Why do Filipinos NEVER share costs with foreigners or treat?!

[Winston]

I hate how dianne cant contribute any money at all, not even one peso of her own money to anything. She has to depend on me to pay 100 percent of everything. Its ridiculous and extreme. Yet 99 percent of filipinas i know never share any costs either. They claim to have zero spare cash. Even poor chinese girls can share costs and treat you to snacks. So why cant filipinas?

Also, if 99 percent of filipinos have no money as they claim then how do all the shops and businesses and malls and restaurants in the Philippines stay in business? They cant run solely on the business of foreigners. It doesn't add up. Furthermore, how come i see groups of filipinos everywhere eating together? How are they able to share the cost when 99 percent of them tell me they cant, not even a little?

Ive asked Dianne this question thousands of times. She cant answer and says its too hard to explain. Ive also asked other filipinos too and they are also reluctant to explain and seem to dislike such questions.

Is there some mass conspiracy among filipinos to pretend they have no money? Why do they never feel any shame in leeching and never contributing anything? Contributing zero 0.00 is just too extreme. Dont they realize that?

Moreover where do these filipinos get the money for expensive pregnancies and hospital bills and formula baby milk if they have zero money? Not everyone can depend on overseas relatives sending enough all the time. Come on now.

[Zambales]

I think the average Filpino earns around 10-15% to that of an average westerner and most of that goes to the family. What they have left is quickly spent because if it isn't another member of the family will be wanting it for something, hence why they don't want to admit it. You'll see them eating out in places like Jollibees but it'll only be usually once a week.

On a sidenote. On the last day of my first trip over to the Philippines I was invited out to dinner at a restaurant by my ex's family. Being a generous kind of guy I'd thought I'd pay half of the total bill for everyone. The total was around 2,000 peso's so I offered to pay 1,000. Much to my annoyance they turned round and told me I was paying for it all.

[Yohan]

First of all, as far as I know out of this forum, you should offer Dianne financial support because of the child.
How can you expect her to pay anything for you? How much is her monthly income? I am sure she has only enough for her basic needs.

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About women unwilling to contribute anything and demanding persistently money and gifts from men, my experience is worst with Western women, surely not with Filipinas.

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About Philippines in general, shopping malls are not everywhere in Philippines, they are only in a few large cities and not all Filipinos can access them, they buy their few items on the local market and in small stores, some delivery services are also operating.

For example on Camiguin island, where the daughter of the caretaker of my fosterdaughter is living with her husband and 2 children, there is not even one shopping mall, only some supermarkets - despite some turism and despite the island has about 85000 people living on it and despite there is a small airport and a regular airlink operating to Cebu. They are not so poor either, together with her husband, she told me they earn about php 25000 to 35000,- per month, no family problems and happy.

Not all Filipinos are poor - about 3 percent of the population - about 3 million people are considered to be financially very good off and can buy whatever they like. They also live in good housings - often selling in a price-level of USD 350.000,- and more - have cars, have domestic staff, send their children to expensive schools, have contracts with top class hospitals in case of a medical emergency and so on.

Another 10 to 15 percent of the Philippine population is considered to be in stable condition, somewhat 'middle class' - they have a small house, do not suffer of poverty, they are not rich, but still far away to be considered to be really poor. They have a regular income, but they have to control their money spending, their financial resources are not unlimited, similar to many people living in Western countries too.

What remains are about 75 million people in the Philippines, who have only enough for their very basic needs.
You cannot expect when visiting them as a foreigner (but also as an overseas Filipino) that they will contribute anything financially to make your stay comfortable.

If you come from USA and you cannot afford to pay for yourself in Philippines and expect locals to contribute to your travel expenses and when interacting with them, what should that mean? What do you expect from these local people next to you? To pay for your hotel invoice?

When I am visiting a family I know in the neighborhood of my foster daughter in Cebu, I go first to the supermarket in the Country Mall in Banilad and buy some basic food and otherwise daily useful items, for about php 1000,- to 2000,- (USD 20,- to 40,- or so) - I never come with empty hands. These are all people, who really do not have much. I would feel rather embarrassed to ask them to offer something to me in return. Offering what? I do not expect anything from them.

[Banano]

So by definition Dianne is a golddigger?

[Yohan]

On the last day of my first trip over to the Philippines I was invited out to dinner at a restaurant by my ex's family. Being a generous kind of guy I'd thought I'd pay half of the total bill for everyone. The total was around 2,000 peso's so I offered to pay 1,000. Much to my annoyance they turned round and told me I was paying for it all.

Your ideas are too much Westernized. LOL

She is already an EX on your FIRST trip to Philippines?

Anyway, PHP 1000,- is only about USD 20,- you can earn that amount within one hour in Western countries doing a simple job - this is not much money for a Western visitor, but in Philippines ordinary people have to work for that surely more than 1 day, maybe 2 days or even 3 days, if they have only a temporary job and no regular work.

[Zambales]

On the last day of my first trip over to the Philippines I was invited out to dinner at a restaurant by my ex's family. Being a generous kind of guy I'd thought I'd pay half of the total bill for everyone. The total was around 2,000 peso's so I offered to pay 1,000. Much to my annoyance they turned round and told me I was paying for it all.

She is already an EX on your FIRST trip to Philippines?

No. She is my ex now, not at the time.

[The_Adventurer]

Winston, getting pregnant and having a baby costs nothing. If it did, there would be no mammals left alive on this planet. This is also one of the reasons people in poor countries have ten kids. Not all of them are going to make it.

Filipinas breast feed, sometimes up until the child is 2 or even 3 years old.

All these baby formulas and pampers didn't exist even when I was a baby. You used a rag for a diaper and hand washed it all the time. These are ALL western inventions and industries grew up using advertising to CONVINCE people these things are necessities.

[davewe]

I hate how dianne cant contribute any money at all, not even one peso of her own money to anything. She has to depend on me to pay 100 percent of everything. Its ridiculous and extreme. Yet 99 percent of filipinas i know never share any costs either. They claim to have zero spare cash. Even poor chinese girls can share costs and treat you to snacks. So why cant filipinas?

There's the obvious answer (you got her pregnant, left her and your son, and now send child support). This might not justify her treating her runaway ex to dinner and a movie

But then there is the broader question. I am always amazed at the generosity of Filipinos. Yes, I certainly pick up the tab sometimes. But I also remember all the times I have gone to my wife's provincial home to visit her family. Invariably there is a case of San Miguel or Red Horse to treat me. By their standards this is a large expense - and I appreciate it. I drink what I am given because I don't want to waste it - ok, also because I like San Mig

I could tell dozens of similar stories. Most Westerners can't see it because they don't see that a poor person who spends a dollar is really spending a huge amount.

[Winston]

Yohan,
Do you know what hospitality means? It has nothing to do with paying for your hotel. It means locals treat foreign visitors to meals and snacks and show them around. In most of Asia, including China, thats how it is. For some reason filipinos dont abide by that. They think hospitality means making the foreigner pay for 100 percent of everything without shame. 100 percent is too extreme. Where is their conscience or shame or honor? Filipinos dont have a code of honor. They admit it too. Its not in their vocabulary or mindset. Why do you like extremes yohan? Extremes are not good.

Most foreigners are only able to tet the poorest filipinas. Marcoszeitola is an exception for some reason.

Yohan why you dating filipinas rather than japanese girls? And dont you feel ashamed that you have to reach down so low to attain female companionship?

[Yohan]

@ Winston

I agree with you that Marcos is an exception, I think, his Philippine connection is not with those 75 percent of impoverished people, but likely with these 15 or so percent of its small middle class population, which manage a stable income and who do not need to worry about how to pay for their daily very modest basic needs.

I am not sure about Philippines, if it is about to make the foreigner (regardless if single or couple, men or women) to pay for everything.

Overseas Filipinos will tell you they have a similar experience when visiting their village. All people living there expect them to pay.
I know even Filipinos in Tokyo who refuse to visit their Philippine village and prefer to spend their holidays in a resort on another Philippine island nearby, inviting only their close relatives.

Compared to Thailand, as a foreign man, you get away cheaply in any case, there is no bride price expected and marriage expenses are modest.

About yourself, I think you cannot expect Dianne who is the mother of your child to pay for you even a single peso. Really, why should she?

About foreigners showing up unexpected somewhere and treated for meals, this happened to me many times with Chinese people in Malaysia in smaller cities as they often form a group of men who know each others as friends and co-workers in evening eating together and Chinese food can be easily shared.

The foreigner is expected to be their entertainer and tell them stories and stories from abroad.

However not all Asian people react like that and will invite you to join them.

Yohan why you dating filipinas rather than japanese girls? And dont you feel ashamed that you have to reach down so low to attain female companionship?

What crazy comment is this?

I am married to a Japanese woman and I have 2 daughters with her.

Why do you think, every Western man entering Philippines is into dating girls?

I am visiting my foster daughter in Cebu. She is now 20 and we know each other since she was 8 years old.

However while in Philippines, I always have plenty of contact with very young people next to my foster daughter, they don't have any money and I am happy to see them all for 10 to 14 days or so in one year - and it's me who tells them to come with me for some eating outdoors, visiting some few nice places nearby Cebu City and buying some simple items like groceries and some cheap clothes for them. These are small expenses considering my income in Japan. Why to be greedy and to count every single yen or dollar?

We always have now a lot to talk as they are not children anymore. I met them the first time about 10 years ago. They have now all small jobs, a little income barely to survive, but no medical cover. About education, yes I pay the university fees in Cebu for my Filipina foster daughter, it's not so cheap and no ordinary family in Philippines can pay for that.

Yes, I pay always while in Cebu and why not? ....but I don't know why this is considered as 'extreme'.

I am not into dating in Cebu.
However I see no reason why a foreign Western man visiting Philippines should be 'ashamed' looking for female companionship.

[The_Adventurer]

Yohan why you dating filipinas rather than japanese girls? And dont you feel ashamed that you have to reach down so low to attain female companionship?

What crazy comment is this?

I am married to a Japanese woman and I have 2 daughters with her.

See? This is why I have had enough of this place. Winston obviously doesn't read a single comment from his regular posters, and thus continues to make shit up or just assume things about people. Writing on here, especially to try to answer his questions, is a total waste of time.

[Yohan]

All what I can observe is that Winston is suddenly showing up with very insulting comments about Philippines in general, and especially about Philippine women, who he considers as inferior to other women, especially Chinese women.

Interesting to read that Western men should be ashamed to date while in Philippines, as this means to reach down so low to attain female companionship...

That's insulting and derogatory really, but I don't care as I am not in Philippines for dating anyway.

I wonder what he thinks about American women, are they superior to Philippine women? If superior, why to be happier abroad, is the question...

[MustVisitAsia123]

Well Winston you did leave your child in pursuit of other women. That child is still your responsibility plus Dianne doesn't have much money anyways. Sometimes I think you should look at things from other people's perspective. To be honest what was your "biggest" value to Dianne? It was probably money right?

[Winston]

Yohan,
If having 0.00 money and contributing 0.00 money is not extreme, then I don't know what is. Have you heard of the concept of fairness? If someone always paid 100 percent for me, I would feel guilty and shame, wouldn't you?

How come poor Chinese girls and Chinese college students can contribute to shared costs?

I don't mind sending support for Angelo. But why should I send support for all of Dianne's living expenses too? Her mom should do that, that should be her job, not just lay it all on me. If we aren't together, I should not be responsible for Dianne's living expenses too.

MarcosZeitola,
Why are you nitpicking me and trying to spin things against me? I have nothing against you. You sound like a good guy who is genuine and down-to-earth. I NEVER intended to insult any race. I like Filipinas too. They are sexy, easygoing, child-like and give good sex. But the truth is the truth. They are lower quality girls. Everyone knows this, especially in Asia. They are lower intelligence and have lower quality skin. That's an honest objective observation. It's not meant to be person or racist or insulting. It's just an honest observation. Why are you so politically correct? Ethan_sg told me he totally understands me and has observed the same. It's just honest observation, nothing personal, yet you are taking it all so personally. You are clearly emotional and biased Marcos.

I told you I am not good at memorizing things, especially details about other people's lives. I'm better at thinking, not memorizing, so I'm the opposite of typical Chinese. I can memorize ideas and concepts only. So why are you trying to use this against me?

Also, we are all laughing at you on our Wechat group that you totally denied that skin quality is connected to genetics. Why haven't you retracted such an obviously dumb statement that you made? Have you no shame? It makes you look like a Neanderthal to deny something so obvious and simple and universally agreed upon.

Also I do not sleep with "random women" in Asia. The last girl I slept with in China, I had a deep intimate mental connection with, which we cultivated over the span of several months. In other words, I have real normal relationships with the girls I slept with in China. Not leeching unfair imbalanced relationships where I have to pay 100 percent of all expenses like with Filipinas.

[davewe]

MZ - I think you have to separate this issue from Winston. The reason he ended up paying for everything (and he's been complaining about this for years) is because - he's Winston Plus he spent much of his time in Angeles where even if a girl isn't a bar girl, she's learned what to expect from foreigners.

All that being said,the Philippines functions like the 50s - it's Happy Days and there is still an expectation that the guy pays. I think it's one of the reasons (not the only one ) that in general older guys like the place. In my 30s and 40s it took me years to get used to the girl paying or splitting the check on a date. I go to the Philippines and the attititude is comparable to when I was in my 20s - the guy pays.

But there is a more overriding attitude in the Philippines. It's not universal but it's common. That is - the richest person pays. By the way, this was not an uncommon philosophy in the West a couple generations ago. My grandfather routinely took his entire extended family out to a fancy dinner - and paid. If one of his sons went for the check (or part of the check) there would have been war. It was simply a given in that era - that the rich guy paid.

A weird story: Janet and I met her former boss in Cebu. I had heard a lot about her and was looking forward to meeting her. 75, she spent 1/2 her time in Toronto and 1/2 her time at the pension house she owned in Leyte. She wasn't a poor Filipina. Yet I knew I would be paying for lunch. The old lady showed up with (unexpectedly) her sister and best friend. The best friend as it turns out was stinking rich, living with her husband in a borderline mansion in a gated community in the hills over Cebu. I paid lol. The 3 old ladies made a big show about breaking out their senior citizen cards to save me some money

After I paid the friend invited me to visit her home. We all went there and I was stunned by the place. Her hubby was a big shot businessman who could have bought and sold me 10 times over. Very interesting to talk to him. High priced food and booze was brought out all day long. Believe me Janet and I ate and drank more than I paid for at the lunch. I have no great conclusions about the story. In the end I did pay for the lunch. But because of that I got brought into a world and gained a little insight that I would have never experienced otherwise. For me it was worth it. But for someone like Winston - he'd still be pissed that he had to pick up the check