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Is this a good plan, you think?

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Is this a good plan, you think?

Postby womanizer » Sat Sep 25, 2010 9:26 am

What if I get married but maintain separate residences? Like the wife lives in her own place, maybe even different state, while I live in an another?

I read about this type of arrangement in a newspaper article not too long ago.

So what do you think?
"We happily accept that we can love more than one child, parent, sibling, teacher, friend, or pet. When you think of it like that, isn't the total exclusiveness that we expect of spousal love positively weird?"

- Richard Dawkins, The God Delusion
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Re: Is this a good plan, you think?

Postby momopi » Sat Sep 25, 2010 2:27 pm

womanizer wrote:What if I get married but maintain separate residences? Like the wife lives in her own place, maybe even different state, while I live in an another?
I read about this type of arrangement in a newspaper article not too long ago.
So what do you think?



What is your reason/purpose for getting married?
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Postby womanizer » Sat Sep 25, 2010 9:43 pm

"What is your reason/purpose for getting married?"


I love her and I want to have children with her. She's a foreign woman, very well brought up, respectful of men. We live and work in different states, so that's why I was thinking maybe we could stay married but live separately? Would that work?
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Postby ladislav » Sun Sep 26, 2010 4:33 am

If you can stand being apart from her and call it "marriage" and plan on being apart, then is it love, really?

My view is that it may work out for the time being, but marriage is about being together, not apart. Why can't you find work in the same state? Eventually, at least. I guess there are many different types of love, but this one does not particularly strike me as a very strong one. Get married to stay separated? Hmm. If career is so much more important that it overshadows love to the point where it is OK to be in two different locations for what? Indefinitely?

I remember when my parents got married, my mom was still in school, but my father had to find work in another place; they were apart for a while and I was left with my grandparents to take care of me. But that was all a temporary arrangement. They eventually found work in the same city, got a place to live and then sent for me to join them. It took them a couple of years to accomplish, and I was 4 by the time it had all worked out, but the purpose of the whole thing was that eventually the family would be together, not apart.

Maybe times are different now and there are all kinds of variations of the term 'marriage'. But something just does not feel right about what you are doing. It may work , I think, if your final intent is for you to be together and this is just a temporary means to an end.

Otherwise, why marry?
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