Join John Adams, world renowned Intl Matchmaker, Monday nights 8:30 EST for Live Webcasts!
And check out Five Reasons why you should attend a FREE AFA Seminar! See locations and dates here.
View Active Topics View Your Posts Latest 100 Topics FAQ Topics Mobile Friendly Theme
Discuss and talk about any general topic.
1 post • Page 1 of 1
I used to dream of success, to become well-respected in society, and admired as an extremely capable monetary provider. I was fed with these twisted values by the maternal side of my biological so-called family, who are feminazis (but that's not the focus of this post). I wanted to be popular in the prison known as school, where I did things and acted out to gain achievement and win the admiration of my peers. Not surprisingly, it backlashed. When I began to really come to terms and appreciate my true self at the age of 16 and-a-half, I started thinking for myself about what I really want. With my soft, sensitive, emotional, introverted and somewhat conservative / old-fashioned personality, I am anything but well-equipped for the capitalist, postmodern era. I began embracing my true self, that deep down I am someone who's family / relationship-oriented, a home-maker devoted to wife and children, and want nothing but a simple life. More of a homely guy that's far from what society defines as masculinity, but this is me and I cannot choose to be anyone else. I believe what truly matters in life is just finding that safe little corner, in a good place, where my loved ones and I can live in peace. I am a child of God, and God has made me this way for a reason. In fact I think the biggest pussies are men like my biological father, and the youth of today who put career first just because the modern world tells them to (I'm looking at you, the Anglosphere / Europe / developed Asia). Being ethnically Chinese, I truly appreciate how family-oriented / home-maker men are accepted and respected (as long as you find the right one) in China, but in Japan and South Korea they are stigmatized and viewed with contempt from both women and other men. In Japanese folklore, there's the story of a poor samurai who thought he wasn't being "manly" enough and divorced his wife, hoping to seek his fortune and end his poverty. His wife deeply loved him and did not think twice about leaving him, yet he succumbed to society's expectations and the ending was a miserable one.
There are those who say to "be yourself" is a big piece of bullshit. My take on it is that it depends on what this "yourself" is. If you are a total jerk of a guy that has no respect and is abusive in one way or several, then you shouldn't "be yourself". In this case "yourself" is someone that has no sense of decency at all. However, if you are a guy with good qualities that's sick and tired of the rhythm of modern life and just wishes for a simple life, this "yourself" is awesome. Once again, a family-oriented / home-making guy should be the prize for a good woman. Next, I will explain why the kind of guy like me (I might sound like a narcissistic snob, but it's not my intention) would ideally be more desirable to good women than the high-climbing CEO types / workaholic salarymen:
1. The family-oriented man spends a lot more time with the children. I believe it is absolutely crucial for the mother and father to be equally involved in raising a child, so that the love and guidance he / she gets from the family will be complete. The absence / near absence of one parent or both will more or less affect the child. The child may feel close to only one, but not both of his parents, or neither. I grew up in a dysfunctional environment and I do not want to impose the same tragedy on my children. When I become a father I'll want to take good care of my children, I guess you could say that in some ways I will almost be like a second mother / a nanny. However, by spending time with my children I will also be able to give them a loving and firm guiding hand when it comes to morals and the world in ways that my wife may or not be able to.
2. The family-oriented man does not have a lot of plans and goals for himself, so he will more likely be devoted to making his wife and children happy. He's more likely to be tolerant and forgiving, as long as he's mature enough to know that commitment means compromise and sometimes sacrifice. Since he is already not what society deems to be masculine, he is less likely to care about what others think of him, and less likely to have issues of inadequacy / self-hate that can lead to darkness. He has seen through the modern world for what it really is, and wishes not to take part in it. As long as his wife and children are happy, he feels secure and content with the simple things in life. He is also likely to be someone that has consistent morals and values, because it takes a lot of strength to be yourself when society goes in the opposite direction.
3. He is likely to be loving, gentle and respectful towards his wife and treats her as an equal. This is unlike many career-oriented men / high-earning breadwinners who think they can use and abuse their wives because they have the monopoly on income and finances. Family-oriented / homemaker men, due to a sensitive and emotionally-driven nature, are more likely to want to understand / understand how the woman is feeling and won't shy away from "girl talk."
4. While the trashy women will think that this kind of man is "boring", "dull" and "uninspiring", this is not true at all. If a woman constantly needs "fun" and "excitement" and to "admire" her man in ways that don't make her so pure of heart to me, she is too immature to handle anything serious. Two people will be spending a lifetime together, and it's not always going to be thrilling. The excitement dies down. What's left is rock solid companionship that actually lasts. Men who constantly need to expand their horizons, develop themselves (in worldly ways) and excite their lives just can't cut it when it comes to 白头偕老。On the other hand, these men who are simple-minded and happy about themselves will find happiness. And many family-oriented man are actually very knowledgeable and interesting to talk to, because they tend to be of the nerdy / geeky type (example: myself). You will be surprised at how much they know and how deeply intellectual / spiritual they can be, it's just that they have made a much wiser decision to not put themselves in the mainstream world. It takes courage to take the path less traveled by, but the reward is so much greater and one only becomes much wiser than average as a result of it.
5. From a spiritual point-of-view, these men are likely to have at least a moderately high level of spiritual development. It takes courage, strength and wisdom from the soul to navigate this ever-complex and confused world, especially when one is of a deviant type. One who is trying to seek truth in life is hard to come across, because most people just go with the flow and never acknowledge accountability for their own lack of wisdom, always saying things like "I'm helpless", "there's nothing I can do", "what use is there for xxxx." Some wake up and become wiser, the majority never do. Men of this type, if we follow the oh-so-beloved New Age belief systems, are likely to be mature / old souls while their peers are still at the youth stages. One's age often does not correspond to wisdom and spirituality.
6. Although there are exceptions such as myself (I've inherited a number of health issues from both sides of my biological "family"), family-oriented men are likely to be not only happier, but also healthier. There's enormous physical, mental and psychological strain in being the sole breadwinner. The mental and psychological impact of failure in the areas of money and finance when you are the breadwinner disrupts everything from self-esteem to the harmony of family life. It's the corporate world's goal to exploit, exploit, exploit. To destroy the traditional ties that bond us together so that we will have to depend on the elite instead.