think for people caught in a 'depression loop' it's important to focus on yourself. Put relationships on the back burner. Get some therapy, enjoy some hobbies, develop a supportive circle of friends. Not 'friends' on sites dedicated to anger, but ones supportive of growth.
Negativity spawns more negativity.
I'd also like to hear you expand on you social problems. Is it from a disorder or something else?
I hate it too. I realize I'm being negative, now - by writing this post - but I have to say it.
I feel that you get jumped on for your anger ... even if it's righteous anger. I work with this really bitter, cantankerous old man at my job. He's really old, smokes, and doesn't take care of himself. ..Everyone has to "watch out" for him, and dance around his sour mood - and he's always gloomy and extremely negative, but it's supposed to be "funny" - or cute or something. I don't get it.
Today he really pissed me off. It was end of day and I'm really tired. He started in on an argument and then I said "I don't want to argue with you", he started with "you're the one who always wants to argue ...." and I responded, quickly, out of irritation.
...It just proves him right. This guy will now probably go to the boss and complain - ....so that I get in trouble, it's just what he wanted.
You'll notice it's always negative, toxic people who want to bring you into the fray of their negativity .. they make it seem like it's your fault -when you respond. And when you respond, you actually DO prove them right - and you are left wondering..."what happened" how did I end up in this situation...as you looking like the bad guy. People like this lie in wait for victims for their anger. They are like angler fish, My brother, sadly is like this. He's inward a very bitter and angry guy, but he always remains calm - and will draw you into an argument subconsciously ( I don't think this is conscious) ...so that they can have a chance to feel self righteously while you lose your cool, it's a way of taking out their anger and abusing someone else. It's a very repressed way of dealing with someone's own anger. It's very nasty. Somehow you leave always feeling like the bad guy. It's like a mental disorder. Have you ever left an argument with someone feeling like you are completely insane - but know you are not? Yeah.
These people are toxidified. Stay away from them.
I guess that's why the Bible says "don't engage a fool their folly unless you want to become a fool yourself."
And it also says, don't reinforce a fool, or his foolish behavior.
It really is true.
I feel like American work places are some of the worst, by incidence. Everyone wants to argue/ trump you with their ego.
It's such miserable interplay.
My boss is also a c**t who always tries to make you look like a dickhead when he's around you. It's his way of subordinating you, by any means necessary. I really can't stand this shit. Because the boss acts like this, it basically poisons the whole crew. Everyone feels made to eat shit - and so you have all the employees - because they feel powerless; treating one another like this, to try to gain one uppance for themselves. It's the cycle of abuse, perpetuated. Dickhead boss doesn't realize he just shot himself in foot, by creating the very thing he doesn't want for himself.
I feel it's typical of American workplaces - but could be wrong. It could be universal.
Somehow I feel like I wouldn't have these problems overseas. We've already established American society is toxic in so many ways.
It basically boils down to - people that want to get along mutually, and are polite and respectful and team working. That's it.
-"Virescit vulnere virtus"
Did you have an overbearing, uncompromising mother?
No sisters or female cousins, or terrible relations with them?
Few or no female friends while growing up, especially during the teenage years?
Been severely bullied for no logical reason by classmates and other peers?
No other positive examples of femininity during childhood whatsoever?
Never witnessed friends or male family members "pick up" women?
I suffered from most, if not all, the things on that list. In addition to that, I lacked self awareness due to a lack of confidence. I had been so severely bullied that I closed myself off to the world. I was there but my mind was so deep inside because I didnt want to be hurt by being bullied or rejected. So although I was in there, the truth could never reach me, because I couldn't perceive. I was hiding within myself to block out the world. I couldnt understand women because I couldnt understand anything. I was too afraid of the world, life, other people, and women. And the women I met didn't make a positive impression on me. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. So all I noticed were the evil loud mouthed women. The meek and humble women who barely made a peep who were interested relied on subtly. But you have to be an awake soul to perceive female subtly. If you are hiding within yourself, your senses are turned off to avoid feeling the hurt of more bullying and rejection. At least that was my problem. I would almost feel sorry for those people who abused me. Millstone around the neck.
Look for women who automatically want to please you because it pleases them. Any woman who seeks to please her man is a treasure. Even better if you don't have to ask but rather suggest.
Yes and no. She would nag, I would argue back and for the most part do what I wanted.
No sisters, no cousins anywhere nearby, putz/bully for a brother
I don't remember having female friends before I moved just before I turned 14. Afterwords I went from having a few male friends to having absolutely no friends what so ever. Those were a fun 4 years.
I suppose being a socially maladjusted freak is a logical reason to be bullied. I knew things would get better at university and they did, only because I found other socially maladjusted freaks via roleplaying, well that and the norms at university if you don't like you at least remain polite about it.
I don't know what one could consider examples of femininity but considering the nature of the question, I always remembered growing up as a sort of leave it to beaver type world so I suppose yes.
Never seen anyone pick up anyone. Before I moved a there was little dating and I didn't get to see any of it. Afterwords, no social contact and in university pretty much all my friends were forever alones.
I think I am much improved but it has taken decades to recover. I don't think I am the social retard that I was at 18 but by the time I shook it off I again lost social contact with women having been done with over a decade at university and living la vida NEET.
I could always talk to anyone, no matter how hot, but expressing interest or something that might be considered interest filled me with terror. It seems that I can function if I know the girl likes me, but sadly that has basically only happened very recently once and once about 20 years ago. Any other time and that wall of terror stops me. If I was in a class with someone, or if I am in a line up and something amusing comes to mind I can go, sadly generally speaking I get a wave of indifference and stop. People might scream self esteem but I am pretty good at spotting a lack of interest and all too often when I started to wonder... maybe she might... as time goes on I found out how wrong I am.
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