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I actually want to marry a girl

Discussion for marriage-minded members seeking foreign brides for marriage and serious long-term relationships.

Moderators: fschmidt, jamesbond

Re: I actually want to marry a girl

Postby Jonny Law » October 5th, 2017, 11:34 am

Boxman wrote:No BS... no desire for mongering... dead serious here.

i want a good woman to carry my seed so that I may have proper heir to my legacy. But seriously I just want to get married settle down. I want to simply devote myself to a single woman and treat her right.

I tried that in the US but of course the women don't appreciate guys like me. So what's my best bet? I'm financially independent now (finally) and ready to travel. I have no problem permanently relocating abroad.

Are their any legit dating\marriage sites left? Where you can just simply meet some real-life girls and get to know them before jumping on a plane? Please advise.


MODERN WOMEN HATE MARRIAGE!
1. Women initiate the vast majority of divorces!
The myth that marriage is a woman’s ultimate and sacred fulfillment is not true! The reality is that roughly two-thirds of divorces are initiated by women.
2. She better not have a job!
Ohio State University's Liana C. Sayer and her colleagues have provided evidence to suggest that unsatisfied women are much more likely to leave if they are employed.

Jonny Law Says
"Leave America. Go to a refugee camp and meet a traditional woman and never return to America where the bitch has rights."
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Re: I actually want to marry a girl

Postby MrMan » October 6th, 2017, 5:10 am

-double posted-
Last edited by MrMan on October 6th, 2017, 5:30 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: I actually want to marry a girl

Postby MrMan » October 6th, 2017, 5:10 am

In general, I'd say American and European women are high risk for divorce. You can look at country divorce rates and see that. Russia had a high divorce rate the last I checked, so I do not get why it is a popular destination for wife-hunters, apparently. Maybe it has to do with an abundance of thin, good-looking women who range from Scandinavian to Eurasian in their looks.

But these societies are not homogeneous, and women in each country are not cookie cutter copies made off of some template. In the US, a 23-year-old millennial Democrat from San Francisco who has slept around with 50 guys before she met you is probably a lot higher risk for divorce than a bonnet-wearing 23-year-old Amish or Mennonite virgin girl from Pennsylvania. The general cultural values of the US have seriously degenerated when it comes to marriage.

If just over 50% of marriages end in divorce (and I've heard that contested since it is supposedly includes the numbers of divorces for those who get married and divorced multiple times) then just under 50% of marriages do not end in divorce. So the question if you want to marry is how do you get in the percent that doesn't get divorced.

There are a lot of factors looking at the US that could make a woman a lower risk for divorce. There is evidence that a woman who is a virgin at marriage, she is much lower risk for divorce. Women who'd only slept with their husbands were lower risk.

This article says that less than 5% of Asian-American adults are divorced. <https://ifstudies.org/blog/marital-demography-the-immigrant-difference>. I don't know if the study they refer to parsed out mixed marriages with Asian-Americans, but it is something to consider.

Claiming certain religious beliefs may not correlate with lower divorce rates, but I've read that those who regularly attend religious services have a 20% lower divorce rate. I believe I have read having different beliefs about religion correlates with a higher divorce rate.

Even in the US, it is possible to marry someone who, as an individual, is low-risk for divorce. It is really important to look at her values. You could bring up some real-life case of a woman who divorced her husband and see what she thinks about it. Try to gauge her beliefs on this. Anything less than a firm conviction about the 'no fault' types of divorce. IMO, a woman who thinks women who stuck it out when men who were violent when they got drunk were admirable might be a good sign if she is emotionally healthy overall, and not the type to invite violent drunk men into her life. There are also women who would divorce over adultery, violence, etc, or who aren't sure about that, but have a strong conviction against leaving a man who treats her well. On the bad extreme are women who would divorce 'if things don't work out' or 'if I love him, but I am no longer in love with him.' That's a way to lose your shirt. You have to be cool about this and work in situations where she can comment on what she thinks without realizing she is being tested.

Also, a man should look for a woman who is easy to get along with, and who also respects and defers to male authority. You might see this with a young woman when it comes to her father. A boyfriend in this situation needs to assert himself a bit to see the dynamics of how she treats him, but respect her father's authority, and so encourage loyalty.

Asian-Americans in the US, in general, have lower divorce rates. Marrying an Asian in the US, first generation in particular, could be lower risk. Finding a wife from Asia and bringing her back may be lower risk if you select carefully. Living abroad in a country with a legal system that is not hostile to men (even if it is because the 'rule of law' in family court is weak) may be even lower risk.

A lot of Asian and other traditional cultures are collectivist, and the girls raised in that culture are raised to put more value on the needs and wishes of their 'in group' in relation to their selves than their counterparts raised in individualistic cultures. The college student might say, "I am studying accounting because my parents wanted me to. I work hard to make them proud." After marriage, the husband becomes a big part of her in-group. You should jump through cultural hoops and expectations to marry a girl like this. Don't elope. If the family supports the marriage, you've got a lot of social glue and social pressure working to keep your marriage together. Just be clear on what her, and her family's, expectations are of a married daughter. Sending money home to her parents may be feasible, but a lot of that loyalty has to shift to her husband after marriage, and of course to the children. You may have to feel her out to see how loyal she will be to her husband and reinforce that kind of thinking when you talk to her when you are married.

Generic American culture doesn't stigmatize or censure women who get divorced. Some of these other more traditional cultures do. That's good because the girl is raised thinking poorly of getting divorced, which helps her form her values on the topic. After marriage, if she's still in the traditional culture or if she has links to a pocket of that culture in the US, that helps work against divorce.

If she's from a culture where the men are in charge and the women have to respect the men, that's okay.

I'd say avoid feminists. Feminism has affected the world, but filtered through traditional Asian cultures, it can become a lot less toxic. I think I've met one woman who called herself a 'feminist' during my time in Indonesia. She mentioned that in a conversation when she was mourning that an expat Chinese businessman who'd had the nerve to lead her on by saying 'hi' to her and asking her how she was doing from time to time, had showed up married to a striking women around her age. He didn't care for feminists. Initiatives for women's issues seem to be filtered through local values and religion.

If there is a girl who is feminist in her thinking in the US, she's likely to be hard to get along with, unsubmissive, and more prone to divorce. In general, I'd say to stay away from a woman who calls herself an 'independent woman.' If she's independent, and doesn't need a man, why would she want to get married? When I talk about submissive, I don't mean a docile personality. It is good if the dynamic is deferring to her man. But she can be the go-getter or spunky type, but still have values and training so that she knows she should respect and obey her husband.
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Re: I actually want to marry a girl

Postby MrMan » October 6th, 2017, 5:28 am

There are some legitimate reasons to get married.

My top reasons are religious ones. I don't believe in having sex outside of marriage. I wanted to have sex, so I knew I had to get married. There was a lot more to it than that. But that's part of it. But other than that simplistic argument, there are a lot of practical reasons for marriage.

If you do want to have kids, if you have kids with a girlfriend, your kids will be bastards. You haven't agreed to stay with the girl for life, which makes the relationship, and your relationship with your kids, potentially much less stable. You don't have any social pressure, religious reasons, etc. for her to stay with you. If are decent and her parents happen to have decent values, if you marry her, they'll try to do what they can so her marriage can stay together if you marry her in an honorable way (parents consent, are involved in getting married, etc.)

When we are talking about kids, I don't see how, in the US, not getting married helps much. If you shack up with a woman and make a baby with her, then split up, the courts can still saddle you with child support. I suppose if you met some girl at the bar or hired some girl, you could be with a girl who slept with so many guys that the chances of you getting the child support bill is decreased, especially if you aren't the riches of the bunch. But that scenario is high risk for STDs and it is just gross. How many people do you want to use the toothbrush you use?

There are also practical benefits of marriage. You can be with someone you love who loves you. That's a good thing. Socially, it's more meaningful to have a wife to introduce to colleagues at work than just a girlfriend. Don't 40+ year olds feel kind of silly saying, "This is my girlfriend." I've seen seniors say that, and it just sounds so high schoolish.

Let's say you are a mid-career professional, working 60 or 70 hours. Aside from my own religious and moral beliefs that don't allow it, if I were just hedonistic, if I were some player out picking up girls at bars, or if I had some kind of list of b***y calls, what are the odds I'll get home from work at 10 and feel like going out and pulling some girl at the bar or that I could arrange for a mid-night b***y call. When you get older, you don't have the energy to invest in going to bars like that and gaming girls all the time. And what quality girls would you have to be around to have a list of b***y calls? But as a married man, I could go home tired, wanting to unwind, and have some sexual release waiting for me. As a married man, sexual frustration might mean I go a night or two without some kind of sexual release when I want it if my wife is sick, exhausted, or otherwise unavailable for activity. What is the standard for single men? I suppose I 'game' a little in marriage on occasion, but it's just a little effort for mild flirting and other stuff like that. I have no experience with these dolls some of you posters keep mentioning, but that sure does sound uber lame compared to the real thing and the human connection.

I get to live with my own children and raise them. I live with my own wife. These are actually people you love, not just theoretical abstractions, not cost-benefit analyses.

It's good to have someone else who takes care of stuff. I don't have to go home and cook a nice meal or go to the trouble of going out to dinner. My wife is an excellent cook. The maid cooks sometimes, and she cooks very well, but my wife has a special talent. Maids come and go. I don't wash my own dishes, wash my own laundry or mop floors. I have done some of that in the past when we had little kids. It has to be done. But, generally, if we don't have a maid, my wife does that stuff.

I've also got someone who arranges a social calendar and activities on the weekend. I'll have to tell her if I don't want to do anything on the weekend. But it's good to have that. I don't have to have that on my plate. My wife actually runs a lot of the errands I'd have to run if I weren't married. There are a lot of things she does that I wouldn't want someone else I could theoretically hire if I were single, to do.

And I've got someone who loves me to spend my life with. I'm not bouncing around between unstable short-term relationships with girlfriends. I don't have some kids I'm only allowed to see on weekends that I can't raise myself at some other woman's house. I get to raise my own kids. If society is breaking down, I don't have to embrace that and be a part of that. I can have a bubble of normal life in my own home.
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