CaptainSkelebob almost converted to christianity

[CaptainSkelebob2]

Last year was tough fellas. I was drinking heavily and sniffing coke all the time because I got fat bitch denise knocked up and knew that sly little porker was going to bleed my dry with child support. I was really depressed.

But one evening my bible basher ma invited me to church and for some reason I decided to go. It was really strange bc I never liked any of that stone age skyfairy shit. I consider myself a man of science. In church the pastor was holding a prayer meeting. I didnt know what the f**k to do but my bible basher ma told me to pray for myself and all the people I know. I immediately thought of fat bitch denise and the problem of the little spawn. It then ocurred to me to pray for her to lose the baby so that she can't trap me and ruin my life with her insurmountable cuntiness, trust me fellas this bitch is truly horrible, pure evil, a f***ing demon in human form if there ever was one, and low and behold, a few weeks later I received news that fat bitch denise miscarried and I was off the hook!

I couldn't f***ing believe it, fellas. My prayer was answered. I even started to believe that jesus might be real!

I also studied a bit of scripture with my bible basher ma. My ma told me that in christianity all you have to do is accept jesus and all your sins will be forgiven and you can go to heaven. Then it clicked. Christianity sounded awesome to me. If I converted I could bang all the ladyboys I want and sniff coke every weekend and all I have to do is go to church on sunday and accept jesus and then I'm considered righteous in the eyes of the lord and can go to heaven where I can bang hundreds of angelic ladyboys every f***ing day all with gods blessing. I strongly considered converting for this reason.

But then a few weeks later a saw a documentary about evolution on nat geographic and thought to myself, nah christianity sounds dumb and antiscientific with its 7 days of skyfairy creation, Noahs ark and a virgin getting impregnated by god, the prayer thing must be a coincidence and my bible basher ma is still delusional. It's a nice idea but I firmly believe in science.

[yick]

Last year was tough fellas. I was drinking heavily and sniffing coke

Hand in your man card for being a cokehead. Lucky Luciano my arse.