Hugh Hefner engaged to woman 60 years his junior!

[ijohn]

Let's itemize

Nice poem. I'd express sympathy but I rather suspect you would consider it unnecessary.

Instead here is a tantric joke

Martin went to the doctor. "Doctor, I've lived a virtuous life. I have avoided booze, drugs, sex all my life, I go to bed by ten, excercise regularly and don't do anything in excess. Yet now I am feeling stressed, tense and uneasy. What is wrong?"
The doctor asks, "How old are you Martin?"
"seventy three" comes the reply.
So he advises Martin to go visit the hot springs and try to relax a little.
Martin makes it to the hot springs and settles down in one pool. A really old looking, worn down wrinkled guy gets in next to him. Feeling good in comparisson Martin struck up a conversation. "What is your story", he asked.
"Aah", replied the old looking fellow, "I've had the most amazing life. When I was eighteen my culture told me to go out and do whatever I want and get all the sex and booze I could get. Why settle for one woman when I could have a new one every week?. So that is what I have been doing. Wine, woman and song all the time, every time".
"Why that is amazing" exclaims Martin. "How old are you?"
"I am twenty four" comes the reply.

Tantra says repression is suicidal. But so in indulgence.

The first four stanzas of the poem could have been part of a Disney story and the poem could have been written by a Christian. Oddly enough, given which forum this is, this discussion reveals some of the wisdom of calvinist puritan america. The loss of innocence at Puberty is The story of Genesis - adam and eve in the garden of eden. In the Christian interpretation, since we all have to go through this process of loss of innocence built into our inherent nature it must be because of some 'original sin'.

In Disneyland Mickey and Minnie never age, they remain in the innocence of childhood. They are a couple but there is no sex. The energy of sex is tranmuted to build the civilization - like finding cures for diseases for example. Just take a look at the improvement in general public health over the last fifty years not just in America but all over the world. Leprosy - gone! Small pox - gone! Polio - gone! Vitamins - a staple of everyone's diet.

So what to do about sex? Even the calvinists were not stupid enough to try to crush it completely. It was relatively fine within the context of marriage and family, though with the judgement about its sinful nature there were the seeds of repression.

Tantra says to avoid this judgment to start. Neither be for sex nor against it. Neither be for beauty nor against it. Let sex be a natural thing and be a witness. Through your witnessing you see sex for what it is and come to transcendence; through your transcedence you come to love and meditation.

It is hard to say that it is the puritanism alone that is the source of some of the laments on this forum. In that framework at least everyone would be married at a reasonable time; people would be tending to their families.

Instead it seems to be the total breakdown of all values arising out of post modernism and the consequent elevation of sex above everything else that seems to be the source. When all the values have been crushed what comes in the empty space are our harsh darwinian instincts. Survival of the fittest, eveyone in competition with everyone else, pick up and game instead of courtship and love.

[jamesbond]

It's incredible but Hugh Hefner gets girls who are the "cream of the crop" all the time! The man is 84 years old and he is getting more ass than a toilet seat! He has girls like the one below lined up waiting to date him and sleep with him!

* image removed in compliance with google adsense

[NorthAmericanguy]

This is actually a somewhat reasonable if world weary response to the human condition and how things are right now. In order to be able to live this lifestyle these are the things you have to have given up mentally, at least in a large part.

- love

Like you said, women don't love men in the way that men love women, so yes, I gave up on the LIE called "love."

More specifically, I no longer feel safe dealing with women on a emotional level because they are only with me due to my resources, but will lie every step of the way saying they are not.

For you guys who say, "that's not true, my girl was with me when I was poor." Well, that's called extending credit because she "saw your potential."

This is why I rather deal with a prostitute, the transaction is more honest.

- a stable home with children


- the family album with photos of vacations taken over the years; the wall where the kids heights are measured every year
- any sense of belonging, any root, a place you call home
- people you can call your own, your community
- strong source family ties, parents, brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts uncles.
- work you are commited to on a deep level

It takes a while for anyone to come to a place where they can accept giving up on all these things, some may never be able to. But it actually is not that unreasonable.

As far as the rest of your post, some people are more nomadic in nature and that's the type of environment they thrive in (i.e gypsies).

[Repatriate]

They need to pay tuition and not only when I am there. And they need to pay rent and not only when I am there. And most are in small towns and most will be monogamous. And I am online with them and text them quite often.

I think you're probably smarter than this but a lot of these girls literally collect sponsors (especially here in Thailand) and usually have multiple "boyfriends" or "future husbands" who send them money every month. It's the oldest scheme in the book and i'm pretty cynical about sponsorships because i've seen way too many of these types buying new mobiles, shoes, accessories etc.. and going out to nightclubs or the local social circles to get boned by some young stud. A couple of my clubbing friends have had sex with several of these sponsorees. Women like this like to get guys to upkeep their hi-so lifestyle while they're off humping other men behind their backs. Expecting monogamy is a bit of a stretch unless you have a few keyloggers installed and a private dick tailing her 24-7. Even if it's a small town there's just too much temptation for a pretty young thing especially when she has her basic needs met.

[The_Adventurer]

They need to pay tuition and not only when I am there. And they need to pay rent and not only when I am there. And most are in small towns and most will be monogamous. And I am online with them and text them quite often.

I think you're probably smarter than this but a lot of these girls literally collect sponsors (especially here in Thailand) and usually have multiple "boyfriends" or "future husbands" who send them money every month. It's the oldest scheme in the book and i'm pretty cynical about sponsorships because i've seen way too many of these types buying new mobiles, shoes, accessories etc.. and going out to nightclubs or the local social circles to get boned by some young stud. A couple of my clubbing friends have had sex with several of these sponsorees. Women like this like to get guys to upkeep their hi-so lifestyle while they're off humping other men behind their backs. Expecting monogamy is a bit of a stretch unless you have a few keyloggers installed and a private dick tailing her 24-7. Even if it's a small town there's just too much temptation for a pretty young thing especially when she has her basic needs met.

You are right, Repatriate, and too have seen many girls exactly as you describe, but I have also lived in the provinces and, from what I read, I think Ladislav gets out to even more far removed places than most foreigners ever see. You might be surprised to find there are far more girls who are not like those you describe and would be totally happy to be in such a reationship and be completely faithful to one guy. I have known qite afew like this, even though I, personally, had nothing to do with their sponsor or sponsoring. The thing is, yo will not find these girls online. You find them on the grond. Many only care about family, and it is dream to them to be in such a relationship, thogh I am certain they are hoping for marriage in the future.

There are plenty of girls who never go out to clubs, never drink and simply are not promiscuous in the Philippines. I think many of us can't get our western concepts of girls ot of our heads, or at least the big city, free and open, concept of girls. Traditional girls abound in the Philippines and many have not and will not get a boyfriend in many cases. I net a woman in her late thirties who was a virgin and never had a boyfriend. Not th ebest looking girl in the world, but certainly not bad, and I think plenty of Westers would find her attractive.

I once lived in a hge house with a muslim family in the province. With that many people, you start meeting friends, and freinds of friends and so on. There is no shortage of good traditional girls out there who are nothing like the typical girls foreigners encounter. I should also note, as Ladislav already knows, most of these girls don't speak Engish, and this is wh foreigners don't know about them.

EDIT: Soorry for spelling erros. I am onsomeone elses computer and for some reason, I can't at al see what I am typing.

[Repatriate]

You might be surprised to find there are far more girls who are not like those you describe and would be totally happy to be in such a reationship and be completely faithful to one guy. I have known qite afew like this, even though I, personally, had nothing to do with their sponsor or sponsoring. The thing is, yo will not find these girls online. You find them on the grond. Many only care about family, and it is dream to them to be in such a relationship, thogh I am certain they are hoping for marriage in the future.

There are plenty of girls who never go out to clubs, never drink and simply are not promiscuous in the Philippines. I think many of us can't get our western concepts of girls ot of our heads, or at least the big city, free and open, concept of girls. Traditional girls abound in the Philippines and many have not and will not get a boyfriend in many cases.

I don't doubt this is true but the impression I get is that the type of girls that are out playing games and have a certain level of "worldliness" are also the ones putting themselves out there to get attention from foreigners to begin with. You'd be surprised at how little some social circles overlap and when they do it's usually for a specific agenda.

I'm just extremely wary when you get a supposed naive "innocent" girl who pops up and makes herself available for this type of arrangement. Every situation is different however and a lot of it is based on the possible gullibility/emotional issues of the sponsor initiating this as much as it is the girl involved. I admit Ladislav's situation is a bit different since he's very well versed in the culture and language. My point is that unless you're in an ideal cultural position of understanding (like Ladislav) that it's impossible to vet a lot of these girls with a reliable degree of certainty.

[ijohn]

If you are one of those unfortunate men who has intense deep emotion about love then you have a lot of work to do. It will be tough but you have to get over this if you want to have a life and not end up crushed and broken.

Has anyone seen the movie 'As Good As It Gets'? Fun movie. Notice that he is struggling with OCD but is also very successful. She is a waitress with a sick kid. He pays the bills, she moves in and becomes a wife. This is the basic script. Everything else that the movie suggests - feelings of love, companionship etc sit on top of this basic script, they can't exist without it. Story doesn't work if he is not successful. No money, no honey. This is the basic biological template. Man goes on the hunt and brings home the catch, woman tends to the house and the kids.

They'll probably stick it out for a while, at least as long as the money is there, maybe have another kid or two and maybe the bond that forms from familiarity (which both men and women do feel), the joy from simply being around someone you have gotten to know well who knows you well will be strong enough to keep them together when the kids are grown and gone, and its just too much trouble to go find someone else. This is one version of the script.

The second version is that both are from the same culture, same background, they marry relatively young, often the marriage is arranged. The culture values and cherishes the family, relatedness and half the bond is the joy of being part of the same root, having that familiarity. Often he is the first and last person she is intimate with, she is the first and last person he is intimate with. They get to grow and learn together and learn about each other as the marriage grows. The bond that forms is deep and strong. You will see this all over Asia. Within certain limits it works, marriages last for a lifetime. Osho's parents in India were married for sixty plus years and utterly devoted to each other. This is the second version of the script.

There is a third version and this is the spiritual union. In this script at least one of the two has gone through a major crises in their life and has had to go on the road of inquiry, self knowledge and healing. On this road they meet someone with whom they feel a sense of wholeness, a spiritual union and that person feels the same. I know a few people for whom this has been the case. In this case looks, money may not matter that much.

This is the third version of the script and I suspect it is very rare. As are, I suspect, any other versions.

If you are the deep-emotion love kind, if you have believed in the idea of that One special person and when you meet Her that will be It, if you've directed your thoughts and energy towards this most of the time, if you've found yourself swinging from euphoria at every new prospect to the subsequent, inevitable, bitter disillusionment then you are an excellent candidate for getting on that road of self-inquiry and healing. With this expectation you are not going to find 'Her' in any corner of the world.

Make what you want of it as you will but in Jungian terms this longing can be described as the longing of the Self to come out of the bounds of the narcissistic ego. The ego has been inwardly directed, been focussed on itself - its own needs, its own internal state. More inward focus will not help for self-knowledge and healing. Going abroad, getting out of your comfort zone while doing service engaging in some social cause is an excellent idea. Your focus will be outwardly directed, not on yourself but simply on helping improve the lives of the people you encounter.

As you do your knowledge of yourself and the world will grow, that empty space will start getting filled up. You may meet someone, this is possible, or you might not, you certainly need some luck for that but that isn't your primary focus. If you do it will not be Her as you imagined previously (a far too heavy a burden to place on an ordinary human being who has to deal with her own frailities and weaknesses) but it will be her in a different more healthy, real way.

The sooner you get started the better. And good luck!