Discuss dating, relationships and foreign women.
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I am reading conflicting articles, post, etc. about how easy or hard it is to find local women to date while on a short term stay ( 3 or 4 weeks) in Indonesia. I have not decided where to go yet but have just been trying to find reading material on the local women. There is a ton of reading material on the Philippines but I am having a hard time finding anything about the women of Indonesia.
I have been to the Philippines twice, Cebu, Bahol and Angeles City and I know it is fairly easy to find short term girlfriends in the Philippines. I had girlfriends from 20 to 26 years old. I usually stay in touch with my gf's indefinately and if I really found one I like a long term relationship is certainly something I am interested in. I just try to be realistic about having a permanent relationship with a woman 30 years younger than me so it is usually temporary. And all of them eventually asked for way too much money and so I eventually find out what the relationship really was. That is fine with me but that is why my girlfriends have been short term.
I am 53 years old, average looking but in pretty good shape. All the girls in PI told me I was so quapo. I actually believed some of them thought so. Anyway I am not too gullible and I know that they are looking for money and I usually helped out the girls I was with and I dont mind that type of gf. Someone who is looking for some financial help, within reason, and wants to spend some time with me going out partying, traveling or whatever we want to do. I usually find out what it is that they have been wanting to do and just could not afford it.
I guess my specific questions would be:
Are the girls in Indonesia, generally speaking, interested in foreigners? I read one guy that said very many women try to get his attention even though he is with his wife. They seemed to be infatuated with him because he was American.
Is it similar to PI, being easy finding a girlfriend? I dont really want to go pay bar girls for sex because I am looking for a little more. I want to enjoy a more girlfriend experience.
Is it true that virgins look for westerners to give them sex because they just dont want anyone local to know about it but they are really curious and so they search out a foreigner for sex. Is there any truth to this and if so is it common?
I read one guy that said his date that he met online insisted she pay for the dinner among other things and when he did not invite her back to his hotel she text him later and asked him why and made it clear that she expected sex. Sounds kinda hard to believe. Possibly true? Common?
Any other advice not directly related to my questions would be welcomed and appreciated.
Best location for what I am looking for?
Is there a forum that has more information about these topics I am inquiring about?
Welcome to the forum. You can type in "Indonesia" or "Indonesian women" in the Google search box in the top right corner of the forum, and see what topics come up. I'm sure it's been discussed.
As far as I know, Indonesian women are humble, down to earth and easygoing, but kind of religious (Muslim) and conservative. Probably a few date foreigners but not most.
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I spent the better part of a decade in Indonesia and I met my wife there. She is Indonesian.
I haven't been back in about 9 years or so, so my information represents what I know of Indonesia back then. It is considered the norm for male and female both to remain virgins until marriage. This is true of both Muslims and Christians. Officially, Muslims make up 89% of the population. I think it's lower, maybe around 70 ish, because the government doesn't want to rile people up and Christianity is growing. Bali is mostly Hindu. In the jungles there are various indigineous religions. Chinese may be Buddhist or Christian, and it's more common for them to identify as Christian these days. There are majority-Christian people-groups and majority Muslim people groups and some that go either way (e.g. Javanese.)
There are naughty women in every culture, including Indonesia. A friend of mine was faithful to his wife, but he'd go to places to get business deals. He described one place as a 'squeeze me' bar where expats would feel up local women in the bar, just squeeze the girls parts as they were walking around. The expats he was dealing with took women home and gave them 'taxi money' to get home. My guess is there are still sleazy places like this in the city where you could go to get a disease.
Indonesians generally don't go for a big gap in years for dating and marriage, but it happens there just like it does here. Plenty of women really like white men. Indonesia was colonized by the Dutch and they were the upper class. They think of white foreigners as rich, especially since their salaries tend to be a few hundred dollars a month if they have a decent job. So marrying a foreigner is a desirable thing to do for a lot of them. It doesn't seem to have the negative stigma seen in some other countries, like Korea. There are local women who will get into 'contract marriages' with expat oil workers in some parts, so regionally, there may be a stigma near oil fields. My father-in-law had worked in one of these areas and was concerned at first that I might be looking for a contract wife.
If you are average-looking in the US, you might be considered a lot better looking there because you look different. The consider a 'pointy nose' to be attractive. Fair skin is also considered attractive. So Caucasians have an advantage. There are men in the US who just go crazy for Asians, even some plain-looking Asian. It's the same over there with white expats, except there seem to be more women who like whites than white men in the US who just gotta have an Asian woman.
My wife is a very good-looking woman. But she's a real gem. Honestly, I don't think that young, thin Indonesian women tend to be as good-looking as young, thin women in the US. I'm thinking of time on a college campus in the US and in Indonesia. I think there are more lookers among a group of white women. I'd say the same thing comparing Indonesians to Koreans. I've never been to the Philippines but I've been around Fillippino communities in the US. My impression is there are more good-looking women among them, in general. Maybe it's the mix of Spanish or of more northern Asian blood together with the Malay blood they share with Indonesians.
I did occasionally see an older expat with a younger Indonesian girl. Most of them would prefer a young expat. In the US, I knew a thin, pretty Javanese girl in her 20's who married a South American Meditaranean looking guy in his 60's. They had a baby together. Most of the mixed Indonesian and American couples in that city were closer in age, though. It's not like a really common thing to have an age gap, but I think a white guy would have a better chance with the girls there.
As for what women are like, people in general there, especially in Javanese areas, have an ethic of trying to make people feel comfortable and welcome. They tend to be friendly. There are variations on how people behave, of course, based on personality, and also based on their cultural and ethnic background. Javanese tend to hide their feelings. The Batak are more expressive and passionate. There are so many people groups.
If I were still single and know what I know now or if I became a widower, there is a chance I might go to Indonesia looking for a wife. I might try the Philippines. It's not so much looks. I might try to go to Indonesia to find a virgin or a widow who hadn't slept around prior to marriage. Also, at least with Christians, if you are talking to an Indonesian woman and say, 'A wife should submit to her husband' she's a lot less likely to scowl than if you say the same thing to an American woman. They have lower divorce rates than the US, though divorce is legal there. It isn't legal in the Philippines and they have low divorce rates.
If you marry an Indonesian, they'll likely expect to have a baby in the first year. You may also be expected to give money to help in-laws from time to time. Filippinos seem more likely to expect monthly payments to the parents.
Thanks MrMan for that GREAT post. You really add to the forum and help people.
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Thanks MrMan for responding to my post. It seems to me with the limited information I have gleaned on the web including your observations that what I want to do is not so easy. As I said I have been to the Philippines and it was east to find a short term gf. These girls were not 10's but I also look for enough English to help when we travel and of course that I get along with well. We all know looks are not everything, but for me quite important. Some places I read that English is widely spoken in Indonesia but that really does not seem to be the case and I am not sure how you can spend much time with any woman that you cannot talk to. I met the most beautiful girl in AC (bar girl) that in my opinion was a 9 or 10. However after four days with her I had had enough. Her English was not good enough to hold any conversation. But she was great for a few days! I am attracted to all Asian women and dark skin and dark hair being the main attraction, a slim body coming close behind.
If I wanted to spend a couple weeks with the hopes of finding a gf where might be a good place to start?
How likely is it that women will speak English?
Thanks for the supportive words.
As someone who cares about Indonesia, my advice is if you are just visiting as a sexpat, go some place else. You might be able to find a temporary sex partner who speaks English. Most people don't speak English well. Some do. Ojek (hired motorcycle) drivers will say a few sentences to you in English, "Hi, how are you?" but the vast majority of them can't carry on a conversation. The fluent ones typically have a decent education, which makes it unlikely that they will be bar girls.
If you wanted to settle down with a respectable young woman who isn't basically a prostitute, there are plenty of those who speak English who'd love to marry a white man. Indonesians tend to be marriage-oriented. There are prostitutes and loose women in every country, I suppose. As with women of any country, you have to be careful. There are emotionally unstable women, violent women, women who would cheat on you, just like in any other country. I stayed away from women who seemed too desperate. A lot of women seemed to like me when I was single in my '20's, and if a woman was a bit too aggressive, it was a turn-off. I wanted to do the pursuing.
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