I didn't have luck in China, where should I try next?

[yick]

I'm sceptical of stories about any foreign English teacher who can't score in China. One of the Chinese girls I met confessed to me that she was in love with her English teacher. I'm sure half the class were - it's very common. OK so she wasn't a model, but she was good enough.

I don't really know who to believe online. I once belonged to a board where one of the members faked his own death .

I have had whole classes of female students in love with me - and they've told me that this is the case - I have had whole classes give me a round of applause because I am handsome If you're interesting and make them laugh and connect with them as a class, it isn't hard for your students to fall in love with you in China, in China, their teachers are still held in very high regard, ask any Chinese person about their favourite teachers and they will tell you who they are and how much they love them.

I have had female students give me gifts and going away presents and big hugs - their love is very much genuine but you can't actually date them because they would run a mile despite the fact they love you very much - they love the fantasy of it, the reality of it would be a huge loss of face amongst their peers and it would cause NO END of problems. That and they know the teachers are men who want things like sex, even if they are physically women, their minds are like children - they're kids emotionally and they couldn't handle an adult relationship with their teacher - or a lot of them couldn't.

I knew of two teachers who serial dated their students and they had problems ranging from disobedience to Chinese male students trying to fight them - I would never ever do it but if a teacher wanted to date a student then wait until she graduates - dating them and dating them whilst you're still teaching them? Absolute f***ing madness.

[yick]

I'm sceptical of stories about any foreign English teacher who can't score in China. One of the Chinese girls I met confessed to me that she was in love with her English teacher. I'm sure half the class were - it's very common. OK so she wasn't a model, but she was good enough.

Never listen to what women say. Ever.

Half of my female students may very well admit the same, but if I were to try anything, nothing would happen. They would freeze up, get scared, flake, not show, demur, etc.

Chinese girls' heads are full of so much romantic, fictional, fantasy land, magical, naive bullshit it is stunning. Many of my students still think they can get pregnant by kissing a boy.

Exactly.

They may love you and think you're handsome and brilliant but they would run a mile 9 times out of 10.

[yick]

Anyone who does not have luck in China is doing something very, very wrong. You need to either get out more, talk to more people, or find the right way to talk to the people you do engage with. There is no excuse for any foreigner not to get a nice, good looking girl. I saw a website, once, that appeared to be dedicated to mixed couples in Guangdong, featuring some of the ugliest African dudes you can imagine, all with hot girlfriends. There really is no excuse.

There is one caveat, though, and that may be if you're an English teacher. There are so many anti-English teacher articles on the net now that girls may be getting more wary of dating one. Enough foreigners have given English teachers a very bad name and soon it will be like Korea where simply being an English teacher will mean the end of all your chances. I have noticed that most English teachers seem to leave China, in a year or two, hating the place and writing as negatively as possible about afterwards.

I, however, am not an English teacher and I am having the time of my life. I get approached quite a bit, not by random people on the street, nor do I approach random people on the street. If, however, you shop at the same places, eat at the same places, and the girls see you enough and get used to you, those who like you will make themselves known. I have been handed post its with QQ numbers, phone numbers and all. YOu do have to be aware, though. Not many girls are forward enough to walk up and hand you a number. I found that I get "approached" more than I know. My girlfriend is often pointing out, "Did you see that? That girl did X, Y or Z. That means she wants to chase you." And I never saw it or paid attention to it.

I had two cases where girls had apparently already decided, in their mind, that we were going to have a serious relationship and when they found out about my current girlfriend they were devastated. I had no idea they were making such plans. One had even told her parents all about me. I was just being friendly and casually "hanging out", because I didn't know anyone here at the time. I had no idea they really liked me. You do have to be aware.

Here is not Philippines by any means. 60 year old pensioners are not going to get 20 year old college beauties. Guys who brag about taking all kinds of girls home are either exaggerating or those girls work in bars or KTV's and they just don't know it. Those who are not serious about potential marriage and family need not apply. Yes, there are guys who come here for fun, but I really don't recommend it. I, personally, wouldn't want to be in the same room with that type of girl, and certainly wouldn't want to be seen on the street with her. Everyone in her area will surely know what kind of girl she is and your rep will go down with hers.

I honestly don't understand how the girl described by the OP could get a boyfriend. Chinese guys are too picky. Fat balding guys think they should have a model quality girl from a good family. Me and my gf are trying to find someone for one of her friends. This girl is a tiny, tiny bit overweight, which would go unnoticed in the western world, and her face is too pretty, but no luck yet, and she's only 24, not 38 with bad teeth etc.

Great post.

Being a fixture somewhere and proving that you're not a drunk or whatever pays off - when it comes to foreigners - a lot of Chinese cities are like little villages.

[yick]

If you don't have any luck in China - go to another part of China.

China is the size of Europe - if you don't have any luck in Spain - go to Sweden, or to Slovakia or to France or the UK.

If you don't like Shenzhen, go to Harbin, or Shenyang or Zhengzhou or Chengdu or Chongqing - you get the idea...

Just keep out of Wuhan for now!

[Winston]

Yes but not just other parts of China. Another major option for dating is SE Asia. But SE Asia isn't just the Philippines. There's also Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand, Laos, Burma, Malaysia, and Indonesia. Those are all hot spots to find good Asian women and girls too. Even if you don't find a wife or girlfriend, there's still this feeling like you are still "in the game" which you don't get in America. And that's priceless, to me at least.

Also, even in developed Asian countries, like Japan, Taiwan, Singapore or Hong Kong, where dating girls is harder, still some guys do well there, though not everyone. So you gotta see which culture works for you and your personality.

[flowerthief00]

The practice of going overseas for the primary purpose of dating never made a lot of sense to me. As a foreign man you are *generally* at a disadvantage compared to local men due to women's preference for SAMENESS (same race, same language, same culture, same nationality, same religion, etc), unlike men who welcome variety.

What could make a little more sense is going to a place that meets your specific taste in women -- i.e. you think brown-skinned girls are sexy -- such that the greater number of options available for your taste compared to back home makes up for the foreign man's disadvantage.

Or going overseas primarily for other reasons and wanting to enjoy the local dating scene while you're at it.

A wise fellow once offered this Red Pill advice that I have tried to follow ever since: Never make any significant decision in life primarily for the sake of a woman or women.

Following this advice protects you from the disappointment, in its various forms, that so often results from the pursuit of women.
What counts as "significant" is for you to decide, but personally I would say deciding to move to or even visit a foreign country is a rather significant decision. (involves a large expenditure of time/money/energy)

Of course that also excludes marriage by default. Allow yourself a theoretical Unicorn Exemption if it helps

[yick]

Indeed, dating or attracting girls here in China is no easier than it is back home, it is different though, but they have to get used to you being a fixture in the locale - it's all about trust - the people have to know you're not a vagabond and a wrong 'un before they start trusting you - especially as a foreigner. Dating is one of the nice things about expat life but you're right - to base it around dating and sex is a road to nowhere - you need to pick a place you can jive with, and sometimes, even in the right place, it takes years to assimilate, most westerners would take a few years to get comfortable with China but a lot of westerners don't give themselves enough time to get used to how things are done in a place like China.

The poster 'The Adventurer' posted a lot of great things about dating in China and lots of good advice as did Kai275.

Last place I was at in China, before I left, I had a ton of romantic prospects knocking at my door but it all came to fruition in the last year before I left funnily enough, it took that long to show I was a good man who didn't go whoring in KTV houses or staggering around drunk - the girls in question were very beautiful but hardly any of them could speak a word of English - I don't think they were interested in foreigners in the main but they liked me but I had to prove myself over a fairly long period of time - I was there for over three years. None of it would have happened with these ladies if I had been there less than a year - probably longer than a year.

[Winston]

I do think Chinese women are probably the most beautiful in the world. Their Chineseness is also very sexy and turns me on. However, don't you guys hate how Chinese women are so hyper practical? Like 100 percent? It's extreme and annoying. No imagination, creativity, personality, independent opinion, uniqueness, etc. Way too conformist like storm troopers on Star Wars. They got no unique personality or intellect or opinion like white women do. You guys know what I mean?

Also have you noticed that women a Chinese woman decides you're not the right one or you don't measure up to her strict standards, they basically EJECT you coldly like garbage, with no feelings or sympathy. Like a manager firing a worker with no empathy. I hate that. Makes them kind of cold. Rock notices this too. It's as if they are inhuman with no true feelings or empathy. How can they even be a true friend that you would trust? It's like everything is business to them, and purely practical, with no emotion or feeling or love or empathy or sympathy. Kind of scary and creepy don't you guys think?

[yick]

I do think Chinese women are probably the most beautiful in the world. Their Chineseness is also very sexy and turns me on. However, don't you guys hate how Chinese women are so hyper practical? Like 100 percent? It's extreme and annoying. No imagination, creativity, personality, independent opinion, uniqueness, etc. Way too conformist like storm troopers on Star Wars. They got no unique personality or intellect or opinion like white women do. You guys know what I mean?

Also have you noticed that women a Chinese woman decides you're not the right one or you don't measure up to her strict standards, they basically EJECT you coldly like garbage, with no feelings or sympathy. Like a manager firing a worker with no empathy. I hate that. Makes them kind of cold. Rock notices this too. It's as if they are inhuman with no true feelings or empathy. How can they even be a true friend that you would trust? It's like everything is business to them, and purely practical, with no emotion or feeling or love or empathy or sympathy. Kind of scary and creepy don't you guys think?

I love Chinese girls too and I think they're the best in the world - they have this very dopey and endearing way of letting you know they like you - I haven't found it anywhere else and it certainly doesn't exist back home - saying that, there are more barriers to you getting a decent girl to date you and become your girlfriend than there are back home - back home, if they think you're handsome and they like you and they're single - you are home and dry more or less - not so in China.

There are so many barriers - especially as a visible foreigner - face or loss of, peer pressure or judgement from family, friends and society - that a girl would have to really like you to get it on with you because she is just entering a cauldron of embuggerance - life stops becoming easy, of course it happens but it isn't easy for them and it would take a strong personality to even try it.

It's true they have standards though, height is a big one for foreigners - if you are a shortarse foreigner, you had better make up for it in other ways, for Chinese men it is status and wealth - which is why you see physical heaps dating beautiful women because they obviously have their means and prospects covered.

I think Chinese people are very sentimental if they love you - if you watch a lot of Chinese TV - a lot of their films and drama - a lot of the subject matter are about forbidden or romances doomed because of social status or disapproval from one family or both etc etc - they may hide their feelings via that cold practicality but they will always love you in their heart - forever.

[Cornfed]

I think Chinese people are very sentimental if they love you - if you watch a lot of Chinese TV - a lot of their films and drama - a lot of the subject matter are about forbidden or romances doomed because of social status or disapproval from one family or both etc etc - they may hide their feelings via that cold practicality but they will always love you in their heart - forever.

You don't think those may be entirely cynical from a woman point of view?

[yick]

I think Chinese people are very sentimental if they love you - if you watch a lot of Chinese TV - a lot of their films and drama - a lot of the subject matter are about forbidden or romances doomed because of social status or disapproval from one family or both etc etc - they may hide their feelings via that cold practicality but they will always love you in their heart - forever.

You don't think those may be entirely cynical from a woman point of view?

Obviously, some cynicism is employed even if it is just for a quiet life (and in some cases of course, pure cynicism will be involved for whatever reason) - as you know - the society is still somewhat borg like and conformitory - a lot of what they want just simply isn't in their hands. It would take a rather strong personality to rebel against it.