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Article on AM/WM couples

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Article on AM/WM couples

Post by momopi » November 21st, 2009, 3:31 am ... e-husband/

The article itself was light reading, but one of the commentaries from "Phoenix Dawnsinger" was quite a story:

Phoenix Dawnsinger says:
November 18, 2009 at 1:24 pm

Greetings to everyone!
I am a forty-one year old American lady, (Read: I am a ?mutt? of European and Native American Indian stocks.), engaged to be married to a mainland Chinese gentleman. We met online about a year ago, and we have another two years to go before we can safely marry? Our story may, or may not, surprise you?
I was born to a pair of self-made wealthy entrepreneurs in the aerospace industry, yet, despite my parent?s ultra-liberal lifestyle, my own formative years were a misery of neurotic control and deprivation. The one time I broke free and chose my own mate, my parents stole my son and paid his father to leave with our son to another country. I have not seen my son for over fifteen years now, and I doubt he even knows who I am.
I finally quite literally ?divorced? my family, but for all the kudos I received in taking this action, I still felt a profound shame and unshakable sense of being absolutely ?alone?. I stopped dating at first because I really needed to get my head and heart together, and, just as importantly, create a new life and sense of worth for myself. In time I enrolled in college, something my parents would never let me do, and I started my own small business.

I was in my mid-thirties before I felt emotionally ready to date again, and the expected initial disasters of being too long out of the dating scene happened, though thankfully, these mostly proved to be funny in hindsight.

I will call my fiance ?wanju xiong? here, as this is what I call him in person anyway. (Bright Smile). I thought that because he was an older Chinese man, and a government official too, that I would be a pariah to him, not the other way around. His response to me took me utterly by surprise?

I was honest to him from the beginning, though the details were spread over a few months, and I even went so far as to admit that I was on good terms with only one of my blood relatives, and I told him about my past in more detail than I related here. After all was said and done, and almost a week of no response, I assumed I had chased him away, but that is when I received this single line response?
?I would like for you to belong to my family?? I was stunned, and I had to ask him many times before I could accept his answer.

I love my ?wanju xiong? because he has consistently proven to be more of a man than many of the men I have met over the years. He is everything I need to feel both secure and independent, a gentle and yet firmly reliable presence in my life and spirit, and we never run out of things to talk about to each other. For over a year now he has never failed to make me laugh, smile, feel optimistic, and he is loving and supportive in everything I do. He and my good relative get along extremely well, and I am beginning a great relationship with his son from a long-extinct previous marriage. Yes, he is an extraordinary cook, and he tried to make me use chopsticks so I would eat slower than him, but the cooking is so good, I aced using the chopsticks! (Laughing Loudly!) Above all, he is gifted with the ability to be an extraordinary companion.

The reason why our relationship works so well is precisely because he is as he puts it, ?a very ordinary Chinese man?? His strong sense of family, his gentle and abiding nature, his balance of pride and humility, and his companion-ability are not just a part of his nature, these qualities are a part of his culture too. The perfect man for me is located literally on the other side of the planet, and I never would have found him if not for the internet and for the efforts of people who were determined to break down the barriers of ignorance, fear, and the resulting prejudices. I have so many reasons to be grateful?

We must wait two more years until he retires before we can officially tie the knot. If we married right now he would be severely investigated by his government and he would lose his retirement benefits, for which he has worked hard for over 30 years to acquire. I call, and I visit him in China, every chance I can, and it is our hope that he can move here to America with me when he retires.

Well, that is my two cents anyways? (Smile!) I would welcome any constructive comments regarding how to make his American citizenship any easier, and tips on how he can adjust and get a job when he arrives here. Thank you so much for your patience and regard! Phoenix Dawnsinger.

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