Do you feel American culture brings out the worst in you?

[Temprano26]

I keep myself busy going to massage school most of the week and I find positive energy in a subculture of genuinely giving human beings. That is my community and if I didn't just love the friends I have there it would be so much harder to rise out of bed at 5 in the AM to ride the train. Despite any complaints I could have that is the positive part of my life now.

The rest of American society I am tired of looking at, particularly riding the train five damn days a week. I have given up on developing meaningful relationships and like everyone else on the train, I have withdrawn into my own world doing my own thing, which is often studying a lot. Yeah I am developing myself but there is a bitterness growing inside of me every day knowing that I am always unfulfilled inside.

Do you feel being in America's culture has made you a worse person than you really are? Like you could be a lot happier somewhere else in this world where people saw a greater human being waiting to show himself? I recall a few years ago I was in a severe depressive state and the doctors prescribed four medications to me. Even then I knew it was insane to take that many pills to function in life. That is why I ultimately ended up in Costa Rica because there comes a point I will take my chances with something unknown when the known is not working. I was always going to get worse if I stayed in America because America is just getting worse. That is how I felt before I left and that is how I felt when I came back because for everything that America has, it has so little that I really need in life. I am tired of living in a world where connections don't happen and nobody is interested in anyone else. Going to California to see my father is a wonderful change in scenery but really it is about the same culturally. Same toxic crap.

I focus on my massage therapy career because despite the burnout factor, I remind myself that if I wasn't involved in this then my life would be going to waste. America is too busy filling our egos and starving our emotional needs. It does not intend for us to find true happiness but rather to be a consumer that keeps coming back for more pharmaceutical drugs.

[tre]

I feel the same. I have health issues due to the anxiety I feel here. I have to take prescriptions for anxiety as well as blood pressure medication so that I don' t have a stroke or heart attack. I am not obese, I exercise and diet constantly. These issues are 100% stress-based and my doctor told me what I already knew in regard to it.

When people ask me what I can do to fix this, I reply with "I need to get out of here". That's always my response. The problem and challenge is finding a good way to get out and stay out. Unfortunately, I think it will only get harder in the future. Maybe it will be completely not allowed when the economy collapses...who knows? This all doesn't help my health issue and the stresses involved with improving my situation just exacerbate it.

[zboy1]

I've had the same experiences with you guys as well...whenever I was in the States, I felt the country was literally making me sad and depressed. I don't know what it is...but all the Anglo countries I've been in (U.S./U.K./Canada) seem to do that to me. Is it the toxic Western culture of hedonism, selfishness, loneliness, feminism and machismo culture (among the men) that led me to have such negative thoughts all the time? Hmnn....

[Winston]

I feel the same. I have health issues due to the anxiety I feel here. I have to take prescriptions for anxiety as well as blood pressure medication so that I don' t have a stroke or heart attack. I am not obese, I exercise and diet constantly. These issues are 100% stress-based and my doctor told me what I already knew in regard to it.

When people ask me what I can do to fix this, I reply with "I need to get out of here". That's always my response. The problem and challenge is finding a good way to get out and stay out. Unfortunately, I think it will only get harder in the future. Maybe it will be completely not allowed when the economy collapses...who knows? This all doesn't help my health issue and the stresses involved with improving my situation just exacerbate it.

You have anxiety issues? I thought you were a clubber and ladies man in the US. lol

I also notice that I feel more anxiety and stress in the US. I don't know why. Something in the vibe or energy field maybe. Or the effect of other people.

One easy way to reduce anxiety is to just avoid people in general. Here in the suburbs, I don't have to see or talk to anyone if I don't want to. The only time I need to go out is to buy groceries. That eliminates the stress from being around others. lol. Problem solved. I limit my interaction to phone or skype with close friends.

Of course, you can spend more time in nature and do some meditation too. That will help your stress and anxiety as well.

But the point is, if I don't have to deal with any asshole Americans, why should I feel stress or anxiety? The only stress I feel here is the bad traffic and reckless drivers. I do not feel that driving here is a pleasant experience. Lots of angry stressful drivers around you makes their bad vibes rub off on you. Other than that, there is no reason to be stressed.

Why don't you just avoid people? It's as simple as that. Do that and there will be no conflict or bad vibes from others. It's the only way to real peace.

Didn't you say you have a Filipina girlfriend here? Why don't you take her and go to the Philippines? You can live there for very cheap.

[Winston]

I've had the same experiences with you guys as well...whenever I was in the States, I felt the country was literally making me sad and depressed. I don't know what it is...but all the Anglo countries I've been in (U.S./U.K./Canada) seem to do that to me. Is it the toxic Western culture of hedonism, selfishness, loneliness, feminism and machismo culture (among the men) that led me to have such negative thoughts all the time? Hmnn....

I think it's the old "oil and water" scenario. Certain cultures, personalities and people just rub certain people the wrong way. We are sensitive in ways that those who thrive in America are not. So the way that people act here just rubs us the wrong way. We simply don't thrive in US culture. US environment and us are like oil and water, we just don't mix with it. It brings out the worst in us. There is some deep inner conflict that US culture and people produce in us which leads to us feeling deflated and attacked, thus bringing out the worst in us.

It's hard to explain, but that's the best way I can explain it.

[navigator]

Outstanding post, especially this part:

"there comes a point I will take my chances with something unknown when the known is not working. I was always going to get worse if I stayed in America because America is just getting worse."

That sums up perfectly how I have been feeling lately. I am at the point where I no longer have any fears about living overseas. I am sure I will need to make some major adjustments, and I am also expecting some setbacks along the way. However, my resolve has never been stronger. I absolutely must get out of this toxic social environment before it completely destroys my mental well-being. The only reason I didn't expat a few years ago was because I found a decent job. Now I don't care if I am offered six figures to work somewhere in the U.S. I am not staying under any circumstances. If I have to, I will keep moving from country to country until I find a place that suits me. All I know at this point is that America is not for me and never has been. Oh well. I hope to contribute to another society because this one can crash and burn as far as I am concerned!

[tre]

I feel the same. I have health issues due to the anxiety I feel here. I have to take prescriptions for anxiety as well as blood pressure medication so that I don' t have a stroke or heart attack. I am not obese, I exercise and diet constantly. These issues are 100% stress-based and my doctor told me what I already knew in regard to it.

When people ask me what I can do to fix this, I reply with "I need to get out of here". That's always my response. The problem and challenge is finding a good way to get out and stay out. Unfortunately, I think it will only get harder in the future. Maybe it will be completely not allowed when the economy collapses...who knows? This all doesn't help my health issue and the stresses involved with improving my situation just exacerbate it.

You have anxiety issues? I thought you were a clubber and ladies man in the US. lol

I also notice that I feel more anxiety and stress in the US. I don't know why. Something in the vibe or energy field maybe. Or the effect of other people.

One easy way to reduce anxiety is to just avoid people in general. Here in the suburbs, I don't have to see or talk to anyone if I don't want to. The only time I need to go out is to buy groceries. That eliminates the stress from being around others. lol. Problem solved. I limit my interaction to phone or skype with close friends.

Of course, you can spend more time in nature and do some meditation too. That will help your stress and anxiety as well.

But the point is, if I don't have to deal with any asshole Americans, why should I feel stress or anxiety? The only stress I feel here is the bad traffic and reckless drivers. I do not feel that driving here is a pleasant experience. Lots of angry stressful drivers around you makes their bad vibes rub off on you. Other than that, there is no reason to be stressed.

Why don't you just avoid people? It's as simple as that. Do that and there will be no conflict or bad vibes from others. It's the only way to real peace.

Didn't you say you have a Filipina girlfriend here? Why don't you take her and go to the Philippines? You can live there for very cheap.

lol...you keep bringing that up Winston:). Yes, I was able to get women easily 5-6 years ago when I was SINGLE (not in a relationship). Life was more simple then because I was young, making great money and women came easily. I was able to save a lot of $$ so I wasn't worried about the future.

I've since burned my employment bridges in Las Vegas to move abroad and lost that money in an investment/move abroad (Singapore). I now have to start all over. That is a big reason why I have terrible anxiety all the time. It's like I'm in a small cage that I can't escape from. I need to make money, but I need to move abroad. Unfortunately, I have a huge amount of debt to get rid of and must build up savings before I can leave to go abroad. In order to do that, I need to make a good amount of $$ and qualify myself so that I can eventually make $$ abroad.

I've always wanted to move to Asia since my first trip to the Philippines. My GF is open to moving to the Philippines if we can afford to live a decent life there. I have a possible plan that MIGHT enable us to move there in 4-5 years. The money issues and debt are the biggest obstacles right now. I know, pretty big obstacles....lol.

I watched a video clip of Thailand today and heard a bird in the video that I remember hearing when I was there. It literally caused me pain in my stomach as I long so badly to get back out there. Asia is so beautiful and magical to me...can't wait to be there again. It's so different than anywhere that I've been in the USA...and I love that.

I'm very good at ignoring people and they don't bother me as long as I'm not doing a customer service job (where you are FORCED to deal with them everyday). I guess I just don't care what people think of me or anything else really. Who cares what they think? We likely have very little in common anyway as they are content in their robotic life and I am definitely not. Their view of the world is so different than mine is, in general. I don't sweat the small stuff, but I DO sweat the big stuff....which is what I'm dealing with now.

[Temprano26]

I feel the same. I have health issues due to the anxiety I feel here. I have to take prescriptions for anxiety as well as blood pressure medication so that I don' t have a stroke or heart attack. I am not obese, I exercise and diet constantly. These issues are 100% stress-based and my doctor told me what I already knew in regard to it.

When people ask me what I can do to fix this, I reply with "I need to get out of here". That's always my response. The problem and challenge is finding a good way to get out and stay out. Unfortunately, I think it will only get harder in the future. Maybe it will be completely not allowed when the economy collapses...who knows? This all doesn't help my health issue and the stresses involved with improving my situation just exacerbate it.

You have anxiety issues? I thought you were a clubber and ladies man in the US. lol

I also notice that I feel more anxiety and stress in the US. I don't know why. Something in the vibe or energy field maybe. Or the effect of other people.

One easy way to reduce anxiety is to just avoid people in general. Here in the suburbs, I don't have to see or talk to anyone if I don't want to. The only time I need to go out is to buy groceries. That eliminates the stress from being around others. lol. Problem solved. I limit my interaction to phone or skype with close friends.

Of course, you can spend more time in nature and do some meditation too. That will help your stress and anxiety as well.

But the point is, if I don't have to deal with any asshole Americans, why should I feel stress or anxiety? The only stress I feel here is the bad traffic and reckless drivers. I do not feel that driving here is a pleasant experience. Lots of angry stressful drivers around you makes their bad vibes rub off on you. Other than that, there is no reason to be stressed.

Why don't you just avoid people? It's as simple as that. Do that and there will be no conflict or bad vibes from others. It's the only way to real peace.

Didn't you say you have a Filipina girlfriend here? Why don't you take her and go to the Philippines? You can live there for very cheap.

Most people in America avoid other people and I have maladapted to doing the same. We just need to find friendlier cultures that are not so uptight.

[E Irizarry R&B Singer]

.....Most people in America avoid other people and I have maladapted to doing the same. We just need to find friendlier cultures that are not so uptight.

In a Tommy Sotomayor voice, "Yup!"

[Winston]

Tre, why do you like Asia so much? The humidity sucks there and the nature is not as fresh or pristine, and neither is the air.

How were you able to get women easily in America? I was young, handsome, cute, and made lots of money before too in the US. But I still could not get any dates. Lots of other guys report the same. This was even in the 1990's. In college, I walked around campus EVERYDAY trying to meet girls. I got with ZERO dates to show for it, except for a two year relationship with a Vietnamese girl. All the girls in college wanted me to mind their own business. They did not want to socialize, only to graduate and start making money. I did not understand why getting dates was so easy and natural on TV sitcom shows, but literally impossible for me. Nothing pisses me off more or causes me more resentment, regret and anger than this.

[JamaicaninChina]

I've since burned my employment bridges in Las Vegas to move abroad and lost that money in an investment/move abroad (Singapore). I now have to start all over. That is a big reason why I have terrible anxiety all the time. It's like I'm in a small cage that I can't escape from. I need to make money, but I need to move abroad. Unfortunately, I have a huge amount of debt to get rid of and must build up savings before I can leave to go abroad. In order to do that, I need to make a good amount of $$ and qualify myself so that I can eventually make $$ abroad.

I've always wanted to move to Asia since my first trip to the Philippines. My GF is open to moving to the Philippines if we can afford to live a decent life there. I have a possible plan that MIGHT enable us to move there in 4-5 years. The money issues and debt are the biggest obstacles right now. I know, pretty big obstacles....lol.
.

Hi Tre,
something you said sparked a thought I'd like to share.

I'm going to suggest something that may seem counterintuitive at first, but that (hopefully), after a bit of thought, will make perfect sense if you're open to seeing the world the way I do.

First, I'll tell you that when I was nomadpreneuring through China a while back, my online and offline businesses were the most profitable they've ever been. I had all the money I needed to keep jumping from city to city in China (see JamaicaninChina.com archives for 2010). Conversely, when I'm in New York, as I was for the past several months (family matters), things are a bit more challenging. This is so because I am extremely happy when I am in Asia, but I am practically miserable when I'm in New York. It is my experience that such daily/constant stress and anxiety affects my creativity, my thoughts, and thus the frequency of the energy I radiate that can serve to attract or repel prosperity. In other words, I'm more successful when I'm happier. (counterintuitive, perhaps)

Tre, you might think that you have to get your finances in order BEFORE you execute your escape from America, but I suggest to you that it may be the very act of executing your escape that can turn your finances around! You might find that with less of your mental and emotional energy stifled by your unhappiness in America, your inner "preneur" can flourish!

I find it easier to make money when I am on Saipan, in China, or when I'm traveling. I spend less time in front of the computer, but my results are "magically" better!

People often talk about "getting their ducks in a row" before they can escape. I believe that's actually the reverse of what needs to happen. If your ducks aren't in a row where you are, then perhaps you need to move them ducks to a different lake that's more duck-friendly! (At this point, since Winston has granted me the permission to do so, I can't resist giving a plug to a short book I created with that very title:
Ducks in a Row??? Please.
How to find the courage to finally QUIT your soul-draining, life-sapping, energy-depleting, freedom-robbing job now...before it's too late..and live passionately ever after!
check it out at http://www.betterbeliefsystem.com

Life rewards to those with the discipline and courage to pursue their dreams, and often, it's that courage to do the thing not often done that will change the tide. Remember, if it were easy, everyone would be doing it.

I could keep writing, but I'm back on Saipan now, and planning my next trip (to Macau, then back to mainland China), but I felt the need to offer a little advice as the title of this thread is the exact thought I have whenever I am in New York: I don't like who I have to become in order to protect myself, stay sane, fit in, and simply survive when I'm in New York. I find it quite toxic, indeed.

[zboy1]

Hey, JamaicaninChina, I guess being transplanted New Yorkers who are "happier abroad," me and you share the same feelings about the poisonous atmosphere of New York City, LOL!

[JamaicaninChina]

Hey, JamaicaninChina, I guess being transplanted New Yorkers who are "happier abroad," me and you share the same feelings about the poisonous atmosphere of New York City, LOL!

Absolutely! I've promised myself I won't dwell on the negative, but there is so much unnecessary hostility, bureaucracy, rigidity, competition, selfishness AS WELL AS a lack of empathy, consideration, pleasantry, courtesy and compassion--oops, gotta stop myself! Yep, we're probably talking about the same New York!

[tre]

Tre, why do you like Asia so much? The humidity sucks there and the nature is not as fresh or pristine, and neither is the air.

How were you able to get women easily in America? I was young, handsome, cute, and made lots of money before too in the US. But I still could not get any dates. Lots of other guys report the same. This was even in the 1990's. In college, I walked around campus EVERYDAY trying to meet girls. I got with ZERO dates to show for it, except for a two year relationship with a Vietnamese girl. All the girls in college wanted me to mind their own business. They did not want to socialize, only to graduate and start making money. I did not understand why getting dates was so easy and natural on TV sitcom shows, but literally impossible for me. Nothing pisses me off more or causes me more resentment, regret and anger than this.

I've been to many parts of Philippines, a couple parts of Thailand, Singapore and Hong Kong. My goal is to visit many counties in Asia, as many as I can manage. I have no desire to visit anywhere that is anything like the USA. I like things to be as different as possible (with the exception of living in extreme poverty myself). Asia was a shock to the system....in a good way. I was fascinated during every trip. The air quality is terrible in Hong Kong and I didn't see any attractive women, but I was STILL fascinated. I can't put my finger on what it is. However, Hong Kong would be the last on my list of places to live out of the 4 countries...at least at this point. That said, I'd move to Hong Kong in a second if I could make good $$ there and live a decent life. I'd much prefer that to my current existence.

I was always a good looking guy. However, it wasn't until I figured out American women that I had any success with them. When you say you were trying to meet women....were you cold approaching? If so, that was your problem...you can't do that in the USA. Most people can't. Cold approaching woman in the USA is like admitting to them that they are better than you. It also makes them uncomfortable for various reasons. Of course you know that by now. A better thing to do is to network with those who KNOW the girls you want to date. Eventually you will meet those girls and you'll have a much better chance with them when you finally do. Another place is bars and nightclubs. That, for me, has always been the easiest place to hook up with women. Nothing like breaking the ice by taking them home...lol. I didn't cold approach girls there either. Alcohol makes women obvious and reckless...so much easier IMO. They would often approach me there or, at very least, provide extremely obvious signs that they WANTED me to approach. Without some sort of a sign, I never approach anyone...period. When a girl in the USA shows interest in you, you absolutely must NOT show just how interested you are in them. That will make them lose interest. Women want what they don't think they can have, they subconsciously want a challenge...although they'll say otherwise. Don't believe what they say, believe what they DO. I had to learn this the hard way and it took many, many years. If your personality says that you are desperate for interaction, you'll likely get less of it. Women in the USA like mystery (even if they say they don't) so definitely keep them guessing....all the time. Acting in ways that seem aloof are never a bad idea with American women.

I know that it sucks Winston and I'm don't ever claim that it doesn't. Women are the way they are in the USA. Looks definitely help A LOT, but it's not absolutely necessary. I've had plenty of unattractive friends that hooked up with women all the time. They just have a game plan that works for them. However, they aren't as picky as I am. I'd rather go years without sex than to have sex with someone that I don't find particularly attractive. Its gonna suck for me when I get old....lol.


I will figure out a way to go abroad...I'm working on it. I'm pretty isolated right now in the small town and living on very little. That is the best I can do for now. I not only owe tens of thousands of dollars on credit cards, but I also owe the IRS thousands. This was mostly due to an investment abroad gone wrong. It was also due to trusting someone instead of doing everything myself. I won't make that mistake again. Most in my shoes would give up, but I'm not....I can't. However, I'm not going anywhere anytime soon unfortunately....I've got issues I absolutely have to get straightened out first. My INTEREST ONLY payments every month exceed what many live on abroad....yeah....it sucks.

[NorthAmericanguy]

I keep myself busy going to massage school most of the week and I find positive energy in a subculture of genuinely giving human beings. That is my community and if I didn't just love the friends I have there it would be so much harder to rise out of bed at 5 in the AM to ride the train. Despite any complaints I could have that is the positive part of my life now.

The rest of American society I am tired of looking at, particularly riding the train five damn days a week. I have given up on developing meaningful relationships and like everyone else on the train, I have withdrawn into my own world doing my own thing, which is often studying a lot. Yeah I am developing myself but there is a bitterness growing inside of me every day knowing that I am always unfulfilled inside.

Do you feel being in America's culture has made you a worse person than you really are? Like you could be a lot happier somewhere else in this world where people saw a greater human being waiting to show himself? I recall a few years ago I was in a severe depressive state and the doctors prescribed four medications to me. Even then I knew it was insane to take that many pills to function in life. That is why I ultimately ended up in Costa Rica because there comes a point I will take my chances with something unknown when the known is not working. I was always going to get worse if I stayed in America because America is just getting worse. That is how I felt before I left and that is how I felt when I came back because for everything that America has, it has so little that I really need in life. I am tired of living in a world where connections don't happen and nobody is interested in anyone else. Going to California to see my father is a wonderful change in scenery but really it is about the same culturally. Same toxic crap.

I focus on my massage therapy career because despite the burnout factor, I remind myself that if I wasn't involved in this then my life would be going to waste. America is too busy filling our egos and starving our emotional needs. It does not intend for us to find true happiness but rather to be a consumer that keeps coming back for more pharmaceutical drugs.

Good post....

Personally, I feel as if I'm "swimming against the current" living in America because I chose to go against the grain and live out my life as I see fit regardless that other people around me are doing the opposite.

If American culture brings out the worse in you, then that's because you have allowed American culture to influence you, and in one way or another, you gave up fighting against it.

I have managed to stay sane and live out my life in toxic America by living defensively! Don't even give the enemy a chance to attack! For starters, if you're childless, unmarried, and self employed nobody can touch you other then the IRS. Then go underground by not being on facebook, not going to weddings, and generally living like a "ghost". Stay out of bad neighborhoods and keep your distance from bad people. Also, qualify people BEFORE you let them into your life. In addition to all this, you want to read up on dealing with psychopaths and manipulative people to arm yourself with the knowledge to be able to spot the enemy and better strategize your defensive tactics.

Suggested reading: