Why are childhood friendships more pure/natural than adult?

[Winston]

Hi all,
I just watched a movie recommended to me by Repatriate called "Stand By Me (1986)" about the bond between four 12 year old boys during their adventure together. More info on the movie here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092005/

At the end, Richard Dreyfuss, who plays the adult version of one of the characters, writes in his book that after the age of 12, his friendships were never as good, and that no one has the kind of friends they do when they were 12.

This is so true. But I didn't know others felt that way too. So why is it that the friendships when we were 12 seem much more pure, natural and innocent than the friends we have in our teen or adult years? I always thought it was just a coincidence but I didn't know that was common.

Adult friendships seem much more superficial, not as pure or natural. I guess maybe it's because as an adult, you have already been programmed by the system for a highly materialistic and soulless way of life and thinking, that it affects your relationships with people as well, because by then you see people in terms of "business relationships" rather than real friendships. Could that be why? Also, as adults, you become more busy, self-absorbed and judgmental of others.

On the other hand, kids are less programmed and more creative/natural, so their friendships are a lot more natural as well? Makes sense doesn't it?

What's sad is that the friends we had in childhood tend to drift apart once you reach your teens and adult years. I never understood why. Why couldn't your childhood friends be your friends for life? Why is it so complicated? I always assumed that the close friends I had when I was 12 would be friends for life. No one told me otherwise.

It's too bad that our schools, parents and media never told us that the friendships we have in adulthood would never be the same quality as that we had in childhood. I always thought they would be the same, and why not? No one told me otherwise. It's one of those things you don't hear about until you get there, kind of like how your school grades aren't as important as you think they are when you are in school, but you don't know that until you leave school.

When I was 13, I felt very depressed for months as I knew the innocence of my childhood was slipping away. Somehow I knew that what lay ahead was an oppressive system that I would have to conform to in order to "grow up", where my soul would be squashed and my life would be like a machine, geared solely toward responsibility and production. The world ahead felt cold, uncaring and no fun at all. It was sad knowing that my attachment to playfulness, innocence, imagination, creativity, etc. would have to be abandoned for the "cold real world". But why? It was like going through a mid-life crisis, or a post-childhood crisis rather.

Did any of you go through the same thing when you were 13?

The good news is that since I never liked "growing up" or conforming to the system, and resisted it, I managed to maintain a good deal of my childishness, or child-like attitude, whatever you want to call it. Growing up was no fun, so I didn't go along with it.

Fortunately, I've met people similar to myself, such as Rock and Monkro for example. They are similar to my age and on a similar wavelength. The kind of things that me and Rock talk about for example, are definitely NOT the kind of things that responsible serious uptight adults, who take care of their families and work a stable job, talk about.

So in a sense, our friendship is kind of childish, like the kind that 12 year old boys have. We talk so freely about stuff without taboo or censorship. There is a freeflowing nature in our conversations that most responsible serious adults don't have with each other. I have this with some other friends as well, including some of you in his forum. So you get what I mean.

Having a child-like curiosity, wonder, imagination, and playfulness just keeps life a lot more fun. And it makes us act younger as well, which some girls like. Plus we have deep freethinking conversations as well.

Any of you thoughts of these things as well?

[Ghost]

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[ajvf97]

I've learned that it's a series of decisions you make that make you drift apart from your childhood friends. Some good, some bad. I started experiencing this in high school. Some friends dropped out of high school, some transferred to other schools in other cities. Others left the state completely.

High school graduation day is the day in which you know when things are going to be different after that point. Some leave town for college, the military, to travel the world, etc. Some don't leave town, and really don't spread their wings and try new things. Sure you keep in touch and meet up whenever one of you is back in town, but as the years ago by, these reunions become much more rare. You realize that as your perceptions change via your life and work experiences, you really don't have much in common with your childhood friends anymore.

They might have chosen a different path than yours and associated themselves with different types of people along the way. You might have done the same. I am all for youthful energy and a "kid-at-heart" attitude, but some people never grow up. What I mean is that some people don't grow out of their teenage years, change for the better or reach their full potential. Some change for the worse by developing bad habits or bad attitudes; they grew too old, grumpy and defeatist in mentality for some odd reason.

So, childhood friendships are great...during childhood because you're at the age where you really don't know any better. In addition to enjoying being a kid, you enjoy the company of your friends. You're not yet an adult, so you don't have adult issues to deal with. But times change, people change. It's all part of growing up.

[Falcon]

Not necessarily. I disagree in some ways.

I was bullied as a child and made few friends. Childhood friends are very highly superficial. The older you get, the more mature people get, and the more dependable and deep-thinking and intelligent your friends can become. The older I get, the better my friendships get.

Friendships among older folks are so much deeper and purer on many levels.

And haven't you forgotten about all the ruthless bullying and fake or even harmful "friendships" that can go on in elementary schools?