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Hi everyone - my name is JJ. I currently live in the Dallas-Ft. Worth area in TX. I just read Winston Wu's story last night, and a lot of it has really resonated with me.
I've always felt like a misfit in American culture, even though I am a native-born US citizen. I was born and grew up in Colorado (beautiful place!) and moved to TX for the cost-of-living advantage over most of the country.
Like many people on this site, I was pigeonholed as a nerd and have suffered all the social stigma that comes with it. Not surprisingly, my dating life was slow (more like non-existent) during my teenage and college years.
Unlike many people on this site, I tend to fit in with a more liberal and progressive crowd. This is because a true progressive believes in treating the people disliked by society well. As a nerd/misfit, I'd rather cast my lot with those who support human rights, even for the people we dislike the most.
I have mixed feelings about feminism. As a human rights issue, I believe that women should receive equal pay for equal work and have the same legal rights and responsibilities as men. But I can't stand all the man-bashing from the feminist community - the vast majority of guys do not deserve the bad rap they are getting!
What's driven me to this site is that I realize that the whole social and dating culture in the USA is BROKEN. What really resonated with me about Winston Wu's story was that I tried many of the same things he did, yet remained as dateless as ever:
- Worked out with a trainer twice a week, did 45 min. of cardio an additional 4-5 times a week, and stuck to a low-carb diet for a year. I lost 45 lbs. (YES!) but still no one found me attractive. I could stand to lose another 20 lbs., but I wouldn't hold being 20 lbs. overweight against anyone I really liked.
- Spent over $10K on therapy, coaching, and antidepressants to improve my outlook on life. Of course, I followed the advice from the experts to a "T." I am much less shy, much more outgoing, and like myself much better now, but no one else seems to notice.
- Tried several social clubs, a country/western dance class, and a church singles' group. I got one date out of the country/western dance class, but the church group was a disaster! I saw every bit as much gold-digging and snobbery on display there as on the sample online profiles on this site.
- Got the same well-meaning (but ineffective) advice from friends and acquaintances: You're trying too hard, you're not trying hard enough, you should try a new group/activity, you need to brush up your PUA skills, you need to be patient, you need to lower your standards, you should raise your standards, etc.
After 25 years of loneliness, rejection, struggle, the best help I could afford, and finally Winston Wu's story, I've finally concluded that my dating woes are not my fault, but in fact a symptom of the BROKEN dating culture in the good ol' USA. An intelligent and sincere guy should never have to "get game" to get a date! Seeing that these problems happen to other intelligent people is like having a heavy burden lifted off my shoulders.
I've always enjoyed traveling. So far, I've only been to Canada (Vancouver Island) and Mexico (Cabo San Lucas, Mazatlan, Puerto Vallarta), but I'd like to visit Mexico (again), South America, Ireland, the UK, Scandinavia, Germany, France, Italy, Spain, Hong Kong, Australia, New Zealand, and South Africa.
If I decide to stay someplace longer, I'd like to find a place abroad with a cool climate (think San Francisco or Seattle) or at a high altitude (think Denver or Colorado Springs). I am aware that some major Latin American destinations (Guadalajara, Mexico City, Quito) are above 5000 ft (1524 m) and have year-round springtime weather (65-75 F / 18-24 C).
I haven't decided what to do yet (visit some other countries, reconnect with my hobbies, or embrace being single), but one thing is clear - it's time to ditch the guilt and self-doubt and truly do something new!
Welcome to the site, jjdfw. You have nothing to worry about being a liberal as we have people on this forum with a wide range of political views from liberal, to libertarian, to conservative. I would have to say, though, that the majority seem to be libertarian for the most part. You would like someone like djforumoney on this forum--as he is a member of the Occupy movement.