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Discuss culture, living, traveling, relocating, dating or anything related to the Asian countries - China, The Philippines, Thailand, etc.
3 posts • Page 1 of 1
Good evening everyone. I'm a real-life chinese guy, or boy if compared to most of you. Therefore I will try to be as polite as I can, but please do forgive me if there's some words that you may find offensive. It's not my intend by any means. Only that english isn't my first language and I still don't know that many vocabs(and grammars). Some saying in mother tongue too, are difficults to explain in english and I will explain those in stories that easy to get. But, truly I'm here to give you some facts, not to someway or somehow offend any of you westerners. PLEASE don't think of me the same way as those "china is great!nothing's greater!!" Blablabla yada yada crap. I hate it too, seriously. I'd really like to include some real-life photos in-case if someone doesn't believe what I write but because it may be dangerous so I'm sorry you just can crosscheck it by asking someone if you don't believe.
I've been reading this forum for a while mostly for find some information about girls abroad, it's fun and I never registered nor commented before, only read. Yesterday I found Mr.kai's topic, and I'm trully impressed of his knowledge and love for china (hate for whoremongers especially). But sadly, some people still don't get it. Therefore I decided to give some facts that definitely will helps you to understand about chinese women and men.
Few pointers :
Oldies = old people/middle aged people who thinks in old ways
Stories = all the name in the stories are NOT their real name. Just for the sake of their privacy. But I guarantee all the stories are truly happened before
In previous topic, some mentioned about a problem that annoyed you. You thought about the reason but couldn't see one. Well, actually it's pretty simple, the answer has been there all along. As you said in your topic : it's about saving "face", and chinese women major fear. Yes, that's it.
Let me break it this way :
1. "Save" face?
Yes, it is. But in your wife's case sir, it's a good way to save her "face". Why? You're absolutely right. Chinese women tends to give a roundabout, long-winding, story with details you don't even asked just to have the same answer as to-the-point answer to your question. Yes 90% of them do, my mother and my ex too, and westerners hate this kind of stuffs. They'd prefer a direct-to-the-point answer. BUT, chinese women don't think so. She gave you a long long roundabout way because..
*She Just Don't Want You To Have Any Bad/Negative Thought Of Her
You will probably think, why would you? She didn't do anything bad. Let me tell you this,
*Buy Clothes Without Telling/Ask Her Husband And Get Permission Is Enough To Make A Good Chinese Girl Feels Guilty
Think it's crazy? Well, politeness and family order is everything in china. Even when you want to eat alone, you must offer it your parents/husband/elder relatives first, like a soldier ask his officer permission to go. LOL.
So when things like your case happened in china, the husband will think of his wife as a bad woman that used their money to buy clothes (when all she said was to buy some foods) without his permission. Well, it's all about culture.
2. Major fear?
Yep, fear of the husband getting mad at her.
You should have seen many of those "Angry Husband"s already right?
Beating wife, drag her by her hair, pull her around barefoot, and all of those kinds. Those things probably,or usually happened because the husband feels not being well-respected by his wife (like not doing what he told her, questioning his whereabout last night and don't believe him, etc even the littlest and most ridiculous things you won't even imagine). That's the reason why..
*She Wants To Explain All The Situations First To The Tiniest Details To Avoid Misunderstanding That Will Get You Mad
And why would I get mad? No, I believe you won't. And majority of western guys won't too. Who's crazy enough just to get mad over few pieces of clothes for his beloved wife? And you would probably think "She don't believe me? She thinks I'm a brute?"
Duh, no! Absolutely not! The thing is,
*It's In Her Blood. That Woman In China Have Lower Status, The Environtment That She Grew Up Molded It That Way To Her Subconscious Mind And Will Keep For A Long Long Time Even If She's Not In China
It's psychological and really long to explain.
But it means that her brain will unconciously thinks like that married couple in china and as husband you'll beat her if something is wrong. Sometimes even your most normal questions will be taken as an interogative one and become a source of guilty (think of it like you're being interogated by the polices, even though you've done nothing you will still think/feel a bit that you've done something. Feeling guilty and because excessive worrying starts to think that you must have done something wrong), therefore it's a must to explains in detail because she's afraid. But strangely, this even happens with colleagues? Look at the story :
Me : where are you?
Mimi : ah, I my phone low batt. And Yaqi is stingy won't lend her phone
Me : yaqi is with you? Where are you?
Mimi : yes, she asks me "are you coming or not?". Where are you? I'm in yaqi's car
Me : And where is yaqi car?
Mimi : west side of campus, the red one
Took long enough just to try to ask "where are you?", longer than the time needed to arrive at the destination
Yes, these things happen. And mostly, you will walk with "rage" faces. But, think of this. When you look at it, from her point of view. She's just trying to explain her situations first. And when I arrived, she told me that she's sorry for not to answer the call because her battery low and need to charge first at yaqi's car. But I only call once?
Yes, she's feeling guilty because I might be calls her a couple of times. That's why she go aroundabout way of explaining first then answer. That's the way chinese women go
Please don't blame them
Thanks for taking the time to explain why they talk in a roundabout way like that. It is not easy to explain and that is why I tried to keep it short on my guide. Hopefully this will help some of the other guys that are looking for a Chinese wife.
I also appreciate the kind feedback you gave me as well. Thanks so much.