How to MAKE FRIENDS as an ADULT: the best way to make new friends

[galii]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eww3stkEwBY

It's much harder to make friends as an adult, especially for men. For better or worse, most men in middle age devote half their waking life to work, and the other half to their wife and children. It's not that they don't value friendship; it's that society incentivizes and rewards men for prioritizing other things over these relationships. In today's episode, I discuss a nearly sure-fire way to make a few new friends as an adult in just a couple of months.

[Natural_Born_Cynic]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eww3stkEwBY

It's much harder to make friends as an adult, especially for men. For better or worse, most men in middle age devote half their waking life to work, and the other half to their wife and children. It's not that they don't value friendship; it's that society incentivizes and rewards men for prioritizing other things over these relationships. In today's episode, I discuss a nearly sure-fire way to make a few new friends as an adult in just a couple of months.

1) Please Don't! Not worth it!
2) See number 2

[Lucas88]

This is a good topic and one that we should have discussed here a long time ago.

I watched the video and found it to be on point.

Here is a comment from the video's comment section:

I just moved to a new state and the new friends I made was through work, volunteering at church and joining mma school and taking shooting classes at the range.

You can absolutely form friendships through shared activities and clubs. I've consistently made good friends abroad through martial arts classes, esoteric study groups, salsa classes, etc. Before long you are able to form a bond of brotherhood with the people with whom you do these activities and genuine friendships often follow.

If @Winston wants to make friends, he could take up kickboxing or some other martial art (I've seen his Karate videos, btw), join a New Age cult, become a member at a gun club or attend salsa classes where he can meet a broad assortment of mamacitas.

Friendship is never given freely; it must be forged in blood, sweat and shared bonds in the face of some external challenge!


Post scriptum

Just one caveat - The above strategy of forming friendships through shared activities and clubs didn't really work for me in my native UK. The UK is a culture which doesn't value friendships very much (it's easy to make acquaintances but actual friendships rarely follow) and with which I personally don't vibe (the UK is the exact opposite of my own personality). However, it's consistently worked for me in Spain, Latin America and even Japan to a degree. So location does indeed still have an influence.

[Natural_Born_Cynic]

This is a good topic and one that we should have discussed here a long time ago.

I watched the video and found it to be on point.

Here is a comment from the video's comment section:

I just moved to a new state and the new friends I made was through work, volunteering at church and joining mma school and taking shooting classes at the range.

You can absolutely form friendships through shared activities and clubs. I've consistently made good friends abroad through martial arts classes, esoteric study groups, salsa classes, etc. Before long you are able to form a bond of brotherhood with the people with whom you do these activities and genuine friendships often follow.

If @Winston wants to make friends, he could take up kickboxing or some other martial art (I've seen his Karate videos, btw), join a New Age cult, become a member at a gun club or attend salsa classes where he can meet a broad assortment of mamacitas.

Friendship is never given freely; it must be forged in blood, sweat and shared bonds in the face of some external challenge!


Post scriptum

Just one caveat - The above strategy of forming friendships through shared activities and clubs didn't really work for me in my native UK. The UK is a culture which doesn't value friendships very much (it's easy to make acquaintances but actual friendships rarely follow) and with which I personally don't vibe (the UK is the exact opposite of my own personality). However, it's consistently worked for me in Spain, Latin America and even Japan to a degree. So location does indeed still have an influence.

It's same here in the U.S. You can join clubs and share activities but there is a limit to that because: 1) everyone has a job, bills, family obligations. 2) Everyone is tired from work and doesn't have room for new friendships. 3) Generally Americans are very cliquish just like the people in the UK , but much worst 4) They already have or brought their group of friends in the club and unwilling to invite in new ones.

Americans are friendly on the surface but inside they are similar to Japan in social friendships. One of the most repressive and regimented people in the planet. The real real method in U.S.A to make friends is: You have to be "invited in" or "vouched by" one of the member of the Clique or "nominated" by a group leader of the Clique you want to join into. How you get invited? You have to earn respect, be a useful asset, impress them, think the same as them, dress similarly to them or even buy them out meaning inviting the entire clique to your house party or buy them stuff, provide alcohol and drugs. Only way to make friends in U.S.A.

[Lucas88]

It's same here in the U.S. You can join clubs and share activities but there is a limit to that because: 1) everyone has a job, bills, family obligations. 2) Everyone is tired from work and doesn't have room for new friendships. 3) Generally Americans are very cliquish just like the people in the UK , but much worst 4) They already have or brought their group of friends in the club and unwilling to invite in new ones.

Americans are friendly on the surface but inside they are similar to Japan in social friendships. One of the most repressive and regimented people in the planet. The real real method in U.S.A to make friends is: You have to be "invited in" or "vouched by" one of the member of the Clique or "nominated" by a group leader of the Clique you want to join into. How you get invited? You have to earn respect, be a useful asset, impress them, think the same as them, dress similarly to them or even buy them out meaning inviting the entire clique to your house party or buy them stuff, provide alcohol and drugs. Only way to make friends in U.S.A.

I can imagine. The US looks like a desolate wasteland for friendship.

While the psychologist's advice in the video is generally sound, he fails to mention several variables that can add further layers of difficulty when it comes to making friends.

1. Cultural attitudes towards friendship

As we've already established, not all cultures attach the same level of importance to friendship. Some cultures like the UK and US are hyper-individualistic and most people generally don't put much effort into making or maintaining friendships. Everybody is far more concerned with their own stuff and superficial acquaintances are the norm. If you live in this type of culture, even if you join clubs making friends is still going to be difficult. Meanwhile, other cultures like Spain and Latin America attach much greater importance to hanging out with friends and associates. It's part of the culture and so joining clubs and such is a fast track to a vibrant social life.

2. Individual compatibility

Some cultures might not suit our personality. If you live in a culture that doesn't suit you and with which you just don't vibe, then no matter how much you join clubs and try to interact with people you're likely not going to fit in anyway and your efforts will be in vain. This applies to me in the UK and I think to Winston in the US and Taiwan. If this is the case, then the best thing you can do is change your location. Just as some people aren't a "cultural fit" in a certain club or at a certain company, some people likewise aren't a cultural fit in a certain region or country.

Bonus point:

Many clubs and activities are expensive, especially in hypercompetitive societies like the US. If you're living on a tight budget and don't have enough disposable income to spend on Jiujitsu classes (often quite expensive), gun club membership, etc., then you're not going to be able to meet people this way.

Fortunately, in the UK and Continental Europe, there are usually affordable martial arts schools (in Spain my wrestling classes cost only 20€ a month), gym memberships, dance classes and other activities, but that might not always be the case in the US.

[Natural_Born_Cynic]

It's same here in the U.S. You can join clubs and share activities but there is a limit to that because: 1) everyone has a job, bills, family obligations. 2) Everyone is tired from work and doesn't have room for new friendships. 3) Generally Americans are very cliquish just like the people in the UK , but much worst 4) They already have or brought their group of friends in the club and unwilling to invite in new ones.

Americans are friendly on the surface but inside they are similar to Japan in social friendships. One of the most repressive and regimented people in the planet. The real real method in U.S.A to make friends is: You have to be "invited in" or "vouched by" one of the member of the Clique or "nominated" by a group leader of the Clique you want to join into. How you get invited? You have to earn respect, be a useful asset, impress them, think the same as them, dress similarly to them or even buy them out meaning inviting the entire clique to your house party or buy them stuff, provide alcohol and drugs. Only way to make friends in U.S.A.

I can imagine. The US looks like a desolate wasteland for friendship.

While the psychologist's advice in the video is generally sound, he fails to mention several variables that can add further layers of difficulty when it comes to making friends.

1. Cultural attitudes towards friendship

As we've already established, not all cultures attach the same level of importance to friendship. Some cultures like the UK and US are hyper-individualistic and most people generally don't put much effort into making or maintaining friendships. Everybody is far more concerned with their own stuff and superficial acquaintances are the norm. If you live in this type of culture, even if you join clubs making friends is still going to be difficult. Meanwhile, other cultures like Spain and Latin America attach much greater importance to hanging out with friends and associates. It's part of the culture and so joining clubs and such is a fast track to a vibrant social life.

2. Individual compatibility

Some cultures might not suit our personality. If you live in a culture that doesn't suit you and with which you just don't vibe, then no matter how much you join clubs and try to interact with people you're likely not going to fit in anyway and your efforts will be in vain. This applies to me in the UK and I think to Winston in the US and Taiwan. If this is the case, then the best thing you can do is change your location. Just as some people aren't a "cultural fit" in a certain club or at a certain company, some people likewise aren't a cultural fit in a certain region or country.

Bonus point:

Many clubs and activities are expensive, especially in hypercompetitive societies like the US. If you're living on a tight budget and don't have enough disposable income to spend on Jiujitsu classes (often quite expensive), gun club membership, etc., then you're not going to be able to meet people this way.

Fortunately, in the UK and Continental Europe, there are usually affordable martial arts schools (in Spain my wrestling classes cost only 20€ a month), gym memberships, dance classes and other activities, but that might not always be the case in the US.

That is a great overall assessment from the psychologist. I would like to add:

1. The U.S culture makes it very difficult for a person to make genuine friends, have romantic relationships and build deep connections.
Winston and many others went over why America is a social hellhole, ad nauseum. U.S friendship culture I think is much worst than Japan's.
At least in Japan, people are polite and well mannered, but in the U.S people are full of big egos, narrow mindedness and selfish competitiveness which blocks out the collaboration unless you are in their clique.

2. Everywhere in the U.S you have to travel by car. Public Transportation has been stripped out thanks to the Automobile industry's and Big Oil industry's lobbying. You have to drive every f*cking where, so you can't really interact with anyone impromptu.

3. American women has been brainwashed and bombarded by a very toxic and very destructive mind programming by the Education system, media, internet, etc. Whole carousel of circus freaks and sophists such as Feminists, Social Justice Warriors, Liberal white guilt people, Pro Homosexual propagandist, and virulent cultural Marxists has poisoned women's minds. They are taught that all men are evil, yet they are the victims, yet they must acquire high level careers, and yet rely on the Big government. etc.

4. Everything in the U.S is very expensive such as food, rent, gas, groceries, insurance, etc. Unlike the U.K there is no National Health Insurance or something similar to N.H.S. Over 20-30 million Americans doesn't have health insurance and hospitals can charge whatever the hell they want in major operations. I mentioned this British guy who had a heart surgery in the U.S and it costed $500,000 despite him having decent insurance. Five days stay in hospital is also $20,000 to $30,000.

5. Americans are heavily in debt. Every American has credit card, auto, mortgage, student loan debt. They are busy working to pay those off.

6. American companies are very ruthless and only care about the bottom line. People gets laid off all the time. People doesn't receive any vacation time and they can be fired under five minutes. Working for American company is similar to feudalism, or serfdom.

[Flat-Antelope7927]

Friendship is never given freely; it must be forged in blood, sweat and shared bonds in the face of some external challenge!

This is what most younger men don't understand now. The good thing is that if you travel abroad then you will have interesting things to talk about and you will make plenty of friends whether it's in the U.S., U.K., or some other country. One younger guy at the office that I manage was complaining about not making friends and when I asked him what he does after work he said that he plays videogames and goes on Reddit. Well, no wonder why he doesn't have any friends and never lost his virginity at that point. I forced him to go hunting with me and a few of the other work managers on the weekends for a couple of months and now he has a friend group and a hot country babe as a girlfriend. If you don't actually put in any effort then of course you're going to have trouble making friends and getting laid.