The Perfect Murder

[Pixel--Dude]

What about if you accidentally murdered your wife? Say you had an argument and pushed her because she tried to hit you and she fell and hit her head on the fireplace or something?

Hardly the ideal murder, but any murder is a perfect murder so long as you can get away with it. So you've got your dead wife with her head cracked open on the marble mantlepiece. Now how do you clean up the mess and get rid of the body in a way that ensures you can get away with it?

@Lucas88
@MrMan
@Winston
@MarcosZeitola
@publicduende
@Voyager1
@galii

Accidents get classified as manslaughter.

If something like that happened I'd call the police.

I don't push my wife in arguments. I will be careful around the mantle now that you mentioned it.

Hahaha come on MrMan! Play the game! Of course you don't push your wife, let alone murder her. We're talking about a hypothetical situation here. You've murdered your wife. Now you can't just give up and call the police, I want to hear how you would hypothetically try to cover it up.

[MrMan]

What about if you accidentally murdered your wife? Say you had an argument and pushed her because she tried to hit you and she fell and hit her head on the fireplace or something?

Hardly the ideal murder, but any murder is a perfect murder so long as you can get away with it. So you've got your dead wife with her head cracked open on the marble mantlepiece. Now how do you clean up the mess and get rid of the body in a way that ensures you can get away with it?

@Lucas88
@MrMan
@Winston
@MarcosZeitola
@publicduende
@Voyager1
@galii

Accidents get classified as manslaughter.

If something like that happened I'd call the police.

I don't push my wife in arguments. I will be careful around the mantle now that you mentioned it.

Hahaha come on MrMan! Play the game! Of course you don't push your wife, let alone murder her. We're talking about a hypothetical situation here. You've murdered your wife. Now you can't just give up and call the police, I want to hear how you would hypothetically try to cover it up.

My wife is a real person in my case, so I don't care to play. I'd just call the police and say she injured her head. I'm not hacking anyone up.

[Lucas88]

What about if you accidentally murdered your wife? Say you had an argument and pushed her because she tried to hit you and she fell and hit her head on the fireplace or something?

Hardly the ideal murder, but any murder is a perfect murder so long as you can get away with it. So you've got your dead wife with her head cracked open on the marble mantlepiece. Now how do you clean up the mess and get rid of the body in a way that ensures you can get away with it?

@Lucas88

I know what I'd do in order to cover myself in such a situation.

First, I would dress up in my wife's clothes, storm out of the house and make my way to her car. I'd do this not because I'm a closet homo or a crossdressing fruitcake (don't worry @MrMan, I don't swing that way and so you don't have to take time out of your day to aggressively chastise me for being a battyboy! LMAO!) but rather to create the illusion that my now deceased wife was leaving the house. I'd want to draw a lot of attention to myself from the neighbors before getting into her car and driving off. This would serve to create a red herring for the police.

Then I would drive her car to a location a bit out of the way and dump it there. I'd make it look like my wife had either abandoned the car and then mysteriously disappeared or been kidnapped by some unknown. I wouldn't have to worry about my own fingerprints on the steering wheel if it was a vehicle that I also used.

After abandoning my wife's car, I would change back into my normal clothes and return to the house on foot. Once back home, I'd immediately take measures to dispose of my wife's body and clean up all of the blood. I'm not sure exactly how I'd do that. Maybe I'd take the body to a friend's house (one in whom I can trust like @Pixel--Dude) and feed the flesh to his dogs before burning the bones.

A few days later I'd phone the police and inform them of my wife's disappearance. I'd tell them that she left in her car after an argument and the neighbors who witnessed "my wife" getting into the car and driving off would be able to back up my story. Thus I would be able to divert suspicion away from myself and lead the police on a wild goose chase. Lol!

I certainly wouldn't phone the police and explain what really happened. Like fcuk they'd believe me! I'd be automatically suspected of murder. I'm not willing to go to prison and lose my freedom for an accident!

[Pixel--Dude]

What about if you accidentally murdered your wife? Say you had an argument and pushed her because she tried to hit you and she fell and hit her head on the fireplace or something?

Hardly the ideal murder, but any murder is a perfect murder so long as you can get away with it. So you've got your dead wife with her head cracked open on the marble mantlepiece. Now how do you clean up the mess and get rid of the body in a way that ensures you can get away with it?

@Lucas88
@MrMan
@Winston
@MarcosZeitola
@publicduende
@Voyager1
@galii

Accidents get classified as manslaughter.

If something like that happened I'd call the police.

I don't push my wife in arguments. I will be careful around the mantle now that you mentioned it.

Hahaha come on MrMan! Play the game! Of course you don't push your wife, let alone murder her. We're talking about a hypothetical situation here. You've murdered your wife. Now you can't just give up and call the police, I want to hear how you would hypothetically try to cover it up.

My wife is a real person in my case, so I don't care to play. I'd just call the police and say she injured her head. I'm not hacking anyone up.

Come on dude don't be a stickler lol. This is a hypothetical scenario! As such, we can pretend that your wife isn't actually your wife. Let's pretend this is an alternative reality in which you got hoodwinked into marrying some woman who supports LGBT and teaches this stuff to kids at school. Whilst arguing about the moral implications of her job she attacks you so you push her away and she hits her head and dies. How are you getting out of this? You're not going to jail for this woman, are you?

[Yohan]

I've been watching a lot of old Alfred Hitchcock movies lately. I think some of them are really good and have a theme of someone killing their wife and/or trying to commit the perfect murder. The characters plan these murders out so meticulously you'd think they are bound to get away with it, but they always make some kind of mistake or forget some major detail which unravels their seemingly brilliant plans.

-----

How would you commit the perfect murder? How would you off this bitch so that there was little to no evidence to convict you, without her body being found (or if it is found how can you guarantee it won't connect back to you)

Post your ideas. If you read someone else's idea for a perfect murder and you quote it, your job will be as a detective to poke holes in their plan, similar to how I mentioned above that these guys always forget something and end up getting caught.

How would you commit the perfect murder?

I think, you cannot compare old Hitchcock movies with modern crime investigation today, especially in technically advanced countries and get away with such serious crimes.

There are everywhere cameras, you buy something for example there is a date/time automatic stamp on your receipt, hotels will not accept you without showing an ID, there is DNA to identify even bones, there are much more sophisticated possibilities to investigate any crime than ever before.

Letters written in the past could be destroyed, but now any phone call, any email will leave a trace behind. Conversations might be recorded secretly...

All in all, I think, it is nowadays not easy to dump a human body and to be sure it can NEVER be found - even ships have cameras installed on all sides, you cannot dump a body just overboard - and it is much more difficult now for you to disappear to somewhere abroad without being found - you can be traced back in an airport out of millions of people.

I would say to commit a crime without leaving any evidence behind is 'pure luck'.

[MrMan]

What about if you accidentally murdered your wife? Say you had an argument and pushed her because she tried to hit you and she fell and hit her head on the fireplace or something?

Hardly the ideal murder, but any murder is a perfect murder so long as you can get away with it. So you've got your dead wife with her head cracked open on the marble mantlepiece. Now how do you clean up the mess and get rid of the body in a way that ensures you can get away with it?

@Lucas88
@MrMan
@Winston
@MarcosZeitola
@publicduende
@Voyager1
@galii

Accidents get classified as manslaughter.

If something like that happened I'd call the police.

I don't push my wife in arguments. I will be careful around the mantle now that you mentioned it.

Hahaha come on MrMan! Play the game! Of course you don't push your wife, let alone murder her. We're talking about a hypothetical situation here. You've murdered your wife. Now you can't just give up and call the police, I want to hear how you would hypothetically try to cover it up.

My wife is a real person in my case, so I don't care to play. I'd just call the police and say she injured her head. I'm not hacking anyone up.

Come on dude don't be a stickler lol. This is a hypothetical scenario! As such, we can pretend that your wife isn't actually your wife. Let's pretend this is an alternative reality in which you got hoodwinked into marrying some woman who supports LGBT and teaches this stuff to kids at school. Whilst arguing about the moral implications of her job she attacks you so you push her away and she hits her head and dies. How are you getting out of this? You're not going to jail for this woman, are you?

If something like that happened, I would probably call the ambulance, and tell them she lost her balance and hit her head (true isn't it?) The police might show up. That's how an innocent man would act in this scenario. If you hid the body, the police and prosecutor would be convinced that you committed murder. If your wife fell and you called an ambulance, they might think it was an accident... which it basically was based on your scenario.

I had a class in high school where the prosecutor from a high profile murder case came and gave his opening argument then asked the students what should be done with the accused. Much of the class agreed on the death penalty. Then he said that was his opening argument. The case was built largely on little fragments of clothing, rugs, etc. that were from the accused house, vehicle, etc. that were on dead bodies and the probabilities of that happening. Another day, a forensics investigator came and told what she did. It is pretty amazing what they can figure out with all those little forensics clues.

If someone called the police in this situation, the only little variable they would have to work with is the angle at which she hit her head on the mantle, unless she left bruises or had bruises elsewhere. If it was just her head, calling the police is actually the safer bet. If you drug someone's body around, that would leave all kinds of forensic evidence.

It is boring and would make for a dull TV show or movie, but also probably the safest approach from a legal standpoint.

If the police start asking questions, say you lost your wife and you don't like their tone, so you won't talk to them without their lawyer. I could say I know a little about law and mention my experience with it, and it is always advisable to let a lawyer speak to the police.

[MrMan]

I have a friend who was quite the story teller. He said he used to be undercover, and his job in some kind of drug mob was to get rid of the bodies. So he'd take dummies out on a small ship at sea, tie cement blocks to them, and dump them in the water, so if the criminals kept tabs on him they would see him doing that.

When I talk to him, I operate under the assumption that he is telling the truth, but he has either lived an interesting life or... he has a lot of stories. I was around some of his interesting life, though, so.... anyway... it's an interesting story.

[MrMan]

What about if you accidentally murdered your wife? Say you had an argument and pushed her because she tried to hit you and she fell and hit her head on the fireplace or something?

Hardly the ideal murder, but any murder is a perfect murder so long as you can get away with it. So you've got your dead wife with her head cracked open on the marble mantlepiece. Now how do you clean up the mess and get rid of the body in a way that ensures you can get away with it?

@Lucas88

I know what I'd do in order to cover myself in such a situation.

First, I would dress up in my wife's clothes, storm out of the house and make my way to her car. I'd do this not because I'm a closet homo or a crossdressing fruitcake (don't worry @MrMan, I don't swing that way and so you don't have to take time out of your day to aggressively chastise me for being a battyboy! LMAO!) but rather to create the illusion that my now deceased wife was leaving the house. I'd want to draw a lot of attention to myself from the neighbors before getting into her car and driving off. This would serve to create a red herring for the police.

I'm curious if this wife of yours is a big hairy MMA fighter looking type. There is no way I'm every putting on one of my wife's dresses, but hypothetically if I were to try something so crazy and obscene, there is no way anyone would mistake me for her, and that would be such a spectacle, it would draw unwanted attention. So in this scenario, are you married to a huge beast of a woman.... not a Grace Kelly type?

[galii]

What about if you accidentally murdered your wife? Say you had an argument and pushed her because she tried to hit you and she fell and hit her head on the fireplace or something?

Hardly the ideal murder, but any murder is a perfect murder so long as you can get away with it. So you've got your dead wife with her head cracked open on the marble mantlepiece. Now how do you clean up the mess and get rid of the body in a way that ensures you can get away with it?

@Lucas88

I know what I'd do in order to cover myself in such a situation.

First, I would dress up in my wife's clothes, storm out of the house and make my way to her car. I'd do this not because I'm a closet homo or a crossdressing fruitcake (don't worry @MrMan, I don't swing that way and so you don't have to take time out of your day to aggressively chastise me for being a battyboy! LMAO!) but rather to create the illusion that my now deceased wife was leaving the house. I'd want to draw a lot of attention to myself from the neighbors before getting into her car and driving off. This would serve to create a red herring for the police.

I'm curious if this wife of yours is a big hairy MMA fighter looking type. There is no way I'm every putting on one of my wife's dresses, but hypothetically if I were to try something so crazy and obscene, there is no way anyone would mistake me for her, and that would be such a spectacle, it would draw unwanted attention. So in this scenario, are you married to a huge beast of a woman.... not a Grace Kelly type?

Perfect murder should be such that the husband should not be a real suspect like you let the plance crash in which she was flying.

This reminds me of a robbery in a movie where the police suspect an 80 year old guy because of the secial skillset that is needed for the robbery. In the video on the other hand they see agile masked robbers. Then they thought what if the old guy trained to look younger? That was the right idea.

[Pixel--Dude]

@Lucas88
@MrMan
@galii
@Yohan

In the context of an accidental murder that wasn't premeditated like the previous ideas I posted my plan for accidentally killing my wife by pushing her onto the mantlepiece would be as follows:

Firstly, I'd by some tools like a powerful reciprocating saw. Some plastic sheeting and then a large freezer. When the freezer arrives I'd plug it in and shove the wife's body inside. Then I would leave her in there a couple of days to get nice and frozen. I would pack some of her things and her mobile phone and take them to a lake somewhere and dump them in the water.

I would report her missing and say that she stormed out of the house after a severe argument. The police would take my statement and investigate her disappearance as a missing person's case.

After a few days I would lay out the plastic sheeting and get my wife's frozen body out of the freezer. I'd use the reciprocating saw to dismember her body and her head and there would be minimal blood spatter because she's frozen. Then I'd put her bodyparts into different refuse sacks. After that I'd wait until the night before bin collection day and dump her body parts in different bins around town and let the bin men dispose of her body for me.

[MrMan]

@Lucas88
@MrMan
@galii
@Yohan

In the context of an accidental murder that wasn't premeditated like the previous ideas I posted my plan for accidentally killing my wife by pushing her onto the mantlepiece would be as follows:

Firstly, I'd by some tools like a powerful reciprocating saw. Some plastic sheeting and then a large freezer. When the freezer arrives I'd plug it in and shove the wife's body inside. Then I would leave her in there a couple of days to get nice and frozen. I would pack some of her things and her mobile phone and take them to a lake somewhere and dump them in the water.

I would report her missing and say that she stormed out of the house after a severe argument. The police would take my statement and investigate her disappearance as a missing person's case.

After a few days I would lay out the plastic sheeting and get my wife's frozen body out of the freezer. I'd use the reciprocating saw to dismember her body and her head and there would be minimal blood spatter because she's frozen. Then I'd put her bodyparts into different refuse sacks. After that I'd wait until the night before bin collection day and dump her body parts in different bins around town and let the bin men dispose of her body for me.

Your spreading evidence all over town that way.

Also, I would expect the perpetrator of such a vile disgusting crime to eat the evidence. That's just to be expected with the Jeffrey Dahmer style freezer thing.

[Lucas88]

I'm curious if this wife of yours is a big hairy MMA fighter looking type. There is no way I'm every putting on one of my wife's dresses, but hypothetically if I were to try something so crazy and obscene, there is no way anyone would mistake me for her, and that would be such a spectacle, it would draw unwanted attention. So in this scenario, are you married to a huge beast of a woman.... not a Grace Kelly type?

The type of girls that I like are thick and well-built Latinas with big butts, not skinny no-ass cracker hoes or emaciated Asians. I'm sure that it wouldn't be too difficult for me to squeeze into her coat, jeans and high-heeled shoes and put on her sunglasses, make my way to her car late in the evening when darkness has already set in and the only source of light is streetlights, and then erratically speed off for at least some of the neighbors to see.

[galii]

I read
- car accident
- boat trip

[Pixel--Dude]

@Lucas88
@MrMan
@galii
@Yohan

In the context of an accidental murder that wasn't premeditated like the previous ideas I posted my plan for accidentally killing my wife by pushing her onto the mantlepiece would be as follows:

Firstly, I'd by some tools like a powerful reciprocating saw. Some plastic sheeting and then a large freezer. When the freezer arrives I'd plug it in and shove the wife's body inside. Then I would leave her in there a couple of days to get nice and frozen. I would pack some of her things and her mobile phone and take them to a lake somewhere and dump them in the water.

I would report her missing and say that she stormed out of the house after a severe argument. The police would take my statement and investigate her disappearance as a missing person's case.

After a few days I would lay out the plastic sheeting and get my wife's frozen body out of the freezer. I'd use the reciprocating saw to dismember her body and her head and there would be minimal blood spatter because she's frozen. Then I'd put her bodyparts into different refuse sacks. After that I'd wait until the night before bin collection day and dump her body parts in different bins around town and let the bin men dispose of her body for me.

Your spreading evidence all over town that way.

Also, I would expect the perpetrator of such a vile disgusting crime to eat the evidence. That's just to be expected with the Jeffrey Dahmer style freezer thing.

Remember that this was an accidental murder, not a premeditated one and not one committed as a compulsion like those committed by serial killers.

Evidence would be in black sacks placed in various bin bags around town. And the evidence would only be there until the early hours of the morning when the garbage truck arrives and crushes all the garbage, including the severed body parts of my bitch wife. It's perfect. Why dispose of a body when I can get the garbage collectors to do it for me. Plus then I just take the freezer and the saw and plastic sheeting to a tip.

My wife remains a missing person's case and nothing connects me to the crime

[MrMan]

@Lucas88
@MrMan
@galii
@Yohan

In the context of an accidental murder that wasn't premeditated like the previous ideas I posted my plan for accidentally killing my wife by pushing her onto the mantlepiece would be as follows:

Firstly, I'd by some tools like a powerful reciprocating saw. Some plastic sheeting and then a large freezer. When the freezer arrives I'd plug it in and shove the wife's body inside. Then I would leave her in there a couple of days to get nice and frozen. I would pack some of her things and her mobile phone and take them to a lake somewhere and dump them in the water.

I would report her missing and say that she stormed out of the house after a severe argument. The police would take my statement and investigate her disappearance as a missing person's case.

After a few days I would lay out the plastic sheeting and get my wife's frozen body out of the freezer. I'd use the reciprocating saw to dismember her body and her head and there would be minimal blood spatter because she's frozen. Then I'd put her bodyparts into different refuse sacks. After that I'd wait until the night before bin collection day and dump her body parts in different bins around town and let the bin men dispose of her body for me.

Your spreading evidence all over town that way.

Also, I would expect the perpetrator of such a vile disgusting crime to eat the evidence. That's just to be expected with the Jeffrey Dahmer style freezer thing.

Remember that this was an accidental murder, not a premeditated one and not one committed as a compulsion like those committed by serial killers.

Evidence would be in black sacks placed in various bin bags around town. And the evidence would only be there until the early hours of the morning when the garbage truck arrivesnd crushes all the garbage, including the severed body parts of my bitch wife. It's perfect. Why dispose of a body when I can get the garbage collectors to do it for me. Plus then I just take the freezer and the saw and plastic sheeting to a tip.

My wife remains a missing person's case and nothing connects me to the crime

Since you deserve to get caught for such a gruesome act, including chopping up the corpse like that, I shouldn't tell you this, but if you spread the remains into dumpsters all over town, the chances of a garbage man seeing a toe, a finger, a severed head, etc. or getting squirted with a bit of blood as the truck crushes the remains increases, and make your plan a bit sloppier than if you had dumped her into one. Then they report it to the police who comes looking for microfibers at the crime scene, and your hacking her up like that doesn't go over very well with the court.

Or I can lime-isize this a bit, by saying remains into a bin.... rubbish man (?)...... lorry.

Digging a small hole, but 15 feet deep, putting her in there standing up, then burying a dead dog several feet above her head might work. If the police have dogs searching for a body, they get to the dead dog and just figure the dog smelled the dead dog. If happened to have access to well-drilling equipment, that might make it a bit easier and more doable.

But I may just go tip the police off about the dog trick so you get caught.