Yes, I agree with this. I've fallen really strongly for this girl I'm seeing at the moment. Where as before I was in a constant neutral mind-set, now I've experienced this intense love for this girl and I'm terrified of losing it. She lives quite far away from me, but we've been friends for ten years or so. At the moment we are both trying to save up so we can get a place together, but it is just so f***ing difficult. It feels like society and lots of other factors are working against me. But I'm a badass mofo who likes to play computer games on the hardest difficulty setting, apparently I like to live real life on the hardest difficulty setting as well.Don't get me wrong... I get it. I'm a romantic soul as well. And I have experienced such feelings. They are terrifyingly powerful. If love as a feeling wasn't real, so much great literature and so many amazing songs never would have been written. It's a tremendously powerful, earth-shattering feeling. But it's also terrifying, because once you love someone truly, and deeply, with this all-consuming power, you are incredibly vulnerable. And when it ends, it feels like life itself comes to an end.
People will probably say to me that I should just find a girlfriend who is closer to me, like in the same town or a nearby local area. But these NPC wenches will simply not do for me. Like @Tsar, I'm a man of integrity and I won't settle for anything less than what I want! And what I want is this girl I'm seeing right now. I even told @Lucas88 back when me and this girl were still just friends that she is the only girl I will consider for a relationship or else I would rather be alone.
It's a shame that you had to go through that kind of pain. I spoke in my Spiritual Anatomy thread that I think when two people fall in love their heart chakras form a bond, a sort of an energetic tether. When you break up that tether is severed and you feel the inexorable heart ache and pain that follows.I wanted desperately to grow old together with my ex. To be old and grey together, surrounded by our descendants, talking of memories from a now distant past that feels as recent as yesterday. I wanted that. But I'll never have it, because I lost her, I lost the love, I lost all of it. And now, it frightens me. To fall that way. To surrender to such feelings. I'm much more physically oriented now, and calculating. It does not mean I no longer believe in love; I just think there are different forms of it. I love my fiance genuinely, but with a different level of intensity. It's very physical in nature, based on her value to me as a partner and what she can provide me with. Whereas the love I felt before went deeper, but ultimately cut me and hurt me much more than it would have, had the feelings been less severe.
I used to love my kid's mother. But the first time round she broke up with me because she offered me a tea and I said no thanks. We argued all the time and when she broke up with me I was so gutted I thought I'd never be with anyone else. When she and I got back together after a few months it wasn't the same. I realised I don't have that authentic connection with this girl. She was too mean spirited to ever have authentically loved me. Even though we had a kid together and I tried my best to make it work it all ended in massive argument which was the final straw for both of us. I had no choice but to leave. Driving back north from London was bittersweet. I was happy to finally be away from that toxic relationship, but devastated I would be living so far away from my child.
I had a relationship after this with a polish girl, and although she might have loved me I just didn't feel like I could connect with her that well. She seemed more obsessive and possessive than loving in my opinion. Rather than feeling that connection I the heart I felt a bit suffocated by her and wanted some f***ing space.
I think I feel this kind of intense love for my current girlfriend. It's much stronger than any of the others. I think this is my last chance to settle down and make a life with a girl I love and possibly start over again. I always said after the kid's mum I would never live with another girl again, nor would I have anymore kids. But I'm open to it all with the girl I'm seeing now.So I aim towards a more mellow love, where to have her is a blessing each day but to lose her would not be the end of my world. Where we take each day as it comes, enjoy it, feel blessed for it, and see where it takes us. Because I've experienced the more extreme form of love and it can burn a man. The candle that burns brightest, burns out quickest. I'm not a cynic, my friend, I am just a realist.
I agree though, this candle has been set alight with a f***ing flamethrower. I'm also a realist and realise real life isn't some fairy tale or rom com. She might not want to move when the time comes. She could become distant from me emotionally etc all these factors. But at the moment I am remaining optimistic about the future with her. I'm staying positive, or trying to. Despite all the different factors working against my favour.