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A decent article to ponder over, whichever side of the fence you sit on...
Matrimony, Holy or Otherwise
A Movable Concentration Camp
BY FRED REED • MARCH 22, 2015 • 1,200 WORDS • 83 COMMENTS• REPLY
If you are a young man, and contemplate matrimony with the love of your life, it is well to look at marriage from the standpoint of reason rather than sentiment. Men are, after all, male, and occasionally capable of reason. The first question to ask yourself is: Why marry? What would you gain? Would your troubles disappear? Would sex be better? Would food be more savory? Would you get tax breaks, enjoy more freedom? Do stock options come with marriage?
Is there any practical advantage at all?
For you, I mean. For her, the advantages are considerable, and the drawbacks few. Your salary will allow her an upscale house, something more important to her than to you, which on the odds she will get in the divorce. Marriage locks-in child support. Since men die younger, she will get to pick your bones. For her, it is a good deal.
For you, no. Marriage has one purpose only, which is to get her legal hooks into you. Do not forget that American women, under the evanescent ivory skin, are eternally adolescent spoiled brats, feminine as a wrestler’s jockstrap and primed, as soon as life’s inevitable shocks come, to blame men for their unhappinesses. That means you.
Do not dismiss the foregoing as clever cynicism. Nobody goes into marriage expecting divorce, but it comes very frequently, and she really does get the house and the children. In divorces, men lose. Your child support will be based on what the judge thinks you should earn—this is called “imputed income”—so that, if you are a stock broker, you cannot decide that you would rather work on a fishing boat in the Caribbean. If the judge thinks you may be a flight risk, she can confiscate your passport. Your wife’s lawyer may advise her to accuse you of sexually molesting the children. (So help me, this happens. In a divorce, the man wants to get out, the wife to get even.) You may be denied visitation.
In the eyes of the court, the children are her property, to be done with as she chooses. She may remarry with an Air Force colonel she met in a meat bar, and be stationed in Okinawa. So much for your kids.
She can ruin you at any moment. Can and, not unlikely, will. When the moment comes, you will be astonished at how much she knows about divorce law, how vicious she can be. In marriage, you are betting your future on the flip of a loaded coin.
The sensible conclusion is that you are better off single, building a career or whatever you want in life, and dating such flowers as drift by.
Should you marry, the pleasure will be fleeting. Remember that women work on the principle of bait, switch, and fade. From fifteen to, say, twenty-five, they are dreams afoot, cute, with perfect skin and aerodynamic lines. That is what you think you are marrying. Add five or ten years, ten or twenty pounds, and the lack of any reason to continue being charming—and you are going to spend the rest of your life with it. Too many men marry the package, and only discover the content when it is too late.
Matrimony is seldom a happy state in America. Given that something like half of marriages end in divorce, you can bet that a lot of others almost do. Of the remainder, probably more are contented than happy. Resignation is not pleasant, but often the best you can hope for.
Live with her if you must, but don’t marry her. A woman cohabiting has at least some incentive to be agreeable. A married woman does not. Worth pondering is that, in a time of declining economy, feckless government, and political instability, the fewer responsibilities you attach to yourself, the better.
The very idea of marriage is problematic. In many ways, men and women are incompatible. Exceptions and degrees, yes, but on average women are more domestic, materialistic, fearful, totalitarian, and comfortable with routine. This means that to the extent you have masculine interests, you will find her to be an anchor. This doesn’t mean only that she won’t like that awful motorcycle or that noisy Corvette thingy. She won’t want to live in a small condo in the funky part of town, go to the shooting range, or scuba dive.
It is said that marriage rests on compromises, but in fact it rests on concessions, and you will make all of them. You will find your social life gravitating fast to other married couples. She won’t want you to have single female friends (nor will you want her to have single male frieds: Marriage is based on mistrust.). Worse, she won’t want you to have single male friends. She will want you where she can keep an eye on you. Forget going out with the guys.
Children, which she will persuade you that you want, on thought you probably don’t want. They are an ungodly burden until they reach adolescence, at which point they become ungodly monsters, before leaving for university and becoming ungodly expenses. Babies are cute, but they smell, make noise, and require constant attention.
You may well find that you do not particularly like your children. You probably have certain tastes in regard to character, intelligence, and so on. Your children may not have these qualities. In romantic theory you should love them because they are yours. In practice you have to say that you do.
One reads today that young men have turned to pornography and masturbation instead of having a normal, healthy interest in women—“normal,” and “healthy” according to women. This is debatable. A man who sits home choking his chicken does not have to put up with irrational behavior, unreasonable demands, PMS, nutty mood swings, “relaltionship” talk, or unending expense. Masturbation seldom involves separation. Even an American judge is unlikely to award child support for imputed children. Porn offers more variety that the average girlfriend. In terms of cost and benefit, flogging the bishop can make much more sense.
If you look at marriage analytically, you see that it is designed entirely to benefit her, not you. It is a raw deal. In return for bad sex, you tie yourself to a rapidly aging, plumping member of a sex that doesn’t like you, has little in common with you, and will control every aspect of your life until the breakup. Ask yourself, “Do I really like talking to her as much to guys, or am I attracted only to her pearly skin, her ruby lips, and other short-term investments?” Or, “If she were male, would I think she was interesting?”
Conservatives rumble about the declining white population, the need to keep up with the Chinese, and the economy’s dependence on housing starts. You might respond, “Bugger off.” It isn’t your problem. You owe nothing to a society that stacks the deck against you. Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die.
I like this comment:
Everything Mr. Reed says is true, but it’s primarily because of the absurd laws – black letter, common law, etc. — that have evolved in western culture. A better system based on a required, standard, but readily modified marriage contract would work mich better. To equalize things, a recognition that women bear primary responsibility for infants and toddlers while men are more important in turning children into repoonsible adults might be useful: Mothers should have primary ownership of children until say age six at which point primary ownership reverts to fathers. This would take care of all kiinds of problems that arise when women can use children as an unlimited tool for revenge and mealticket. A reasonable salary for childcare and homework — based on joint family income and the share of child care and homemaking that a woman takes on — sjhould be the basis for division of property in case of a divorce. Both partners should commit absolutely to joint residence, shared child-rearing responsibilties, and monogamy once a child is born and until the last child reaches adulthood except in the most egregious cases, i.e., the traditional reasons for divorce before the no-fault system which has provided a windfall for women. Divorceable offenses should include little more than real spouse abuse, adultery, and persistent gross failure to fulfill one’s spousal obligations. No one should be allowed to conceive or raise children unless they are committed to support their offspring in a contracted marriage , as described previously. Violators would lose their children and be sterilized. This would solve all kinds of problems with marriage and childrearing and also take4 care of many other issues including baby mommas on the welfare dole and phony homosexual interest in marriage.
and this one:
I am a big fan of Fred Reed. I don’t always agree with him but I love his writing style, wit, and humor. One should interpret Fred Reed’s column as a guide to marriage in contemporary USA. Fred himself made the right move to go South of the Border and marry a female from a different culture. Go to Fred’s website and check his archives for a guide to marrying a foreign woman. Marrying foreign also enables a man to marry a much younger woman than he can expect if he marries American. Fred does grasp the general human female species traits. My South of the Border wife also has her mood swings and often blames me for her life’s disappointments. She has all of the legal cards to ruin me at anytime. I am a disabled vet like Fred. The VA was smart enough to protect VA disability from woman friendly divorce judges (almost all of them). My wife knows this. Yet she has a great asset. After 16-years, she hasn’t left. Otherwise saying, I am far from perfect myself. I totally disagree with Fred on kids. My twin boys are my life. Unfortunately, the political atrocities of WW II often prevent modern American men from doing the smart thing. The wise move for men is to choose a wife with good genetics for kids. I wanted tall, strong, athletic kids so I married an Olympic basketball player. Our kids are major league baseball prospects. I get a far greater thrill out of watching them drive one out of the park than I ever did watching a big leaguer at a stadium. Keep in mind that much of a woman’s domestication of males can prove highly beneficial. Is not an upscale home a wiser fiscal investment than a condo in a seedy part of town? Is watching ball game after ball game to beer after beer a good thing? I own a classic car and some expensive sports memorabilia. Do I really need another classic car or more sports memorabilia? A married man can also sneak off to gentleman’s clubs and jack-off to porn. Are gentleman’s clubs and jacking off to porn truly fulfilling in itself? Life is short. Maybe your kids are a continuation of your life? Empirical fact says that married men live longer than bachelors. It’s also provable that the happiest people are the least selfish. Did you ever wonder why some movie stars, rock stars, or professional jocks that have it all are also miserable people who end up in therapy and/or rehab? If one wants to abjure females altogether, gays have the highest suicide rate of any measurable demographic. The solution is to choose wisely men.
"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor and stoic philosopher, 121-180 A.D.
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Since I'm a Christian, sex outside of marriage is forbidden. It's a sin. If my wife and I weren't married, sleeping together would be immoral. But since we are married, her not meeting my sexual needs is sinful and immoral. So we get to have guilt-free sex without any rubber separating us. As my wife, she must submit to me. If she decided she wanted to just divorce me because she is bored, that's immoral and a sin. If we were just dating, she could leave any time she wanted, not just legally, but she'd have no real moral reason that would require her to stay with me.
I also married a virgin. I don't have to worry about catching some kind of venereal disease from her.
If a woman really believes in marriage, there are a lot of advantages to marrying over dating.
If you have kids with a live-in girlfriend, she can still leave you. A judge can still order you to pay child support for your kids.
There is also the fact that it is actually possible to love a woman. When I was dating the woman who would be my wife, it felt kind of silly introducing her as my girlfriend. Calling her my girlfriend was not merely important enough of a way to describe her for what she meant to me. I wanted her to be my wife so she would be family.
Just having a series of girlfriends or a live-in girlfriend also just causes the problem to continue on. We have a problem in our society with a lack of belief in marriage. Society accepts divorce easily, even without grounds. The court system does as well. Both of those are bad things.
Some women lack self-respect and are willing to just be sex buddies or live-in girlfriends. But plenty of women still have a dream of marriage, even if they have allowed themselves to be mere fornication partners.
One thing men can do to encourage good partners is to be open about wanting to marry virgins, non-feminists who submit to their husbands, no crazy, non-controlling, who don't believe in divorce. Marry up all the woman like that. Be vocal about these deal-breakers.