Single Mothers in the USA: Your Only Choice

[Nightngale]

Single mother should be avoided like the plague. I've notice that there just seem to be more and more of them. I actually got into an argument with a friend about a month back because she wanted to introduce me to someone who already had a kid and I refused. My mother raised me single so I have respect for single mothers even if they did make a pretty stupid decision. That does not mean me or anyone else should have to deal with that. Singles should date single, parents should date parents. Logically, a man who single will have a hard time dealing with a child he doesn't know. All sorts of issues such as discipline and respect come into play. It seems like more trouble that it's worth.

[MrMan]

I read somewhere that 1 out of 5 girls surveyed as 'very religious' was a virgin. So there are some virgins left in the US. I wanted one. I was living overseas when I met my wife, so she's foreign.

But I'm a Christian, too, and I'm thinking of church girls when I say I believe some of them are virgins. I don't go around asking, though. I do believe there are women who aren't currently living slutty lifestyles in some of the churches if they've messed up in the past.

I'm wondering how to find virgins. Maybe date in Amish country, one of the groups that doesn't do bundling. Or go to virgin pride events and see if you can marry up a teenager. Or put up a dating profile describing the problem with sexual immorality in society and your desire to marry a virgin. I would be surprised if online dating women advertised their virginity. That would be helpful. I read someone was starting a dating website for virgins a few years back.

A Christian woman who is a virgin with strong convictions against divorce, unless she's not too wise, probably isn't going to pursue a relationship with a man who wants a virgin but also wants to sleep with prostitutes. I suppose one could try to pull the wool over her eyes, but if your world views are very different, that's not a good recipe for a successful relationship anyway.

And there are lots of women who are not single mothers. Not everyone fits into the two demographics described in the OP. If I were single, I wouldn't consider marrying a woman who was not strongly against divorce.

I don't know if the Jonas brothers are still teen heart throbs or not. I saw something about them being popular a few years back and I don't keep up with the music scene, especially stuff that appeals to tween girls. But if a band like that could put out a commercial where each one is interviewed and say they want to marry a virgin, and just put it on Youtube, that might have an impact. If Justin Bieber had done that before grabbing that Disney girl's butt in public many years ago, that might have influenced the younger generation of girls in that direction, or some of them at least.

[matthewcoury]

and of course if you dont want to marry a single mother youll be labelled as shallow...... which of course is one of the things i hate most about this country...you're so shallow if you want a pretty girl whos in shape..are you kidding??? thats like a woman saying "i dont wanna marry a bum" cause lets face it...a lot of american women are bums who just want to be pampered and live off their husband or boyfriend

[Yohan]

Single mother should be avoided like the plague. I've notice that there just seem to be more and more of them. I actually got into an argument with a friend about a month back because she wanted to introduce me to someone who already had a kid and I refused.

You did the right thing - in USA and in almost all other Western feminist friendly countries you might be kept responsible for the child in future, even if your relationship with the mother does not work out and you leave the common home a few months later.

It is not fun to pay for a child - and you are NOT the father - until at least he or she is 18 or even longer in case of higher education, to pay to a mother child-support over decades who just left you for another boyfriend... that's crazy law, it means high risk for all men for a future serving as ATMs if they socialize with a single mom.

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The legal situation is very different here in Asia, there is no problem with a single mother, and no problem with her child.
You take over, and the ex-husband disappears. That's the way how it is done here in Asia and should you also disappear and move away after a while, there is nothing what the single mother or the child could ever claim from you.

[DanielleNguyen]

As for your god fearing single mothers why not? If you were a single mother wouldn't you want to change your ways too. You'd want to walk the right path b/c no one will lead that child but you.

[Ghost]

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[DanielleNguyen]

I'm just saying some change for the sake of their child. I mean some do do a complete turn around, some not all. They go get a job, read the bible, try to get their lives back in order....others not so much.

[Ghost]

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[DanielleNguyen]

I said some not all. And by some I mean a small majority. Children change people.

[Repatriate]

Just because a woman has a kid and claims to have "changed" for the better it doesn't mean you should be the one there to pick up the pieces. A kid is expensive and raising another man's kid is like paying for nothing. It's a losing proposition all the way.

[Cornfed]

As for your god fearing single mothers why not? If you were a single mother wouldn't you want to change your ways too. You'd want to walk the right path b/c no one will lead that child but you.

I am still curious about the circumstances of your first child. My feeling is that the father was a dirtbag and you deliberately got pregnant by him in order to entrap him into marriage, and that when that didn't work you had already pre-planned some nice-guy chump to be the provider, since he would place a high value on you and worked for an organization that would support you. Is this about right? If so, you probably think you are just a decent person muddling your way through life like the rest of us, but personally I would think you were the bad guy in such a scenario.

[sea_dragon]

I would never consider a single mother. I want to start a new family, not pick up someone's leftover scraps.

[jamesbond]

I would never consider a single mother. I want to start a new family, not pick up someone's leftover scraps.

Amen brother, if I want kids, I want my own children, not some other man's children.

I wouldn't touch a single mother with a ten foot pole!

[Yohan]

.....some do do a complete turn around, some not all
.....try to get their lives back in order....others not so much.

I do not doubt what you say, Danielle. There are for sure some single mothers, who were badly treated in the past and who do not blame solely the others around them, but understand their own mistakes.

The problem is however - as I pointed out in my previous posting in this thread - how do you know this as a single man, who has good intention?

In wide parts of the Western society, not only in USA, 'single mother' is something which is considered as 'normal' and even 'admired' as many feminist countries offers abortion as the much easier alternate solution.

I think, it is very rare for a single mother to reconsider her way of thinking. 'Single mother' means to receive a lot of public support and protection, often more than a family - a married woman with husband and their children - is receiving.

The other situation is about the legal position of a man, who is willing to take a single mother. If something is going wrong with this relationship - even without any wrongdoing by his side - he will be kept responsible financially not only for the ex-wife, but also for HER children for many coming years after separation (co-habitation) or after divorce (Marriage).

Another problem is the biological father of HER children - he might show up anytime, claiming visitation rights, demanding his rights how to educate HIS children etc.

It is a high risk for a man in Western countries to accept a single mother, even if SHE has the best intention considering a long-term relationship and understands her mistakes of her past.

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It's quite different in the country I am living now. In Japan a single mother is still not considered to be a 'normal way of life' and if you are willing to accept her and her children, they are in general thankful to have a new husband and father.

The ex-husband/father will never return claiming anything, this is the custom here, no visitation rights.
Should the relationship nevertheless break down, you can move away - nothing to worry about alimony and child support.
She and her children cannot claim anything.

Sorry, but feminism did NOT do a good job to protect single mothers, as due to the difficult legal situation in Western countries any man with some own property and a stable job will avoid them - just read the replies of this thread.

[Yohan]

I would never consider a single mother. I want to start a new family, not pick up someone's leftover scraps.

Amen brother, if I want kids, I want my own children, not some other man's children.
I wouldn't touch a single mother with a ten foot pole!

This is true in USA and similar feminist countries, I also would NEVER consider any personal contact with a single mother in Western countries. Too risky!

However it is not everywhere like that, I know several Western men who moved after retirement to Thailand and are living together with a considerably younger Thai woman who has children and there are no problems since many years.

But as I said, a considerably younger woman, who has no much chance to be accepted by any local Thai man out of various reasons.

Also please note that 'living together' in Thailand does not mean to be married. Co-habitation is a not accepted status in many Asian countries. No claims possible, no home, no alimony, no child support. In case the relationship breaks down, SHE and HER children have to move out.