People Who Have a House in a Good Location Who Don't Invite Extended Family Over

[dancilley]

I just thought of something: Why don't people who live in a good location and have a house invite people over? I was thinking about why my extended family has almost never invited me over. They have, but it's very, very few times in my entire life.

The reason why I don't invite them over is because I have been a super non-social person. I have suffered from poor health which has caused me to not crave to be social (but now my health is getting better, so I am writing more posts and thinking about connecting with people I've known via email or phone). So, when my uncles or aunts got married, I declined to go (if I was actually invited...which may have not been the case).

I also literally live in Skid Row, in downtown Los Angeles, in a one-room residence. It is dangerous to be here. If you are not physically violated, you will at least be afraid that something violent will happen to you, or you will be harassed or insulted or offered drugs by someone, or will be at least annoyed by crazy homeless people shouting, trash in the streets, the smell of urine, walking over feces, rats, etc.

But if you have a house in a good location, why would you never invite your extended family over? Only if someone gets married maybe, or dies?

It's insane to me how non-social people are. But I know they live in a decent location. They don't live in a ghetto. So, I ask myself...is there something wrong with me?

But I know that people are extremely non-social these days. Before the internet, people were more social in person. My dad was a very social person naturally, but my mom was not social, so I think that's why we didn't invite people over to our home. We also lived in a mobile home, but the mobile home was on 2.25 acres of land in Sonoma County, CA, so that should have been good enough for people to come over. We were there for 11 years and only one time did my dad's college roommate come over with his six kids. My uncle came over like two or three times, and my grandparents came over a few times. My aunt came over once with her husband and one-year-old. My auntie (my grandmother's sister) came over once. And this was mostly before the internet (my parents didn't use the internet at all at the time), so it's weird how this works. What do you think? A lot of my dad's side of the family lives in Arizona, but I only went there one time when my cousin got married I think.

I think people may feel embarrassed about their current standard of living, so they feel embarrassed about where they live and what they have, and think they should be in a better situation than they are...or, if you invite someone over, they may criticize your situation.

If you contrast that with people from other countries, say, in the Philippines, they probably don't focus on that. They don't focus on what they have materially. They don't focus on the material. They focus on the people. And they probably are way more socially connected; they invite people over to their home way more often. If you have been to the Philippines, or abroad, is this what they do?

[galii]

In the Philippines they are focused on the money just differently. If you have money your family will pressure you to give them alot of it. Your money is their money. They don't care how much you worked to get it. That is why nobody wants to work hard there.

[MrMan]

We try to be 'given to hospitality.' We host Thanksgiving for my family. Is it extended family? They were my immediate family growing up, and they can bring their kids. We might get one of the children, who is now an adult, out here. But we live 2 hours from parents or siblings, so it is a bit of a drive.

I saw a cousin at a funeral who drives near where I live for work. I invited him over. I should invite his sister over, who lives 40 miles from here or so. I talked to her on the phone when we were moving to the area, and I got out here first, and I was kind of hoping they would invite me to dinner or something. But we could invite them now.

We have church people over. We've had neighborhood kids over for a weekly Bible study for a while. We've had Indonesians and other people fly across the country and stay with us for a few days. There was a man moving to be a missionary and we had him stay the night once. We hosted a Christmas party and a New Year's Party this year, too, which was for people we know, many of them from church. My wife usually has a friend come by and visit once every week or two. There is a family that comes to our Bible studies and we've had their relatives come to our Bible study, and the mom goes to our church, and we've just had them over from time to time.

My wife is really social and does most of the cooking for these parties, though my daughter cooked the Thanksgiving turkey for the extended family when my wife went to her father's funeral when he died right before Thanksgiving one year. That Turkey was top-notch, too.

For Thanksgiving, my wife has done Thai Green Curry turkey and also traditional American. We serve the Thai turkey with American fixings. It actually works. My brother asks if she's doing the Asian turkey. I think he likes that better. Several years ago, we had a big pot, and I suggested she do an Indonesian opor turkey like they do with chicken, cooking it in coconut milk, ginger garlic, whatever is in that. It turns out the Thai recipe is that, plus basil and some other stuff to make it green curry. Turkey cooked in that will be moist and tender and you don't have to worry much about internal temperature.

If we throw a party, even if it's pot luck, my wife makes more than enough food for everyone. Everyone tells her that she's a great host. Btw, it would be hard for her to pull this off if she were an immature teenager.