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I wanted to poll members of this forum, to seewhether they think this type or style of parenting is good or detrimental to raising a child.
Authoritarian/strict - lack of emotional expression.
Focus on rules and discipline
No praise what you did right, punishment for what you did wrong.
Controlling style and a lack of expression.
It seems very unhealthy to me, for obvious reasons, but I want to get the poll of others in different situations..from maybe different families, to see how they feel about it.
I can see honestly how these families can function at high levels and produce kids that are extremely effective and successful, but it seems very unhealthy at the same time, many mental health problems, issues, etc, if the kids adopt it alright (which I struggle at understanding how anyone can do) I think they'll do alright, but othersise the kids just meltdown.
Am I affected by liberalism in the media, and soft. Or is this just naturally feeling.
If like to get your opinions because I'm asking on this.
Last edited by Eric on February 21st, 2017, 4:39 am, edited 1 time in total.
Misery and happiness are only states of mind.
There are two good reasons for having children:
1) Same reason people keep pets: something to love. A parent with this motivation will be loving, other than occasional times of loss of temper, but will tend to spoil the child. Most parents are like this nowadays.
2) To produce dependents with guaranteed loyalty. This was the old patriarchal motivation. A private army of sons and sons-in-law plus caretakers for old age. This motivation no longer works well, because the children cannot be forced to serve their parents. A parent with this motivation will be strict but fair, with enough love to ensure the child grows up healthy, since a sickly child will be useless.
It sounds like your father had neither of the above motivations, which means he had no good reason for having children but was just stupidly following the herd without thinking for himself. Children for such a man are a drain on time, energy and money, so of course he will hate them.
It's okay to have rules and discipline for the children, but they also need love, support, etc. A combination of punishment for doing wrong (intentional rebellion, harming others, etc.) and encouragement for doing well is best, IMO.
Parental influence on children is limited if the parents do not spend a lot of time with their children to have an influence on them.
I agree drealm and I think how you choose to see things is so important - it will make or break you. That really struck me... I used to feel angry and feel blame, but maybe its how I chose to see it - that's very important.
Its easy and natural to be a pissed off kid, much harder to try and see things accurately. No parent is perfect, balance is important and its also up to a kid to balance him self if the parent is slightly out of balance... Unless the kid goes way out of balance.
I also agree with what every one else said. Feeling powerless is never a good thing.
Nurture and love are important... So is discipline but control is tricky. Its up to the kid, unless the parent is unreasonable.
There are many reasons and factors.
Misery and happiness are only states of mind.
My father would have fit in to the above, and the kids were pushed to perform, with little praise. Nothing but the best performance would do.
I also enforce discipline and respect. I have never given them a hiding, but my ex has. To me a hiding means you have lost control and are playing your last trump card. I never had a problem having them obey and even at 18 they ask permission to go out, when to be home etc. It is balanced by praise when they do well, which they do, one graduating High school cum laude and the other with an average in the 90s, and both very successful at sport, one at a national level. they are very popular with good friends of good family, and very happy kids. I get complimented about their behaviour everywhere, and other fathers and mothers goo ut of their way to come tell me they are welcome to come visit anytime as they are so well behaved and disciplined.
One time my daughter went camping to Kruger park with a friend. The dad got sick and was bed ridden. The wife couldnt make a fire and can't cook. He came to my house and said he wants to thank me for how i raised my daughter as she made a fire, braaied the meat, made salads for his family. They have been raised to be independent, and respectful. And to succeed. No dropouts will be accepted, and no race mixing except socially in a group .
The down side is a few women have wanted to get pregnant because they say Im such a good father. So I have to dump them as I get too scared to pomp them after that
I think parenting is to a large extent enforcing rules and a standard of behaviour from very young, never repeating yourself so they know you said it and had better listen, encouragement when they are on the right path, support when required and gviing them some room to make choices, then stepping in when needed. And lots of sacrifice. Like early mornings for their sport, paying for trips they have earned their place for, preventing things like too much computer gaming and jewish influence, And lead by example. If they can't sit on their arse, neither can you. No race mixing or mixing wth trash, don't bring home trash women yourself. If they must do their best, yu had better be successful as well.