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Why the Mainland Chinese Dating Scene Is Getting Worse

Discuss dating, relationships and foreign women.

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Why the Mainland Chinese Dating Scene Is Getting Worse

Post by Bao3niang » January 5th, 2014, 3:13 am

Why the Mainland Chinese Dating Scene Is Getting Worse

1. Chinese couples often prefer male children over female children.

A) China's one-child policy to control population growth has made couples extremely selective when it comes to the child's gender. In traditional belief, having a son is much better than having a daughter.

B) There have been cases of female children being born, then killed at the family's wishes. Even worse, a rising number of abortions is occuring due to less social stigma and modern technology.

2. Due to the one-child policy and the preference of sons over daughters, a huge gender disparity has occured where there are many men but much fewer women.

A) Chinese sociologists estimate that in another 15 to 20 years, there could be as many as 20 to 30 million Chinese men unable to find partners due to the low supply of women.

B) Some believe that a number of men will start resorting to desperate methods, such as trying to destroy the relationships and families of others.

3. Females are in a position to be picky and demanding because they have many options.

A) There are many who still think that China is a dating paradise (including Winston) and that Chinese women are easy, but it is far from the truth.

B) Any decently educated woman will expect a man to have a house, a car, and quite a bit of savings. For most urban Chinese men under the age of 28 or 29, it is nearly impossible to attain all these goals solely by their own income. How does the woman deal with this? Don't get me wrong, I've seen these scenarios quite a few times:

Man: "Baby, I really don't have enough money now."

Woman: "It's alright, darling. I will not leave you because I love you for who you are."

Woman (secretly thinking): "Hmmm, I'll give him 3 years. If he cannot have a house, a car, and enough savings to support both me and my parents by then, I'll see what to do with him....."

(they get married).....

(3 years later, the man is still working hard to provide, but the woman begins to sulk and complain.....)

Man: "Baby, I've noticed a lot of changes in you recently. You seem to be not in a good mood. Can you tell me what is troubling you?

Woman: "I'm tired of being with you."

Man: "Why? Didn't you say before that we were meant for each other?"

Woman: "Look at us! We have been married for 3 years and we still live in this modest apartment. Our car is second-hand. We barely have enough money to keep our child alive! Now, my friend XXX's husband YYY already bought a villa, they own a BMW and a Mercedes Benz, and their son is attending all these activities! My other friend XXX's husband YYY is the CEO of an international investment firm! (Insert husband's name), I feel ashamed of you. Our child will also feel ashamed of you when he grows up. Seriously, don't you feel ashamed of yourself?

Man: (Learns in quiet submission)

Woman: "Plus, I have my parents and relatives at home. They raised me and I care for them. Yet you cannot give them support. How about a divorce? I can't stay here any longer."

(they get divorced)

(3 months later, the woman is in a relationship with a rich guy and is getting engaged again)

C) Being educated equals having a degree/degrees. Women would rather pick a soulless, dull guy with an MBA than a funny, caring, and truly intelligent high school or vocational school graduate. Although I'm not educated as in having a piece of paper from any university, may believe that I'm more intelligent than over 90% of people with degrees. This does make a bit more sense due to the undeniable fact that many in China still cannot afford to go to university and that graduating with a degree will likely secure bigger bucks as well as making you look better. Oh well, it's the typical Asian attitude.

D) Now you may think that only middle and upper class women will demand these things from men. Wrong. Girls from smaller cities who find work in big, heavily Americanized urban areas like Beijing, Shanghai, Shenzhen, and Shenyang are quickly corrupted by materialism and workaholism. It will only be a matter of time before they lose their authentic and down-to-earth qualities. Sad, but happening.

CASE STUDY: magnum's ex-girlfriend from Lanzhou
She was a beautiful 20-year old attending a top university in Shenyang, one of the select few in her area to be accepted into a university. She majored in English and could speak quite well. However, being one of the few university students from her region gave her a sense of pride and entitlement. She met her man who was kind, sincere, and serious about the relationship, but had no degree due to difficult circumstances. Her man taught English and offered to pay for her education along with her own father. Eventually, they promised to marry each other, but the promise was broken.
She felt that marrying a man without a degree would hurt her own pride and reputation. In the end, her family would not have approved it, and she cared about her clan more than she did about her own man.
Magnum left China in heartbreak, and is now being miserable back in America. As his good buddy, I've been deeply affected by his story and angry at his ex. I've fantasized about being at her graduation ceremony, somehow taking the degree from her, and shredding it into pieces as final revenge for her betrayal of my friend.

4. Chinese women are extremely addicted to technology and pop culture

A) I've seen women in their early 30s still being addicted to QQ, WeChat, and mini-games all day long.

B) Chinese women LOVE Macintosh products, especially iPhones, iPads, and iPods. Their love for the latest gadgets is on an equal level with American/Anglo women.

C) They love to take pictures making silly expressions and using Photoshop-like programs. Taking selfies with your phone everywhere you go is extremely annoying and immature.

D) My aunt is 30 (turned 30 yesterday) and still watches those loud celebrity variety shows (综艺节目)with little to no meaningful content. Oh well, I think they are 99% BS.

E) Beats Master is a game that has recently become quite popular on cellphones, and I know quite a few females in the 18-25 age group who can move their fingers at lightning speed, an obvious sign of playing it almost 24/7.

F) Cellphone cases with bunny ears. Creative? Maybe. Worth spending your time getting one and showing it off? I don't think so.

CASE STUDY: My casual date with a 22-year old girl from Henan (and her 18-year old female friend)
This girl used to work at a photo studio 3 minutes away from my apartment but quit her job and moved to another part of Beijing. I invited her for some coffee at a cafe / restaurant also near where I lived. She told me she was busy for 3 weeks straight before I finally got her to come out. She asked me on the phone whether she could bring her 18-year old female friend along, and I said "yes", because I also knew the other girl who used to be her co-worker. Besides, I found her somewhat attractive.
So I met with the two and we sat down in the cafe with me offering to pay the bill. We each ordered our own drinks and I expected some conversation to begin, as I hadn't seen them for quite a while. Instead, as they were sipping their coffee, both of them took out their cellphones and started playing Beats Master while basically ignoring me from then on. I was annoyed and offended. I thought: "Why would you be invited by someone else only to arrive there and f***ing play with technology!?" It was only a casual date, but I got disappointed and never invited either of them out again.

These are just a few reasons why the mainland Chinese dating scene is really falling apart. Please keep in mind that these are just my personal opinions/observations, and so far I know more about the women who are from/live in the bigger cities. However, finding love abroad in China is really becoming a race for time, and it is possible that in the future the only places with less corrupted females left will be villages and more remote tribal areas. Americanization is spreading like wildfire.
In recent years, a growing number of Chinese men are leaning towards a solution: Expanding the market into Southeast Asia. Many are going to Vietnam and hunting for young women to bring home as brides, or buying a Vietnamese bride from a marriage agency for 60,000 or 70,000 RMB (numbers may not be the most accurate). However, most of these young Vietnamese girls who marry older, financially well-off Chinese men are normally seeking to improve their lives and the lives of their families, resulting in many cases of scams (I will discuss more about this in my next article). Their Chinese husbands often take them as housewives and for sex/procreation rather than as real partners, often treating them with abuse and neglect. I've also read about mainland Chinese men working in Malaysia and Singapore and finding love with the local Chinese-Malaysians and Chinese-Singaporeans, but it is still rare as mainland Chinese in general have a not-so-good reputation in many countries.

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Post by Taco » January 5th, 2014, 3:47 am

Beijing and Shanghai are the worst cities in China for dating, the women are bitches, you should know that by now. There's just too many rich guys around, Chinese and foreign. If you go to Henan province you won't have any problems finding a girlfriend.

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Post by Ghost » January 5th, 2014, 5:19 am

Last edited by Ghost on October 15th, 2016, 4:53 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Post by Bao3niang » January 5th, 2014, 6:12 am

I know a Miao girl from Guizhou who came to Beijing to work. She's totally lost her authentic and down-to-earth qualities that people in a lot of smaller areas have. Her boyfriend is a budding computer engineer, yet she still thinks he's not good enough.

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Post by Banano » January 5th, 2014, 6:37 am


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Post by Banano » January 5th, 2014, 6:49 am

China seems like a huge sausage fest

Winston can explore China and report back to us, I bet he will be writing book called 'Bang China for $50(or whatever going rate is)':)

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Post by zboy1 » January 5th, 2014, 8:12 am

The Chinese dating scene varies incredibly widely; so far, Baoning, Ghost, Xiongmao, Kai1275, RedMenace, mguy, Magnum, TheProfessor, Taco, JamaicanInChina, Winston and me have all reported vastly different opinions about Chinese women on this forum. That shows you just how diverse the country is, and how reading about one opinion or viewpoint should be taken with a grain of salt.

I guess I fall into somewhere between the 'Chinese women are horrible camp', and the 'Chinese women are fantastic camp.'

The only way you will truly ever find out about a country--and the dating situation--is to actually visit the country and see for yourself; otherwise, you're just wasting your time, because everyone will have a different experience overseas. This applies to any country in the world! (Yes, even the U.S. of Gay.).

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Post by Taco » January 5th, 2014, 8:15 am

If you want a Chinese girlfriend you need to go to Southern China.

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Post by xiongmao » January 5th, 2014, 11:11 am

Guangzhou was great, although Shenzhen was better.

Guangzhou is simply vast and you'd never run out of ladies to meet. They've just opened a new subway line and in its first month of opening it already carries more passengers per day than the ENTIRE Bangkok Skytrain system.

If I went back there I'd also have wechat this time, which would be freaking awesome as it proved itself in Bangkok. Also I had to firefight endless problems of hostile climate, visas, accommodation, insects etc. etc. as well as study for half of each day and explore a vast city in order to source foreigner-friendly food. So if I went back I'd have even more time for dating as most problems have been sussed out.

I mainly dated left on shelf women from 28-36. Many just want a baby, many more are just lonely. Lonely ones ranged from perfect 10's (see my HA blog post) to very rich women who spent all their time working instead of dating.

There are plenty of 6's and 7's there who would make great moms.

Hunan ladies are probably best suited for foreigners. I also like Guangxi, Fujian and Yunnan ladies, but I'd like to meet more from these provinces.

Everdred, Falcon and I had some scary experiences with Chinese ladies in Bangkok. I have a nagging suspicion that the best Chinese ladies are actually in Malaysia.
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Do YOU want to date beautiful foreign women? Find out which country's women are best for you, and which dating site to look for them on!
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Post by The_Adventurer » January 5th, 2014, 11:56 am

The idea that a girl will find her guy not good enough and be with some rich dude 3 months later is just ludicrous. Even with the gender disparity, guys I know in China are the pickiest most selective I have ever met. Even if they are slightly well off, late thirties and balding they think they deserve a super model and will wait for it.

I would walk around with these guys and point out girls I think are cute and there would be something wrong with every single one of them in their eyes. Now that wealth is growing and they can travel more, many are doing their own happier abroad.

Still, I know far too many decent women who are happy with average guys, or guys who are pretty much poor, but stick with them through the worst of time. Some have even cheated on them more than once and they stay with them. If it was that easy to just find another guy they would.

Also, regardless of the country wide gender disparity, Shanghai, Beijing, Shenzhen and other places have far more girls than guys, and many are from poorer provinces to work. in Shanghai, at least, where I lived, they don't lose their down-to-earth, country girl demeanor because they will never be accepted there by locals. Discrimination against outsiders is outrageous. They literally try to keep outsiders from learning the language. Most provincial people stick together and sit around bad mouthing the locals and the locals hate them, saying they are jealous of our success.

Living in a "poorer" province, and I put that in quotes because in reality their lives are often far better off than someone making 4X as much money in Shanghai, things are still simple and traditional. One who plays his cards right could have an experience not far from like in the Philippines.
“b***y is so strong that there are dudes willing to blow themselves up for the highly unlikely possibility of b***y in another dimension." -- Joe Rogan

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