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Why do I do this?

Discuss dating, relationships and foreign women.

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Why do I do this?

Postby Eric » Fri Apr 08, 2016 4:28 pm

I rely on freak out - rather than cope strategies. I admit it is the basest of All coping strategies and the one that short changes me the most, and leaves me completely SAFE but, with little. It's especially true with women. I know the issue of the opposite sex is complicated for all guys. I am able to pull lots of gorgeous, even beautiful looking women - because of my looks, but I always feel I muck it up.

I have this neurosis that pops up, time to time, about whether I should sleep with lots of women, or allow myself to, or try not to. It always happens when I'm out and about and, about to nearly hook up or am talking to a female. It's like this conflict comes up in my head - makes it really hard to continue. I wish I didn't do this.
I don't want to be afraid - to have sex, but I'm also afraid of things like; consequences - my brain really doesn't go further than that...it's just this vague instinctual feeling that maybe I should not (maybe pregnancies, baggage with this woman, what sort of trouble will i get into) - but then the other half of me is like urging me on. That half is usually stronger -and I want to, but I'm having trouble.
I know the simple answer to this is to not complicate it and just get over my fears, and make a decision.
Also, my intuition is telling me women do this thing where they like to engage you with words, with a verbal conversation. I don't like this - I'm trying to hook up, she's obviously trying to hook up, she's eyeballing me...what's with the boring convo that kills everything between us - and it ALWAYS does. Women like to talk. Men act. I notice the more I talk and open up (because I feel like it will make me more amenable to the female - actually effeminizes me ) I lose. And, ironically... she doesn't like it in the end either - although she'd prefer I talk!I think females just do what they do, and us guys do what we do - we will never meet in the middle. Any trying to play around just blows the whole thing. I feel sex is VERY basic and it's always we just trying to get what we want.
It confuses me though, because I know lots of females are wanting to hook up, so why they want to engage in the mindless talk?
I already have a problem being too polite, I need to kick this to the can - its good for board meetings and weddings, not everyday action - it shortchanges me.


My intuition's telling me to go for it - and not to worry. What do you guys think about it - your own personal experience, maybe some helpful advice or suggestion for me. Guys that have lots of experience with it.

I really wish I understood women better. Although, I'm not thinking it's possible.
-"Virescit vulnere virtus"
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Eric
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Re: Why do I do this?

Postby HowNow » Wed Apr 13, 2016 5:48 pm

I think giving an example of how a typical conversation with them goes would be good. Talking can be equated to foreplay. If you are opening up to a woman who is looking just for a fun night in a way that you start telling your life story it can scare them off because you are going too deep, crossing the line from small talk into 'relationship talk'. It isn't 'effeminizing' you, it's getting too serious too soon.

Hookup sex can be disappointing to the woman, there isn't really a guarantee of getting off when you ask a man you met in a bar to come upstairs with you. Sex seems like it should be basic, but there are people who are turned on by feet, by being tied up and smacked, some people think smoking is hot while others find it disgusting. The act of sex is basic, sexuality is quite complex.

If you think 'let's get to the fun sex, what is with this boring conversation' maybe the woman might be feeling 'where is the fun conversation, what is with this boring sex'. A night out for you might be a means to an end but to the woman the night out may well be the main course. Tossing in a lot of salt and sauce ruines the dish. Conversation should be light and fun.

Of course I cannot say for sure without an example but perhaps you are turning the conversation from the fresh, crisp 'dish' these women look for into something heavy, greasy, that leaves them just wanting to go home without 'dessert'?

Wishing you better luck in future hunting my friend.
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